Sunken Ships is a Zikoko weekly series that explores the how and why of the end of all relationships — familial, romantic or just good old friendships.
Debby* (27) and Aisha* (26) hit it off at a 2018 house party, but things changed when Aisha started seeing Debby’s friend, Femi*.
In this Sunken Ships, Debby opens up about the secret situationship that came between them and the friendship she still misses.
What were the signs that your friendship with Aisha was going downhill?
I accepted our friendship was over in 2021 when she stopped responding to my calls or texts. I was worried about her until I reached out to our mutual friends, only to find out she was intentionally avoiding me. It would’ve hurt more but I thought her reason was silly.
Okay, first, how did you guys meet?
We met at a house party in 2018 through a mutual friend. I discovered that we both shared a love for the same movies and anime, and our friendship blossomed from there.
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What were the early days of your friendship like?
They were great. We spent a lot of time at the beginning just getting to know each other. I told her all about my family, my hobbies and my personal life, and she did the same. We helped each other with advice when we had issues as well, so we became very close quickly.
Where would you say the cracks in your relationship started showing?
It was late 2020. Aisha had shared that she wanted a boyfriend earlier in the year, but she didn’t know where to meet people, so I offered to introduce her to some of my single friends. That was the main reason everything unravelled.
Tell me about that.
In August, one of my friends threw a house party, and I invited Aisha because I knew a lot of my friends would be there, and I hoped she would find a spark with one or two of them. At the party, I made sure to introduce her to two of my male friends, who I knew would make great partners.
Did she hit it off with either of them?
No, and that was the problem. Instead, she spent the whole night flirting and talking to my other friend, Femi*. I didn’t like it at all.
Why not?
Femi was a good friend; he’s fun and kind. But romantically? He had the worst romantic record out of all our friends. All his past exes had him blocked for either cheating or being completely emotionally absent in their relationship. I didn’t want that for Aisha.
Ah, I see. Did you talk to her about it?
Yes. As soon as we left the party, I told her all about Femi and how he wouldn’t be the best match for her, but I don’t think she believed me. Femi is very good-looking and charming, so perhaps she thought I was trying to block her from enjoying a good thing.
So what happened after?
They started seeing each other secretly. I didn’t know about it at the time, so I was still trying to introduce her to other people. This went on until January 2021, when things between Femi and Aisha scattered.
How did you find out about them?
Femi texted me to say that Aisha was pressuring him to be in a relationship with her and wanted my advice on how to tell her he wasn’t interested.
Ah.
I was surprised too. I asked him how they got to that point, and he confessed that they started a situationship after they met at the house party, but he thought they were going to remain casual.
How did that make you feel?
It really hurt that Aisha would keep her relationship with Femi a secret from me. I thought we were closer than that. I told Femi that I couldn’t weigh in and he had to speak to Aisha about it himself.
Did you tell her when you found out?
No. I felt that if she didn’t tell me about it, then she didn’t want me involved at all.
Okay, what happened next?
Femi hard launched a girlfriend during Valentine’s in 2021. It surprised all of us, most of all Aisha. I think she thought I knew something about it because she stopped responding to my messages after that weekend. I had to reach out to our mutual friends to find out how she was doing.
Did she reach out to you after you spoke to your mutual friends?
Yes, and she accused me of not doing enough to discourage her from seeing Femi as a potential boyfriend. I got upset and told her off. Not only had I warned her about this boy, but I only found out about her and Femi in January when he told me. It ended up being a big argument, and we stopped being close after that.
Have you guys spoken since then?
Not really. We occasionally run into each other because we have mutual friends, but we’re just cordial now. It stings for me because I can’t believe we lost our friendship because of a guy.
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What about Femi? Are you guys still friends?
No, I cut him off. His emotional irresponsibility cost me a good friend, and I just didn’t feel safe introducing anyone else to him. I don’t have that many friends, so losing them actually disrupts my life.
If Aisha wanted to get close to you again, is that something you’d be open to?
I’m not sure. I miss our friendship, but trying to blame me for her own choices was a bright red flag for me. Also, giving up on our friendship because a relationship with a guy that went sour is a flimsy reason. I want friends who I know will stick with me even in dire situations. I’m not sure that’s who Aisha is.
Hey, if you’d like to share your own #SunkenShips story with Zikoko, fill out this form!
Sunken Ships is a Zikoko weekly series that explores the how and why of the end of all relationships — familial, romantic or just good old friendships.
Yemi*(27) and Chika*(26) met online and quickly became close friends. Despite not having met in person, they shared a deep bond.
In this Sunken Ships, Yemi shares how their friendship of over two years fell apart due to sudden distrust, disrespect and a final lie on her birthday that made her realise their friendship was never as mutual as she thought.
What was the moment that made you realise this friendship was sinking?
She lied to me about sending over a birthday gift to impress a guy she was seeing. When I didn’t hear from her after that, I knew our friendship was done.
Tell me how you guys met.
We became close on social media. She followed me on Instagram in 2023, and she would respond to my story posts, message me about personal stuff she was going through, and I’d do the same. I was always there for her when she needed me because I saw her as a true friend.
Did you guys ever meet up to hang out?
Not in the beginning. We lived in different cities. I’m based in Lagos, while she lived in Rivers State with her family. When she told me she was considering moving to Lagos for her service year in 2025, I was delighted. I wanted more friends who lived close by because several of my friendships are long-distance. But our first fight before we met dampened my excitement for her to move to my city.
What was that fight about?
It was money-related. I lent her some money, and she ghosted me even though she knew I was unemployed at the time. That was around the time she disrespected my mum as well.
Whoa. That’s a lot, tell me what happened?
In March 2025, she asked to borrow some money. I didn’t have much to spare because I had just quit a stressful job and I wasn’t making an income anymore, but I felt obligated to help her because she was my friend and I’d do anything to help the people I care about. When she initially borrowed the money, she swore that she would pay me the next day. But the next day turned into a week, then a month. Two months passed, and I didn’t see my money.
Ah. Was that the first time she burrowed money from you?
No, for the duration of our friendship, I’d help her out with some money if she were ever in a bind and tell her to pay me back when she could. I had done that a few times, so I didn’t have any issues helping her out with a loan every now and then.
Ah. Did you ask when she’d be able to pay you back?
Yes, I did. After the second month had passed, I called her and asked about when she would be able to pay back, but her response was cold and vague.
How did that make you feel?
I thought I had just caught her at a bad time and decided I’d reach out again later.
Okay, when was the next time you reached out?
About two weeks later, I had run out of money because I hadn’t found another job quickly enough. I had a small business on the side, but that wasn’t going well either, and I was desperate for some income. I sent Chika a message, begging her to repay the money, as it would have helped resolve several issues I was facing at the time.
What was her response?
She was just as cold as before, making me feel guilty for asking for my money because she was going through a hard time as well, prepping for the three-week NYSC orientation camp. It was around this time that she stopped taking my calls completely.
Did this make you scared that she would never pay you back?
No, I knew she wasn’t going to run away with my money, but the delay was frustrating. In June, I needed to contribute some money to help with a household repair. I remembered Chika and gave her a call to remind her about the money. I was in my mum’s room with my sister and took the call on speaker. She was very flippant about it and ended the call quickly without stating when I should expect the money. I was cool about it as usual, but her attitude annoyed my mum and my sister.
Did they directly get involved?
