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Political Correctness is used to describe language intended not to offend or disadvantage any particular group of people in society. But, what about the people that don’t care about political correctness? #BigotsLivesMatter (Wait oh! If you don’t get satire, better stop reading now)
1. When you heard that the senate didn’t pass the gender equality bill.

Good! It’s against our culture.
2. When it’s been one hour and you haven’t called all Muslims “Boko Haram”.

My mouth is scratching me to say it.
3. When you hear Chimamanda Adichie talking about feminism.

Let us hear word ma.
4. When people tell you not to call Asians “Chinco” or “Ching Chan”.

Abeg leave my mouth.
5. When you see Reno Omokri tweeting what women should do with their bodies.

Reno, my man.
6. When a woman is trying to correct you when you have her “type at home”.

Respect yourself oh.
7. When you cannot even advise a young woman to “go and marry” again.

But if she is not married, what is she now doing?
8. You, when a woman wearing a hijab is vexing that you asked if she is a Chibok girl.

Why are you now vexing?
9. When you hear someone calling all igbo people thieves.

You sabi.
10. When you cannot freely say you miss military regime in Nigeria.

Is it your business though?
11. When you see someone that supports Biafra.

My Guy!
12. When a woman is vexing that you said her natural hair “doesn’t fit” her.

Go and use relaxer jare.
13. When you tell someone with dreads that they look like a drug addict and they vex.

Why do you now have dreads?
14. How you feel when women tell you they won’t cook or go to the market:

Who will now go?
15. When people are always adding ”ic” and ”ist” to everything you say now.

Any small thing tribalist, homophobic, and sexist.
1. Your first official bible:

The best.
2. When your parents ask you if you’re going to church as if you have a choice.

Why are you even asking?
3. When service starts by 9, but you’re out of the house before 7.

Na wa. Are we the pastors?
4. When you always had to join children’s church choreography.

In your mind you could dance oh.
5. Every church party, childrens’ food vs adults’ food:

Is it fair?
6. You, waiting to be old enough to finally go to teens church.

Can I grow already?
7. When you’re not praying in church and your mum looks over at you.

Hay God!
8. When you couldn’t start your Christmas celebration without going to church in the morning.

I want to eat rice na.
9. Your friends on New Year’s Eve vs. You and your family on New Year’s Eve:

Watch Night Service was not optional.
10. You, waiting for your parents to finish greeting the same set of people after church every Sunday.

Can we go biko?
11. How your parents react when you tell them you want to change churches:

No vex.
12. When you always had to attend mid-week services and night vigils.

So tired.
13. When your parents see you walking out of church before they share the grace.

Wahala.
14. The solution to everything:

The greatest,
15. When you finally move out but they still call you every Sunday to know if you went to church.

“Yes ma.”
Lil Kesh has served Nigerians a few great hits and we thank him for that. He is so talented, he caused a fight between Olamide and Don Jazzy during the 2016 Headies but let’s leave trash for LAWMA and continue.
His songs Shoki, Gbese and Efejoku which were released under YBNL were the turn up anthems of 2014 and 2015.

After dropping his first album, YAGI, he announced his departure from Olamide’s YBNL records via Instagram. He also revealed he was starting his own record label also named YAGI records.

Good for him sha, because no Nigerian wants to say “yes sir” to anybody.

Because Olamide shared this tweet back in 2015.

Did he learn how to run a music business after releasing one album and a few singles?

Because last time we checked, it takes more than dropping hits “back to back” to properly run a record label.

Do these musicians actually believe their successes lies only in running their own record label?

How many million record labels are we going to have in Nigeria?

X=Y, where X = number of artistes in Nigeria and Y = number of record labels. https://t.co/mk7xUa1D8c
— osarumen (@skweird) April 24, 2016

We sha hope Olamide schooled him properly in the business of music.
[zkk_poll post=30621 poll=content_block_standard_format_9]
1. You, a night before your first WAEC exam.

My body is ready.
2. When they send the most wicked teacher in school to invigilate.

We are in trouble.
3. When they arrange everybody in alphabetical order and take you away from your squad.

Is it even fair?
4. When you see someone with ‘Key Points’ in the exam hall.

See that one.
5. When the only section of the theory you know is the part meant for Ghana.

Hay God! I’m in the wrong country.
6. When they repeat the Past Questions year you crammed.

Winning!
7. When a teacher enters the hall and starts dictating answers to the OBJ.

Me, I can’t carry last.
8. How you enter school when you’re the only one with expo:

As a boss!
9. When the external invigilator catches you trying to ask your friend for number 4.

Jisos!
10. When you tell someone the answer to number 1 and they ask “numbers 2 to 40?”

Are you mad?
11. When you go to the toilet during an exam and see textbooks there.

