Lagos seems to be the most “lit” city in Nigeria and everyone that has lived there must have a lot of funny stories to share. Nigerians on Twitter came together and shared the funniest things they have experienced in Lagos.
1. It’s time to fight the battle of the year again!
2. Ensure your batteries are well charged. You’ll be spending the whole day on your feet. No retreat and no surrender.
3. Forget the outside world exists. It’s too late to go back now. The market is your new home.
4. Make sure your bargaining skills are on fleek. Ordinary basket of tomatoes for 20 thousand?
5. Brush up your Pidgin and Yoruba. English won’t be sufficient for this trip and make sure you don’t utter these words:
6. Figure out a way to navigate the crowd or you’ll get crushed. I’ve said my own.
7. Turn on your eagle vision so you can spot the best bargains. Your neck should be stretched out permanently too.
8. Know what you need or spend the whole trip thinking about what you forgot.
9. Don’t forget your poker face. Don’t even smile.
10. Grab every item as fast as as you can. Don’t forget to do your victory dance. It’s not easy to have the fastest fingers.
It has been ten years since the Sosoliso plane crash that killed 108 Nigerians, including sixty students of Loyola Jesuit College, Abuja who were traveling for the Christmas holidays.
The plane burst into flames before crash landing at the Port Harcourt International airport.
An anniversary procession held at Jesuit Memorial College, Aluu was attended by families of the deceased students.
In spite of the fatal crash, the affected airport remains poorly managed.
It was ranked as the worst airport in the world in an international survey that was carried out in October.
One of the survivors Kechi Okwuchi sustained varying degrees of burns.
She has undergone more than 10 surgeries and there are still more lined up for her in the future. Her treatment so far has been sponsored by good Samaritans and corporate organisations like Shell and the Lagos state government.
She has written a book describing her experience during the unfortunate crash.
They may be gone, but they will always be remembered.
Donald Trump is one of the most controversial politicians in the world, notorious for making several eyebrow-raising comments like this:
Are these comments ridiculous? Yes
Do these comments sound strange? Let’s find out.
1. When Donald Trump mocked a journalist’s disability during a live broadcast.
People’s struggles mean nothing to Trump and this hits really close to home. How? Adams Oshiomole, former NLC leader and governor of Edo state asked a widow to “Go and die” while she knelt and begged.
2. When Trump said “Even if the world goes to hell in a hand basket, I won’t lose a penny.”
This comment is so Nigerian, we can totally relate it to the Lamido of Adamawa’s outburst during the national conference of 2014. He said he would simply move to the Cameroun end of his kingdom if Nigeria ever breaks. Not so foreign now, abi?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gnzsm-f1MFo
3. Donald Trump certainly brags like a Nigerian politician.
Actually, he brags like a leader famous among Nigerians for making films of his ‘political achievements’. Yes, he is Rochas Okorocha and his comments were “Any day you hear that PDP brought money with pick-up, tell me so that I will bring money with trailer”.
4. Donald Trump loves to fight dirty and very publicly.. just like politicians in our country.
.@ariannahuff is unattractive both inside and out. I fully understand why her former husband left her for a man- he made a good decision.
He is so Nigerian, he knows just how perfectly to bash people on social media. Just Like PDP spokeman and renowned lawyer, Femi Fani-Kayode, who openly called former governor, Rotimi Amaechi, a little monkey among other unfriendly names.
5. When Trump blamed the victims of the Paris attack for not being armed.
Rather than take responsibility for the badly planned NIS interview of 2014, Internal affairs minister, Abba Moro, blamed the victims for the stampede that resulted in loss of lives.
6. When Donald Trump called Mexicans rapists and drug dealers.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C6QEqoYgQxw
We may not have racism but tribalism lives very well in Nigeria. Femi Fani-Kayode wrote an unapologetic, tribalist article in 2013 against the Igbos. Upon criticism of his article, he made a quick reference to his past relationship with Bianca Ojukwu.
Donald has been nominated as the most African presidential candidate in the United States.
We are sure he will represent and make for a typical Nigerian politician. We also nominate him as the most Nigerian presidential candidate of all.
Christmas hampers are the ultimate tool for passive aggression. I mean, you just see the things in some hampers and you know the sender is trying to tell you to never contact them again.
So, if you get half of these in a hamper this year, you might want to stop disturbing the sender; because they don’t like you.