Yes, they did, even though I expressly asked them not to.
Why didn’t you want them to interfere?
I thought that it made me look a bit childish that my mum would have to get involved in a disagreement I was having with a friend, so I told them to let it go and that I had it under control.
So how did they get involved?
Well, first my mum got curious about my friendship with Chika and started asking questions about where we met, how long we had been friends and if I had gotten my money back. This scrutiny made me call Chika again a few days later, but she didn’t pick up.
How did this make you feel?
I was beyond frustrated. I sent her a long message about her holding on to the money she loaned was upsetting me because she knew I was having a difficult time after quitting my old job. It wasn’t as if she didn’t have the money because I saw her posting things she bought in camp on her Instagram stories, she just didn’t want to pay me back. I told her I was going to ask again and deleted her number.
What happened after that?
My mum asked if I had gotten my money back, and I told her to forget about it and that I would get the money from another source. My mum and sister didn’t want to let it go, though, so my sister went into my phone behind my back and took Chika’s number.
I see, what did they do with it?
My mum sent her some voice messages introducing herself and spoke to Chika as if she were a daughter. She told her how I was struggling and how it was unfair that she stopped taking my calls just because of a loan between friends. She urged her to reach out to me, and that was that.
Did she call you like your mum suggested?
Yes, but it only escalated our issues.
How do you mean?
She called me and angrily accused me of reporting her to my mum. It was the first time I had heard of the voice messages, so I was confused. She said that if it were the mother of a random goat that sent her those messages, she would have blocked the person, but because of our history, she only deleted my mother’s messages without listening to them. She warned me not to do it again.
How did that make you feel?
I was initially embarrassed because I had warned my mum and sister not to get involved. But the way Chika spoke about my mum and the fact that she didn’t even honour her with a response made me see red. She didn’t even apologise or take accountability; she was just yelling on the phone.
So what did you do?
I told her off sternly and asked her to pay me back my money and never to disrespect my mum or my family ever again.
What did she do?
She sent me back my money the next day and stopped responding to me everywhere.
Wow, that’s cold. Did you reach out to her again?
Yes, I did. I felt bad that we had such a nasty argument and wanted to see if we could reconcile. I gave her a call a few weeks later and asked if she had sorted her posting and accommodation in Lagos. Her reaction irritated me even more.
What did she do?
She didn’t respond to my message and instead put a screenshot of it on her WhatsApp status with the caption, “This one doesn’t know the kind of friend she has. Does she think I’ll come down from my high horse to apologise?”
Omo! Did you respond to that?
Yes, o. I immediately messaged her and scolded her for it. I thought it was wild that she would set me up for her friends to insult me without putting up the backstory of what led to our disagreement in the first place.
How did she respond?
She sent me a long message on Instagram apologising and asking for us to be friends again. I decided to give her one more chance, and we reconciled. Our friendship wasn’t as close as before because I found it hard to trust her, but I was willing to try again.
Did you wax stronger after that?
No, actually, several more small incidents increased the distance between us, but the last straw for me came on my birthday.
What happened?
She called me while she was visiting a guy she was seeing. She wished me a happy birthday and asked me to send her my address so she could send a gift over. I thought that was a pleasant surprise and shared my details.
It turned out that there was never any gift. She never followed up or shared the rider’s details. I figured out that, given her history, it was most likely that she only mentioned the gift to impress the guy she was with.
What did you do when you came to that conclusion?
I decided to let the friendship go. I soft-blocked her on all our social media and deleted her number. She’s toxic and an insincere person, and I can’t deal with that right now.
Do you think you’d consider reconciling with Chika if she were to reach out?
No, my peace of mind is very important to me, and I can’t do the mental gymnastics of constantly second-guessing if my friend is being honest with me or not.
Hey, if you’d like to share your own #SunkenShips story with Zikoko, fill out this form!
Sunken Ships is a Zikoko weekly series that explores the how and why of the end of all relationships — familial, romantic or just good old friendships.
Tomi* (22) and Lami* (22) met in their first year of university, and their connection was instant. They told each other everything, leaned on each other, and built a friendship Tomi believed nothing could shake. Even when Lami got into a rocky relationship, Tomi stayed by her side, determined to be a person she could always rely on.
In this Sunken Ships, he shares how one moment forced him to question everything he thought he knew about loyalty, and his friendship with Lami.
What moment made you realise your friendship with Lami was never going to be the same?
When I was in the police station, being grilled by two officers, she looked at me as if she wasn’t the person who had given me the information I was being questioned about. I knew then that our friendship was probably over.
Let’s go back to the start. Where did you meet?
We met at university in our first year in 2021. We shared a class and a passing acquaintance quickly deepened into a close bond.
Tell me about the early years of your friendship.
We told each other everything. I felt like I could be myself with her and saw her as my sister. I thought she felt the same way about me.
Okay, what about her boyfriend? What was the dynamic there?
Lami started dating this guy in our set, Layo*, when we were in 200L. He seemed to genuinely care about her and was pretty chill during the few times we hung out as a group. I was happy for my friend and the love she had found, but my perception of him changed negatively only a short while after they started dating.
Why?
Because we were close, Lami would often confide in me about her relationship. From our conversations, I found out that Layo was controlling. At first, I thought that was the extent of it, but as their relationship continued, Lami’s reports became more and more disturbing until she finally told me that Layo was being physically abusive.
That’s awful. Did you try to confront him?
No, I didn’t. I didn’t want him to think that Lami was discussing their relationship with outsiders and possibly punish her for it.
Did you ever encourage her to leave him?
Yes, several times. I wasn’t sure how best to help her since I’m a student too, but I encouraged her to speak to someone with authority or at least break up with him.
Did she try to?
No. She would promise me each time that she would either split up or talk to someone, but she wouldn’t go through with it. Instead, she made excuses for him and stayed with him because she really loved him.
How did this make you feel?
I felt powerless. I hated seeing my friend go through something so terrible, so I decided not to abandon her and continue to be a safe space for her. But then I heard a rumour that shook me to my core.
What did you hear?
One day, one of the boys in my hostel came to me and asked if I’d heard that Layo’s boyfriend was beating her. I was alarmed. I thought Lami had only confided in me and one other friend. I didn’t want to give up her secrets, so I tried to play it off as an unfounded rumour.
Did you tell her about it?
Yes. As soon as he left, I texted Lami and told her about the rumour. I was also worried about what I’d heard, so I asked her if she was okay and if she needed me.
What did she say?
She asked who told me, but I wasn’t willing to name-drop my friend as the source, so I tried to be vague about it. I was focused on trying to see if she needed my support, but she was more worried about the fact that other people might be talking about her relationship. We ended the conversation there and promised to speak better when we ran into each other.
Okay, what happened after that conversation?
The next day, I was relaxing in my hostel when I got a call from my friend. He told me that Layo was going round our hostel asking about the rumours. He even called me, but I didn’t pick up because I had dozed. The next thing I knew, there were two police officers knocking at my door.
Police ke?
I was so shocked. They were with Layo and said they wanted me to follow them to their station to answer a few questions.
That’s crazy!
Too crazy. I asked for a warrant and their intentions because I was scared, but they reassured me there was no big issue and said they only wanted to ask some questions. Even Layo was reassuring me that there were no problems and they only wanted to clarify some issues, so I eventually went with them.
What happened at the station?
