1. How you feel when your birthday doesn’t fall on a school day:
The pain.
2. You, turning up to school in your mufty like:
SLAY!
3. The official birthday hairstyle:
Christmas was the only other time you’d see this hairstyle.
4. How your classmates look at you when you enter with cake.
Turn Up!
5. When people that have never spoken to you start forming best friend.
Shift biko.
6. The official birthday starter pack:
Add Capri-sonne for some extra love.
7. Your classmates, waiting for break time to come so you can share the cabin.
Longest wait ever.
8. How your teacher cuts their own cake:
Chai!
9. When your teacher still finds a reason to flog you.
Where is your conscience?
10. When they make you take pictures with all your classmates.
Ugh! Can we eat already?
11. You, picking the people that will get extra party packs.
Come forward and be judged.
12. When they start threatening you with “I won’t be your friend again”.
Ehn be going na.
13. Your classmates, when they see you the next day:
Wow! Is it like that?
1. When agberos start touching you the moment you enter the park.
Can you not?
2. When they make you fill a manifest with your next of kin’s number and address.
Are you planning on having accident, abi what?
3. You, waiting for the bus to get full.
CAN WE MOVE?
4. How they pack you in the bus:
The struggle.
5. When one pastor appears to preach and collect prayer offering before the bus leaves.
Not today, biko.
6. When the bus starts moving before the person you bought gala from has given you change.
WAIT!!!
7. Your driver, when he sees FRSC and he is not wearing seatbelt.
Oh God!
8. How everyone looks at that person that just keeps shouting “slow down oh!”.
Go down and trek na.
9. When your battery dies in the middle of the trip.
WHY ME?
10. When a trailer comes out of nowhere and the driver skillfully dodges it.
Bad guy.
11. When someone tells the driver to stop so they can use the toilet.
Better hold yourself.
12. The whole bus, when you reach a military checkpoint.
Just comport yourself.
13. When something happens and the driver says you’ll have to stay over night.
Hay God!
14. When you see your luggage after you reach your destination:
Always dirty.
Co-written by Zikoko Contributor, @John_Osbo
These young women look like they’re preparing for a gele tying competition, right?
Unfortunately, they’re not. These two sisters were part of the refugees rescued from an overcrowded refugee boat that capsized while on its way to Europe.
The boat carrying 368 African migrants capsized as a result of sudden movement of people towards one side of the boat. Unfortunately, 5 people drowned.
The 20 year old sisters from Benin City were rescued on their way to Europe through Libya. They were rescued by MSF Sea, an international medical humanitarian organisation aimed at providing medical care for people crossing the Mediterranean to Europe.
These 20 year old sisters from Benin City in #Nigeria have the most beautiful use for our emergency blankets yet! pic.twitter.com/1XAgVnZnvm
Even in such a hopeless situation, they still managed to find happiness. They’re proof that Nigerians are just the happiest and most resilient people on earth.
The refugee crisis is as heartbreaking as it gets. Scores of people desperate to get better lives in Europe die at sea annually. The refugee/migrant crisis ought to be addressed immediately.
Do you remember this awesome classic by Seyi Sodimu? This groovy song probably introduced many of us into the world of Nigerian hiphop.
But guess what, many years after blessing us with this classic, Seyi decided to do a remix and it features American R&B singer, K. Michelle.
And yes, it comes with a brand new video which was shot in Atlanta by Sesan Ogunro of Film Factory, watch it below.
Seyi Sodimu, who founded the independent label Goodlife Entertainment in 2001, is working on his fourth album, which is due for release later this year under the label.
It looks like he’s trying to make a comeback into the Nigerian music industry. We wish him good luck with that!
1. When your realise “Tan Gboro Tan” was actually “Town Igboro Town”.
Is there hot yam in their mouth?
2. You, begging for a bailer of water from your floormates.
Abeg!!!
3. How Hezekiah Oluwasanmi library looks during exam time:
People that managed to read there are strong sha.
4. When someone tells you they got admission to study Geology.
I pity you.
5. You, wondering if eating ‘risky’ for dinner is really worth the risk.
Is my stomach ready?
6. Celebrities to Awo boys, when they come to do a show at Amphi.
DOBALE!!! If you like be Beyonce.
7. When you see people loving up at AngloMoz and MotionGround at night.
Go and read your books, biko.
8. You, after using N100 to go chow at A1 New Buka.
Iya Ila of life.
9. When someone tries to cut the queue for Rotunda.
Respect yourself please.
10. When you haven’t finished reading for exams and you hear they want to do Aluta.
Do it, abeg.
11. When you see your guy that is owing you money coming out of Jo’s.
It’s like that?
12. When you pour water downstairs and start hearing “stretch your hand” and “stretch your brain”.
Oops!
13. Boys, preparing for Moz 101:
Let’s do this.