Na wa oh!
12. How people that studied only dubs look when it doesn’t come out:

Jehovah!
13. When the external invigilator falls asleep after eating.

The best.
14. When Food and Nutrition students finish their practical.

Let us epp.
15. You, after you wrote your last paper.

BYE, HATERS!!!
16. You, trying to read for NECO after you know you cleared WAEC.

No time, biko.
17. When you hear that result is out.

God, please don’t sly me.
18. You, coming out of the principal’s office after seeing that you passed.

My enemies have been shamed.
1. When you have to attend mass 7 mornings a week without fail.

Because you have to begin the day with Jesus and Mary.
2. When they expect you to stay awake through morning mass and also stay awake in class for the entire day.

Who do you people want to kill?
3. And there are still evening prayers 7 days a week.

The school life…
4. When the priest is preaching and he mentions how other churches are doing something wrong.

Okay.
5. When your CRK class is basically Cathecism class.

Did I offend you?
6. When you misplace something and the Sisters tell you to pray to St. Anthony to help you find it.

What is this nonsense?
7. When you mistakenly wear your skirt above your knee or sag your trousers.

Is the devil using you?
8. When your sex education was basically “If you talk to boys, you’ll get pregnant”.

And premarital sex is your ticket to hell.
9. And once it’s 12 noon or 6pm, you have to stop everything you’re doing. Because Angelus.

This is a lot! A lot of prayers!
10. When you’re not even Catholic but you have to learn all the prayers and now there’s no space for anything else in your brain.

Too many!
11. When the altar boys and girls were one of the coolest people in school.

Enjoy your godly fame.
12. When they leave space for the Holy Spirit between you and the next person during an exam.

You and the Holy Trinity.
13. When you’re in an only girl’s school and your brother school comes round but you’re not allowed to speak to them.

Just be looking sadly out the window.
14. If you’re not Catholic, the 40 days of Lent were your own personal hell.

I’m not even part of you people!
15. When you commit an offence and they tell you that you just nailed Jesus to the cross.

Jesus! Me?!
16. And now, even if you’re not in a Catholic church, your knee automatically bends when you enter a row.

Put respect in the church!
1. When she looks at her phone as if it is trying to deceive her.

Mummy, your phone is not against you.
2. How she saves numbers on her phone:

They don’t even have time.
3. The kind of texts she sends you when you’re upstairs:

Hay God!
4. The kind of texts she sends you when you’re out with friends:

I’m coming home oh.
5. When she calls you to come and load her credit.

Stress.
6. The kind of Whatsapp BCs she sends:

Who even sent you this thing?
7. The kind of pictures she sends on Whatsapp:

Na wa.
8. When she calls you for a “short prayer”:

I don taya.
9. How she takes pictures:

Mama D Mama!
10. When she calls you to come and help her type a “short text”.

God, epp me.
11. Nigerian mothers and dual sim phones.

All. Of. Them.
12. When she calls you and you don’t answer.

I’m dead.
13. Her excuse, when you ask her why she didn’t answer her phone:

Mummy, it’s called a MOBILE phone for a reason.
1. It’s a new school session so you get to change rooms and get assigned new roommates.

New session, who this?
2. So you pray to God and ask for good roommates.

God abeg!
3. When you meet them and think you’ll be good friends.

Correct people.
4. When they start ‘borrowing’ your slippers and shoes without asking after only three weeks.

Because I’m telling you ordinary good morning?
5. When you found out that you can’t even play with them.

Somebody cannot touch your bed again?
6. When you get back after a long day and find out they’ve eaten the food you’ve been dreaming of eating all day.

We’re going to kill ourselves today.
7. When you just want to sleep on your soft bed but come back to see their friends jumping on it.

Jesus!
8. When you’re single to stupor and they bring their boy/girlfriend and start getting on some serious PDA action.

Unfortunate children!
9. When they never do any chore but complain about everywhere being dirty.

Na wa o.
10. When you mistakenly lose your key and have to wait for them everytime.

Na me mess up sha.
11. When your really preachy roommate feels they can be your school pastor just like that.

Sorry o, I didn’t know you also doubled as the P.A to angel Gabriel.
12. When everyone else in the room forms a clique and you’re the only one left out like…

I’m not crying, pepper entered my eye.
13. How your roommates be like when you ask them if they saw something you lost.

Enemies!
14. When one of them likes to give instructions on how they want things in the room to be done.

Ode!
15. When one of your roommates is out cheating on their significant other and you have to lie for them.

Who sent me message?
16. When they tell you they don’t have money to buy Morning Fresh for the kitchen but come back home with new shoes and the latest Play Station.

Let’s not be unfortunate please.
17. When they start talking about the good times you guys shared together.

Tears of frustration.
18. You, when the session finally comes to an end.

Hay Thank God!
1. When the ATM in front of a bank doesn’t have money in it.