They started asking me about the rumours; where I’d heard that Layo was abusing his girlfriend and who was spreading them. I was reluctant to rat my source out to the police, so I told them I only heard it in passing in the hostel. While they were questioning me, our mutual friend was also brought to the station. Apparently, Lami had called her to ask about the rumours the day before as well.
Omo. Where was Lami in all this?
Surprisingly, she was at the station with Layo, but she kept acting like she had never told me anything about her relationship, so I kept quiet too.
Why didn’t you call her out?
I’m not sure. I didn’t know if she was pretending out of fear or for some other reason. It felt as if I said she was the one who told me about the abuse, it would mean I was betraying her trust. So I pretended that the day before was the first time I had ever heard about it.
Wow. What happened next?
My friend and I were at the station for hours and were forced to write statements about the rumours. It was very upsetting. When we were left alone, we talked about how Lami was the person who told us she was being abused, but we agreed not to oust her at the police station. They eventually let us go without doing anything to us.
I’m so sorry about that. Did you get to talk to her after this happened?
Thanks. Yes I did. I texted her that evening and asked why she was pretending at the station. She seemed apologetic and said that Layo had gone through her messages and knew to harass me and our other friend because he suspected we were the ones telling people about him.
Did you ask why she didn’t stand up for you?
No, I was exhausted from the drama of the day. Besides, I figured Layo threatened us to isolate her from the people she could run to, so I wanted to remain a safe space for her.
How did that work out?
He must have continued to pressure her because after that day, she pulled back completely from both me and our mutual friend, whom she used to confide in.
Did you try to reach out to her?
I tried several times. But when it became apparent that she was keeping her distance, I decided to respect myself and fall back. That was the end of our friendship.
How did her withdrawal make you feel?
I felt betrayed when she pulled back. I refused to expose her in the face of the police, but because of a man, she threw away our friendship. I was upset, but I’m over it now. I’ve removed myself from that situation, and I’m focusing on me. I still care about her, but she has made her choice clear.
Do you know if she and her boyfriend are still together?
Oh yes, they are. The rumours are still circulating, but it looks like they’re still trying to make it work.
Do you think you’d rekindle your friendship with Lami if she leaves her toxic relationship?
Honestly, no. I can’t help but think about how easy it was for her to throw me under the bus and stand by a man who hurts her. I don’t think I’d be able to trust her again fully. I’m afraid that if she had another opportunity to betray me for her benefit, she’d take it, and I only want friends I can be sure of.
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Hey, if you’d like to share your own #SunkenShips story with Zikoko, fill out this form!
Sunken Ships is a Zikoko weekly series that explores the how and why of the end of all relationships — familial, romantic or just good old friendships.
When Opeyemi* (28) and Aanu* (28) met in secondary school, they bonded over novels, art, and a shared sense of loyalty. For years, they were inseparable, the kind of best friends people mistook for sisters.
But when Aanu started dating someone who Opeyemi tried to advise against, the friendship that once felt unbreakable suddenly began to fall apart.
What was the moment you realised that your friendship with Aanu was over?
When she chose her cheating boyfriend over our friendship and tried to blame me for straining their relationship, I knew then that it was time for me to stop putting my energy where it wasn’t wanted.
That’s wild. Tell me how you and Aanu met.
She joined our SS1 class in 2011 after transferring from a different school. We both liked art and novels, so we bonded very quickly. After a month, we became seatmates and stayed close till the end of secondary school.
How would you describe those early years of your friendship?
They were great. She was someone I could confide in, and I felt safe in our friendship. I believe she felt that way as well. We spent so much time together both in and out of school that if I went somewhere by myself, people would ask why she wasn’t with me. We were like sisters.
What changed?
We went to the same university after graduation in 2013, and with our new freedom, we started dating. The problem was that Aanu had terrible taste in boys. She always seemed to pick the worst ones. As her closest friend, I would support her as best as I could, but watching her make those bad choices was difficult.
How did this make you feel?
It annoyed me, but I gave her the benefit of the doubt. I felt that we were still young and learning how to navigate romance, so I stood by her. Things took a bad turn in our 300L when she started dating the worst guy ever.
Tell me about that.
He was a very good-looking and popular engineering student, a year ahead of us, but he was a serial cheat. His escapades were public and embarrassing. She was always crying about something he did, and I hated seeing her that way. After their first anniversary, he cheated on her again. When she came to me in tears, I encouraged her to leave him, and she did.
That’s great. What was the issue?
She got back together with him a month later but didn’t tell anyone. One day in October 2017, a mutual friend texted me asking if Aanu and her ex were still together. When I told her they weren’t, she said she saw them together looking chummy. I immediately texted Aanu to confirm if it was true.
What did she say?
She told me that he apologised and they talked things through. When I tried to tell her that the same thing would happen again because she kept giving him chances, she said I shouldn’t speak badly about her man.
Ah. What happened after that?
I was shocked and stopped replying to her messages. We didn’t see or reach out to each other for a couple of days. Then I reached out to her, asking to talk. I wanted to be sure she was making the decision to date him again with a clear head.
How did the talk go?
It never happened. She sent me a message saying that her boyfriend wasn’t comfortable with our friendship and that the main reason they kept having problems was that my constant advice was putting a strain on their bond. She rounded off the message saying that we should spend some time apart so she could focus on her relationship.
Omo, that’s crazy.
I kept rereading that message over and over. A girl I had known since I was fourteen was just going to throw our friendship away because of a cheating man? I couldn’t believe my eyes.
How did you respond?
I just replied with “Sure”. I didn’t want to force it, but I knew in my heart that it was the end of our friendship.
How did you handle the end of your friendship with someone who was like a sister?
It hit me hard. For a while after, I was wary of letting other people in because I didn’t want to go through that again. I would see something funny or interesting and almost send it to her before I remembered that we weren’t friends anymore. It sucked. I still miss her sometimes.
Did she ever try to reach out to you since then?
Yeah, when we graduated in 2018, she sent me a congratulatory message and even invited me to her graduation party. I didn’t respond.
Fair enough. Do you know if she and her boyfriend stayed together?
I heard from our mutual friends during our service year that he broke up with her because he “couldn’t handle long-distance relationships”.
Do you think you can reconcile and rekindle your friendship with her?
No, I don’t think we can be friends anymore. Even if we somehow started being friends again, it will never be the way it used to be.
Hey, if you’d like to share your own #SunkenShips story with Zikoko, fill out this form!
Sunken Ships is a Zikoko weekly series that explores the how and why of the end of all relationships — familial, romantic or just good old friendships.
When Nedu* (32) helped Tope* (31) pack her bags to start a new life abroad, he believed their love could survive anything, even the distance.
In this Sunken Ships, he shares how unspoken expectations, a tragic loss and long distance spelt the end of a relationship he thought would last forever.
How did you know your relationship with Tope was on the rocks?
When she started planning to relocate abroad, I knew that our time together was running out. We had an elephant in the room that I didn’t notice until it was too late to save us.
Whoa. Let’s start at the beginning. Tell me how you and Tope met.
A mutual friend introduced us in Ibadan in 2017. I was in the city for my Master’s, and I lived with my friend for a while before I got a space of my own. She was in the city for her NYSC and she was his neighbour. She would check in on how I was adjusting when I first moved, and before we knew it, we were talking every day. Our connection grew so strong, so quickly, that I knew she was someone I wanted in my life for a long time.
That’s so cute. So how did you start dating?
