Nigeria | Page 180 of 223

1. That deep freezer full of stockfish and goat meat:

Probably 2 freezers sef, if there is space.
2. A stack of buckets nobody is using to do anything:

WHY DO WE HAVE SO MANY BUCKETS?
3. Ghana-must-go bags filled to the brim with nonsense:

That thing you think you misplaced 5 years ago? It’s inside one of them.
4. Old cans of paint no one will ever use:

For what ehn?
5. At least 3 fuel kegs because NEPA is an enemy of progress:

Can’t risk it.
6. Mattress for the relatives that come and “visit”:

“Visit” that turns into living sha.
7. Every broken gadget that has ever passed through that house:

AC oh, VHS player oh, EVERYTHING!!!
8. The dynamic duo of Nigerian foods:

As if we are storing for the Apocalypse.
9. That Christmas tree and dead Christmas lights that are older than you and your siblings:

Buy new ones ke? For what?
10. All your old textbooks and report cards from primary school to secondary school:

Because that 1999 Ugo C. Ugo might still be useful one day.
11. Old shoes they swear they’ll still wear, even though one leg is missing:

“It just needs polish.”
12. All the plates, bowls and umbrellas from all the Owambes they’ve ever attended:

And there have been A LOT of Owambes.
13. The special cutlery you only use during christmas and when really important guests come:

Not for you people oh, you’re not special enough.
So, basically EVERYTHING is in that garage except their actual car:

Our parents are special, abeg.
It’s necessary for a country to have ambassadors that will represent Nigeria in foreign countries and this was why the Senate Committee on Foreign Affairs screened 15 out of 47 ambassadorial candidates for confirmation on July 26.
Apparently, the candidates were expected to recite the national anthem as part of the exercise but the funniest thing happened.

According to the amebo reported by Punch, some of them were unable to recite the national anthem.

In the report, the people at Punch said some of them were even chopping mouth when asked to recite the national pledge.

The funniest one was the candidate that first recited the old national anthem before he was eventually corrected. Maybe he forgot we’re in 2016 sha.

When people who are supposed to represent Nigeria can’t recite the National anthem and pledge properly.

But who are we to judge? We’re sure some of you have forgotten the national anthem and pledge.

But if you’re a bad guy like us, show yourself in the comment section and let us know if you can remember both of them.
1. When you’re begging your parents to let your friend come and visit you.

You have to bring PowerPoint presentation to convince them.
2. You, reminding you friend to greet your parents properly.

Better don’t be doing anyhow.
3. How your parents look at them if they come and visit earlier than 12pm:

Chai!
4. How your parents look at them if they are still in your house when it’s dark:

Be going, biko.
5. When your friend doesn’t greet your parents properly and you already know that friendship is over.

Chai! Time to find new friend.
6. How you look at your friend that prostrates to greet your parents:

They will now be comparing both of you forever.
7. When your parents spend half the visit interrogating your friends.

Okay, Mummy FBI, can you go now?
8. When your mother asks “have you offered your friend anything?” and they say no.

See this one. You don’t have food in your house?
9. When your friend of the opposite sex says they want to come to your house.

Abeg oh! I’m not ready to die yet.
10. When your mother offers them food and they reject it.

Hay God!
11. When your friend says “your parents are so nice.”

It’s because you’re here oh.
12. When you make them ask your parents to allow you to go out so they don’t say no.

I sabi, abeg.
13. How your friend looks when your parents start shouting on you in their presence:

Well, this is awkward.
14. When your friend wants to leave your house without telling your parents first.

Better respect yourself.
15. When your parents that were smiling with them start insulting them immediately they leave.

“Don’t bring that idiot to my house again.”
16. When it’s time to go and visit that friend and your parents ask “how many times have they come here?”

Are you serious?
1. That time Ini Edo wore an “almost wedding dress” to the AMVCA’s

Well…. she stood out sha.
2. When fuschia and black vomited all over Kcee

I mean guys, look at that belt!
3. That time Seyi Shay recycled her small umbrella that had been destroyed by heavy rain

Innovation is key!
4. When Mr Ibu took the “slim fit” look to another level

Awful!
5. That time Tiwa Savage draped her beautiful body in an empty potato sack

Mummy JamJam why now?
6. That time Ibinabo couldn’t wait for her tailor to finish sewing the outfit and just wore what was ready in good faith

Wowee!
7. Alex Ekubo with this flattened rubik’s cube

8. That time Susan Peters borrowed someone’s back up prom dress

Beautiful colour though.
9. When Jim Iyke took a fashion risk and it backfired

Next time just wear the complete trouser!
10. When Dencia wore a bejewelled pink blanket to the Grammy awards.

