The BVN registration deadline has passed. As usual, Nigerians have ended up with tales of woe from all angles “It’s not our fault, it’s the situation in the country.”
Let’s tell you how you got to this position…
1. You first heard about BVN…
Everyday, everyday, register for something.
2. When you knew you were broke and wondered what the point of BVN was.
Please what other transaction can I do from here? What kind of life is this please?
3. When that teller asked you “Have you done your BVN?”
But if you mind your business, will you die?
4. Then you went to the bank to beat the first deadline…
As per LastMinute dotcom. Wait, is the whole of Nigeria here? I can’t deal abeg.
5. Before they postponed it.
Of course they did… as per Naija!
6. So you went back to ignoring your bank.
*Marked as spam*
7. Until the guy who owed you money came to pay you back.
Praise Da Living Jesus!
8. And you had to rush to do your BVN.
I’m next on the queue please! My friend, answer me now!
9. But somehow, your account still got deactivated.
Chei! I have no luck.
But don’t worry, you’ll enter another queue, sort yourself out and be alright.
Often times we discuss the effects of patriarchy on women in a society, but truth be told the effects are also detrimental to men. As a result of these perceptions and pressures, here are 10 things about being a man in Nigeria:
1. If you don’t have a job get ready for your man license to be revoked.
2. You must be responsible for your wife, children, her parents and siblings, your parents and siblings without complaining all on your 100k salary.
Even if you end up with a stroke from all the pressure what is the big deal. Are you not a man? Oh and prepare for the waiter to always hand you the bill.
3. You should not cry ever. You are not a human being, you are a man. Emotions are not built for people like you.
4. Don’t attend a school reunion without your property and car on fleek because being broke is never an option.
5. You are not allowed to earn less than your wife.
6. You must be a good leader and be financially astute just by virtue of being a man even though you haven’t got the faintest clue about any of those things.
7. You should never ask for help. A real man is always in control even though your life might be falling to pieces.
8. You should never admit that you do not know how to do something. Are you not a man?
9. You are not expected to know how to cook or wash your own underwear. Prepare to be constantly infantalised.
Men shouldn’t be taught some basic survival skills like learning to nourish themselves or how to keep themselves clean.
10. When there is a loss, you are not permitted to grieve. You must be strong for everyone else.
If you breakdown what are the rest of us meant to do. Men are not weak.
Though it seems like all laughs, the realities can be quite grim when you take out time to ruminate through the issues. Voices For Change have recently produced their landmark research conducted across various states and regions in the country into a report aptly titled ‘Being A Man In Nigeria Perception And Realities’.
Some statistics from the report are heartbreaking and further remind us about the dangers of patriarchal systems to both men and boys and why the need for empowerment and gender parity is still a pertinent issue. You can download the report here.
Written by Zikoko contributor Wana Udobang.
Wana Udobang is a broadcaster, writer, poet, performer, filmmaker and curator working out of Lagos, Nigeria.
1. When you have “Mummy” across the entire southwest.
Oluwatobi’s T16 world of Fashion was part of the top 15 fashion focus finalists at GTB Lagos Fashion and Design Week, 2014 and one of the top 4 finalists at the DSTV Fashion Protégé Contest. Her collection was showcased at the Africa Fashion Week Nigeria, Lagos Fashion and Design Week, and the MTN Business Overlook Forum. SS15, the latest from the label, was debuted early this year.
2. Akabogu Ogochukwu – Lines by Chaab
Ogochukwu’s Lines by Chaab emerged winner of the Nigerias’ Next Top Designer Competition and won the Music Meets Runway ‘Rising Icon Competition’ in 2014. She has exhibited the label at the Africa Fashion Week Nigeria and Winasbet Nigerian Student Fashion and Design Week. In 2014, Ogochukwu was rated as one of the top 12 newcomers in the industry by BlackNBold Fashion House. Lines by Chaab has been featured on E! Online, Africa Magic, Studio 53, Pulse Nigeria, Onobello, Bella Naija; and will be showcasing again at the Music Meets Runway later this year.
3. Chukwudozie Maduabum – Counterfeit Designs
via pulse.ng
Chukwudozie’s Counterfeit Designs offers uniquely packaged bespoke shoes handmade in Nigeria, both male and female, including brogues, monk straps, oxford shoes, loafers, and various other kinds of shoes. The Counterfeit Design brand was a clothing and shoes line but ultimately veered strictly into shoes in 2014.
