• 1. When your parents tell you that you’re travelling to the village.

    Hay God! Why?

    2. How your parents wake everybody up by 4am to start getting ready:

    Hian! Are we washing the road?

    3. When your mother packs the whole kitchen for trip that is just a few hours.

    Mummy, calm down na.

    4. When the person praying for journey mercies turns it into a church service.

    Oga, can we move?

    5. How your parents squeeze you and your siblings at the back:

    The worst.

    6. When you still have to share the backseat with load that didn’t enter the boot.

    What is it? Are we moving?

    7. When your mother immediately starts playing her gospel music.

    Chai!

    8. How your parents look at you if you try to play your own music.

    “Are you a demon?”

    9. Your father, if he has not seen banana and groundnut to buy.

    It is by force.

    10. When your parents finally put off the AC because of petrol.

    Kuku kill me.

    11. When your father refuses to stop for you to use the toilet because he stopped an hour ago.

    Is it fair?

    12. When one of your siblings farts in the car.

    UGH!

    13. When the phone battery you’ve been managing finally dies.

    It’s all over.

    14. You, when one of your siblings starts dozing off on your shoulder.

    See this one.

    15. When you and your siblings start fighting and your parents threaten to drop you on the road.

    Ah! No oh!

    16. How you come down from the car when you finally reach your destination:

    FINALLY!
  • 1. How the security harasses you at the gate because of ID card.

    Uncle calm down.

    2. When you see the queue for cabs to Tanke.

    Chisos!

    3. When a fresher asks you what ‘face Tanke’ means.

    Look at this one.

    4. How freshers sprint for lectures in SLT and LT1.

    It’s not like they’ll graduate with 1st class.

    5. When you realise there’s an actual restaurant called Sister Biggs.

    No shame!

    6. How Sister Biggs looks like on a Monday afternoon.

    Is the whole school eating here?

    7. When you’re trying to book a bed space but they closed the portal after 30 seconds.

    I’ll kuku sleep under the bridge at Challenge .

    8. How the flies welcome you when you enter Lagos hostel.

    Iyanma!

    9. When you see a fine girl walking into Lagos hostel.

    After all the forming.

    10. When you see the shotput nylons behind Zamfara hostel.

    What is this rubbish?

    11. How you get to PG hostel when there’s no Keke at the park.

    The struggle.

    12. When you’re broke and you can’t take the 20 Naira school bus because you’re a big girl.

    Hay God!

    13. When you see people loving up on walkway.

    See these ones.

    14. How people come to show their newest kacks on block 4 of walkway.

    As per all the big boys and girls are sitting there.

    15. When you see freshers kacking on their Matriculation.

    You never jam.

    16. When you’re wearing trousers and you hear dress-code people are at the car park.

    Chineke!

    17. How girls that have boyfriends in Engineering carry their shoulders.

    As per they’re not our mates.

    18. When you go to Oke-Odo and realise it’s just Unilorin extension.

    Na wa o.
  • 1. The real bathroom in a Nigerian home:

    The bathroom begins and ends inside that bucket.

    2. Those colourful sponges that look like net singlet:

    Everyone in the house has a different colour.

    3. That local sponge that looks like bird nest:

    To wash away your sins.

    4. The bathroom slippers that your mother has used to stone you.

    This is where their marksmanship shines.

    5. A million toothbrushes when there are just 4 people in the house:

    Nigerians don’t know how to throw away toothbrush.

    6. All the toothpastes we have unofficially named ‘Closeup’:

    They are all ‘Closeup’. Go and argue in your house.

    7. The toothpaste no one wants to accept has finished:

    It must not waste.

    8. The floor rag that is just a retired towel:

    Your mother will kill you if you don’t take it out to dry after every bath.

    9. That heater that hasn’t worked in years:

    Why are you even there?

    10. When you see this, you know the most annoying chore is about to go down.

    Ugh! The worst.

    11. That container filled with water, just in case:

    Can’t trust the tap in a Nigerian house.

    12. The soaps we all grew up with:

    The smell of Tura was the worst.

