There’s nothing wrong with being single, but for years? Someone is definitely scaring off all your love interests, and you’re not the problem.
You have trouble sleeping
That’s because your spirit has taken over to hang out with their spouse at that time. How can you sleep when your spirit is not at rest?
You sleep too much
This probably means your spirit partner is the quiet type who only likes to show up in your dreams.
You have wet dreams
We don’t have to spell out exactly what happened while you were asleep now, do we?
You wake up aroused
That’s because you were gearing up for round two when your alarm went off.
You always wake up in a bad mood
How won’t you? When your alarm keeps preventing you from finishing the way you should.
You move a lot in your sleep
That’s your spirit spouse changing styles and positions. They like variety too, you know.
You fall asleep in weird positions
You think raising your legs up on the wall is normal? You’re just prepping yourself for what’s about to happen overnight. Hasn’t your Nigerian mother warned you enough?
You wake up tired
You should know what this means by now. You were busy all night.
You catch yourself smiling for no reason at all
Your spirit spouse is using words of affirmation on you. You don’t know it, but your subconscious does.
They’re just funny and you find yourself always laughing. What you’re feeling is your diaphragm contracting from all that laughter, not butterflies. Stop shining teeth and focus.
You have the same taste in music
Unless you both have a strong love for someone like Saheed Osupa, why are you swooning for them because you’re both fans of Obongjayar? Who doesn’t like Obongjayar?
They finish your sentences
So what? If that’s the requirement then, autocomplete might be your soulmate too.
They’re very attractive
No, it’s not chemistry. It’s konji. Don’t fall for it.
They’re sweet to you
How many times do they need to scam you with sweetness before you jazz up?
You lose track of time when you’re with them
This sounds like what you’d feel in a kidnapper’s custody sha. Just saying.
They compliment you a lot
Keep smiling until you find out that their name is “Femi”.
Sunken Ships is a Zikoko series that explores the how and why of the end of all relationships — familial, romantic or just good old friendships.
How did you meet Yinka?
Bimpe: She shot a friendship shot at me. In February 2022, she DMed me on Instagram that she’d been following me for a while and thought I was really cool. She ended by saying we stayed around the same place and was wondering if we could be friends. I should’ve known from the shot that she was a weirdo, but I wanted more female friends so I was excited.
I’m a very friendly person, and I’ve met a lot of interesting people on social media, so I wasn’t opposed to the idea. I’d travelled to Abuja, so we used the time I was away from Lagos to text each other for a bit. I wanted to know if we had anything in common before we hung out.
We seemed to hit it off immediately. We had so much in common it was almost unbelievable. We shared similar goals and views about the world. I thought I would finally have a friend I could do things like go to the gym and run errands with.
So you met up with her?
Bimpe: Yeah. Two weeks after we started texting. It was supposed to be a quick lunch, nothing longer than an hour, but we stayed there for hours. We exchanged stories about our lives, drank and laughed a lot. The other people in the restaurant were looking at us strangely, but I didn’t care. I thought I’d found the next best thing to happen to me.
We spent so much time together after. Since we lived in the same area, we’d attend events from one person’s house because it didn’t make sense to arrive separately. My parents knew her, and I knew hers too. In fact, we’d gotten so close so quickly that about two to three months after we met, we started attending each other’s family events. If she didn’t come for one, my parents would be upset. She was my best friend.
When did you start noticing the change?
Bimpe: About four months into our friendship. I’m a very social person, and because Yinka was my best friend, I dragged her along with me to many places. When we’d go out, it suddenly felt like she was trying to outdo me. She’d always try to make me the butt of jokes even when it wasn’t called for.
Once, at a beach party, someone complimented my bikini, but she was quick to point out that my makeup really tied the look together and that she did my makeup for me. Apparently, I’d have been so ugly if I did it myself. There was no reason for the comment. She just wanted to make me feel small. Luckily for me, I’m a very confident person. And I didn’t even notice anything before this beach incident. I think some people are just weird.
The next time we went to the beach, she was wearing the same bikini the person complimented. What kind of sick behaviour is that?
Ah
Bimpe: That’s another thing she did a lot. Copy my style. If someone complimented my hair, she’d buy the same wig or do the same style. If someone complimented an outfit, she’d buy it and post pictures of herself in it.
One time, I went on a date to a restaurant, and the next day, she had a date in that same restaurant. She even wore a similar outfit to the one I wore for my date.
Coincidence?
