Nigeria | Page 199 of 223

It was reported that President Buhari left the country to attend an anti-corruption summit in the UK. However, UK’s Prime Minister, David Cameron had a few things to say about Nigerians.
In the video below, he can be overheard telling the Queen and other officials including the Archbishop of Canterbury, about the proceedings of the summit.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8cUepDFQoIA

He stated that leaders of the most fantastically corrupt countries are attending the summit. He also added that Nigeria and Afghanistan are possibly the most corrupt countries in the world.

Well, we live in a country where billions of dollars get ‘missing’ while politicians divert public funds a la Suki Santa.

So David didn’t necessarily tell a lie but let’s state a few things…

David Cameron was said to have been involved in the Panama Papers wahala but he still had so much to say about some people’s ‘fantastic corruption’.

And he obviously wasn’t trying to be politically correct sha.

Why's everyone mad at David Cameron?! I know he was politically incorrect.

But did he lie?
— Demotivational Speaker (@OdunEweniyi) May 10, 2016

But some Nigerians believe the UK government has helped some Nigerian politicians hide stolen money.

Dear @David_Cameron,Nigeria is #FantasticallyCorrupt like you fantastically stated. Your country fantastically help them to hide their loot.
— Mr. El-Bonga (@el_bonga) May 10, 2016

And David shouldn’t be the one pointing corrupt fingers at any country/people.

https://twitter.com/OgbeniDipo/status/730054019675230209

But he should sha help us return our money.

There's GOOD in episodes as @David_Cameron 's gaffe.Now Nigeria & others must INSIST UK LEADS BY EXAMPLE on "Repatriating Corruption Money"!
— Oby Ezekwesili (@obyezeks) May 11, 2016

And corruption has to stop in Nigeria.

David Cameron did not lie about Nigeria being fantastically corrupt. The British public can see him as a hypocrite, but he didn't lie.
— N. 🇵🇸 (@Regalinho) May 11, 2016

President Buhari in his speech said he won’t demand an apology and in his words, “I’m not going to demand any apology. All I demand is a return of assets. What would I do with apology?”

We hope all Nigerians make efforts to end corruption at every level so that people like David won’t throw such shade at us in the future.
[zkk_poll post=32567 poll=content_block_standard_format_13]
1. “Reverse back.”

Nigerianism for ‘reverse’.
2. “Dey come, dey come, just dey come.”

Nigerianism for ‘keep reversing’.
3. “Cut your hand small.”

Nigerianism for ‘turn the steering wheel a little’.
4. “Cut it full.”

Nigerianism for ‘turn the steering wheel all the way’.
5. “Oya match brake”

Nigerianism for ‘hit the brakes’.
6. “Oya straight your taya.”

Nigerianism for ‘stop turning the steering wheel’.
7. “Return your hand.”

Nigerianism for ‘turn the steering wheel to its original position’.
8. “Watch your side.”

Nigerianism for ‘use your side mirrors’.
9. “On your traffigator.”

Nigerianism for ‘use your indicators’.
10. “Oya go go, put your head”

Nigerianism for ‘go in front of that car’.
11. “Blow your horn.”

Nigerianism for ‘use your car horn’.
12. “Press your turtle.”

Nigerianism for ‘press your throttle’.
It’s about time Nigerians start appreciating the beauty of our culture. Nigerians continue to slay at home and especially abroad, why? Because even in the midst of so much wahala, greatness still runs in our blood. But let’s just get to the gist.
This British comedienne and actress just got featured in her first Nollywood movie.

For those of you who don’t know her, she’s Claire Edun aka Oyinbo Princess, famous for her pidgin speaking skills.

Claire who was born and raised in the UK fell in love with Nigeria after listening to several Nigerian songs.

The former air hostess is married to a Nigerian man, Richard Edun, and is popular for her comedy videos.

Her ability to speak pidgin landed her a role in a Nollywood movie titled ATM, produced by Lancelot Imaseun.

It’s great to see a foreigner take so much interest in Nigerian culture. But let’s remember one or two things…

When Nigerians speak English with an American or British accent, people say they’re forming.