    13. The bathing soap Nigerians have turned into washing soap.

    Has anyone actually used it to bath?
  • While some people love NYSC with all its wahala, we all have to admit that having to teach during NYSC isn’t the coolest experience.

    And while many of us aren’t even over this teaching idea, a civil society organisation, Buhari Youth Organisation, believes the NYSC service year should be devoted to farming.

    According to their spokesman, Abdul-Waheed Odunuga, the NYSC scheme needs to restructured so that graduates can help boost Nigeria’s agricultural sector during their service year.

    He suggested the state and federal governments create farms where graduates can learn agriculture and farm while serving the country.

    Instead of them to suggest realistic solutions to the unemployment problem in Nigeria, they’re talking about farming.

    Anyway, the corpers can kuku use the farming as an excuse to join fitfam, muscle cannot waste.

    Or they could just start one farm in their backyard, don’t say we don’t do anything for you guys.

    In this age where graduates of developed countries are making ground-breaking discoveries, some people still believe Nigerian graduates would be better off learning a trade.

    Nigeria will only keep up with the rest of the world if opportunities can be provided for its citizens to improve the failing sectors in the country.

  • Hard-working with a passion for telling African stories, the award-winning Didi Akinyulere launched her career in the financial sector in 2011 after graduating from University of Nottingham.

    She moved to journalism in 2013 when she joined the Lagos branch of CNBC and is currently the producer and presenter of a business show, Open Exchange West Africa.

    Following the sudden death of Ghanaian BBC World New presenter, Komla Dumor, in 2014, an annual award was set aside in her memory. And this year, Didi is the second journalist to be honored with the award.

    As part of the award prize, Didi will join the BBC team in London for a 3-month placement in September where she’ll attend a course with the BBC Academy.

    This prize also comes with an additional opportunity for her to travel to a country in Africa with a top BBC producer to report on a story targeted at the global audience.

    One of the judges of the panel, BBC Africa’s Josephine Hazeley, described Didi as excellent in telling business stories and the right candidate for the award.

    Didi is proof that Nigerian journalism will only keep getting better. We’re so proud of her!

  • 1. You, turning up on the last Sunday thanksgiving service:

    Turn up for Jesus.

    2. How you wake up on your graduation day:

    FINALLY!

    3. When you see that lecturer that said you wouldn’t graduate.

    Twerk on them haters.

    4. You and your crew, stepping out in your graduation kacks like:

    As bad guys.

    5. When you have to cover it up with your ugly graduation gown.

    Why na?

    6. When people ask you what CGPA you graduated with.

    Have I not graduated ni?

    7. You, giving your parents your certificate after they forced you to do Engineering:

    Shebi you’re happy now?

    8. When your course mates are crying and hugging each other and you’re just there like:

    Do and go abeg.

    9. When your parents invite the whole street to your graduation ceremony.

    HAY GOD!

    10. The unofficial Nigerian graduation picture:

    This pose is a must.

    11. When you wake up the day after and you realise you don’t have to go to school.

    BEST!

    12. When you ask your father for money and he reminds you that you’re a graduate.

    Ah! Is it like that?

    13. When you haven’t finished enjoying freedom and they bring up masters.

    CAN I REST THOUGH?

    14. When you suddenly have to start worrying about NYSC posting.

    What is it sef?

    15. When you remember that you’ll soon have to get a real job.

    I’m not ready to start adulting.
  • 1. When you don’t want to go out but you hear “free food”.

    My body is ready.

    2. When you go for a buffet and someone tries to enter your front.

    Better respect yourself.

    3. When your mother starts doubting your stomach.

    4. When the person serving food at the owambe keeps passing you.

    See my life.

    5. When the caterer tries to block your blessing.

    Better face your front.

    6. Your plate at every owambe:

    Can’t dull it.

    7. When you follow your friend to a fancy restaurant and you see the tiny portions.

    Am I a goat?

    8. When there is still flesh on your bone and your waiter tries to clear your plate.

    You want to die, ba?

    9. When someone wants to take you on a date that doesn’t involve food.

    Are we in the abroad?

    10. Your monthly food budget:

    Food is the most important, abeg.