Bimpe: At first, I thought so, but one day in July, she’d just gotten her hair done — knotless brown box braids, and she looked really cute in them. The next week, I did layered braids in blonde because I hadn’t made my hair in weeks. Just wigs and vibes. Tell me why two days later, she posted an Instagram story from my hairdresser’s salon. This babe went and did layered braids too but in brown. Two days after I did mine? It was giving “obsessed”.
Chelsea c’mon nau
Bimpe: I decided to set a trap for her in August when I travelled again. I wanted to really know if she was copying me.
I removed everyone from my close friends list except her then I posted a picture of hair on the floor on my story and typed “big chop” over it. I actually got the picture from when one of my other friends cut her hair.
A couple of days later, Yinka had cut her hair, claiming she was starting a new journey. When I got back to Lagos from Abuja the next week, she came to pick me up from the airport with my parents and was visibly shocked when she saw my afro. I just did as if nothing happened.
When we got back to my place, she asked about my hair. That’s when I let her have it. I told her to get out of my house and reported her to my parents so they don’t make the mistake of reaching out to her.
Detective doings
Bimpe: It was actually scary. When I told my other friends about it, they said that whenever I travelled, she tried to talk to them or initiate hangout sessions. They agreed because she was my close friend. It was as if she wanted my life. Never again, abeg.
Did she ever reach out after that?
Bimpe: She did. She claimed she was mentally ill, but I just sent her the number of a psychiatrist and blocked her. You can’t be weaponising mental illness in 2023, especially considering she never cared how what she did could’ve affected my own mental health. RELATED: Sunken Ships: The Elections May End, but My Uncle Will Remain Blocked
Love Life is a Zikoko weekly series about love, relationships, situationships, entanglements and everything in between.
The subjects of this week’s Love Life, Mofe (25) and Tunta (23), have been together for a year. They talk about how they almost didn’t get together because of her ex, and how even though they’re both polyamorous, they aren’t looking to date other people right now.
How did you meet?
Mofe: We met on Twitter in November 2020. I want to lie that she moved to me, but it’s me. I’m the one who took my eyes to the “market”. I slid into her DM barely five minutes after discovering her Twitter profile for the first time. I found (still find) her incredibly interesting, and I was very excited to get to know her better.
Tunta: I’d tweeted about how I take terrible selfies, and he said he wanted to take terrible selfies with me. I was like, “Who is this one now?” but I clicked on his profile and saw a fine boy. I also saw that we had a few mutuals so I responded. It was his avatar that made me even open his profile. I wanted to see the picture properly.
Mofe: We had mutuals?
Tunta: Yes. Just a few.
What did you think when he DM’ed you?
Tunta: I thought he just wanted to sleep with me. He’s a designer and it was a field I was getting really interested in, so I thought he wanted to use that as scope. I even told my friends that.
Mofe: They even gave me a nickname because she thought I wanted to use design to sleep with her, meanwhile what I was feeling felt like romance. I was a little apprehensive about leaning in fully into my romantic intentions. It’s the internet; things aren’t always what they seem to be. But I wanted this romance I felt to be what it seemed to be, A LOT. She’s a lot more than that idea I had in my head. She’s my favourite person to explore and explore life with.
Tunta: Mo the Explorer. God, when?
Mofe: See as I dey do romance for you. You no do any romance o.
Tunta: I’m shy, please.
Please, don’t jump. We need the steps that led to the exploration
Tunta: Well, I replied his DM, and with every conversation we had after, he seemed to care about me as a person, wanting to sleep with me aside.
Mofe: Add everything together.
Tunta: So, while he didn’t straight up say, “I want a romantic relationship”, his DM didn’t seem completely platonic to me.
Mofe: It wasn’t.
Tunta: But I was in love with someone else at the time and wasn’t looking for another romantic connection.
Did you tell him?
Tunta: I didn’t mention it because I didn’t feel the need to. The other guy and I had stopped talking when Mofe messaged me. But we started talking again then started dating in May 2021, so I told Mofe about the guy. He knew Mofe because they have a mutual friend, and for some reason, this Mofe boy was telling everybody about me.
Why were you telling everyone about her?
Mofe: It was love, but it wasn’t blind. It was certain. I’ve always been confident about the depth of the connection we shared. The love is absolute, and I’m not even being cheesy.
Tunta: I love you.
Mofe: I love you too.
You people have jumped again
Tunta: LMAO, sorry. I felt a connection too, but not romantic. I’ve cared about him since we met. There’s just this “Jenny say quan” to him. However, as time went on, we weren’t talking every day anymore because he was terrible at texting, I wasn’t interested in phone calls and he had a lot going on with school. I also think because we hadn’t met yet, he was less willing to talk.
You hadn’t met yet?
Tunta: I wasn’t keen on meeting him in person at first because I felt he went out too much and would give me COVID. There were like three different times we were supposed to meet in January/February, but something always came up on my end.
I wanted to invite him to my sister’s wedding in April 2021, but I thought it would be weird. We didn’t talk much again till the beginning of 2022.
Back to the relationship you got into in May
Tunta: The relationship ended a month later.. After, I posted something about how I still wanted to try a non-monogamous relationship on my WhatsApp status, and Mofe said I should mention it to my partner. I was like “I don’t have”.
Mofe: Scope to check if my suspicions were true.
Tunta: Mofe said he hopes I know he’d try non-monogamy with me. I said I do. Unfortunately, two weeks later, me and the other guy got back together. We broke up again in October, and I almost didn’t date Mofe because my ex once implied I’d cheat on him with Mofe. I thought it’d look weird.
So what changed your mind?
Tunta: The New Year of 2022 made us talk. I started ranting about the thing with my ex and how it doesn’t seem like we’re broken up even though we are. If I remember correctly, I actually told Mofe it’d be somehow if we get into a relationship because it’d be like I’d been talking to him to the whole time and “giving him hope”. He asked why I cared what it looked like or what the other guy thought, especially considering everything he’d said and done.
Mofe: I thought if it was stressing her that much, it was definitely not healthy for them to keep talking, but I also knew it was easier said than done. Feelings mostly just don’t disappear; detachment is a process.
When did you finally meet?
Mofe: On my birthday.
Tunta: He said he wanted to spend his birthday with me o. I didn’t want to go at first because I thought where he was staying at the time was far.
Mofe: It was far as fuck.
Tunta: But I went. Despite all the nonsense that tried to stop me that day. Do you believe my car got seized?
Mofe: That driver is an opp. I’m sure he somehow set you up.
Tunta: Some law enforcement officers stopped the driver and I and said we entered BRT lane. We didn’t, but okay. They sha seized my car. I was discouraged and in a terrible mood.
Mofe: When she got to me, she was frowning because of the annoying journey, but I was smiling because “see fine girl”.
Tunta: I wanted to knock you. I was wondering why he was smiling like that when I was annoyed.
God, when? What did having that meeting do for both of you?
Tunta: It made us start seeing each other at least twice every week. Then it became once because he stopped working remotely.
Mofe: It gave all it was meant to give. At that point, I just knew this is who I want to be with for life.
Tunta: God, abeg.
Mofe: I don’t think she realised it as quickly as I did, but she caught up.
Tunta: You’re right. I have no idea when I realised I’d fallen for him. It just clicked one day that I was in love, but it was on his birthday I realised there was something there and that I could be in a relationship with him. Mo on the other hand has been in love since.
Mofe: Yep, for a while. My love is very patient.
Tunta: God, am I the fattest bone?
Mofe: I don’t remember a specific time, but I knew I was in love. I wasn’t gonna be in those crush-type situations where it’s consuming you and the person you’re in love with just dey vibe dey go sha.
I didn’t think telling someone who’s in a monogamous relationship you loved them was useful for any of us. If it was gonna happen, it would.
And it happened! But how?
Mofe: We started dating in February 2022. At this point, she’d briefly met both my parents during my pharmacy induction, and I’d met her mum during the times I went to visit her in her house. We kinda knew where it was going, but I was stalling until I could take her out on a proper dress-up date to pop the question.
Tunta: Earlier in the month, he had said “we’re already together in my books” and I asked him what kind of book that is. He was like we’re already together, but he wants to do the whole dress-up date.
Mofe: Her own love no dey patient.
Tunta: Get out. We became official the day he met my dad. My dad was like “Are you going out?” That was his way of him asking if we were in a relationship. We said yes. Then later I was like “oya ask me out” because I knew he wanted to. He asked me to be his girlfriend, then I asked him to be my boyfriend. 2FA.
Mofe: I told her I’d think about it, but when I asked she said yes immediately.
Tunta: Liar. You said, “I already am”.
Mofe: Even though.
You’ve been together for a year. Can you tell us what you love most about each other?
Tunta: There’s a lot o, but let me try to make it short. He’s already pretty great but is always trying to be better. Plus, he’s a good friend, and he just gets me.