I knew within three weeks of regular conversations that I wanted to be more than friends. When I told her, she brushed it off at first. I knew that she reciprocated my feelings, but she was hesitant about becoming my girlfriend because she was afraid of the short-term nature of our stay in Ibadan. It took a year, but in 2018, I asked her again and she agreed.
How were the early days of your relationship like?
It was wonderful. As soon as we started dating, she was locked in on our commitment. We were very close and she was my best friend. I loved that we had similar ideals. After I finished my Master’s and had to move back to Rivers in 2019, we became a long-distance couple, but even that didnt affect our love. I made sure to visit her as often as I could.
Did the lockdown have a negative effect on your relationship?
Not at all. Our connection stayed strong even through the long distance and lockdown. Funny enough, I had lost my job and was unemployed for most of 2020, but she didn’t mind. We were determined to make it work, and it did for a time.
You seemed to be doing great together. Where did the cracks in your relationship appear?
Tope lost her mum in 2019, and so I had to become an emotional pillar she could depend on. I tried my best to carry us both, but I was still trying to stabilise my life after I lost my job.
I would say my biggest mistake was continuing to act like a boyfriend when I should have started transitioning into the role of ‘husband’.
How do you mean?
By that point, we had been dating for three years. I think she assumed that was enough time for me to know she was ready for the next step. But I missed the signs. I loved her and would have gladly married her, but I thought I had more time to get my life in order before doing so.
Did she ever try to talk to you about this desire to marry?
Yes, she did, but she didn’t know how to have difficult conversations. So we would start the discussion and drop it when it got too serious because it made her uncomfortable. I should have read the situation better and pushed harder for her to speak her mind. She started mentally checking out of the relationship when she felt that her needs wouldn’t be met. Her Japa plans did not help matters at all.
Tell me about that. How did her japa affect you both?
We definitely weren’t in a good place in 2021 when her japa plans fell into place. She felt like we had ‘japa incompatibility’ and I wasn’t as intentional about planning to leave the country. The reality was that I wasn’t suited for Japa at the time. I had decided not to use my Master’s degree, and almost a year of joblessness post-COVID meant that I didn’t have the funds or the required experience to make that move. Regardless, I thought we were getting better.
What made you feel that way?
I helped her every step of the way as she planned her relocation. I helped her prep for her visa interview, helped out with 20% of the funds for her trip, helped her pack, and even saw her off to the airport. We had experience doing long distance, so I wasn’t afraid of distance breaking us up, but I was worried it would make our issues harder to resolve.
Fair enough. How did the final split happen?
It happened five months after she moved. I knew relocation would put a strain on our relationship, but I didn’t think we would break up. I was sure we were just going through a rough patch and that we would come out of the other side together.
One weekend, she just stopped responding to my messages. I got worried that something had happened to her, and I reached out to a few friends to help check in on her. It turned out that because she didn’t want to have a difficult conversation about us splitting up, she preferred to try ghosting me without saying anything.
How did that make you feel?
I felt bad and we talked about her decision to leave the relationship. Honestly, I thought she was just going through an adjustment phase and we would get back together. I expected that she would call me one day, like she used to, and we would continue where we left off. After four months of waiting for her, I realised she had really put our relationship behind her. I was gutted.
Did you try to reach out to her when you realised?
Yes, I did. I told her this couldn’t possibly be the end of our love story, but she didn’t budge. I had to learn to live with her decision. Even now, I still wish we were together. Our love had so much potential, I wish we had gotten the chance to see it through.
If you had the chance, would you reconcile with Tope?
Definitely! Since we split up, we have spoken to each other a handful of times. We’ve both dated other people but have struggled to replicate the same kind of connection we had. Last time we talked, she said she was going to block me because not doing so was the reason she hadn’t gotten over me. I don’t know why she’s fighting her feelings. I think we’re meant to be. Maybe when I japa too, we’ll try again.
Do you still believe in love?
Yes, I do. I’m a total lover boy. I have been struggling to find a connection as strong as the one I had with Tope, but I still hope to find a love like that again.
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Sunken Ships is a Zikoko weekly series that explores the how and why of the end of all relationships — familial, romantic or just good old friendships.
Though she had her reservations about mixing work and romance, Hannah* (24) wanted to give dating a co-worker, Teniola* (25), a chance.
However, after only two months of Teniola’s inconsistencies, Hannah is glad that she kept their relationship a secret.
In this Sunken Ships, she shares how their relationship began, the surprising call that caused it to end and why she’s never dating a coworker again.
What’s the major lesson you learned from trying out an office romance?
I learned that I should never try such a thing again. I just wanted to test the waters, I didn’t know it would lead to so much hurt.
Tell me how it all started.
Back in April 2025, I started a role at a new job. I noticed Teniola when I started because he was cute, but I wanted to keep things professional. Things changed in July, when Teniola* and I were assigned to work on the same project. We became very close and began chatting online and in the office every day. I liked his vibe, so even though I was hesitant at first, I allowed myself to indulge my feelings.
What exactly drew you to him?
Aside that we were working in close proximity, Teniola made it a point to compliment me every time he saw me at work. After a while, I warmed up to him.
Okay, so why were you initially hesitant?
I wasn’t a big believer in office romance. I didn’t want to be caught in a situation that could make professionalism difficult. I also didn’t want any embarrassment at work, but I thought it would be different with Teniola.
How did you guys start dating?
In July, he asked me out in the cutest way on WhatsApp. He was learning a new language at the time, so he wrote a few words, asking me out on a date in French. Of course, I said yes.
How did the date go?
It was perfect. We went out to lunch and just talked. Talking to him was so fun, it was easy to agree to be his girlfriend.
How were your early days together?
They were great! He was everything I wanted. The only thing was that I insisted on us keeping our relationship a secret from our coworkers.
Why? Was dating between coworkers disallowed where you worked?
No, but I had heard many horror stories about office romances that went wrong, and I didn’t want my new colleagues to give me weird looks because we had ended things. I didn’t want the extra attention at all.
So if you were keeping things lowkey and he was almost perfect, how did things go wrong?
First, in September, I got taken off the project that had brought us closer in the office, so we weren’t spending as much time together at work. He had finished from Law School earlier this year and had his call to bar ceremony in October. I think he was overwhelmed with preparing for it. Between that and our new separation at work, our communication basically fizzled out.
How did this make you feel? Did you try to talk to him about it?
I felt really sad about our communication because our relationship was still new, so I tried to speak to him once about it.
Did he reassure you?
No. He was very short with me and seemed stressed, so I kept my distance because I didn’t want to make him any more overwhelmed than he was. We went from long, winding conversations to simple “Hi”s and “Hello”s. It was weird.
Wow. How did you put up with that?
I figured that everything would go back to how it used to be when he was done with his Call to Bar ceremony, but othing changed. In the first weekend of October, he called me and gave me the worst news.
What did he say?
He beat around the bush but eventually said he wanted to break up with me.
Whoa, out of nowhere?
Yes, I was so hurt and surprised. I agreed, though, and I was grateful that we had kept it a secret from the others at work. What hurt me the most, was how he treated me after.
How did he treat you?
He treated me like a complete stranger at work. He didn’t even respond when I greeted him.
Ah. That’s rude.
So rude. It annoyed me, so I gave him the same energy and kept my distance.
Did he try to reach out to you after giving you the cold shoulder?