Speaking pidgin on a normal day is razz but when a foreigner speaks pidgin, Nigerians be like…

As Nigerians, we need to learn to love our culture and stop waiting for others to do the appreciation for us.

You can watch the trailer here.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pwe2TFdW8XA
According to this report, there is a shortage of rice all over the world and we couldn’t be more worried.
1. When you realise the food that defines your life is about to get scarce.

Panic attack!
2. When you realise you won’t be attending any more Owambe parties.

Because what is an Owambe without Jollof rice?
3. Nigerians, when they realise there won’t be Sunday rice anymore.

Kuku kill us.
4. How Nigerians protest when they stop eating rice for breakfast, lunch and dinner.

We no go gree!
5. People that have rice at home will start doing shakara.

The same way girls on ig won't say where their weave is from, that's how chefs won't say where their rice is from when it gets scarce
— THELMZKITCHEN (@thelmzkitchen) May 5, 2016

He who has Jollof rice has the whole world.
6. You, when your mother can’t tell you “there’s rice at home” anymore.

Look at God!
7. Christmas Jollof will become Christmas Amala.

The stress!
8. What restaurants serve when you ask for a plate of rice.

Chisos!
9. Nigerians, when their favourite Jollof rice restaurants finally close down.

This can’t be the end..
10. Daddy Bubu will kuku jet out for an international intervention on rice production.

Bring rice for us oh!
11. Nigerians, when a minister tries to tell them to find alternatives to rice.

Who couscous don epp?
12. How Nigerians rush to Benue when they realise there are several rice plantations in the state.

Let’s go there!
1. The morning devotion starter pack:

The best.
2. Your second bible from children to teens church:

By Mummy G.O.
3. Your church, when they say Daddy G.O will be visiting.

I must see him.
4. When you always passed at least 3 RCCG parishes before reaching your own.

Why can’t we just go to the closest one?
5. Always hearing Area pastor, Zonal pastor, and Parish pastor, but never knowing the difference.

Which one is which again?
6. Whenever your parents forced you to go for Digging Deep or Faith Clinic.

I’m tired.
7. You and your family turning up every Thanksgiving sunday like:

We slay!
8. When service is meant to end by 11:30, but by 12:30 you’re still there.

Hay God!
9. When you hear “Good women wait behind” and you know you’re not leaving church anytime soon.

Chai!
10. You, dodging responsibilities during teens and children’s week.

It’s not me and you people.
11. Your parents, when you tell them you don’t want to attend Redeemer’s university.

Is it by force?
12. When you just got back from church and they are already calling you for house fellowship.

Epp me.
13. You, the day before every yearly fast.

My body is ready.
14. When Easter comes and your parents start talking about Lets-Go-A-Fishing.

NO!
15. How Lagos-Ibadan expressway looks every Holy Ghost Service:

The struggle.
When Nigerian Twitter user, Stephanogabanna shared pictures of her graduation, we couldn’t be more impressed.
She and her mother just bagged B.Sc degrees in Public Health from the same university.

https://twitter.com/StephanoGabanna/status/729773974779879424

And this was how we felt.

But we couldn’t help but imagine how being in the same class with a Nigerian mother would be like. Here are some of them:

1. Her, when you try to lie about not having homework.

2. When you try to sit beside someone else in class.

3. When you try to cheat during an exam.

4. When she passes you in a test.

5. When you try to do small amebo in class.

6. When you try to skip a class.
1. “You’re always pressing phone.”

For when you’re using your phone for anything besides answering their call.
2. “You’re always going out.”

For when you leave your house more than once in a month.
3. “You’re always in that your room.”

For when you don’t want to go and stay with them in the living room.
4. “You’re always playing playstation.”

For when they see you doing anything besides studying.
5. “You’re always speeding.”

For when they turn you into their driver.
6. “You’re always browsing facebook.”

For when they see you doing anything on the internet.
7. “You’re always eating.”

For when you mistakenly eat after annoying them.
8. “You’re always visiting them, when will they visit you?”

For whenever you want to go and visit a friend.
9. “You’re always forgetting things.”

For when you make one mistake.
10. “You’re always watching TV.”

For when you’re watching something they don’t want to watch.
11. “You’re always buying rubbish.”

