Ugandan President Museveni while returning from a World Population Day commemoration, stopped by the roadside to make a phone call that lasted 30 minutes.
But we’re wondering who brought the chair for him.
Why did he have to stop his entire convoy because of one phone call?
But who was he talking to self? Was he calling the love of his life?
Even though he wasn’t the one driving and didn’t need to come out of his car in the first place.
PSA: We do not condone any form of violence! But…story na story abeg.
Once upon a time, in the land where many people lack home training, two women were jejely walking down a street in Akure, on a peaceful Sunday afternoon.
That’s how one man came to ‘toast’ one of them.
As per, she didn’t like his face, she told him:
Instead of him to quietly chop his Ela, he started harrassing them:
And being the baddest babes that ever liveth…
They pounced on him and beat him so much until he fell inside the gutter.
But wait first…Maybe that’s not exactly what happened…
What if the man was a bad sharp guy that had girlfriends on every street in Akure.
And unfortunately for him, two of his girlfriends found out and became friends.
So they confronted him…
And instead of him to just confess, he said:
So they beat him very well for being a lying, cheating demon. The End.
It’s however unfortunate to note that not even one Nigerian university made the list.
In fact, there has never been a Nigerian university on the CWUR ranking since 2014.
In spite of this, Uganda, Egypt and South Africa were the only African countries on the list.
The CWUR based this ranking on 8 factors including: quality of education, alumni employment, quality of faculty, influence, citations, publications, broad impact and patent.
This means an average Nigerian university does not meet any of these standards and cannot even match up to any of these international universities.
Looking at the alumni factor, after doing so much wahala to even get a degree in Nigeria, there are no jobs available for the graduates.
The extent of the failing education sector comes to light every other day and must be addressed!
For Nigeria to move forward and progress, the system responsible for grooming and producing citizens that will enforce this change has to be fixed.
What would you do if the Nigerian government blocked all social media apps for days because of some troublemakers?
Well, in Ethiopia, the most embarrassing exam leak happened when questions to an end-of-year exam which was to be taken by 254,000 university students leaked all over the internet in May.
And like typical Nigerian parents, the Ethiopian government blocked all the popular social media sites for few days, as per the students like pressing their phones too much.
Na wa o! Instead of them to tackle the exam malpractice problem directly.
Technology didn’t kuku stop people from cheating in exams before Twitter and Instagram were created.
But sha, can you imagine the Nigerian government taking this sort of ‘disciplinary action’ on its citizens? Very possible, right?
Nigerian students when they see leaked questions on the internet…
However, Ethiopians aren’t keeping quiet, the ones who currently have access to social media outside the country have condemned this action.
This is nothing but an unconstitutional State of Emergency. The Ethiopian government have no legal basis or… https://t.co/ISMZTd9v8U
But the people that leaked the questions didn’t try sha. Let’s hope the Ethiopian government properly gets to the root of the problem.
1. When a senior wants to punish you some minutes to dining time.
Don’t let the devil use you.
2. When your provisions have finished and you hear dining bell.
Can’t come and carry last.
3. When you can see them about to close the dining hall door.
God forbid.
4. When someone tries to jump the line to collect food.
Please just respect yourself.
5. When the dining hall prefect asks “who wants extra plantain?”
See question oh!
6. You, watching two seniors fight in the dining hall.
Are you not entertained?
7. How the dining hall looks when the food is jollof rice and chicken:
Who no like better thing?
8. When you get to the hall 5 minutes late and you hear food has finished.
Are you people animals?
9. The hall, when a senior declares “MASSACRE”:
Every man for himself.
10. How you eat when your guy gets chosen to be dining hall prefect:
WINNING!
11. When they take light in the hall and everyone starts shouting.
Are you people not Nigerians again?
12. When you’re hungry and that wicked senior tells you to bring your food.
Is it fair?
13. When someone brings milk to the hall on pap and akara day.
Our hero.
14. When the dining hall prefect calls for extra food.
We hail oh!
15. When they are serving beans and all the girls are forming.
Starve oh!
16. When you’re still eating and you hear “LEAVE THE DINING HALL”
EXCUZ MI?
British-Nigerian actor, David Oyelowo, through the GEANCO Foundation has created a scholarship to help girls who are victims of gender inequality and terrorism.
In a press release, he explained that the war against injustice and oppression can only be won by speaking against it and providing lasting solutions to the problem.
Although some of the Nigerian girls who were kidnapped by terrorists have been rescued, David Oyelowo believes so much more can be done to rehabilitate them and help mold them into successful Nigerian women.
According to him, the scholarship will receive financial support from his wife Jessica, American pro-footballer, Warren Moon, and Oprah Winfrey.
Three leadership scholarships will be provided for the 2016/2017 school session and the recipients will be admitted into Anglican Girls Grammar School in Abuja.
Well done, David! We hope the Nigerian government follows in his steps and do what’s necessary.
With the progress of the world into more advanced times, one would think some men would quit giving women ridiculous tips on ‘How To Keep A Man’.
Just when it looked like Nigerian Twitter was going to get through the weekend without any drama, a ‘motivational Tweeter’, Sola Adio, hit us with his nugget of the day…
He compared a woman’s vagina to a fan belt, advising women to close their legs.
Lets pretend to understand his ridiculous message for a minute and imagine he was preaching abstinence. Even at that, he forgot to mention how abstinence could be practiced by MEN and WOMEN.
The way some men keep telling women what to do with their bodies, when/who to have sex with has become boring, sincerely…
But will some Nigerian men die if they call a vagina by its biological name? All of us kuku went to school and studied biology.
Can they stop making nonsense analogies about a penis being a master key and a vagina being the padlock that mustn’t be opened by any key.
It’s about time, people stop seeing sex as some sort of gift or favour, it’s not chin chin!
And for the olodos at the back, a vagina, which is responsible for the birth of a child CANNOT be slacked by any penis.
1. When they ask for your size but still give you the one that is 5 times too big.
What was now the point, ehn?
2. You, trying to find jungle boots that are actually your size:
The struggle is real.
3. When you try on your khakis for the first time.
Hay God!
4. When you finally discover the real use of the NYSC cap.
Helping corpers sleep since 1973.
5. When you go to Mami market and hear “N1,000 to slim-fit.”
Ah! Are you sewing me aso-ebi?
6. How you think you look in your khakis vs. How you actually look:
The truth can pain.
7. When you realize the NYSC belt is actually just a useless rope.
The belt will be doing as if you’re begging it to hold your trouser.
8. How your khakis shrink after one wash:
The worst.
9. When you go out in your khakis and everyone suddenly thinks they know you.
Can you not?
10. When strangers shout “corper wee!” and actually expect you to reply “waaa!”
See this one.
11. How you look at people who somehow manage to look good in their khakis:
You think this is fashion week.
12. When road safety allows you pass because you’re wearing your khakis.
THE BEST!
13. You, running to go and change immediately clearance is over.