Surprisingly, yes, he did. About a week after, he started sending me messages and calling me, saying he had made a mistake and wanted us to get back together. He even got one of his team members to come and beg me to respond to him.
What did you do?
I finally agreed to have a quick chat over lunch, and I told him I didn’t see us getting back together. He had done enough to hurt me, and I thought our relationship was better off just being professional.
I love that you stood on business.
I had to. I was already afraid of how office romances that go sour can affect you at work. I didn’t want to find out more about it. Working with a broken heart was already bad enough.
Do you think you and Teniola could at least become friends again even if a romance between you doesn’t work in the future?
No, I’m not interested. He’s a good colleague but nothing more than that.
What about office romance? Do you think you’ll try again in the future?
At all, o. I’m even more afraid of them now after my brush with Teniola. Please let work remain work. I can go and find romance outside.
Hey, if you’d like to share your own #SunkenShips story with Zikoko, fill out this form!
Excerpt: Blood is thicker than water, but I can’t keep saving him.
Sunken Ships is a Zikoko weekly series that explores the how and why of the end of all relationships — familial, romantic or just good old friendships.
For over four decades, Gani* (64) has watched his brother, Sanni* (60), abandon his responsibilities with little consequence; from leaving apprenticeships to walking out on his wives and child.
After years of cleaning up his messes, he finally reached a breaking point. When Sanni called on his birthday in 2023 with yet another request, it was the last straw.
What was the moment that made you realise you had to cut off your brother?
I had the bitter realisation in June 2023. I thought Sanni was calling me to wish me a happy birthday, but as soon as we were done exchanging pleasantries, he asked if he could come to Ife to spend two months with me and my family. I wanted to say “yes”, then I remembered this was his M.O. when he wanted to abandon his family and make them my responsibility. So I told him to lose my number.
Wow. What was your relationship with your brother like growing up?
We were very close growing up. My father had three wives and sixteen children; we had no choice but to have each other’s backs in that house. Together, we dodged the rival wives and their unfair punishments as much as we could. The big issue was our mother coddled us a lot to compensate for the bad treatment we suffered from our father and the other wives. I don’t think it had such a harmful effect on me, but it ruined my brother’s capacity to be accountable.
How do you mean?
I remember my father telling my mother that he could only afford to train one child from each wife to the secondary school certificate level. Being the first son, I was automatically chosen, and my brother had to work on the farm with our other half-siblings, who didn’t get to go to school.
Did this affect your relationship with him negatively?
No. My mother assured us that once I left school and started working, I would send Sanni to school, so all he had to do was wait. I hated seeing my brother out of school, though, so when I was in Form 3, I begged my father for one of his plantain trees so I could sell its fruit for extra money. He agreed, and after school, I hawked them and saved up the money for Sanni’s education.
My mother was touched by this and chipped in to buy him a uniform. The next year, when I moved to Form 4, Sanni started attending school.
Was it great being in school with your brother?
At first, I was very happy, but things quickly went sour. Sanni hated school. He didn’t have the patience to sit down and learn anything, so he would usually sneak out of his classes. I would beat him when I found out, but my mum would always sneak a big piece of meat or fish into his food that evening to make him feel better. If I complained she was spoiling him, she would say I shouldn’t kill her child for her. We had these problems till he graduated from secondary school in 1983.
Did things get better with Sanni after you both finished school?
Not at all. While I got a scholarship to a polytechnic in 1979 to continue my tertiary education, Sanni had no interest in school. When he graduated he told my parents he wanted to become an apprentice instead, so he started learning with a vulcaniser nearby. He couldn’t commit to his learning and stopped going soon after. He did the same start-and-stop with several other apprenticeships my mother struggled to get him into.
How did this make you feel?
I only heard about these when I came home to visit from school. It annoyed me because I thought he would feel a better sense of responsibility. Not only so he could stand on his own, but so he could chip in to care for our mum because I wanted her to stop going to the farm all the time.
Did you try to speak with him about this?
Several times. But it was like all my words were going into one ear and coming out of the other.
Did he improve his behaviour at all?
He finally finished an apprenticeship as an electrician in the early 90s, and I was relieved. We both got married in 1995 and 1997, respectively, and I relaxed, thinking we had entered the grown-up phases of our lives. I was a factory floor manager in Osun while my brother fixed fridges and other appliances in Akure.
I thought we were doing okay, so I thought nothing of it when my brother called me in 2003 and asked if he could spend a few weeks with me because he was looking to rent a shop in Ife.
How did you take this request?
I was happy to have him come around. I was also happy at the thought of him and his family living close by so we could spend more time together.
He came to my house in January 2003, just after the New Year’s celebrations. A few weeks turned into a few months, and I began to question if Sanni was actually looking for a shop to rent.
Did you try to nudge him for more information?
Yes, I did. He would complain about the rent or say he hadn’t found a good location yet. I pressed him about his family, but he said they were doing well without him. I believed him till I got a call at work one day in May. It was from my sister-in-law.
What did she say?
She was in tears. At the start of the year, Sanni had told her he was going to visit my mother for a few days in Ikare and he would be back with their rent and she hadn’t seen or heard from him after that. I was shocked.
She and my niece hadn’t eaten in days because they didn’t have any more money, and the landlord was breathing down her neck. I quickly organised for one of my younger half-sisters at home to take some money to her and promised to sort out the rent issue.
Did you confront your brother?
I left work early just so I could give him a piece of my mind. I was irritated by his actions.
What was your brother’s explanation?
He gave me a flimsy excuse, saying he felt under a lot of pressure and just needed some time to figure out what he wanted to do. I told him our sister had to take money to his wife because his child hadn’t eaten for days, and he just gave me a sheepish look. I told him he was leaving my house the next day.
How did he take that?
I don’t know, I was too angry to care. I gave him the money for his rent and warned him about taking things more seriously. He assured me that he would make better choices and work harder. Three months later, I started getting letters and calls from my in laws. My brother had married another woman and was living with her.
Ah. How?
I had the same question. Apparently, my brother’s new lady friend was from a well-off family and was showering him with gifts, so he left his family high and dry and went to live with her. I couldn’t believe my ears. So I called a family meeting and travelled to Ondo to see for myself.
How did the meeting go?
It was a disaster. My brother attended with his new wife. He smugly declared he wasn’t interested in his first marriage any longer and that he and his new woman would start a new family. Chaos ensued. Unfortunately, my mother supported my brother. She said we couldn’t force him to stay in his marriage if he wasn’t happy.
Omo. What did your in-laws say?
They said they wouldn’t beg anyone to marry their daughter and took her and my niece back with them. I felt embarrassed by my brother’s actions and offered to pay for my niece’s education. My in-laws accepted, and that cooled tensions between our families a little.
Did this incident strain your relationship with your brother?
Yes, it did. I was very disappointed in him. I think he sensed this because he begged and asked that he and his new wife come to visit me in Ife. I grudgingly agreed.
How did that visit go?
They spent a week with my family and me. It wasn’t bad at all. Sanni seemed so happy with his new wife that I was starting to warm up to him again. It only took a year for Sanni to run away from her too.
What happened?
He ran to my house again in September 2004 and said he couldn’t continue with that marriage because she had a high sex drive he couldn’t match. I told him I couldn’t let him stay with me because I didn’t want issues with the new in-laws, and he took that as a betrayal. He went to stay with my mum instead, who pampered him and told him not to worry, to my annoyance.