For when you buy one thing they don’t like.
12. “You’re always sleeping.”

For when they wake up first even though they went to bed 3 hours earlier.
13. “You’re always squeezing face.”

For when they just finished annoying you.
14. “You’re always chasing girls.”

For when you miss church one Sunday.
15. “You’re always wearing makeup.”

For when you wear lipgloss out.
16. “You’re always wasting money.”

For when your phone costs more than 5k.
17. “You’re always on your computer.”

For when you’re not using your laptop to read.
1. When you’re going somewhere in town and the cab man calls N500 for you.

Do you think this is Lagos?
2. When the cab man asks “where in Gwarimpa?” and you say “around charly bo…”

No vex.
3. When you hear how much it is to rent a self-contained flat in Asokoro.

BYE!
4. Abuja sun and hell fire.

Kill us oh!
5. You, dodging people you know whenever you go to Silverbird.

Na wa! Is everybody in Abuja here?
6. When you’re passing Ministers Hill and you see your junior driving a Bugatti.

See my life.
7. When your guys start rushing the small Yahuza suya you bought.

Hay God!
8. When you go to Wonderland and it’s not a public holiday.

Hian! Where is everybody?
9. Abuja people, when celebrities come into town.

Who send you?
10. Whenever you go to buy Grandsquare bread.

What is all this?
11. Your face, when you see VIO and the traffic light is red.

Jehovah!
12. You, after finishing your bowl of Habib yoghurt and fura.

Sigh! Is it fair?
13. When you have to drive through Area 11 on a friday afternoon.

The traffic from hell.
14. When you’re passing Kubwa expressway and you see people racing.

Don’t come and kill me.
1. Whenever you hear “pass on the torch”

…still brightly gleaming.
2. When you enter stealth mode to fap water from your dorm girls.

Epp me, Lord.
3. When you’re leaving dining hall and you hear “one ju” or “junior girl with the…”

Hay God!
4. You, when KC boys start arriving for Interhouse sports.

When you pretend to start stretching for calisthenics.
5. When you see a KC boy talking to one ISL girl.

Ugh! Do better.
6. Vivian Fowler girls looking at you and your squad like:

Stay pained.
7. Your face, whenever you see babes scaling fence.

Is it that deep?
8. Whenever you hear that Maty Obong or Mrs. Obi are coming.

Jisos!
9. “Obasa girls, dirty towels I can stand, but dirty pants I cannot stand. Whose pant is this?”

Don’t look at me.
10. When it’s time for Saturday morning inspection.

The worst.
11. When you hear that you’re a toilet worker instead of a dorm worker.

Who did I offend?
12. How dining hall looked every Sunday:

From Pap and akara to jollof rice.
13. You and your girls during dance, dance, dance.

Let us scatter the floor.
14. When you heard that school had cancelled Scruples.

NO! WHY?
15. You, the first time you caught two girls “lesbianing” together.

Chineke!
16. Whenever someone asks if you’re a QC old girl.

Proud OG! Co-written by Zikoko contributor, @Cyntheeya
Less than 48 hours after speaking to The Punch in hiding and denying killing his wife, Mr Lekan Shonde has been arrested.
He was pictured in police custody in a tweet shared by the Lagos Rapid Response Squad.

RRS picks up Lekan Shonde, man alleged to have murdered his wife last week. pic.twitter.com/nld7pxa6Ew
— Lagos State Police Command II (@rrslagos767) May 9, 2016

More details about his arrest will come up shortly.

In the video below, he can be overheard telling the Queen and other officials including the Archbishop of Canterbury, about the proceedings of the summit.

He stated that leaders of the most fantastically corrupt countries are attending the summit. He also added that Nigeria and Afghanistan are possibly the most corrupt countries in the world.

Well, we live in a country where billions of dollars get ‘missing’ while politicians divert public funds a la Suki Santa.

So David didn’t necessarily tell a lie but let’s state a few things…

David Cameron was said to have been involved in the Panama Papers wahala but he still had so much to say about some people’s ‘fantastic corruption’.

And he obviously wasn’t trying to be politically correct sha.

But some Nigerians believe the UK government has helped some Nigerian politicians hide stolen money.

