toxic relationships

Some people first experience terrible relationships that chip away at their self-esteem and sanity before they finally meet someone who treats them the way they’ve always deserved.

These people share what it was like leaving toxic partners and moving into relationships that feel emotionally safe.

“I can’t believe I wasted three years of my life on my ex” — Rachel*, 29, F

After she got into a relationship with her current boyfriend, Rachel understood the gentleness that had been missing from her romantic life.

“My ex and I dated from 2021 to 2024. We got into the relationship with clear intentions for it to lead to marriage, so I was locked in. I would go from Berger to his house in Ogba every week to cook for him, wash his clothes and clean his apartment because I thought it would show him that I’d make a good partner.

Instead of giving me the validation I craved, my ex constantly insulted me. He called me ‘stupid’ or ‘daft’ if I made a mistake. He’d say things like, ‘The mother of my children can’t be this stupid.’ Instead of complaining, I tried harder to impress him. When he left me for another woman in March 2024, I was devastated. It felt like I wasn’t good enough, and would end up alone.

In early 2025, I met my current boyfriend, Jide*. I was wary about dating him, but his gentle nature completely disarmed me. He and my ex are like night and day.

First, he has never insulted me or made me feel small. He says mistakes help us learn better ways to do things. The first time I stayed over at his house, I tried to cook and clean like I did with my ex. He stopped me and said I’m a guest and didn’t have to lift a finger. Instead, he cooked for us.

I’ve been unlearning a lot since I got into this new relationship. From conflict resolution to learning to speak my mind, I hardly recognise the person I was before Jide. I can’t believe I wasted three years of my life with someone who didn’t appreciate me at all. Now, I’m constantly surrounded by gentleness and love, and I’ve never been happier. I’m so grateful to my ex for breaking up with me because how would I have met this amazing person if I was determined to make it work with that guy?”

“My new man loves spending time with me, and I love it” — John*, 25, M

John shares how moving on from someone who only saw him as a bed warmer changed his love life.

“I used to fear exploring my sexuality, especially back in school. After I graduated, I started dipping my toes in the dating waters, and at first, it was hard to connect with people.

I started seeing a guy casually in 2022, and my biggest issue was that he treated me like I was only useful for sex. He’d be warm when he wanted me to come over, but once we were done, he’d close up emotionally and get prickly until I left. He wouldn’t respond to my texts, and even though I didn’t like how he treated me, I craved the intimacy we shared right before sex. In 2023, I’d had enough of his hot and cold behaviour and cut him off . Still, a part of me believed that’s just how most closeted men behave.

Fast forward to 2025, and I japa-ed to Europe. At a party earlier this year, I met a cute Nigerian guy, and we hit it off. Dating him feels completely different. The biggest difference is how he genuinely enjoys spending time with me. I love it.

He always finds time in his schedule for us to take walks, grab a meal or see a movie. It feels special to be with someone who wants you in his life and does everything to make you feel included. My only advice? Leave that nonchalant man today, there are better things waiting for you in front.”

“My ex tried to hide me from his friends” — Temi*, 28, F

Temi’s ex tried to keep her a secret because she “wasn’t his type”, but her new boyfriend proudly shows her off.

“It’s embarrassing to recall this, but the guy I dated from 2020 to 2022 didn’t want to be seen with me. When we got together during the lockdown, we spent a lot of time together, and I liked that we shared the same tastes in movies and books. We lived on the same street, so we saw each other every day. At first, I didn’t question why he never took me out because there were restrictions everywhere. I was happy to spend time with him at his place.

But I remember him joking that he couldn’t tell his friends about me because I didn’t look like the curvy girls he used to date. I brushed it off until restrictions eased and I realised he was serious.

He refused to interact with me on social media. When I asked why, he’d say he didn’t see my posts. Other times, he would quote photos of curvy girls with ‘God when?’ and say it was a joke when I complained. I tried to be understanding, but his behaviour kept chipping at my self-esteem.

The last straw came during our anniversary in 2022. I posted a selfie of us on my Instagram story. Barely a minute later, he started messaging me to take it down because he wanted to keep our relationship lowkey. I asked why a two-year relationship needed to be ‘lowkey’, but he just gave me flimsy excuses. It turned into a big argument, and eventually I broke up with him. That experience made me emotionally closed off for a long time.

In late 2024, a close friend introduced me to her brother, and I gave dating another try. It’s the best decision I’ve ever made. It’s so obvious this man likes me for me. He doesn’t make weird jokes about me or my body, and he’s not ashamed to show me off to everyone who’ll listen.

Going from being a secret to being publicly cherished was so jarring. I used to feel shy when he would post me every Wednesday as his woman crush on all his socials, but now, I love it. I feel emotionally safe and very loved. Something I can’t say for my past relationship.”

“I went from fighting every day to the most peaceful relationship in my life.” — Ibrahim*, 36, M

Ibrahim left a combative ex-girlfriend in 2024 and is now enjoying peaceful bliss in his current relationship.

“My last relationship lasted seven years before I decided I’d had enough. I loved her deeply and tried to make things work, but nothing I ever did was enough for her.

Things looked great at the start, but only a few months in, we started fighting every day. Even on days when I was determined not to argue with her, she’d twist something I said and start another argument. It exhausted me emotionally.

We planned to get married in 2023 despite everything, and when I met her parents in 2022, I understood exactly why she behaved the way she did. Her father was just the same. In the short time I spent at their house, he and her mum had a heated argument right in front of me.

I finally called it quits when she started screaming and throwing things at me during a fight in 2023. I realised our relationship would only get worse, so I ended it. She didn’t take it well. She told me I was a riffraff and blocked me everywhere. Honestly, I was more relieved than hurt about it.