How did your in-laws take this?
They hounded me for months to mediate, but I was determined not to get involved, so I offered to put his second wife on a small allowance till she remarried or didn’t need it anymore. My in-laws agreed, and that was the “end” of that marriage.
Did you reach out to your mother to speak to your brother?
No. I was sure she supported whatever nonsense my brother was up to. I wanted to wash my hands of the matter entirely, so I said nothing. Even that December, when we went to Ondo to visit my mum, I didn’t ask after his wife or how their marriage was doing. I just focused on my mum.
Did your brother try to patch things up with you?
Many times, he bought a cell phone and would send me texts about us being stronger together, and other texts begging us to get back to being close.
Did your relationship with him improve at all?
Our relationship changed for the better around 2008. Sanni remarried another lady, a nice girl from our village, in 2007. He seemed to take his electrician work seriously. Their rent was always paid, and they had twin boys in 2009. Sanni was over the moon. He was even saving up to buy a piece of land. I was proud of my little brother.
What changed?
The usual, he suddenly got restless. His wife called me in 2019 and said she was afraid because my brother wanted to close up his electrician business to become a prophet. I was confused.
Did you try to ask him what that was about?
I didn’t even want to know his rationale. I called him and told him that if he abandoned this new family, I would disown him.
How did he react?
I think it scared him because he stopped talking about prophets and prophecies and went back to work. I thought all was well until 2023.
Tell me what happened.
He called me on my birthday, and we talked for a bit. As soon as we were done with the small talk, he asked if he could visit and spend a few months at my house. I wanted to say yes at first, but I remembered the last two times he paid me a long visit. I knew he was planning another one of his abandonment routines, so I told him to delete my number.
How did he react?
He became angry and insulted me. He claimed that since our mother passed away in 2010, I had been looking for a way to cut him off. He also claimed that I was a bad older brother for not allowing him to heed God’s call.
How did you react to that?
His insults rolled off me like water off a duck’s back. At the time, I was paying his second wife’s monthly stipends and still seeing my niece through school. I still had my own family to think about. I wasn’t willing to take up even one more of his responsibilities. I insisted that if he was truly angry with me, he would delete my number and chase his dream regardless, but I wasn’t housing him for any reason.
What has your relationship with him been like since then?
We’ve become distant. It feels like our relationship is hollow. Sanni is still with his family, but I’m afraid that it’s only a matter of time before he tries to abandon them again. He complains to my wife sometimes about feeling bad for ignoring God’s call to life as a prophet, but I don’t care. If distancing myself is the only way he will learn, then so be it.
Do you think your relationship with him could recover?
Yes, but I need to see that he’s serious about taking care of his family. His lack of accountability as a man has far-reaching consequences. He has to learn to see things through. I hope he’s learning his lesson.
If you could change one thing about this situation with your brother, what would it be?
I would have put my foot down more when we were children. Letting my mum reinforce that he could dodge the consequences of his actions is why we’re where we are today. I love my brother dearly, but these dodgy habits are something I can no longer accept. We’re getting too old for this.
Hey, if you’d like to share your own #SunkenShips story with Zikoko, fill out this form!
Sunken Ships is a Zikoko weekly series that explores the how and why of the end of all relationships — familial, romantic or just good old friendships.
When Aduke* (22) hit it off with Michael* (21), she thought they were going to become a couple.
She was shocked at first when he dumped her for another girl in their class, but shock quickly changed to satisfaction after she saw how that relationship unfolded.
How did you feel when you realised it was over between you and Michael?
At first, I was gutted. He was the first person I ever had strong feelings for, and to be cast aside like I was nothing cut deeply. But nothing made me happier than seeing what that girl did to him.
Before we get into that, take me back to the beginning. How did you meet?
We were taking the same elective course in 2018. He was good looking but what drew me to him was that he was the smartest person in our class. He got my number from the course group chat and texted one day asking me out for lunch, and I said yes.
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How did the date go?
It was amazing. We started having lunch together every day even though we were in different faculties. We also texted each other every single day just to catch up. Soon, I realised I had feelings for him. I tried to hide it because I didn’t have much experience with boys, but he caught on. One day in May 2018, after our usual lunch together, he confessed he liked me, and I told him about my feelings.
So you started dating?
No, it was more like a situationship. We kissed a few times and went on a few movie dates, but we wanted to take it slow. I was fine with this, but less than a month after he confessed to me, Michael started acting strangely.
How do you mean?
At first he started missing my calls. He would then text me in the evening saying he was busy and wasn’t able to talk. I found this surprising because this boy had once left mass just to pick up my call.
The biggest shock was when he started missing lunch. Suddenly, his timetable was clashing with our lunch hours and we could only have lunch once a week on the weekend.
How did you handle these sudden changes?
I tried to be understanding at first. Michael was on a first class and I didn’t want to distract him. I also figured that since we were taking it slow, it was all part of our gradual shift into becoming romantic partners. I kept making these excuses for his behaviour till a friend of mine gave me some shocking gist.
What did you hear?
She told me how a girl in her hostel, Janet*, was raving about her new boyfriend, Michael. After listening to her description of him, she became sure it was “my” Michael and came to tell me as soon as possible.
Did you ask him about this new babe?
Yes o. I told him I wanted to see him in person urgently, so he came to my hostel the next evening. When I asked him about Janet, he became sheepish and gave me a hollow apology about how he didn’t know how it happened, but he had fallen for her. It was a foolish excuse because I knew it was because she had the biggest bum in that class.
How did his response make you feel?
It pained me like mad. It felt like a gut punch, but I was determined to be cool about it, so I kept my distance from both of them. But nothing made me feel better than seeing the way she treated him during their relationship.
Ah, what did Janet do to him?
She showed Michael premium pepper. First, she had him on a tight leash. He wasn’t allowed to do tutorials anymore because she didn’t like “girls flocking around him.” Then, just a month after they started dating, Janet cheated on him. Not just once o, but for the rest of their four-month relationship. It was so funny to hear him crashing out when he caught her making out with someone else one evening.
Did he try to reach out to you during this time?
Yes he did. He came to ask for my advice in August. He wanted to know whether to leave her or forgive her again for her many indiscretions.
What did you tell him?
I told him to follow his heart. He forgave her again, but she eventually left him for a richer guy in September. It was his turn to be heartbroken, and I can’t lie, I enjoyed seeing him feel the same thing I felt.
How was your relationship with Michael after his break-up?
The same way it was after he broke my heart; we were acquaintances. He tried to ask me again for lunch after his split with Janet, but I lied and told him I was busy. I wasn’t about to let anyone “manage” me because they couldn’t get the person they wanted.
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Did this experience affect the way you saw love?
Not really. I just charged it to the game and kept it pushing. I even had other crushes before the end of that year. I believe your person is yours, and if another person can “steal” them away, then they weren’t really for you.
What lesson did you take away from this experience with Michael?
I learned that what goes around comes around sooner than you’d expect. It was very satisfying to see the cards love dealt him after treating me like I was disposable.
Do you think you and Michael could ever make up?
No. That ship has sailed, and I’m not looking back.
Hey, if you’d like to share your own #SunkenShips story with Zikoko, fill out this form!
Sunken Ships is a Zikoko weekly series that explores the how and why of the end of all relationships — familial, romantic or just good old friendships.