There’s a toddler looking for his/her blanket out there right now.
11. Yaw’s look is what happens when you’re unsure of what event you’re attending

So you try hedge your bets… but none of the bets in this case paid off sha.
12. Chika Ike wore this distressed purple mess to Mercy Johnson’s wedding

Only one question. WHY?
13. This outfit was great up until he decided to tuck his trousers into his calf length gladiators

Patoranking where the fashion dem dey?
14. When Belinda decided to form fashionable spider woman

Aunty no. Just no.
15. Denrele went with a golden mosquito net look a few years ago

A golden tragedy really.
1. You, entering the birthday party with your dancing shoes like:

TURN UP!
2. The MC at every single Nigerian birthday party:

Always looking like they came out of a horror movie.
3. When the MC calls your age group to come out for the dancing competition.

My body is ready.
4. Awilo Longomba blessed us with the dancing competition song of our childhood:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6a6KHE2ICqg

5. When the DJ starts the music and you scatter leg to win that extra party pack.

Today is my day.
6. How you look at that child that is still dancing when the DJ stops the music:

See this one.
7. That child that refuses to leave the dance-floor without a fight:

Please come and be going.
8. You, when the MC asks the crowd “is he the winner?”

Baba God do it for your child.
9. How Nigerian adults always shout the answer:

Hian! Calm dow na.
10. When they use loudest clapping to measure the winner but you don’t have any friends.

See my life.
11. You, trying not to cry when they finally bounce you.

Let me hold myself.
12. You, when the MC now shouts “EVERYONE TELL HIM BYE BYE!”

Are you not a demon?
13. When the celebrant wins the dancing competition.

The making of Nigerian politicians.
On one peaceful day, instead of facing his work, a 28 year old labourer, Chikwandu, went to steal a phone worth N6,000 from someone’s van that was jejely parked on the street.
And because everyday is for the thief and one day is for the owner, someone caught him the act and shouted:

He got arrested and was charged to court for stealing in an Ebute Metta Chief Magistrates’ Court.

Instead of sentencing him to court, the judge, Chief Magistrate B.O. Ope-Agbe, ordered him to fill up two buckets with water and carry them up and down a flight of stairs 100 times.

He should kuku use the punishment to build his muscles as per fit fam.

Who knows, maybe there aren’t enough spaces for petty thieves in prison sef.

[zkk_poll post=43325 poll=content_block_standard_format_6]
1. When they asked you to choose between Food and Nutrition and Agric.

The one with food, abeg.
2. You, entering ‘Food and Nutrition’ class expecting constant chow:
My stomach is ready.
3. When you realize the ‘Food’ in ‘Food and Nutrition’ is silent until practicals.

Why are you teaching me about carbohydrates ehn?
4. Your Food and Nutrition note after just one term:

Just kill me oh.
5. You, looking at the Food and Nutrition exam questions like:

I did not agree for this one oh.
6. When your teacher tells you to bring money to buy apron and cap for practical.

Please don’t stress me, abeg.
7. How your classmates start famzing you days to the practical:

Better famz well.
8. Your friends, waiting for you to finish practical like:

See these ones.
9. When the whole school hears that Food and Nutrition practical is over:

You people have not seen food before?
10. How people dodge your food when you’re the only boy doing Food and Nutrition:

Ah! Is it like that?
11. You, when teachers sef are using style to beg for food.

Better beg with your chest.
12. When your food is so good it reaches Administrative block:

I sabi the work.
13. What your Food and Nutrition teacher allows you to take to your class after the practical:

What is this, abeg?
14. How your teacher shares the cake you baked:

Hay God!
15. When that oversabi’s food is so bad, the teacher lets her take everything home.