Mofe: The first thing that drew me to her as an individual is how kind she is. She’s very funny and thoughtful. When I was looking for a new job, she kept sending me vacancy announcements. She just puts you in her mind. I feel very loved by her. I’m her biggest fan and I love her very much.
I just wish she didn’t doubt herself. She’s a very confident person but sometimes she starts to question herself and when she gets into that funk, it’s sometimes hard for her to get out of, but she’s taking risks now and trying to get better.
Tunta: Being with him has made me a better communicator. The fact that he’s easy to talk to and doesn’t make me feel irrational even when I might be definitely helps. There were times before we became official that I thought I was giving him too much information, especially when I was talking about my ex, but I wanted everything out. Let everybody know what they’re entering.
I’m mentally ill, and I had a breakdown recently. I was saying absolute rubbish, but this guy didn’t make me feel like I was.
I’m happy I replied his DM because he’s a great person to have in your corner, and I’m extra happy I eventually caught up with him on the romance end. I love how we make each other better.
Did you still do the non-monogamous relationship?
Tunta: Yes.
Mofe: I’m polyamorous, and so is she. It was a mutual decision. We set up certain “rules” to guide us in navigating it. I think the effort we made to create a relationship where we could tell each other literally anything has made the open relationship seamless for us.
Do you have plans to date other people?
Tunta: Not at the moment but dynamics can change. We just have to talk about it.
Mofe: Exactly.
On a scale of 1-10, what’ll you rate your love life?
Tunta: 100.
Okay, I’m joking. A 9. He’s very beautiful and supportive. He has a positive outlook on life. The one I removed is because we’re not where I want us to be yet, and it’s because of both internal and external factors like finances.
Mofe: I’ll say 9. There’s always room for improvement. This is the best my love life has been since I’ve known myself. I’m having the time of my life with my favourite person.
Love Lifeis a Zikoko weekly series about love, relationships, situationships, entanglements and everything in between.
Tell me about first impressions
Jane: We met in law school in February 2020. We stayed in one of co-ed hostels in Lagos. Jay’s room was across from mine, and I’d befriended his roommate before I actually started talking to him.
Jay: In law school, we were put into different groups. A mutual friend of ours was in my group; the babe introduced me to Jane as a “Brostitute” — combination of bro and prostitute.
Jane: He might look like a player, but when you take your time to get to know him, you’d see he’s the sweetest person ever.
Jay: When I met her, I couldn’t care less about her.
Jane: Wow.
Jay: I came to law school to read, not to be following women up and down. Unfortunately, the pandemic hit and we were all asked to go home for seven months. When we came back, I started talking to two women, but Jane wouldn’t stop calling me Brostitute outside. It wasn’t really good for my reputation.
Jane: I’d forgotten his actual name. I saw him at the shopping mall and wanted to say hi. So I had to call him that, and he answered me.
Jay: What reasonable person calls someone Brostitute in broad daylight?
Jane: It was night…
Jay: Doesn’t change anything.
Was that how you started talking?
Jay: Not really. As she mentioned earlier, she started talking to my roommate first, and he brought her to the room a couple of times. I didn’t understand what was going on between them, but I’m very interested in other people getting into relationships. I decided to push them together, and I did a good job. Sometimes, I’d lock them in a room in hopes that something happens. Something did happen, but they kept behaving like children, so I was the mediator. It evolved into Jane and I being study partners.
Why study partners?
Jay: Well, we technically never studied together, but she had all the past questions for the courses we were taking, and I’d come to law school to pass. I’d go to her room occasionally to share past questions and compare notes. The strange part was when she started locking me in her room with her.
Jane: Wait, don’t say it like that. I heard one of his voice notes. He’s a public speaker with a good voice; his voice was very deep and nice. I asked this man talk to me like that in real-time. He did it once, but I wanted more, so I locked him in until he did it again. There was nothing romantic about it.
Jay: Mind you, she was already dating a new guy while she was locking me inside rooms and demanding for me to speak. Because I’m a very God-fearing and respectful guy, I didn’t pursue anything with her and started talking to another girl. But Jane was ruining another woman’s chances of being with me. Whenever the girl came over, Jane would suddenly make herself available to scare her away.
Jane: I wasn’t scaring anybody away o. After our final exams, while everyone else was packing and getting ready to leave, we waited till the last day to pack. Since we were already friends, we spent a lot of time together. One day, the girl he was talking to came to the room while I was on his bed and we were watching TikToks together. When she saw us, she turned and left. Honestly, I tried to feel bad for her, but I couldn’t.
