Are you rich Nigerian aunty in training or are you far from it? Create an outfit and we’ll tell you.
For some people, urgent 2k is not enough. Sometimes, they need an urgent one million. Well, before they would tell you it was impossible, but nothing is impossible for Zikoko. Here are six ways to become a millionaire overnight.
1) Dream
How else will you become a millionaire overnight if you do not sleep? All you have to do is lay your head on your bed and dream of your millions. Once that is done, congratulations on being a millionaire.
2) Write yourself a cheque
If you do not have a cheque book, then go to your bank and request one. Then when that is done, write yourself a cheque for a few million. That is it. You are done. It does not matter if you do not have up to five thousand naira in your account, what matters is that you are owing yourself a few million naira, and that means you are a millionaire.
3) Create your own currency
As you wake up, just declare a new currency. It does not have to be valid and you might be the only person to hear about it till you die, but it is still millions. I do not remember saying you would be a millionaire in naira. All we did was promise to teach you how to be a millionaire overnight.
4) Perform money ritual that pleases God
The best thing about money rituals that please God is that because God is involved, it will work quicker. If you have never done money ritual that pleases God before, just know that one of the things involved is a God-fearing babalawo.
5) Summon the Angels from Africa
If you are in Africa then you have a stronger chance of the angels actually working for you. Call on them because the angels of Africa have a way of making the unexpected happen.
6) Call on your ancestors
The ancestors cannot just be drinking gin and eating kola nut for free. Put them to WORK. They are getting too comfortable, so threaten to cut off their gin supply for a week. They will give in to your demands to be a millionaire overnight or turn you into a goat. It is a gamble.
For more on what is inside this life, please click here
Are you broke or are you crazy rich? Take this quiz and we’ll tell you.
If there is anything Nigerian babes have learned from politicians, it is how to hide their wealth. You will be dating a Nigerian babe and thinking you are both hustlers until a strong wind blows and you realise that Dangote is taking lessons from her.
Never again, kings. Here are 12 ways to know your girlfriend is a rich woman.
1. She has a PiggyVest app.
She’ll probably lie that she has no money there. Isn’t that all women do? They lie. But ask her to show you her Safe Lock. That’s how you’ll know your babe is competing with Jeff Bezos, Forbes just never sabi her.
2. Ask her how much her nail tech charges.
12-15k It’s once in a while so it’s pretty decent to me.
I can assure you, she spends nothing less than 5k. Here’s further proof.
I did my nail at a new place today and it was 8k cheaper than my regular nail tech,🌚 however the quality isn’t the same, it close but definitely not as perfect as it would have been😕
3. If she has up to 3 wigs, even Elon Musk fears her.
Guy, do you know how much one quality wig costs? Just one oh, let alone three or whatever number she has.
4. She has either of these shoes in her collection.
If she has both of them, please this is how you should be greeting her everyday:
Tuale Mama! Two hands for one person. No more tuale double puate!
That woman can help your destiny oh.
5. She owns at least 1 dress from an online vendor.
Calculate cost of fabric, sewing, delivery and other logistics of one dress. Now multiply it with the number of dresses she has bought from an online vendor. Do the maths, I dare you.
6. She goes out to eat creamy pasta at least two times a week.
Creamy pasta that you usually budget before you eat, that’s what your Nigerian girlfriend is consuming like water. Hmm.
7. She knows the meaning of these two logos.
Or she has them on her phone. You are dating a pocket-size Folorunsho Alakija. You better hold her tight.
8. They know her at Keje Grills.
Abuja babes, fall out!
9. She has never asked you for money.
Do you need further proof that your Nigerian girlfriend is a silent millionaire?
10. She has asked you for money.
That’s the thing with those rich babes. Them no dey ever like to spend their own money. Besides, if she does not ask you for money, how will you know she’s rich?
11. She and her friends have ‘brunch’ days, and it looks like this.
Actions speak louder than words oh.
12. She is planning to wear Deola Sagoe on her wedding day.
I don’t want to wear Deola Sagoe for just my wedding. I want to wear her pieces whenever I want to. An icon.
Wondering how you’ll make your first million dollars?
Take this quiz to find out.
You don’t have to actually be rich to look like you are. The way you present yourself is enough to deceive people into thinking you have money in your account. So, let this quiz tell you how rich you look.
Go ahead:
If you’re one of those people who like to hide their money from family and friends, then this list is for you:
1) Deflect comments and compliments.
Some examples: “Don’t whine me.” “It’s not like that.”
2) Always say “we thank God.”
Person: How are things?
You: We thank God.
Person: How will you buy it?
You: God will do it.
3) Always ask people for money before they get the chance.
Do this is a subtle manner – “Boss, anything for me?” “Anything for boys?”
4) Say “God when” when you can obviously afford something.
Works like a charm.
5) Always deny ownership of your properties.
Examples that can help: “Asking for a friend.” “At least that’s what rich people do.”
6) Complain about Nigeria.
Everyone knows that if you don’t join people in complaining about the government, Nigerians will ask you for money. It is known.
7) Take Uber for 90% of a journey and use bike to complete the remaining 10%.
Arrive there in dust and regrets so that your cover is perfect.
How long will it take for you account balance to finally catch up with your expensive tastes? Well, this quiz is here to tell you when exactly you’ll become the filthy person you were always destined to be.
Take to find out:
1. When you take buses and keke napeps for 90% of the journey and then use an Uber for the last 10% so you arrive at where you’re going in grand style.
Laides and Gentlemen. I have arrived!
2. When you take an old Eva bottle and fill it with tap water on your way to work.
I can use that N150 for something else abeg.
3. When you use all your money to buy an expensive wristwatch and then you take pictures so you can show off the watch for your Instagram fam.
They don’t know that you’re going to drink garri for the rest of the month.
4. When you manage to go to the beach one time and you take like 300 pictures so you can upload one everyday for the next 1 year.
They must think I ball everyday.
5. When you borrow your roommate’s expensive shoes so you cross your legs anytime you sit down so people can notice.
See my borrow pose slay!
6. When you scatter your rent money on your bed and take a picture with it and then caption it, “Money ain’t a problem”.
Meanwhile the rent money isn’t even complete and your Landlord is about to throw you out.
7. When you’re drinking Sprite at the mall and it finishes so you go to the bathroom and fill the bottle up with water.
Because you know nobody will be able to tell the difference by just looking at it.
Did you enjoy this article about broke people that form rich? Sure you did! Now, read this next article about all the things broke people are tiring of hearing.
Wang Sicong , the only son of a Chinese billionaire Wang Jianlin is known on social media for his more-than-extravagant spending on his Alaskan bitch, Malamute Keke.
On today’s episode of ‘The Whole World Is Crazy’, we present to you the richest bitch in the world, Keke Mamalute.
Keke’s owner, Wang Sicong, bought the dog, not one, not 2, but 8 of the latest and most expensive iPhone brand.
The iPHONE 7 is valued at about N473,000. Multiply that by 8 and join us in crying please.
Someone is buying iPhone 7 for his dog but your boyfriend cannot buy simple case for your palasa phone, is that one even boyfriend?
Wang had previously posted pictures of Keke wearing 2 gold Apple wrist watches he got her.
In a world where millions live in poverty and conflict, is this kind of spending logical, Uncle Wang?
Maybe some of us should just turn into pet dog so Uncle Wang can adopt us.