1. Fruitcake
Do NOT trust people that like raisins in their cake. Be wary of people that now send them as gifts.
2. Good Morning Cornflakes
Good Morning Cornflakes literally gets soggy at the mere sight of water.
3. Cowbell Milk
If they really liked you, they’d send you milk that actually gets diluted in water. Cowbell is not that milk.
4. Ajinomoto
Nah, if they hate you enough to send this, they might as well just sneak into your house at night and stab you.
5. Cabin Biscuits
See, everybody loves Cabin biscuits, but if it’s not that you’re resuming boarding school anytime soon, what’s the point?
6. Richoco
Milo or Bournvita, please. Anything else is really just rude.
7. Eva “Wine”
No really, what is non-alcoholic WINE?
8. Calendar
One question: WHY?
9. Glucose
Are you about to do inter-house sports? Tell that person to behave, please.
10. Top Tea
Really? REALLY??
11. Candles
They really just want you to burn your house down. Don’t trust them.
Sometimes, an upgrade is very necessary in life and these tweets proved to us how possible and necessary human upgrades can be.
3. “You know I was there when your mummy gave birth to you.”
And then?
4. When he says “the last time I saw you, you were a baby,” but still asks if you remember him.
Is this a rhetorical question?
5. When he comes to visit and turns you into house-help.
See my life.
6. When he swears he knows the most about football.
We’ve heard you.
7. “So, did your mummy cook?”
Just like that?
8. Whenever you don’t greet him properly.
Ah! No vex.
9. Whenever he brings up the marriage topic around you.
Free me oh.
10. When he promises you something but then acts brand new the next time you see each other.
See betrayal.
11. When he cracks a dry joke, but you’re broke so you have to laugh.
*Laughs in empty bank account*
12. When he says “you don’t call me” or “I’ve been trying your number.”
I’m confused.
13. When he starts an argument about politics.
Not me and you, abeg.
14. “You’re now big oh. Turn around let me see you well.”
So that what?
15. That legendary goodbye handshake.
You’re the best.
A Nigerian couple in the UK were sentenced to 12 years in prison on December 7, for subjecting Mr Sunday Inuk to 25 years of servitude. He was just 13 when the Edets took him without permission from his parents in 1989, with false dreams of getting work and an education upon getting to the UK.
Sunday Inuk served the family without pay for 25 years, eating and wearing only what he was given, cooking, cleaning, gardening and sleeping in the hallway all through.
We have compiled a list of 15 things he could’ve achieved in 25 years.
1. Graduated from secondary school.
2. Gotten an undergraduate degree.
3. Completed his NYSC service year.
4. Earned an M.Sc. Degree.
5. Completed medical school and a residency.
6. Been gainfully employed.
7. Bought a good car.
8. Probably launched a start up.
9. Probably bought a good house.
10. Become a senator in his constituency.
11. Become a general in the Military.
12. Written a book.
13. Become a governor of his state.
14. Travelled from Africa to Asia by road.
15. Probably started his own family.
1. “Who are the network providers again?”
Ah! How many years and you don’t remember MTN?
2. “How do you load [insert network provider] credit again?”
I can’t even vex. I’m still here and I don’t even know it.
3. “I really missed [insert Nigerian food].”
Ehn! Go and eat na.
4. “Ugh! The internet is so slow here.”
Na so we see am.
5. “How much is that in [insert dollars/pounds]?”
You see yourself.
6. “Has light always been this bad?”
What are you asking?
7. “Oh! When did they renovate [insert first place they visit]?”
Let’s go, biko.
8. “OMG! It’s sooo hot.”
We apologize on behalf of the sun.
9. “How do you get to [insert place that is 5 minutes from their house] again?”
Don’t vex me, abeg.
10. “Ugh! Traffic is so terrible.”
You know all of you are adding to it sha.
11. “Do you know anywhere I can get [insert oyinbo thing]?”
Organic kini? Nope. Nah. Uhn-Uhn.
12. “So this place is still like this?”
It’s not your fault.
13. “Is [insert last spot they visited before leaving] still open?”
The spot is almost always a club.
14. “I think I’m reacting to the [insert water, food, or air].”
Ah! Sorry oh.
15. “Wow! They have [insert oyinbo thing] here now. That’s nice.”
We are trying small small.
1. Being constantly reminded that harmattan is nothing compared to winter.