Nnadozie* (40) and Ugo* (42) met at university and quickly became inseparable. Their friendship continued even after they graduated, and Nnadozie thought he had found a brother for life.
When Ugo moved to a different country, their relationship changed for the worse. Nnadozie shares how he is nursing a broken heart after Ugo’s behaviour completely changed once he became more well off than he was before.
How did you meet Ugo*?
We met at the university in 2006 in Anambra state. We were in the same class, and somehow got drawn to each other. We became very close not long after.
What were the early years of your friendship with Ugo like?
Our friendship was amazing. I didn’t even see him as a friend; he was like a brother to me. He was my closest confidante, as I was his. There was nothing I did without telling Ugo first. We were so close that people even started suspecting we were more than friends, but that wasn’t the case. Meeting him was like finding a long-lost brother. We were inseparable even after we graduated from school.
What happened after school?
Ugo moved to Cameroon after our studies to look for greener pastures. It didn’t pan out, and five years ago, he moved back to Nigeria. During his time in Cameroon, our friendship didn’t fade. We spoke on the phone at least once a week, texted every day, and we still shared everything with each other.
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What about after he moved back to Nigeria?
It was the same. When he came back, we talked and he shared that he wanted to try emigrating to a different country. He chose Canada and began the process. It was very expensive and he didn’t have a lot of money. I was happy to help him with the little I had to spare, sponsoring his travel to his visa interview and paying for documents when I could. I didn’t think much of it because I felt that I was doing it for my brother. He didn’t get the visa the first time, but in 2023, he did, and we celebrated together before he moved.
Did the friendship change after he moved to Canada?
Not at first, we were still as close as ever.
So what changed?
My business suffered a huge financial setback in 2023, right before Ugo got his visa. It was such a bad loss that even my fiancée at the time left me. I got depressed and withdrew from all my friends because I didn’t want to share my predicament and feel like I had become a burden to them.
Did Ugo notice this change in your behaviour?
Yes, he did. He called me not long after and demanded to know why I wasn’t as available or responding to his messages and calls. I told him what had happened, and he tried to commiserate with me and told me to keep my head up. However, from that time, I noticed things were going awry between us.
How do you mean?
When I called Ugo, he was too busy to talk on the phone or he wouldn’t respond to my texts for days which was unlike him. But if he called me and I was too busy to pick up, he would pick a fight with me. At first I thought it was because he was adjusting to his new life abroad but it quickly became tiring. I’m not prone to conflict so our constant fights were wearing me down.
Can you recall a significant fight?
Yes, in 2024, I called him after we hadn’t been in contact for a week. After gisting for a while, I asked him for the number of the agent who helped with his move to Canada. Instead of giving me his number, Ugo maintained that he didn’t think I was ready to move abroad. I told him I was ready, and that was why I asked, but he insisted. I was outside with some of my neighbourhood acquaintances, so I didn’t want to fight him. I told him I’d call him back later, and he responded that if I ended the call, I shouldn’t ever call him again. I thought he was joking, and wrapped up the call, but after that, our relationship became strained.
Did you try to talk to him about this behaviour?
Yes, I texted him shortly after and asked, “Are we still best friends?” He said yes, and I told him I didn’t know if we still were because I didn’t understand his behaviour at all. He didn’t respond to that.
What happened next?
Life continued as usual, and Ugo became wealthier abroad. Sometime this year, I posted on my WhatsApp status about a Nigerian film I was enjoying. Ugo responded to my post mockingly. He said I definitely didn’t suffer a financial setback because if I did, I would be looking for a solution instead of watching movies.
How did you react to that?
I got upset. Did he want me to be sad with no respite because of the bad luck I suffered? I told him to back off, but he didn’t. He suggested that since all my friends, including him, are well off, I should gather them and ask them to donate money to get me out of my bind. I didn’t want to do that because I know that many of them would use the opportunity to mock me or look down on me. We got into an argument over my decision, and we didn’t talk for a while.
What happened after that?
I got a call from Ugo’s ex. She asked me if something was going on with him. When I asked why, she said he had become very annoying since he left the country, and he had been boasting about his new wealth abroad. Her call let me know that Ugo wasn’t just misbehaving with me.
Regardless, I tried to keep our friendship alive, thinking it was just a phase, but things came to a head after my birthday in June 2025.
Tell me about that
Usually, Ugo liked to be one of the first people to call and wish me a happy birthday. This year, he didn’t call at all. It was late in the day when he sent me a half-hearted “Happy Birthday” text. I was shocked. It made me feel like I wasn’t important to him at all.
Did you tell him how that made you feel?
Yes, the day after, I told him how hurt I felt that he didn’t wish me a happy birthday the same way he usually did in previous years. Instead of explaining himself, he flared up. He said that I was ungrateful for not appreciating that he took the time out og his busy schedule abroad to remember my birthday. He said I was lucky I got a message at all, and if I wanted an apology, I should go to hell.
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Wow.
I was so shocked as well. It broke my heart when he said that. I told him we wouldn’t be able to continue our friendship if he spoke to me like that, and he responded, “Is that what you want?”. I affirmed that was what I wanted, to be spoken to respectfully or left alone. He didn’t speak to me or text me after that.
Whoa. That’s so sad. Have you tried reaching out to him since then?
Yes, I have. In August, I sent him my usual long birthday wishes, and he responded with a curt “Thank you”. It made me sad, but I thought there was still some hope for our friendship since he responded. Then I saw something that broke my heart completely.
What did you see?
I have a business line and a personal line. I have WhatsApp for both numbers, but I use my business line more often for general conversations. I had to use my personal WhatsApp the day after Ugo’s birthday, and that’s how I saw he had posted several photos from his birthday on his status. I found this odd because when I checked with my general line, I didn’t see anything he posted. That was when it dawned on me that he had blocked me from viewing his status.
How did that make you feel?
It was like a splash of cold water on my face. It was the turning point that made me realise that our friendship was over. Out of anger, I posted on my WhatsApp status: “Some people don’t see their poor friends as friends until they become rich.” Ugo saw the post but never responded, which was unlike him and I didn’t reach out to him either.
Did you take that as the end of your friendship?
No, I still tried to reach out. Just this past week, I called him to see if I could salvage our relationship, but I found that I wasn’t happy while speaking to him, unlike how I used to feel before everything that happened. After we hung up, I sadly accepted that our friendship had run its course. It was heartbreaking.
Would you take him back as a friend if he apologised in the future?
Yes, I would be happy to reconnect with him because I’m a forgiving person. But we can never be as close as we used to be. I don’t want a best friend who will toss me aside just because he feels we aren’t on the same financial level. Anything can change and I want to be sure of the loyalty of the people in my corner.
Has this affected the way you view your other friendships?
Not at all. My other friends have been my emotional support during these low times. Their actions show me that Ugo’s bad behaviour is exclusive to him. It’s painful to have lost a friendship of almost twenty years, but I’m happy I have other lovely relationships to nurture.
Hey, if you’d like to share your own #SunkenShips story with Zikoko, fill out this form!
Sunken Ships is a Zikoko weekly series that explores the how and why of the end of all relationships — familial, romantic or just good old friendships.
When Ifeoluwa* (21) met Tomi* (21) in 2020, it was as if their friendship was meant to be. Their sisterhood blossomed as they continued university, but cracks started to appear in their bond.