Are you people serious at all?
2. When the ATM swallows your card on a weekend.

I’m dead.
3. Nigerians and “Are you the last pulzon on the queue? Amatyourback.”

Leave me, biko.
4. When someone tries to jump the queue.

Better respect yourself.
5. You, when you want to check your account balance.

Mind your business, please.
6. When you don’t withdraw because you’re broke and someone asks “is it dispensing?”

Uhm! Actually…The thing is…
7. When it doesn’t bring out your money but you get a debit alert.

Jehovah!
8. When someone asks you to help them use the ATM.

See this one.
9. When the person using the ATM is reading it as if it’s a novel.

Do and get out, abeg.
10. Whenever you see “Issuer or Switch Inoperative”

What does this even mean?
11. When someone goes to the ATM that doesn’t have a line in front of it instead of going to the one with a queue.

All of us that are not using it are mad, abi?
12. When the ATM asks if you want a receipt then says it doesn’t have paper.

Nonsense.
13. When the ATM just swallowed someone’s card and they tell you to try your own.

No, thanks.
14. You, when the ATM makes that ‘Krrrrrrrr’ sound.

YES LORD!
15. How you feel every time your bank takes that N65:

It’s God that will judge you.
1. You must never have chill.

You’re one of the kings of Lagos and chill does not live in Lagos.
2. Your conductor must be your bestie.

Because Danfo drivers and their conductors are relationship goals. Who else will hang on to your ~~relationship~~ bus this tightly?
3. You have to drive as if you want to kill your passengers.

Driving with sense is not your thing.
4. If you ever have spare tyres, always put them exactly where your passengers should put their feet.

Your spare tyre is more important than their comfort.
5. Your passengers’ comfort and security are not your business.

Even if your seats are tiny put ten of them together, money must be made.
6. Inflate your bus fare whenever you like and blame it on anything.

Jibowu-Yaba 3000 Naira because dollar don cost.
7. The police and LASTMA are not your friends.

They can just arrest you because of ordinary driving through BRT lane.
8. Never stop when you see people take the Zebra crossing.

You don’t stop for anybody, your bus cannot kill anybody jare.
9. Your seat belt must never be in perfect working condition.

Just hang one dirty rope over your shoulder, you’ll be fine.
10. Before you do anything, wash your mouth with ‘Ogogoro’.

Drinking and driving is the safest way to drive your danfo. How else will you get that badass voice?
11. You must have the greatest vocabulary of insults in the world.

You must be ready to dish it out to any and everybody especially women, they’re ashawos and you “get their kind for house”.
12. You can never have change all the days of your life.

Even if you have wads of 100 Naira notes, you must never give your conductor/passenger change when they ask for it.
13. Be loud, really loud.

Your music, your voice, everything. Because people in your bus came to get headache from your loudness.
14. If you ever bash a ‘big man’s car’, either argue your way out and risk getting slapped. Or you could just roll on the floor and beg.

Taking responsibility isn’t really your thing.
1. When they have to ask “have you seen me today?” before you greet them.

It’s not their concern that you really hadn’t seen them.
2. When they see someone that is left handed.

How dare you be born that way?
3. When you have more than one colour in your hair.

Ah! You want to go and do prostitution.
4. When you wear a dress that is exposing your shoulder blades and ankles.

Better go and wear that turtleneck.
5. When they see a girl with more than one piercing and a boy that has any at all.

You sef, why are you chooking holes in your body?
6. When they hear that you were talking to someone of the opposite sex.

You better be ready to marry them.
7. When your curfew is 9:00 and you get in by 9:01.

You should have slept there na, since you can’t keep to time.
8. When you lend them money and ask for it back.

All the school fees they paid for you, did they collect it back? Better shift.
9. When they are talking to you and you are keeping quiet.

So, you can’t talk abi?
10. When they are talking to you and you are talking too.

So, you can’t keep quiet abi?
11. When you don’t greet all the 15 adults in a room individually.

You cannot prostrate 15 times?
12. When you don’t add “ma” or “sir” to the end of every word.

“yes ma, yes ma, yes” “Is it me you are saying yes too???”
13. When a sex scene comes on and your eyes are still open.

You want to learn so you can go and practice abi?
14. When they make a mistake and you correct them.

It’s like you’re mad.
15. When they want to slap you and you dodge it.

Fight them na.
16. When you eat your meat before touching your rice.

You need slap.
17. When you wear your trouser lower than this:

Be there sagging like a criminal.