Jay: Jane and I got a lot closer after the exams ended in March 2021. We had nothing else to do, but instead of this babe to go and meet the man she was dating, she was following me everywhere. I really pity the guy.
Jane: As if you were not flirting with me. When your other friend came to hang out with us, he asked us at three different points if he should leave the room for us because the tension was a lot.
When did you both act on this tension?
Jay: I think the first time was when she asked me to teach her how to choke people in the bedroom.
Jane: No, no. It was self-defence. I was in his room, we were talking when I mentioned I was a good fighter. To prove it, I tried to choke him. He told me I wasn’t doing it right and got on top of me to show me how. It was close contact, but there was nothing sexual there for me.
Jay: I was trying to understand her motives because while we were in this room, instead of staying on different beds, she kept staying on the same bed with me. The choking for me was to figure out how far she was willing to let me go in terms of touching her.
Jane: When I’m comfortable with someone, I express it through physical touch. There was nothing romantic or sexual about it for me. I was just letting him touch me.
However, on the last day of law school, there was a bit of sexual tension between us. Jay and I were cuddled up, then he said, “Should we make out or play a game?”
Jay: I’d gotten frustrated with all the mixed signals.
Apparently, she wanted to make out with me, but she chose playing a game instead. After playing the game, she asked me if we should address the sexual tension.
Jane: I was trying to downplay how I was feeling but I was curious and wanted to shut him up. While he was talking and talking, I grabbed his face and kissed him.
But did you guys take it further?
Jay: Yes, but everything came to a grinding halt when I went to her place. Jane didn’t live in Lagos, but after law school, she got an apartment to stay for a while and invited me to stay with her. The first day I came around, her boyfriend called and asked to come over. She told him no, that she had a guest.
Jane: But were you not a guest?
Jay: While I was there, she was trying everything within her power to get me to break and make a pass towards her.
Jane: It’s not that deep.
Jay: First day I came to see her she wanted us to watch American Pie 1 and 2. Who does that?
Jane: You hadn’t seen it before. I was doing you a service.
Jay: And you barely wore any clothes.
Jane: It was my room; I was being comfortable.
Jay: And you asked that we play a game you made up, where you can do anything to me but I can’t touch you in return.
Jane: Jailer. It’s a game I like. I made him promise he won’t try to do anything with me.
Jay: Yes, but things changed when we had to go to Abuja to get called to bar. Since I didn’t do my hoe phase in law school, I decided to do it in Abuja. With clearance and the actual Call to Bar ceremony, we had to be in Abuja for about a week.
So, I went around asking my female friends if they wanted to stay with me through that period. I’d asked Jane as a joke, and she turned me down, but a week to the thing, she called to change her mind and I agreed.
Jane: He planned on keeping his own end of the promise, but I’d already forgotten about it.
Jay: The bed in our hotel room was small, and this woman had already changed into boxers and a tank top, so my strength was being tested heavily. On the first night, nothing happened because I kept to my own. The second night, I kept to myself again. She even wrestled me to the ground. I had to remind her of the promise.
Then on the third day, she told me to forget the promise and just see how things went.
And how did things go?
Jay: Well, after the Call to Bar ceremony, she asked if I wanted to make it serious. I agreed, but I was half-and-half because she was still dating this other guy. Two weeks after we started dating, she told me she broke up with the other guy.
Why did you break up with the other guy?
Jane: He’d gone to Canada and I didn’t see the point in pursuing an already failed relationship with someone that’s not even in the same country with me.
I never told him that we were breaking up because I cheated. When he found out I was dating Jay, he thought it was one of those rebound situations.
Are you scared history might repeat itself?
Jane: Yes, and so is everyone we tell the story of how we met to. All his friends think there’s a large possibility I’d do the same thing to him. But I knew deep down that the relationship with my ex wouldn’t last because we started dating during the pandemic when he’d already processed all his papers to travel. I’m not big on relationships so it’s not like I was with Jay because I was lonely in law school or anything. I have genuine feelings for him.
For a long time, I thought the same way our friends did, that I might cheat on him too. But I’d never do anything to hurt his feelings.
Even with the less-than-ideal foundation, I look back at what we have and I smile. I love him.
Jay: I’ve told her she has my permission to cheat on me. When she comes back, she should tell me about it, then we’d stop dating and start being best friends.
Jane: He’s a toxic guy, don’t mind him.
Tell me things you love about each other
Jay: She’s always doing the most. It’s rare for a lady to spend so much of her money on you. She still spends my own money, but she’s always ready to give me something too.