And David shouldn’t be the one pointing corrupt fingers at any country/people.

But he should sha help us return our money.

And corruption has to stop in Nigeria.

President Buhari in his speech said he won’t demand an apology and in his words, “I’m not going to demand any apology. All I demand is a return of assets. What would I do with apology?”

We hope all Nigerians make efforts to end corruption at every level so that people like David won’t throw such shade at us in the future.

1. “Reverse back.”

2. “Dey come, dey come, just dey come.”

3. “Cut your hand small.”

4. “Cut it full.”

5. “Oya match brake”

6. “Oya straight your taya.”

7. “Return your hand.”

8. “Watch your side.”

9. “On your traffigator.”

10. “Oya go go, put your head”

11. “Blow your horn.”

12. “Press your turtle.”

This British comedienne and actress just got featured in her first Nollywood movie.

For those of you who don’t know her, she’s Claire Edun aka Oyinbo Princess, famous for her pidgin speaking skills.

Claire who was born and raised in the UK fell in love with Nigeria after listening to several Nigerian songs.

The former air hostess is married to a Nigerian man, Richard Edun, and is popular for her comedy videos.

Her ability to speak pidgin landed her a role in a Nollywood movie titled ATM, produced by Lancelot Imaseun.

It’s great to see a foreigner take so much interest in Nigerian culture. But let’s remember one or two things…

When Nigerians speak English with an American or British accent, people say they’re forming.

Speaking pidgin on a normal day is razz but when a foreigner speaks pidgin, Nigerians be like…

As Nigerians, we need to learn to love our culture and stop waiting for others to do the appreciation for us.

You can watch the trailer here.

1. When you realise the food that defines your life is about to get scarce.

2. When you realise you won’t be attending any more Owambe parties.

3. Nigerians, when they realise there won’t be Sunday rice anymore.

4. How Nigerians protest when they stop eating rice for breakfast, lunch and dinner.

5. People that have rice at home will start doing shakara.

6. You, when your mother can’t tell you “there’s rice at home” anymore.

7. Christmas Jollof will become Christmas Amala.

8. What restaurants serve when you ask for a plate of rice.

9. Nigerians, when their favourite Jollof rice restaurants finally close down.

10. Daddy Bubu will kuku jet out for an international intervention on rice production.

11. Nigerians, when a minister tries to tell them to find alternatives to rice.

12. How Nigerians rush to Benue when they realise there are several rice plantations in the state.

1. The morning devotion starter pack:

2. Your second bible from children to teens church:

3. Your church, when they say Daddy G.O will be visiting.

4. When you always passed at least 3 RCCG parishes before reaching your own.

5. Always hearing Area pastor, Zonal pastor, and Parish pastor, but never knowing the difference.

6. Whenever your parents forced you to go for Digging Deep or Faith Clinic.

7. You and your family turning up every Thanksgiving sunday like:

8. When service is meant to end by 11:30, but by 12:30 you’re still there.

9. When you hear “Good women wait behind” and you know you’re not leaving church anytime soon.

10. You, dodging responsibilities during teens and children’s week.

11. Your parents, when you tell them you don’t want to attend Redeemer’s university.

12. When you just got back from church and they are already calling you for house fellowship.

13. You, the day before every yearly fast.

14. When Easter comes and your parents start talking about Lets-Go-A-Fishing.

15. How Lagos-Ibadan expressway looks every Holy Ghost Service:

She and her mother just bagged B.Sc degrees in Public Health from the same university.

And this was how we felt.

But we couldn’t help but imagine how being in the same class with a Nigerian mother would be like. Here are some of them:

1. Her, when you try to lie about not having homework.

2. When you try to sit beside someone else in class.

3. When you try to cheat during an exam.

4. When she passes you in a test.

5. When you try to do small amebo in class.

6. When you try to skip a class.

1. “You’re always pressing phone.”

2. “You’re always going out.”

3. “You’re always in that your room.”

4. “You’re always playing playstation.”

5. “You’re always speeding.”

6. “You’re always browsing facebook.”

7. “You’re always eating.”

8. “You’re always visiting them, when will they visit you?”

9. “You’re always forgetting things.”

10. “You’re always watching TV.”