1. When you heard that the senate didn’t pass the gender equality bill.

2. When it’s been one hour and you haven’t called all Muslims “Boko Haram”.

3. When you hear Chimamanda Adichie talking about feminism.

4. When people tell you not to call Asians “Chinco” or “Ching Chan”.

5. When you see Reno Omokri tweeting what women should do with their bodies.

6. When a woman is trying to correct you when you have her “type at home”.

7. When you cannot even advise a young woman to “go and marry” again.

8. You, when a woman wearing a hijab is vexing that you asked if she is a Chibok girl.

9. When you hear someone calling all igbo people thieves.

10. When you cannot freely say you miss military regime in Nigeria.

11. When you see someone that supports Biafra.

12. When a woman is vexing that you said her natural hair “doesn’t fit” her.

13. When you tell someone with dreads that they look like a drug addict and they vex.

14. How you feel when women tell you they won’t cook or go to the market:

15. When people are always adding ​”ic”​ and ​”ist” to everything you say now.

1. Your first official bible:

2. When your parents ask you if you’re going to church as if you have a choice.

3. When service starts by 9, but you’re out of the house before 7.

4. When you always had to join children’s church choreography.

5. Every church party, childrens’ food vs adults’ food:

6. You, waiting to be old enough to finally go to teens church.

7. When you’re not praying in church and your mum looks over at you.

8. When you couldn’t start your Christmas celebration without going to church in the morning.

9. Your friends on New Year’s Eve vs. You and your family on New Year’s Eve:

10. You, waiting for your parents to finish greeting the same set of people after church every Sunday.

11. How your parents react when you tell them you want to change churches:

12. When you always had to attend mid-week services and night vigils.

13. When your parents see you walking out of church before they share the grace.

14. The solution to everything:

15. When you finally move out but they still call you every Sunday to know if you went to church.

His songs Shoki, Gbese and Efejoku which were released under YBNL were the turn up anthems of 2014 and 2015.

After dropping his first album, YAGI, he announced his departure from Olamide’s YBNL records via Instagram. He also revealed he was starting his own record label also named YAGI records.

Good for him sha, because no Nigerian wants to say “yes sir” to anybody.

Because Olamide shared this tweet back in 2015.

Did he learn how to run a music business after releasing one album and a few singles?

Because last time we checked, it takes more than dropping hits “back to back” to properly run a record label.

Do these musicians actually believe their successes lies only in running their own record label?

How many million record labels are we going to have in Nigeria?

We sha hope Olamide schooled him properly in the business of music.

1. You, a night before your first WAEC exam.

2. When they send the most wicked teacher in school to invigilate.

3. When they arrange everybody in alphabetical order and take you away from your squad.

4. When you see someone with ‘Key Points’ in the exam hall.

5. When the only section of the theory you know is the part meant for Ghana.

6. When they repeat the Past Questions year you crammed.

7. When a teacher enters the hall and starts dictating answers to the OBJ.

8. How you enter school when you’re the only one with expo:

9. When the external invigilator catches you trying to ask your friend for number 4.

10. When you tell someone the answer to number 1 and they ask “numbers 2 to 40?”

11. When you go to the toilet during an exam and see textbooks there.

12. How people that studied only dubs look when it doesn’t come out:

13. When the external invigilator falls asleep after eating.

14. When Food and Nutrition students finish their practical.

15. You, after you wrote your last paper.

16. You, trying to read for NECO after you know you cleared WAEC.

17. When you hear that result is out.

18. You, coming out of the principal’s office after seeing that you passed.

1. When you have to attend mass 7 mornings a week without fail.

2. When they expect you to stay awake through morning mass and also stay awake in class for the entire day.

3. And there are still evening prayers 7 days a week.

4. When the priest is preaching and he mentions how other churches are doing something wrong.

5. When your CRK class is basically Cathecism class.

6. When you misplace something and the Sisters tell you to pray to St. Anthony to help you find it.

7. When you mistakenly wear your skirt above your knee or sag your trousers.

8. When your sex education was basically “If you talk to boys, you’ll get pregnant”.

9. And once it’s 12 noon or 6pm, you have to stop everything you’re doing. Because Angelus.

10. When you’re not even Catholic but you have to learn all the prayers and now there’s no space for anything else in your brain.

11. When the altar boys and girls were one of the coolest people in school.

12. When they leave space for the Holy Spirit between you and the next person during an exam.

13. When you’re in an only girl’s school and your brother school comes round but you’re not allowed to speak to them.

14. If you’re not Catholic, the 40 days of Lent were your own personal hell.

15. When you commit an offence and they tell you that you just nailed Jesus to the cross.

16. And now, even if you’re not in a Catholic church, your knee automatically bends when you enter a row.

1. When she looks at her phone as if it is trying to deceive her.

2. How she saves numbers on her phone:

3. The kind of texts she sends you when you’re upstairs:

4. The kind of texts she sends you when you’re out with friends:

5. When she calls you to come and load her credit.

6. The kind of Whatsapp BCs she sends:

7. The kind of pictures she sends on Whatsapp:

15. When people are always adding ”ic” and ”ist” to everything you say now.