When I was trying to work my NYSC to Lagos state, she wanted to financially contribute even though we didn’t know if what we were paying for would work. My birthday is in a couple of days, and I’ve been begging her not to spend anything on me, but she’s probably already spent more than my entire salary on gifts.
Jane: I have.
Jay: Wonderful. She’s amazing. My favourite gifts from her are my Samsung Galaxy buds and glasses (because I’m constantly staring at my screen). She also got me a painting of myself. My parents love it so much, it’s hanging in their house.
Jane: I love buying him gifts. His ex never really did that for him, and I like that I have an opportunity to take care of him like that. I’m very attracted to his mind. He’s so intelligent, and he takes care of me. I have particular ways I like to eat food, so he orders me food I can eat.
What’s the end game for both of you?
Jane: That’s a very stressful question for me, and I don’t know how to answer it.
He’s from Kogi, and his parents love me, but I’m Igbo. His parents are not fans of Igbo people. They don’t say it to my face, but they tell him and he tells me. My dad could be convinced, but my mum was scared when I told her he’s from Kogi state. She didn’t like the idea of me dating from that part of Nigeria. Now, she asks about him just to show she cares.
We’re just basking in our love and taking one step at a time. We don’t see ourselves breaking up any time soon.
Jay: I don’t like thinking too far into the future because there are so many uncertainties. In this japa economy, it’s very unlikely Jane will be in Nigeria for long because she’s too brilliant for the trajectory this country is moving towards. My parents, on the other hand, aren’t too keen on sending another child out of the country because the last one they sent, they never heard from him again.
But rather than endangering the entire relationship based on these variables, we’re choosing to just enjoy each other’s company.
On a scale of 1-10, what’ll you rate your love life?
Jane: 8. There are uncertainties, but we’re in a good place.
Jay: Before we did this interview, we planned an answer to this question. We planned to say 5.
Jane: I’m sorry, I forgot.
Jay: Our relationship didn’t start on the best note, and there are certain sides of us that aren’t compatible. So it was supposed to be my five and her five to make it whole, but she didn’t stick to that.
Now, I’ll give it a 7. We need God’s grace and time. I don’t think the relationship can be considered a 10 because it hasn’t lasted long enough. It needs to weather the storms and be used as a model for other people’s relationships. Till we get there, we’re at a 7.
Sunken Ships is a Zikoko series that explores the how and why of the end of all relationships — familial, romantic or just good old friendships.
In this episode of Sunken Ships, Kiki* (22) shares why she blocked her uncle and how it goes beyond supporting different candidates.
What was your relationship with your uncle like pre-elections?
Kiki: Pretty normal. You know how in every Nigerian home, there are different kinds of uncles? The rich ones who always give you money, the stingy/broke ones, the one you’re convinced is a pervert, the cool one and the rest? He was one of the rest. A bit younger than my dad, but not young enough that we had things we could relate to. His children are also younger than me, so we didn’t have much to talk about.
However, we weren’t enemies. I spent holidays in his house, and when we had family events, we had proper conversations. He didn’t treat me like a child who didn’t know anything, but he provided support only someone older can give. He’d send me articles he read and thought I was interested in so we could talk, but he also sent those ridiculous BCs and bulk messages on Whatsapp. He was okay, and so was our relationship.
How did the fight start?
Kiki: I won’t call it a fight, but we started having issues over WhatsApp. I hardly use the app, but that day, I decided to check people’s statuses. That’s when I saw that he’d put up the poster of a particular candidate running for President. I swiped up to have a conversation with him because I couldn’t believe who he supported. I wanted to know his thought process if any. He didn’t reply immediately — probably because of work — but we eventually had a conversation.
The words he sent that day shocked me. I wanted to scream at him, but I maintained my peace. We had this long back and forth that ended with me blocking him. I didn’t have the strength, and he wouldn’t change his mind.
A week later, while I was out with my mum, she stopped by his house. When we got there, he brought up the fact that I’d blocked him to my mother. It’s one thing for him to support someone who’s incompetent, but to report me to my mother over it? I lost it. I reminded them that I’m an adult and can decide I no longer want certain people to have access to my life. My mother told me it didn’t make sense for me to fight family because of politicians. That people have a right to vote and campaign for whoever they want. I told her it’s more than that.
Kiki: If someone doesn’t align with my values, I can also choose to remove their access to me.
It’s not just about picking a different candidate. I think that’s very reductive of the issue. You can disagree on the policies of different candidates. Candidate one wants to increase tax by 5%, and candidate two wants to reduce it by 3%. Or one candidate wants to make Lagos the capital of Nigeria, while another wants to make Edo state the capital. These are differences you don’t have to cut off friends and family members over.