    11. When you buy take-away but finish the food before you get home.

    Don’t judge me.

    12. When your friend says you spend too much money on food.

    Face your front.

    13. Nigerian mothers: “…when you’re always eating.”

    Hay God!

    14. When you dish your food and one aunty comes to say “for you alone?!”

    Please, go to your house.

    15. When your siblings eat the food you kept in the fridge.

    Blood is not thicker than food oh!

    16. When the person saying grace for food starts praying too long.

    Can we eat, biko?

    17. You, leaving every party with food like:

    I cannot carry last.

    If you love food as much as we do, don’t carry last on the 500dishes Foodfest:

    YASSS!!! Zikoko will be there hosting the food competition of life – Zikoko Hunger Games.

    And before you say Zikoko never did anything nice for you, we will be giving away free tickets to some lucky readers.

    All you have to do is share this post on either Twitter or Facebook and we will pick at random.

    You can also get 10% off when buying your 500dishes foodfest tickets using the voucher code “ZIKOKO”.

    Head to 500dishes.com/foodfest to get your tickets.
  • Four of the most beautiful Nigerian celebrities, Beverly Naya, Mocheddah, Adesua Etomi and Sika Osei, covered the latest edition of Genevieve Magazine.

    See how they’re all shining and popping.

    But in spite of how empowering this cover looks with all the slayage, the quotes on this picture couldn’t be more disappointing.

    And for a magazine that claims to be women-oriented, the quotes on this cover are a bit of a let-down .

    It’s even more disappointing because most of us thought a cover like this would feature quotes on the things women face in the Nigerian entertainment industry.

    When a magazine puts ‘Fearlessly Female’ and quotes that bring women down on the same page.

    Some Nigerians aren’t pleased with this cover sha.

    https://twitter.com/yew1e/status/755417385029558272

    They’re hoping the article isn’t as bad as the cover.

    https://twitter.com/moetomi/status/755398630538969088

    The quotes could’ve been random statements that were taken out of context.

    Although the quotes on this cover page could be easily taken out of context, we’ll wait to see the full article before judging them.

  • Everyone in the world knows how interesting and lit the U.S presidential race is. And something even more interesting happened on July 18.

    During the Republican National Convention, Donald Trump’s wife, Melania, gave her first major public speech, and she slayed so hard!

    Well…until people realised her speech was similar to Michelle Obama’s speech at the Democratic National Convention of 2008.

    Can you imagine?

    Seriously, just look at this…

    People on Twitter have no chill, they’ve been dragging her for doing copy-copy.

    https://twitter.com/thacelebritea/status/755273422884573184

    When you’re writing a test and the teacher says “5 minutes left”.

    When you haven’t done your homework and it’s time to submit.

    When you’re writing your final exams and you can’t afford another carry-over.

    But she sha said she wrote the speech on her own, “with as little help as possible”.

    https://twitter.com/AlanKestrel750/status/755256379770806272

    When a copy-cat is trying to form originality.

    Did she think we won’t notice a whole Michelle Obama’s speech?

    Even though some people need serious cane for this kind of disgrace…

    Those of you that are copying our Zikoko posts and using them to shine shouldn’t chook mouth. We see you!

  • Finally, we can all now get a red passport!

    For the record, it’s a pan-African passport which was launched on July 17 during the 27th African Union Summit in Kigali, Rwanda.

    However, the first recipients of this passport were Idriss Deby, who is the Chairperson of the African Union and President of Chad, and Rwandan President, Paul Kagame.

    The passport was launched in an effort to promote opening of borders and more efficient trans-African relations.

    According to officials of the AU, the passport will be available in 5 languages including French, English and Swahili and will also have high security features.

    By 2018, the passport will be available to citizens of the 54 member-countries of the African Union except Morocco, which left the Union in 1984.

    Some Africans couldn’t be more thrilled at this development.

    And can’t wait to start travelling across Africa.

    Some others believe this passport only confirms a certain stereotype – although this is highly illogical.

    Africa certainly has more things to worry about than a general passport.

    The passport should be made readily available for citizens.

    There are no details about the registration process for this passport. However, we hope it makes travelling across Africa more convenient.