I met my current girlfriend at a bar, and I don’t remember dating being so smooth. We hardly argue, and even when we do, it’s not explosive like it used to be with my ex. She’s gentle, kind and funny. She has brought so much joy and peace to my life that I count her twice when I count my blessings.

I proposed to her in August 2025, and I can’t wait to make her my wife. All my happiness has doubled since she came into my life. It’s like seeing the sun after a storm.”

[ad][/ad]

“I didn’t realise how drained I was until I finally met someone who poured back into me.” — Tobi, 30, M*

Tobi realised how draining his old relationship was when he started dating someone who gave him the same level of care he showed her.

“I started dating my ex in late 2020, and at first, I thought I’d hit the jackpot. She was funny, stylish and very affectionate. But as time went on, I realised her affection only showed up when she wanted something from me. I was the one funding dates, sending money whenever she hinted she was ‘broke’, buying her gifts and helping her with errands. But anytime I needed support, even something as small as a listening ear, she’d say I was being too needy.

I remember one time in 2022 when I lost a freelance gig and tried to confide in her. She blew me off and claimed she was too busy to talk. Meanwhile, I’d spent the whole week helping. By 2023, I was emotionally exhausted and broke up with her.

In mid-2024, I met someone through a friend, and it was the first time in years that love didn’t feel like a chore. She shows up emotionally and makes me feel seen. The first time she sent me a care package when I was sick, I almost cried because I wasn’t used to anyone thinking of me that way.

Dating her has shown me that relationships don’t have to feel draining. I feel so lucky to be experiencing this much softness.”

Toxic friends are everywhere and they are a big problem. If you don’t know the toxic friend in your friend group, it’s probably you. To prove this to you just, we wrote this for you.

If you display any of these signs, you’re the toxic friend in your friend group.

1. You steal your friend’s parents

You go into your friend’s life and suddenly, you are their parent’s favourite child? How and why? The position they had to fight hard to get, you gained it by prostrating that one time to greet, and by calling more often than them. Are you not an evil spirit?

2. You steal their food

Anybody that can steal food can kill. I hope they kill that friendship before you empty their fridge and bank account. No one should have to share shawarma, please.

3. You sleep when they are awake

This takes toxic friends to another level because what sort of wickedness is this? How dare you be asleep when they can’t sleep? Is that not witchcraft?

4. You save their number with their name

You hate them and it shows. No pet name? Not even an insult like “Tobi Idiot”? Be honest, you don’t like your friends, do you?

5. You always see the other side

Imagine your friend telling you about that coworker that annoys them and instead of insulting the person, you start seeing the coworker’s point. Tell me you hate your friend without telling me you hate them.

6. You have fun without them

After going out without them and posting videos without their face you’ll now come on their birthday to say “thank you for bringing fun into my life”. If you don’t geddifok.

7. You move far away from them

Why? If it’s not hatred, why would you move far away from them? Only toxic friends live far away from each other, please.

8. You steal their clothes

You are an armed robber. Know this and know peace. Clothes are expensive, why is their wardrobe your private bend down select?

9. You don’t add their name in your project’s acknowledgement

Their existence alone is enough reason for their name to be in your project’s acknowledgement. If it wasn’t for them taking you out when you should have been writing it, would you have had enough guilt to work twice as hard on it? I think the fuck not.

10. You don’t name your kids after them

No really, it’s the audacity. How can you create a whole human being and not name them after your friend? Who will you now name the child after? You are a toxic friend, know this and know peace.

[donation]

Toxic relationships are one of the nightmares of adulting. They are bad for your health all around, but sometimes it’s not easy recognizing that you are actually in one. Because we are like your internet guardian angels, giving you all the guides you need to navigate this adulting thing we decided to make this list to help you put things in perspective. If the things on this list sound familiar then it is time to boot. Here are 10 signs of a toxic relationship;

1. You give way more than you receive.

You’re allowed to give in relationships. But if you’re the person doing the most, making all the compromising and going all the way, it’s actually not healthy. You deserve as much as you give.

2. There’s no trust.

And it’s not just you being paranoid and overreacting. You’ve seen enough red flags to have whatever trust you may have had fly right out the window.

3. There is Abuse.

Abuse is always a big red flag. Once it enters the equation you need to japaa. Asin, run. And run away from the relationship. It’s not just physical abuse, there’s also verbal and emotional abuse. Do not subject yourself to either one of them.

4. The relationship negatively affects your self worth.

Good relationships should make you feel good about yourself and make you feel valuable. If a relationship most often leaves you feeling worthless, that relationship is toxic.

5. There is No support from your significant other.

If you’re not supporting each other then what are you doing? Life is hard, that’s why God created relationships. So you can have someone to remind you to make lemonade when you keep getting served lemons.

6. There is constant Disrespect.

And we don’t mean the usual “big head”, “ode” talks. We’re talking actual disrespect, the kind of comments and insults that obviously come from a place of spite and leave you feeling genuinely insulted.

7. It’s a Judgment zone.

Relationships should be judgment-free zones. It should be the one place where you are accepted as you are. If you are constantly getting judged in yours then it is toxic.

8. The relationship makes you feel a certain way about yourself.

And this certain way is a bad certain way. Good relationships should make you feel good about yourself.

9. You keep having to lower your standards.

If with each level of the relationship you keep having to lower your standards to accommodate new lows then something ain’t right. You’re growing backward.

10. There’s always drama.

The only place drama belongs is telemundo, not your relationship dear. A toxic relationship always comes with a ton of needless drama, almost every conversation somehow degenerates into an avoidable fight because there is deep-seated resentment no one is confronting.

Click here for happy thoughts.