But he’s endorsing a corrupt, terrorism-affiliated, allegation-heavy candidate whose policies might as well lead to the end of my life. I’m upset that he supports someone who’ll most likely make millions of people suffer. I have every right to choose to no longer associate with someone who willingly chooses death and suffering.
It shows his beliefs and values align with said candidate. If the candidate he supports has made degrading comments about people from certain tribes, it means my uncle feels the same way. If the person is known to align with thugs and thieves, then that’s something my uncle stands for. I don’t stand for those things, so why should I keep him around?
What’ll happen after the elections?
Kiki: Nothing. He’s still blocked and will forever remain blocked. Why should he remain in my life? He’s been reporting me to family members, and they’ve called and begged, but that’s their business. I don’t know why they think my uncle and I must talk by force.
Love Lifeis a Zikoko weekly series about love, relationships, situationships, entanglements and everything in between.
Valentine after Valentine, you find yourself struggling to get the person in your life to stick around. Do those who get back-to-back money towers have two heads? They don’t (We’ve checked). So your story can change.
Here are some ways to get someone to spend several Valentine’s Days with you, tried and trusted by our Love Life couples.
As long as whoever you want to see is comfortable with it, then you should definitely go to their house every day for one year. It’s just that, the people who did this didn’t have phones, but now, we do. Still, a gesture is a gesture.
Drop whatever you’re doing and move to your lover’s street. That way, you get to spend every waking hour together and can be doing Valentine left and right. Be warned that this couple had already been dating for two years before they pulled this stunt.
Step 1: Buy Christmas chicken. Step 2: Post that you want to sell it, on your WhatsApp status. Step 3: Meet up with the person who offers to buy the chicken. Step 4: Fall in love and live happily ever after. It’s almost too easy.
Easiest way to get a forever Valentine is by accident. Send a bunch of messages to the person who’s entering your eye, but make sure one of those messages is a dating proposal. Pray they mistakenly say yes.
In most marriage stories, there’s a proposal. But not for Ada and Kingsley. They had sex one day and Kingsley decided he would meet her parents. At the meeting, the parents started dropping dates for introductions. A couple of months later and they’re married. Straight to the point with no time to waste. That’s how you get a forever Valentine.
What we learnt from this Love Life story is more people should sit inside empty, dry gutters. The love of your life might just be tempted to join you inside.
When starting your relationship, lie to everyone, especially your parents. Never lie to the person you’re with though. Or that’s where the problem will start.
If you had a best friend when you were in secondary school, we advise you start looking for them now. If you didn’t have a best friend, you may have to go back in time to get one. That way, you’ll have someone you can do friends-to-lovers with.
Your decision to live alone could be what’s standing between you and getting a forever Valentine. Your destiny might be to fall in love with your roommate, but you wouldn’t know for sure because you’ve decided to live alone. Move in with someone today.
They found each other when they were teenagers but parted ways only to reunite decades later. Not only do they show you can find love in old age, but they also managed to reignite a love from many years ago. I guess if it’s meant to be, it’ll find its way back to you no matter how long it takes, because it’s yours.
People hardly ever mention a farm when listing the cutest places to meet the person they’ll spend the rest of their life with. Maybe it’s why they’re single? Because this farm meeting led to a 26-year (and counting) marriage. The biggest problem they faced? Navigating a long-distance relationship at a time when phones weren’t a thing.
Not everyone is lucky enough to find their soulmate at a young age. That’s why when 22-year-old Lade needed a new place to stay, moving close to her girlfriend was the only sensible option. Now, they get to spend as much time as they want together while her girlfriend is with her family. A win for all.
The doctors of tomorrow are finding love during chemistry class. But we’ll let it slide because of how cute they are. From keeping seats for each other in class to reserving space in each other’s hearts, this story highlights the beauty of a young love that happens while studying a demanding course.
What do a songwriter and musician have in common? If you said “music”, you’re right. Taiwo and Abisola started a relationship on the foundation of shared love for music. They go to concerts together and introduce each other to new sounds and artistes, finding new ways to combine their love for each other with their love for music.
Sometimes, all it takes is one person to make you realise you don’t want anybody else. As soon as Uyai and Ayo met, they knew they didn’t want to add more people to the equation. Months before they even started dating, they’d made a promise to themselves and the moon (which, for some reason, got involved in this).