In this Sunken Ships story, Ifeoluwa shares how her sisterhood with Tomi developed, how their relationship unravelled and how she’s dealing with the aftermath.
How did you and Tomi meet?
We met in March 2020. We were both doing our undergraduate clearance, and I had helped her with some of the process when she was having issues. After that, we started going to classes together before we all got sent home for the lockdown.
What impact did the lockdown have on your friendship with her?
It actually brought us closer together. We would interact with our social posts and talk about what we’d do when the lockdown was lifted.
What about after the lockdown?
In 2021, we still weren’t allowed to resume fully. We would only come to school for special practical classes. During those weeks when we had the practical classes, Tomi and I would stay together at a friend’s place. I later got my own place, and she constantly visited me. This also deepened our bond.
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What was your friendship with Tomi like?
It was less like we were friends and more like we were sisters. I saw her as my closest confidant, and there was nothing that happened in my life that I didn’t report to her immediately. I thought she regarded me in the same way, but I was wrong. We were so close that when I showed up at my popular haunts without her, people would ask me where my “wife” or “bestie” was. I loved her very much.
When did you notice any red flags in your friendship with her?
It was after our third year in school. I had changed my course the year before and had to go back to 100 level. She did the same in 2022 when she was in 300L. Afterwards, I noticed some distance between us for the first time.
Did you try to speak with her about it?
As soon as I noticed, I brought it up. But because starting over in a new department can be daunting, I understood when she said that she was just a bit busy with schoolwork and thought nothing of it. After all, I was trying to get excellent grades as well. It was during one of my reading sessions that I came across some disturbing information.
What kind of information?
One night in 2023, I went for an overnight reading session with a few other students in my department. While there, I got a call from an ex-boyfriend who was trying to rebuild a friendship with me.
While we were talking, he asked if Tomi had told me they were getting really close in 2024.
What did he mean by “close”?
That’s exactly what I asked him. He said they were talking so often that Ayo*, a classmate who was trying to start a relationship with Tomi at the time, got jealous and told him to back off. I was more than a bit shocked at what my ex told me. Tomi never mentioned that they spoke at all, speak less of getting so close that they made one of her potential partners jealous. I wasn’t sure what to do and tried to play it off like Tomi had already mentioned it. But my ex could tell I was surprised.
Did you tell her when you found out?
Yes, I wanted to hear her side of the story. Tomi just shrugged it off. She admitted that she and my ex were talking every day, but she claimed it was just a friendly connection.
How did you react to her response?
I asked her for some space. I took two days away from talking to her to think about what she said. I eventually reached out because I missed her, and I told her I wasn’t happy about the way I found out about her talking to my ex. This was mostly because we had ended things on a bad note, and she knew that I had him blocked at the start of the year because I was so upset with him.
Regardless, I forgave her, and our friendship continued because I wasn’t about to let a man come between me and my best friend.
What was your friendship with her like after that?
I thought we’d just go back to normal, but that wasn’t the case. Tomi became even more distant. Especially In February, 2025, I noticed I just couldn’t get a hold of her. At first I thought it was because our original set mates are graduating this year and she felt bad about it. I wanted to be there for her emotionally because I felt the same pangs about their graduation.
How often did you try to reach out to her?
I reached out to her every day like I usually would, only I wasn’t getting the same daily responses I used to get. In April, my lover was sick in the hospital and I went to be with him. I posted a snap of the hospital and she texted to sk if I was ill. When I told her I wasn’t she didn’t even ask why I was at the hospital, she just stopped replying.
Did this bother you at all?
Yes it did. It was an unusual feeling to not be able to speak to Tomi as often as I liked to. I tried to take it in stride but our conversations had dwindled to only once a week. It meant there was a lot going on in my life that I wasn’t telling her about.
Like what?
Like the fact that I had become good friends with the ex I mentioned earlier, and he had asked me to keep it lowkey. Usually, I would at least tell Tomi about something like that, but after I wished her a happy birthday, I didn’t hear from her for over two weeks, even though I had tried to reach her. So I stopped texting to see if she’d miss me enough to reach out to me. To my surprise, she didn’t text even once.
Wow, that must have stung.
It hurt so much. Even though I had stopped texting her, I still sent her snap streaks every day. In May, I sent her a snap of me in the hospital for a fractured knee. I had hurt myself during sports practice and needed someone to follow me to the hospital. But as usual, I got no response. Instead, I heard from other students that she had gone to watch the other athletes play after I went to the hospital.
Did you try to speak to her after that?
Yes. I sent her a message and tried to make her see that the distance between us was hurting me, and I didn’t feel like we were as close as we used to be. I wanted us to meet and talk it
How did she respond?
She said she was busy but would look for a date we could meet to talk. She never got back to me on that, and our friendship took a big hit after that.
What happened?
My ex randomly asked me out for drinks one night, and I accepted. While we were out, he dropped a bomb on me. Tomi was dating Jesse*.
Who is Jesse?
Jesse used to be a very close male friend. However, we fell out in January 2024 when he exposed his genitals to me during a late-night reading session. I told him I wasn’t interested, but he kept trying to coerce me. I had to call my other male friends to help run him off. I told Tomi about this when it happened, and I assumed we both cut him out of our lives, so I was shocked when my ex said they were together.
Did you confront Tomi about this?
No, I couldn’t. When my ex saw how shocked I was, he begged me to keep it a secret. He didn’t want anyone to know I heard it from him. I tried to gently pry the information out of Tomi, but she never gave it up. That choice made me start to reconsider our friendship. I felt so betrayed that I started acting out.
Can you share how?
I started drinking heavily, I shaved my head, and I cried a lot. My lover was thankfully a big emotional support during this terrible period.
When did everything come to a head?
It was a week before our exams in July 2025. I drunkenly went out to get food with my lover and ran into Jesse, Tomi and a group of their friends at the place. I was shocked to see her, but called her aside to ask her if it was true she was dating Jesse. She tensed up and didn’t say anything.
What did you do when she didn’t respond?
I burst into tears. I couldn’t believe that she betrayed me like that. It was embarrassing to crash out in public that way, but I was overwhelmed with emotion. The worst part was that Tomi didn’t seem affected. She just kept saying, “I don’t know what to say,” over and over. She left with Jesse and his friends, and I found my way home, where I swore to have nothing to do with her again.
What has the aftermath been like?
It has been awful. I fell sick with stress-induced malaria right after and had to be hospitalised until a day before my exams. I threw myself into my exams to distract myself, but it’s like the ghost of our friendship has haunted me ever since.
People ask where Tomi is or how she’s doing everywhere I go. I’m not interested in rehashing this story with everyone, so when people ask, I just tell them we had a falling out.
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What about your mutuals? How do they handle the rift between you and Tomi?
No one around me mentions her anymore. It’s like they were also looking for a chance to distance themselves from her. This isn’t to say she doesn’t have her own friends, it’s just that we don’t share close mutuals anymore.
How has this friendship breakup affected your other relationships?
I now find it very difficult to trust anyone. I don’t think I’ll ever let anyone get as close to me as Tomi did. I’m afraid they’ll hurt me again.
What if Tomi reached out to apologise? Would you ever rekindle your friendship with her?
I’m a forgiving person so it’s possible I might oblige if she reaches out maybe five years from now. But I know our friendship can never be the way it was before.
What does the future hold for you now?
I’m focused on maintaining my good grades and graduating. Tomi is the furthest thing from my mind right now.
