1. When you hear “we are going to the village for Christmas.”
I wanted to go to the abroad.
2. When your parents say you’ll only be going for a few days, but you see them packing load.
Wait! What is happening?
3. When you think you’ve already met everyone and you hear “come out and greet…”
Hay God!
4. When the uncle you were expecting to drop something starts asking your dad for money.
Wow. I’m pained.
5. Looking for network in the village like:
What is all this?
6. When that relative everyone thinks is a witch gives you food to eat.
Not today, satan.
7. When an old person you don’t know tries to touch you.
You will not steal my destiny, abeg.
8. When you see your favorite cousin.
FINALLY!
9. “Ah! Look at you. You’re so big now.”
Let me hear word.
10. When you complain about light and they tell you to go and enjoy breeze outside.
Na wa.
11. When your parents see you collecting anything form anybody.
Sorry ma.
12. You, every time you hear “food is ready.”
The best.
13. You, if you’re the one that has to be stuck in the kitchen.
The worst.
14. When that rich relative finally arrives.
Here we go.
15. You, after all the buckets of water you had to fetch.
The gym struggle.
1. Mother nature beautiful as she may be, can decide to call at a very awkward place and time.
Great timing nature, just great!
2. So you run to the nearest public restroom to answer nature’s call.
Hay God! This thing must not drop in my pants.
3. When the putrid smell of urine hits you in the face at the entrance.
Hanhan! What a welcome present!
4. Then the porter lists the toilet rate and refuses to let you in without change.
This is an emergency, have mercy.
5. Finding a big blob of poop staring at you from the toilet seat.
I am scarred for life.
6. Finding someone peeping in at you.
Please tuck your amebo in.
7. Taking different positions so the water doesn’t splash on you.
8. And when you’re taking a dump, you beg all the gods of sanitarium to work miracles.
Father, make them smell roses.
9. Finding out there’s no toilet paper right after relieving yourself.
Hay god!
10. Wondering if you’ve contracted one or two bacterial infections.
To visit the doctor or not.
So did we miss anything?
It’s that time of the year when the leaves fall, the paper edges fold and your skin gets ashy like burnt paper (pardon the joke). It is essential to take care of your skin properly during this season, here’s how to do it properly.
1. Take baths properly
We know the weather is cold, yes. You took a shower last night, okay? Ensure you take baths properly when you, should so your skin pores can breathe, stay healthy and be free.
2. LOTION
This cannot be over emphasized really. You can not skip this part. No your clothes covering that part of the body doesn’t excuse it from being “lotioned”. Use hydrating lotions so your skin will thank you. This is one of the keys to success.
3. Drink lots of water.
It has been scientifically proven that people who drink more water have better glowing skin, get good jobs, have good homes and the like. But trust us drinking lots of water helps your skin glow and stay healthy during the harmattan.
4. Eat fruits and vegetables
These are really good for your skin they do keep the skin glowing; bananas, oranges, pawpaws and the like. They contain antioxidants and vitamin c and these will also prevent you from having colds.
5. Warm and protective clothing
When you see okada riders all decked up no they are not imitating Kanye West, they are protecting their skin. The dry weather causes your skin to dry and sometimes start peeling. Cover up!
6. Chap stick
Do not leave your house without applying this fantastic piece of magic. It will keep your lips looking like lips and not packs of flour. We all hate cracked, dry and peeling lips. Use a lip balm or chap stick!
7. Hair oils and moisturizers
It is also important to keep your hair oiled and moisturized, this will help keep your scalp in good condition. Dry hair=dry scalp.
In Nigeria, common standards are broken on a regular. For instance, our Santa doesn’t wear red or have a big white beard. Rather, he has a big sack of treats that he has shared with people who have been naughty throughout the year.
Another fun fact about this standard-breaking Santa is, he isn’t having a Merry Christmas. He is none other than Sambo Dasuki.
The former NSA is currently being investigated for misappropriation of the $2.1bn allocated for purchase of arms required for combating Boko Haram.
In the course of questioning, our Santa has been singing like a bird, dropping several names and receipts.
Ho ho ho!
Some of the people include Chief Raymond Dokpesi, former president Goodluck Jonathan and some PDP politicians.
We certainly await more episodes from Suki Santa and his generous chronicles.
Featured Image credit: Chris ogunlowo
Lagos snatched the title of the largest city in West Africa from Ibadan and has moved on to be the largest in Africa. But even in the face of serious banter, Ibadan has scored points in areas Lagos wouldn’t even dream of. Here are 8 of them:
1. Free flow of traffic.
Except on really bad accident days and during execution of construction projects, it is very possible to drive from a far end of Ibadan to another in less than two hours.
Just look at Lagos traffic.
2. There is enough space for everyone and everything, Ibadan is thrice the size of Lagos.
Everybody keeps asking you for job experience, but they will not hire you so you can get the experience.
You see some jobs you clearly don’t qualify for, but you apply for them anyway.
You remember saying your starting salary must be 200k and above, but you are starting to reconsider.
You used to see people walking around with this thing, and you’ve now joined them.
You have been hearing “unpaid internship” up and down, but you’re not that desperate yet.
You have even gone to meet that uncle that promised he’d help you after you graduate, but he is like:
People keep inviting you for job seminars, but you’re just here like:
You have finally resorted to sharing your CV like party pack, “you get a CV, you get a CV, EVERYBODY GETS A CV.”
Your CV is currently on almost every online job site in Nigeria.
Your email is currently filled with messages from them, but you are still jobless.
You stated the kind of jobs you wanted on the sites, but they keep sending you openings that don’t concern you.
You keep seeing job ads on the sites that literally have no details about the job.
You even went for one of the interviews they sent you, but it turned out to be a scam.
You, when they told you to pay before you could apply for the job.
You were so broke you even started considering selling your stuff.
…but then you landed on Efritin.com and saw ‘Job Vacancies’.
You saw ‘verified employers’ and accurate job descriptions.
Now you can search for a proper job without all the unnecessary wahala.
Oya! Quickly go on Efritin.com and start your wahala-free job search now!
Efritin.com, Nigeria’s No.1 marketplace for used goods! Buy and sell everything from used cars to mobile phones and computers, or search for property, jobs and more in Nigeria – for free!
