The topic of how young Nigerians navigate romantic relationships with their earnings is a minefield of hot takes. In Love Currency, we get into what relationships across income brackets look like in different cities.

Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship? If yes, click here.

How long have you been with your partner?

My husband, Charles, and I have been married for 11 years. 

How did you both meet?

We met two weeks before our wedding. It was like an arranged marriage, but I wasn’t forced to marry him. Charles was planning to relocate, and his family wanted him to marry a Nigerian wife before leaving. 

Charles’ parents were mainly responsible for finding his wife. Our families are from the same village, so their search led them to my parents. At that point, I was in the final year of my nursing programme. My parents encouraged me to consider him because he was from a good family. When I told my friends, they said it was a good idea. I’d get to relocate, and since nursing was lucrative abroad, I’d make money too. So, I said yes.

So, you agreed to marry him before you both met in person?

Yes. But we chatted on Facebook, and we both knew what the other person looked like. It was just like how people do boyfriend/girlfriend these days. We just knew our “getting to know each other” phase had the end goal of marriage. 

Also, it was pretty short. We started chatting about a week before we finally met in person. Then we got married two weeks later. By the time we started talking, our families were already into wedding planning. 

Interesting. I’m really curious about the kind of things you discuss with a stranger you’re marrying in three weeks

We talked about work, or in my case, school. Charles worked as an engineer in the manufacturing industry and, with the help of a relative, had gotten a similar blue-collar industrial job abroad. 

One of the major things we talked about was how we’d live after marriage. He made me believe that he’d travel abroad first to settle and get his papers, and then bring me over within two or three years. By then, I’d be completely done with school and would have researched — or even attained — all the certifications I needed to practice nursing abroad. That way, I could get a job immediately upon arrival.

What we didn’t discuss was the possibility that things might not go to plan. 

I’m guessing that means things didn’t go to plan

They didn’t. First of all, I got pregnant immediately after our wedding in 2015. It’s funny because we spent only two nights together before he travelled.

I had to move in with my in-laws. We’d discussed that part, though. Since I was supposed to travel soon, he said it made sense to save money by living with his family instead of renting an apartment. Staying with my in-laws as a pregnant woman wasn’t easy. I had to deal with pregnancy stress, the struggle of rounding up school, and on top of that, still do house chores. 

I couldn’t say because I was pregnant, I’d leave my mother-in-law to do all the cooking. If I were at my parents’, I’d have been sleeping comfortably while my mum took care of me. But I didn’t have that freedom at my in-laws’. They weren’t bad; they just had expectations of me, and it was too stressful. Imagine handwashing my parents-in-law’s and brother-in-law’s clothes while heavily pregnant.

Hmmm

Also, Charles wasn’t sending me money. I’d assumed that he’d at least send me pocket money. He didn’t. Whenever I asked for money, he’d be like, “What do you need money for? Aren’t you with my parents?” 

When he eventually managed to send me something, he’d send it through my brother-in-law. So, I couldn’t regularly ask for money because I worried his family would start saying I was eating his money.

The only time I had some form of financial independence was between 2017 and 2019. I got a job at a hospital and was earning ₦80k/month. I could save and get nice things for myself without too much explanation. That ended in 2019, after Charles returned to Nigeria permanently and told me to stop working.

Two questions: Why did he return, and why did he ask you to quit?

He ran into some issues with his papers and decided to leave before he was deported. You notice I didn’t mention joining him? Well, his papers weren’t complete, and he didn’t find a permanent solution before coming back. The plan was to try another country, but then COVID came and scattered his plans.

As to why he told me to quit, he suddenly started having issues with me being a nurse. He claimed that all nurses have affairs with doctors, and the only reason I didn’t want to quit was because of that. It became a family issue, and I had to leave the job for peace to reign.

I’ve had two more kids since then. It became easier to embrace being a housewife instead of trying (and failing) to convince him to let me take another job.

How do you both handle your home’s finances then?

My husband brings all the income. He has a regular job and also makes money on the side from construction sites, doing wiring and installations. I don’t know exactly how much he earns, but by the grace of God, we’re comfortable. We live in our own house and don’t struggle to feed.

However, Charles doesn’t involve me in any financial decisions. A year ago, I came home from the market to see people installing solar inverters in the house. Another time, he sold his car and bought another one without telling me. Things like that happen frequently, so I no longer ask why he doesn’t involve me. If I drag it, he’ll only say something like, “Is it not my money?”

Omo

He doesn’t give me money either. He prefers to ask what I need and buy it himself. I’m talking about things as small as pads and hair attachments. The only way I get small small money is by “padding” the list of foodstuffs I give him. 

I only make money on things he can’t get from the supermarket. He doesn’t like going to local markets for foodstuffs like garri, meat, etc, so he gives me the money for that. 

I don’t know if I’ll classify him as stingy, because it’s not really stinginess. He doesn’t complain about getting things for the house. What he doesn’t like is actually giving me money and allowing me to have a voice in financial decisions. I think it’s just disrespect. Since I don’t contribute financially to the home, he doesn’t value my opinion.

How do you feel about that?

It used to bother me, and I’d cry and complain to him. I even reported him to my parents. Those ones didn’t see anything wrong with his actions because he was “fulfilling his duty” and providing for the home.

These days, I don’t really care anymore. I still often feel disrespected — like I don’t matter — but I try not to dwell on it. Instead, I let him do what he wants. Shebi I don’t have to worry about anything regarding money in the house? It’s fine. Let him handle everything like Superman. On my own end, I’m strategic about getting money from him as much as I can and saving it. If anything happens, at least I have an emergency fund. 

What does this emergency fund look like now?

I’ve been building it since 2022, and I have close to ₦5m now. I save using mutual funds, so it’s the interest on my savings that has pushed the money this high.

So, your husband handles all the expenses. Does he include relationship expenses, such as dates and gifts?

We don’t do dates. The highest we do is family outings for the kids. That happens at least once every two months. Then gifts are limited to birthdays. He just asks me what I want, and I tell him. I don’t buy him gifts because I don’t have money.

What’s your ideal financial future as a couple?

I want to open a business soon, but I’m still thinking of a reasonable excuse to give him for how I raised capital. Maybe I’ll say my elder brother loaned me money or something. 

For us as a couple, maybe having enough money to go on international holidays with the kids. Now that I think about it, I don’t even know if he can already afford that.

Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship? If yes, click here.

*Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.

NEXT READ: I Feel Forced Into Providing for My Wife’s Child

The Naira Life Conference is returning in June 2026! Expect honest conversations and insightful sessions on building wealth, scaling businesses, as well as practical strategies to manage your money. Join the waitlist to be the first to know when tickets start selling.