4. Kofoworola Akinjomo – KophoJomo
Kofoworola’s KophoJomo is a brand that focuses on eccentric creativity and that was obvious when she won at the 2012 edition of the annual Redefinition Fashion Show. The show featured newspaper dresses, styled it after the fashion of the 20’s, the flapper and the fringed dress age.
5. Omowunmi Owonifari – Mo’fari Couture
Omowunmi’s Mo’fari Couture was a part of the top 15 Lagos Fashion and Design Week and British Council Fashion Focus 2014 finalists. Her latest collection was showcased at the Lagos Fashion and Design Week 2014. The label was one of the four finalists at the 2015 Zinkata Red Carpet Challenge. In June 2014, Omowunmi was featured in the Guardian Newspaper as the ‘Designer of the Week’.
6. Folu Ajayi – House of Dabira
Folu’s House of Dabira was nominated for the Oyo 30under30 Awards, Fashion Category, in December 2013. The brand has showcased at the Nigerian Television Fashion Show, The Dreams Come True Show With Jazzyb, Miss Heritage Competition and the Ife Runway Fashion Show. In 2013, an official launch for the brand was held in April at the University of Ibadan; after which she participated at the Nigerian Student Fashion and Design Week in June, at the University of Lagos. Her brand recently won the Zinkata Red Carpet Challenge, for which she got to dress Dakore Egbuson-Akande for the 2015 Africa Magic Viewers’ Choice Awards.
7. Gbenga Luke-Adetule – NVO
Gbenga’s NVO showcased at the second edition of Winasbet Nigerian Student Fashion and Design Week (NSFDW) in June 2014, and at the Nubian Runway and Fashion Show (N.R.F.S) in August 2014. NVO apparel recently signed a partnership deal with Goge Africa, where the label gets to dress their TV presenters for a period of time.
8. Kambili Ofili-Okonkwo – Kamokini
Kambili’s swimwear brand, Kamokini aims to provide a swimwear brand that caters to “what real women expect of a fashionable, affordable and figure complimenting swimsuit”. The Kamokini “Blocks” feature sexy cut outs & very colourful pieces. Kamokini was one of the three finalists at the 2015 She Leads Africa Entrepreneur Showcase.
9. Ifeanyi Nwunne – IN Official
Ifeanyi Nwune, only 20 years old, is one of Africa’s youngest fashion designers, he recently presented his Spring/Summer 2015 collection featuring models Peter Fin and Ndani TV presenter, Onos O. He is mostly known for minimalist designs and has styled various celebrities including D’banj, Iceprince and Runtown.
10. Bimbo Oye-Akinnifesi – Reni Smiths
Bimbo Oye-Akinnifesi’s Reni Smiths was launched at the 2013 edition of GTB Lagos Fashion & Design Week. She was one of the top 10 young designers showcasing the Bella Donna collection.
11. Modupe Adeoti – 17.09 Couture
Modupe’s 17.09 Couture has released three collections released so far, the last been a runway collection showcased at the Winasbet Nigerian Student Design and Fashion Week in 2014 which was referred to as the brands major debut. Modupe was listed under the Top 12 fashion industry newcomers in the year 2014 with her brand in the Top 10. She was also one of the finalists that made it to the Game On house for team fashion, The reality TV show sponsored by Malta Guinness, which has been a huge break out for the brand. Her “Silver Lining Collection” was just recently released.
Honestly, I cannot pick a favorite. They’re all so good. We know there are more designers out there; so which upcoming designers did we miss?
In case you have been under a rock (or climbing a mountain), please be informed that Diezani Alison Maduekwe, the first female minister of petroleum and first female president of OPEC, has been arrested in London on charges of corruption and theft and sturves.
Reactions below:
1. When you get arrested in the UK for corruption
2. When you consider what would have happened if you’d been arrested in Nigeria
3. When you see one piece of Hyde Park you coulda, shoulda, woulda bought…
4. When you remember your Birkin collection
5. When you remember they don’t carry Birkins in jail
6. When people say you stole £13 billion
7. When people ask you if you’re richer than Goodluck Jonathan
8. When people say that women are more corrupt than men and should not be allowed near power
9. When you hear Buhari will be the next Minister of Petroleum
10. When you decide to tell the whole world how you did it
Yesterday was Nigeria’s Independence day, so it only makes sense that #WhatItMeansToBeNigerian trended on Twitter.
Here are 17 times the trend was just way too real: