Nigeria | Page 204 of 223

Now that legendary musician, Prince, has passed away, someone created this awesome thread to remind us of his unforgettable greatness.

https://twitter.com/khendoll/status/723253117668712448

When you try to play Prince, you end up playing yourself.

1. My life motto. #PrinceAppreciationThread pic.twitter.com/uUvQR3tBZr
— khendra ♍ (@khendoll) April 21, 2016
He was so amazingly fine.

2. Prince always looked like he was getting ready to take ya bitch and you couldn’t do anything about it ✨✨ pic.twitter.com/coZs3GSPtX
— khendra ♍ (@khendoll) April 21, 2016
When he was really shady during a Beyonce performance.

3. Well we all know who’s NOT doing the Prince tribute LMAOOO #PrinceAppreciationThread pic.twitter.com/sy9Dw3MFR2
— khendra ♍ (@khendoll) April 21, 2016
When he threw shade after presenting an award.

4. “Like books and black lives, albums still matter” #peeptheshade #PrinceAppreciationThread pic.twitter.com/ucXvDfDETE
— khendra ♍ (@khendoll) April 21, 2016
How he reacted to a song by Madonna.

5. Prince & Madonna never got along lol pic.twitter.com/4Hyyj8E748
— khendra ♍ (@khendoll) April 21, 2016
How he clapped back at someone who attempted to throw shade at him.

6. Prince vs. Lil Mo #PrinceAppreciationThread ??? pic.twitter.com/gQ3hVCdN5h
— khendra ♍ (@khendoll) April 21, 2016
His voice was just amazing.

7. MY OVARIES????? #PrinceAppreciationThread pic.twitter.com/jmKsvXnY47
— khendra ♍ (@khendoll) April 21, 2016
When he was asked about Justin Bieber and Lady Gaga.

9. ? #PrinceAppreciationThread pic.twitter.com/a1MD5x4EZR
— khendra ♍ (@khendoll) April 21, 2016
When he gave someone ela on stage.

10. If this ain’t the pettiest shit????? #PrinceAppreciationThread pic.twitter.com/KlbeFqL8G4
— khendra ♍ (@khendoll) April 21, 2016
When someone tried to hit on him.

11. Prince was like “HELL NAHH” ?? pic.twitter.com/Ny2HtRZwKn
— khendra ♍ (@khendoll) April 21, 2016
When he felt people needed to question everything they have been taught.

12. Prince just wanted to let y’all know that you shouldn’t believe everything you’re taught. ?? pic.twitter.com/jotbAuNONT
— khendra ♍ (@khendoll) April 21, 2016
When he wanted people to know he could sing.

13. “My microphone is on”?? #PrinceAppreciationThread pic.twitter.com/iHdVHsHq5I
— khendra ♍ (@khendoll) April 21, 2016
Perfection in a picture.

14. It’s Mr. Steal Yo Girl #PrinceAppreciationThread pic.twitter.com/PA9QQej0cm
— khendra ♍ (@khendoll) April 21, 2016
When he turned down starring in Micheal Jackson’s Bad music video because of the ‘Your butt is mine’ line in the song.

15. Prince on why he turned down the “Bad” video ?? pic.twitter.com/KZ47nMIUpm
— khendra ♍ (@khendoll) April 21, 2016
This song by him was a jam.

16. If this song don’t do something to you then wtf ?? #PrinceAppreciationThread pic.twitter.com/sdotTuXHCZ
— khendra ♍ (@khendoll) April 21, 2016
When he said he didn’t celebrate birthdays because he has stayed flawless all his life.

18. “I don’t celebrate birthdays” #PrinceAppreciationThread pic.twitter.com/rYXCer3XL5
— khendra ♍ (@khendoll) April 21, 2016
When he asked Kim Kardashian to get off the stage because she was dulling his performance.

19. Lmaooooo I don’t remember when he told Kim Kardashian to get off the stage I’m crying??????? pic.twitter.com/SXKy0BtPZ9
— khendra ♍ (@khendoll) April 21, 2016
When he actually gave Beyonce a compliment.

20. My mans didn’t always throw shade. When asked about Beyonce a while ago: pic.twitter.com/z5nKi6PWHk
— khendra ♍ (@khendoll) April 21, 2016
When someone wanted to form that they could speak English.

21. Larry out here making up words and shit like we just gonna let that fly ???? pic.twitter.com/5z6wFkNthn
— khendra ♍ (@khendoll) April 21, 2016
When he shared his childhood story and how he battled epilepsy.

24. Prince as a kid suffered from epilepsy & bullying…. pic.twitter.com/7vYVVQqE27
— khendra ♍ (@khendoll) April 21, 2016
When he was just beautiful on stage.

25. … And many panties were thrown that day. #PrinceAppreciationThread pic.twitter.com/pCeuigUfMl
— khendra ♍ (@khendoll) April 21, 2016
When he showed his belief in God.

26. Let God be your inspiration #PrinceAppreciationThread pic.twitter.com/wZ4VzYvUbd
— khendra ♍ (@khendoll) April 21, 2016
When someone wanted to know why he was quiet.

27. When people ask why you don’t talk pic.twitter.com/PPW2sq5UqF
— khendra ♍ (@khendoll) April 21, 2016
When he stated clearly that he wasn’t making a ‘comeback’.

28. Ain’t no comeback bihhhhh pic.twitter.com/jaUSgdNcGE
— khendra ♍ (@khendoll) April 21, 2016
When he said CD reviews are usually written by ‘Popsicle salesmen’.

29. “popsicle salesmen” lmaooo I’m weak pic.twitter.com/dDdGV3pyzz
— khendra ♍ (@khendoll) April 21, 2016
When he served us this great split, effortlessly of course.

30. That split made my ass hurt ???? pic.twitter.com/dJ5vQK1lMI
— khendra ♍ (@khendoll) April 21, 2016
When he was just a total rockstar.

31. ?excuse me while I cry purple tears pic.twitter.com/InLWrY6AWl
— khendra ♍ (@khendoll) April 21, 2016
Rest in peace, Prince.
1. Never put the price of your product on your Instagram page.

Because you just want to stress your customers and make them “mystified” at the same time.
2. Instagram vendors and “add us on Whatsapp for price details”.

Because you’re probably scared of letting the world know that your product is overpriced.
3. Even if it’s just clothes you sell, put stylist and personal shopper in your bio so we know it’s real.

Even though you don’t know the meaning of those words.
4. Download other people’s pictures, write your name all over it (make it really ugly) and call it your own.

It’s not stealing, it’s borrowing for advertisement.
5. When people are actually interested in buying from you, delay them for three days before ‘getting back to them’.

You can’t appear too desperate to sell, they’re kuku the ones disturbing you.
6. Be rude to your customers when they dare ask questions about what they want to buy from you.

Customers don’t deserve any respect and your Instagram market has taken away your home training.
7. Never deliver on time to customers, wait for the 2nd coming of Jesus before giving them what they bought.

Because they don’t really need it.
8. Never apologise for delaying delivery.

Being rude is one thing you’re really good at.
9. If their wahala is too much, switch your phones off and block them on Instagram.

They’ll be alright jare.
10. All your products must be of lesser quality than you promised.

You’re full of surprises like that.
11. When people complain about the quality, ask them to check their surroundings.

The real thing you sold to them must have fallen off, you don’t sell “fake”. Featured image via: Instagram
1. When this was literally the longest thing ever.

Something that could load for a year.
2. Nigerian girls and “how did you get my pin?”

Was there even a right answer to this question?
3. You, waiting for that red light to blink.

Someone should ping me na.
4. When everyone added “loading” to the end of everything.

All those ‘Elegushi loading!’ PMs.
5. When people believed everything they got in a BC.

Literally EVERYTHING!
6. When couples used to have full arguments with their PMs and DPs.

See serious something
7. When they take light and people start putting DPs like this:

Ugh! We get it.
8. Whenever someone started a conversation with “PING!!!”

You don’t have home training.
9. When you left your phone for hours and came back and no one had pinged you.

Nobody loves me.
10. When getting deleted while typing a message felt like the rapture.

Chineke!
11. When it was your birthday and all your contacts had pictures of you as their DP.

As a celebrity.
12. Whenever someone sent a BC in the name of doing ‘contact check’.

Fix it, Jesus.
13. When you knew someone was angry when they changed their DP to a black screen.

You’ll be fine.
14. This demon app:

The absolute worst.
1. So you decided to join the millions of graduates going to serve their country because you heard it was a fun experience.

Let’s do this.
2. Even though you didn’t know what you were going to do with your NYSC certificate at the end of the day.

I don’t know jare.
3. So you carried all your money and gave someone to help you get posted to Lagos or Ibadan.

Because Lagos is lit!
4. When NYSC posting comes out and you’re seeing Kano on your own letter.

*checks NYSC posting*
Got posted to Kano even after paying someone to work it to Ibadan. pic.twitter.com/6mrhgiiw1C
— Ibe (@maziibe_) April 21, 2016

5. When your friend that didn’t pay gets posted to Lagos.

God, why?
6. How your friends that got posted to Lagos or Abuja look at you.

Can you just get out?
7. When you and bae get posted to different states.

Hay! Relationship over!
8. When someone tries to see the silver lining and tells you to manage it like that.

Enemy of progress.
9. How you search for people posted to the same state you were posted to.

Where are you people oh?
10. When you’re thinking of skipping NYSC and just going back home.

I’m not doing again.
11. When you start making plans to redeploy before even going to camp.

Lagos by fire by force!
12. When you start planning to make excuses or fake illnesses when you get to camp.

My doctor said camp is bad for my health abeg.
13. How you calculate the money you’ll spend on what you have to wear in camp.

Hay God!
14. You, when you hear stories of how horrible camp food is.

God forbid bad thing!
15. When you have to travel by air, another two hour bus drive then 50 minute bike ride to camp.

Kuku ask me to travel 7 oceans and seas.
16. How you shed tears on the journey to camp.

I want my mummy.
17. When you see people actually excited to go to camp.

See these oversabi people.
1. When you greet them and they ask “what’s good about the morning?”

Ah! No vex.
2. When they write “see me” on your assignment.

Oh God! What did I do again?
3. How you feel when you enter the teachers’ staff room:

Chai! Who sent me message?
4. When they tell you to buy cane and bring to school.

Is this even fair?
5. When they are flogging you and they say “if you touch it, I’ll start again.”

Please epp me.
6. When they start cleaning the board and you tell them you haven’t finished copying it.

Hian! Take it easy.
7. When that teacher that hates you tries to be nice to you on visiting day.

Save it.
8. When your favorite teacher bad mouths you to your parents on open day.

Wow. Is it like that?
9. When they wait for their period to be over before they ask “any questions?”

Better carry your load and go.
10. When they hear that your next class is a free period.

Ugh! Just leave us.
11. When they tell the class captain to write names of noise makers and they don’t collect it.

Look at God!
12. When they ask a question and ignore all your classmates with their hands up and pick you.

Why are you asking me? Did I raise my hand?
13. How they set questions:

Jisos!
14. When they wish you good luck before an exam.

See this devil.
15. When they look at your script during a test and shake their head.

Hay God! Should I just start again?
16. How they mark your exam:

How Nigerian teachers mark your exam when they want to deal with you: pic.twitter.com/Yb506Ep3hF
— Wale Lawal (@WalleLawal) December 6, 2014

17. When you get everything in your exam but they still keep that 1 mark for themselves.

Na wa! Is it that 1 mark you will eat at home?
1. When a Nollywood doctor hears that a patient doesn’t have money.

Bye!
2. Nollywood doctors and sleeping with nurses.

In. Every. Movie.
3. When they only check the patient’s temperature and diagnose them with HIV.

Oshey, Doctor Abracadabra!
4. “We’ve run all the tests and we can’t seem to find the problem.”

How will you find it with only stethoscope?
5. When they suggest that the patient goes to see a babalawo.

Just like that? Not even another doctor?
6. When the patient comes in with a broken hand and ends up with a bandaged leg.

Na wa.
7. When they go everywhere with a stethoscope around their neck, just in case we forget their profession.

We know you’re a doctor, biko.
8. When every patient they treat ends up in a coma.

Shouldn’t we be worried?
9. When their answer to everything is “we need to perform a surgery”

Even for malaria.
10. Whenever the patient sees their final bill.

Kill them oh!
11. When they start saying “we tried all we could…”

Na so.
12. How they announce that someone has died:

Wow!
1. The Yahoo boy starter pack:

The faker the better.

2. When you see a well known yahoo boy going out to pay tithe.

Well, this is awkward.

3. How you have their numbers saved on your phone:

Always changing numbers up and down.

4. When you see a yahoo boy talking about “hard earned money”.

See this one.

5. Yahoo boys, when they pretend to be women online.

The hustle.

6. When you’re popping your humble champagne and one yahoo boy comes to shut the club down.

See my life.

7. The official yahoo boy baptism:

Go forth and scam.

8. Yahoo boys and Range Rovers.

A match made in heaven.

9. When they always have “money” somewhere in their nickname.

All of them.

10. When you ask them what they do for a living.

“Ehm. The thing is…”

11. Yahoo boys, when they see an EFCC bus.

Hay God!

12. When Nigerians are complaining about the exchange rate, yahoo boys be like:

Turn up!

13. When they start getting lazy.

No time.

14. Whenever a yahoo boy says “God bless my hustle.”

Na so.
1. Who said Nigerian men can’t play with colours abeg?

2. Just look at all those layers.

3. Noble Igwe, slaying on behalf of every Igbo man out there.

4. How you look when you only came to slay.

5. Too yummy!

6. Of course, RMD looks absolutely dapper in Agbada.

7. This super cute baby.

8. When you’re adorable and you know it.

9. When the Agbada washes away all your demon traits.

10. This boys is like “Check out that carton of Ribena”.

11. Let’s get married please.

12. When you have to work and slay at the same time.

13. When your agbada goes to study abroad.

14. When you like to keep things simple but on point!

15. Look at this creamy goodness!

16. When Ebuka brought his Igbo swag and nailed it.

17. When you and the squad come together to serve awesomeness.

Featured image credit: Pinterest
I sha knew I was special when people used to laugh when I spoke…

…abi tried to speak.
My sister would do everything to annoy me at home.

She was the devil.
Whenever it was now time to report her, I would basically turn into a DJ.

Kai! My life!
Me in school, avoiding being asked to answer questions or read out loud.

Forever dodging, but still passing.
It sha worked until my primary 3 teacher assumed passing in class meant I could do debate.

What’s doing this teacher?
Oya debate day, time to introduce myself and trust me to get stuck on my own name.

Ti-Ti-Ti-Ti-Titilope
Everyone sha had a good laugh, me sef I laughed because…

Abi?
Me, looking for a new word mid-sentence because I know that word I’m attempting is not coming out.

The struggle.
How people react when I jump from one unrelated word to another:

No vex, English teacher.
Whenever I stop talking halfway and someone tries to complete my sentence for me.

Abeg hold it.
Me, trying to express myself when I get angry.

The struggle to get the words out
Then I had that aunty who would always tell me to “talk slowly” as if that was all it took.

Like seriously?
Whenever I hear a Nigerian comedian cracking a joke about stammerers.

Ya not funny oh!!!
Whenever I meet someone who prefers talking on the phone to texting.

Enemy of progress!
When my sister now said I should be enrolled in a school for special kids.

I already told you she was the devil.
Whenever I misbehaved at home and my parents asked me to explain myself.

Just punish me abeg.
The one that sha pained me the most was when my crush finally said “hello”

Finally!
My throat now decided that I must stay single and I was just there like “he..he..he..”

God! Why me?
See my crush looking at me like:

“Is this one ok?”
I’ve sha learnt to accept the stammerer life like that, proudly sef.

Stammerers unite!
Because me I know in heaven my voice will be free…

Praise The Lord!
Free to finally report that it was Sade who closed the window in primary 2, not me.

Yup! I’m petty like that. Co-written by Zikoko contributor @DelphiicOracle.
1. Having to go on both knees to greet elders.

Must I roll on the floor to show respect?
2. All the hymns in church sounded like this.

E ke Halleluya!
3. Having to call everybody older than you sister and brother.

Na wa o.
4. Eating swallow every day and for the rest of your life.

Swallow or nothing!
5. Taking so much Ewedu it has become your favourite drink.

https://twitter.com/Sirehabbiibb/status/624358001613246464
*Sips Ewedu and Gbegiri*
6. Jamming to Sunny Ade, Ebenezer and Kwam 1 and losing all your home training.

Turn up!
7. People ruining your name because that’s the Yoruba way of pronouncing it.

Aunty, it’s Maryam, not Moriamo!
8. When you hear Tope Alabi and know it’s time for another lit Yoruba movie.

Yass, sing it Tope!
9. Oleku, Yemi My Lover, Toluwani, Saworoide and the rest were the best movies ever!

They should be nominated for Oscars please, argue with your VCD player.
10. You and your home training.

You must never lose your home training.
11. Having so many aunties in your family and remembering all their names.

#GrowingUpYoruba "You've been back for how many weeks, you haven't called your Aunty…" 😭😭 pic.twitter.com/2fEdBSm3Is
— Dayts of Lagos (@Daytea_O) July 27, 2015

Sigh!
12. Using left hand is a taboo.

Na wa o!
13. Collecting sweets from strangers is a recipe for flogging.

You want to turn to yam ehn?
14. Knowing how to pound yam and make Eba is more important than a lot of things.

O le te Eba?
15. Having all the weirdest and funniest nicknames.

Mum look I eat now!
_
Growing up my nickname was 'Elenu ma jeun' 󾌴 (Yoruba for 'one with a mouth that does not… https://t.co/GDfN9yR6sw
— Fiona Kolade (@itsfinallyfiona) March 23, 2016

Elenu ma jeun for those that didn’t like to eat.
16. Having one million middle names that your mother manages to remember when you get into trouble.

https://twitter.com/SweetestTxboo/status/325010236001878016
”Diekoloreoluwa Oluwaseunfunmi Felicia Adewunmi, come here!”
17. When there are different names for all the beatings that exist in your house.

#BeingYorubaInNigeria you must have tasted all these forms of beating e.g igbaju oloyi, ifoti, igbati, iforun, ifonu, abara etc..add yours"
— 🎱⚽️LAWALE 🥶💦 (@HolarClothings) October 25, 2015

*Shedding tears*
18. Your parents, when you try to eat your meat before finishing your food.

But it’s my own meat na.
19. Learning 1000 hilarious ways to insult people in Yoruba.

LOL! Elenu gboro, Omo rada rada, Oloriburuku…
20. Your mother, when you tell her you want to marry from another tribe.

Mummy, please now!
21. Your mother, when you try to open up to her.

21) A Yoruba Mother is a natural confidant.
“Mummy, I think Tunde is cheating on me.” “Why won’t he cheat when all you do is eat?” — WALE LAWAL (@WalleLawal) June 11, 2014
22. You, whenever you hear there’s an Owambe happening soon.

Because nobody turns up like Yoruba people!