14. The OAU Cycle:
Reading was not the problem, passing was.
15. Your face, when a bat shits on your favourite cloth.
When the bats are dragging school population with humans.
1. When they tell you to dress up and you say you don’t want to go.
Better go and wear cloth.
2. You, waiting for you parents to now get ready:
Hian! On top party I don’t even want to attend.
3. When you go 3 hours late and you’re still the first family to arrive.
What the hell?
4. When the only people there are your parents’ friends, so you just sit in a corner like:
Why am I even here?
5. When they make you greet every single adult there.
See assignment.
6. The food they give you vs. The food they give them:
Is it fair?
7. “You better eat now, because I’m not cooking when we get home.”
Can’t come and carry last.
8. The only part of the party you looked forward to:
YES LORD!
9. Your parents, when they are spraying money vs. Your parents, when you ask them for money:
Na wa for una.
10. When your parents force you to stand up and dance.
Ugh! Am I the entertainment?
11. How your dancing intensifies when adults start spraying you money:
Shake it for the cash.
12. When they start using you to brag:
Uhm. Actually…
13. When they pack leftovers from the party and make you carry them.
Hay God!
14. When they say “we are going home” but they already said that 2 hours ago.
CAN WE GO?
This was arguably the best drama series on television back in the days. Nobody missed it. If you were one of the die hard fans you will understand these.
1. When it is closing time on Thursday
All roads lead to the house, see you all later.
2. Trying to figure out the best and fastest route to take home
I must get home before 8PM.
3. The whole family waiting for 8:00 PM in the living room
Can this show start already?
4. And then NEPA decides to take light at 7:30 PM
OH JESUS CHRIST!
5. But you bought fuel the day before, just in case
NEPA you can keep your light. Who’s the boss now?
6. What the streets look like during Super Story time
Not one single human being outside.
7. Your parents during the “last week on your award winning Super Story” line
If I hear pim from anybody.
8. The whole family when the theme music is going on
Where the fish drownsssss, and even die of thirstttttt, this is Super Story!!
9. We all wanted to slap this guy through the screen
Suara the ungrateful husband.
10. Everybody’s favorite person
Abike from “Oh Father Oh Daughter”.
11. The worst
Toyin Tomato husband snatcher. Gold digger goals.
12. You knew this guy was always up to no good
Mr corrupt policeman or thief, just know he was the bad person.
13. You knew this was the default “chief”
Every time, and he was always rich.
14. This was always the mother of the house
Very calm woman. Usually suggests her son should marry another wife.
15. The girl that always came from grass to grace
Everytime! She needs to come and show us her secret.
16. When Super Story did those short series with only four episodes
Is this what we are here for please?
17. Everybody at the end of every series
It’s wind in my eyes, I’m not crying.
18. When it was time for the “wise word of the week”
The utter deepeness. Words of wisdom.
1. When you are still in Uni and you’re shouting “200k starting salary or nothing.”
No time.
2. Your face, when you first get that N19,800 NYSC allowance.
What is this nonsense?
3. When NYSC is about to end and you realize you won’t be seeing that N19,800 again.
Hay God!
4. You, waiting for that “N200k starting salary” job to come.
Na wa.
5. You, looking for work after sitting at home for a couple of months.
I cannot come and go and die.
6. When they ask you how much salary you want and your mouth becomes too heavy to call that N200k.
Uhm! Actually…
7. When you struggle and do Masters and they still want to pay you like someone with first degree.
Are you mad?
8. When the small salary still doesn’t even enter your account on time.
What the hell?
9. When you subtract your transport and feeding money from your starting salary:
Let me just die.
10. When you hear you’re meant to save out of that salary too.
Save ke? Out of what?
11. When you now make the mistake of calculating how much your salary is in pounds.
I’ve made a terrible mistake.
12. When you tell your friends how much you’re making and they say “you’re even lucky.”
Lucky ke?
13. The pain:
See my life.
1. This glorious owambe rice all over the floor.
The pain.
2. This beautiful plate of jollof rice with just too little rice and dodo.
4 pieces of dodo, though? REALLY?
3. This other plate that is not even fine but somehow has even less rice.
Struggling to find the point.
4. ARE WE PLAYING HERE?
It has to be a joke.
5. Jamie Oliver’s attempt at “jollof rice”
We are still upset to be honest.
6. Why is this rice smiling when there is no stew anywhere in sight?
We are not smiling with it.
7. This painful plate of burnt dodo.
Unforgivable.
8. This picture of what is meant to be pap and moin moin wearing an igbo cap.
Bye, biko.
9. There’s not enough time in the world for all the questions we have for this person.
TOO MANY QUESTIONS!
10. Eba shaped like meatpie. One question: WHY?
Has anything ever been more pointless?
11. This eba that is CLEARLY not enough to satisfy anyone.