One thing about loving intentionally is including them in your life plans. Michael* took it one step further by only taking jobs that’d allow for his girlfriend to leave the country with him. Funny what a “friends with benefits” situation can lead to.
There’s slow-burn friends-to-lovers romance, and then, there’s whatever happened to Esther and Chika. After meeting each other in church at the age of 18, Esther didn’t realise she’d fallen in love with Chika until nine years after the friendship began. Unfortunately, he didn’t immediately feel the same way. A classic tale of she fell first, but he fell harder. Hits you in the feels every time.
Picture this: A good church-loving girl meets a bad cultist boy. They fall in love and he gives up his bad ways for her. Now, they want to build a family together, but she can’t conceive. At that point, all they had was each other. So even when people tried to mock them for not having a child, they got through it together. Pretty cute.
We all love a good office romance, but what about one where they only got closer because he reported her to their boss? They also had to navigate a father who didn’t like him and threatened to get him arrested. Not just that, there were two failed wedding proposals, but their love conquered all.
Spending Valentine’s Day single? Well, so are Elizabeth* (21) and Tobi* (23), an ex-Love Life couple who were together for two years until 2022. We invited them back to talk about their break up, how they usually spent Valentine’s Day together, and how they’ll spend their first Valentine apart. This is a guide for fellow newly single people.
Why did you break up, first of all?
Elizabeth: We broke up because my head is not correct.
Tobi: I always found it funny we broke up on the 18th of November because we’re both born on the 18th of different months.
Elizabeth: I thought it was the 14th? Anyways, yeah, we broke up because we argued a lot. It felt like we both wanted things the other couldn’t give.
Tobi: Although we plan on getting back together, we want to do a lot of self-work first.
Elizabeth: But until then, bye bye to our two-year relationship.
Tobi: Two years, three months and 17 days. Don’t ask me why I calculated. Just know that I did.
Elizabeth: Problem.
How did you spend Valentine’s Day as a couple?
Elizabeth: The Valentine’s Day before we started dating, I wanted to get them a gift, but they refused vehemently.
Tobi: We were just “friends”. I was scared. Plus, I was so anti-love before we started dating. I was one of those annoying people who wore black on Valentine’s Day and stuff like that. The first one I spent with Elizabeth though, I kinda went all out.
Elizabeth: Since we couldn’t see each other on the day, they came over to my place the day before and we exchanged gifts. Tobi has safe snacks like certain brands of gummy worms and chips they ate whenever they needed to spark joy. So I went to the supermarket near my house and bought as many as I could find. I also got them a fake flower and a shirt of mine they’d been disturbing me for.
Tobi: I did a whole five senses thing. I got her the book version of her favourite movie, a night light because she’s scared of the dark, a shirt that smelt like me because I bathed it in my perfume she likes, chocolate and a teddy bear she could attach to her bag so she had a piece of me with her everywhere she went. We also exchanged cards and spent the day in each other’s presence. Although I don’t look forward to Valentine’s Day, that day with her was sweet and chill.
Elizabeth: The second year, we said we weren’t going to celebrate it. I was in another state, and it felt like too much pressure for us to do something. I took myself out to lunch, but do you know Tobi still bought me a dress?
Tobi: You’d wanted the dress for as long as I could remember.
Elizabeth: I felt bad because I didn’t get them anything in return, but it is what it is.
Now, you’ve broken up. What’s your guide to spending Valentine’s Day single?
Tobi:
Work
Valentine is on a Tuesday and you probably have a job, because I do. If you don’t have love, at least, make money. It may not keep you warm at night, but it can pay for a nice hotel with great heating.
Beg your parents for money
You’re single, but (hopefully) they’re not. The least they can do is give you some money to do something nice for yourself. Also, you’re supposed to be a testament of their love. Testament no deserve gift?
Watch sappy movies
If you’re not spending your Valentine’s Day watching all the romantic movies you can lay your hands on, what are you actually using it to do? Watch Someone Great, Mamma Mia, About Time, Entergalactic, and remind yourself that love exists — it’s just not for you.
Elizabeth:
Cook
The way to a person’s heart is through their stomach. Cook yourself some good food so your heart can be happy.
Jigsaw puzzle
I have a 500-piece jigsaw puzzle with my name on it. I’ll spend the night solving it and having a fun time. It’ll spark joy and keep my brain sharp.
Drink while scrolling through social media
I love love, and I love alcohol. So I’ll get myself a nice bottle of rum or red wine and drink while watching other people gush about their partners. It’ll give me another nice little brain boost.