It can pain sha.
Nigeria is seriously stunning, and if you rolled your eyes at that statement, these pictures taken by our fellow Nigerians with the TECNO Camon C9 should easily convince you.
1. This flawless picture of the Mapo Hall in Ibadan:

2. Another picture of the Mapo Hall, because it’s just that beautiful:

3. This beautiful shot of the Abuja National Mosque:

4. This wonderful picture of the must-see Zuma rock in Abuja:

5. This breathtaking image of the Gurara Falls in Niger State:

6. The lush landscapes in the beautiful city of Kaduna:

7. This glorious picture of the Ferris wheel at the Polo Park Mall, Enugu:

8. This impossible shot of the Ngwo Pine Forest in Enugu:

9. This gorgeous aerial shot of Lagos:

10. This beautifully constructed building in Victoria Island, Lagos:

11. Another breathtaking aerial shot of Lagos, because Lagos:

12. This stunning shot of the Okpu-Oku stream in Enugu:

13. This amazing picture of Lagos’ Third Mainland bridge:

14. This flawless image of Agodi Parks & Gardens in Ibadan:

15. This wonderful shot of the National Arts Theatre in Lagos:

So, if you want to have a camera that takes flawless pictures like these, get the TECNO Camon C9 and stop carrying last.
If we’re being honest, success isn’t something that can be defined with simple terms. Basically, success means different things to many people.
And according to this Instagram user known as Ray Hushpuppi, the number of hot women he has slept with is proof that he isn’t a failure.

In his post, he said he wouldn’t have slept with so many women if he was a failure.

Na wa o! We didn’t know sex has become a measure of success sha.

Maybe he wants us to dash him World Cup for sleeping with hot women.

When someone is trying to form deep on top ordinary body count.

Instead of him to post his picture and face front.

He can’t kuku use the body count to collect money from the bank.

Okay, Mr Hushpuppi, we have heard, you’re not a failure.

[zkk_poll post=43203 poll=content_block_standard_format_9]

1. That deep freezer full of stockfish and goat meat:

2. A stack of buckets nobody is using to do anything:

3. Ghana-must-go bags filled to the brim with nonsense:

4. Old cans of paint no one will ever use:

5. At least 3 fuel kegs because NEPA is an enemy of progress:

6. Mattress for the relatives that come and “visit”:

7. Every broken gadget that has ever passed through that house:

8. The dynamic duo of Nigerian foods:

9. That Christmas tree and dead Christmas lights that are older than you and your siblings:

10. All your old textbooks and report cards from primary school to secondary school:

11. Old shoes they swear they’ll still wear, even though one leg is missing:

12. All the plates, bowls and umbrellas from all the Owambes they’ve ever attended:

13. The special cutlery you only use during christmas and when really important guests come:

So, basically EVERYTHING is in that garage except their actual car:

Apparently, the candidates were expected to recite the national anthem as part of the exercise but the funniest thing happened.

According to the amebo reported by Punch, some of them were unable to recite the national anthem.

In the report, the people at Punch said some of them were even chopping mouth when asked to recite the national pledge.

The funniest one was the candidate that first recited the old national anthem before he was eventually corrected. Maybe he forgot we’re in 2016 sha.

When people who are supposed to represent Nigeria can’t recite the National anthem and pledge properly.

But who are we to judge? We’re sure some of you have forgotten the national anthem and pledge.

But if you’re a bad guy like us, show yourself in the comment section and let us know if you can remember both of them.

1. When you’re begging your parents to let your friend come and visit you.

2. You, reminding you friend to greet your parents properly.

3. How your parents look at them if they come and visit earlier than 12pm:

4. How your parents look at them if they are still in your house when it’s dark:

5. When your friend doesn’t greet your parents properly and you already know that friendship is over.

6. How you look at your friend that prostrates to greet your parents:

7. When your parents spend half the visit interrogating your friends.

8. When your mother asks “have you offered your friend anything?” and they say no.

9. When your friend of the opposite sex says they want to come to your house.

10. When your mother offers them food and they reject it.

11. When your friend says “your parents are so nice.”

12. When you make them ask your parents to allow you to go out so they don’t say no.

13. How your friend looks when your parents start shouting on you in their presence:

14. When your friend wants to leave your house without telling your parents first.

15. When your parents that were smiling with them start insulting them immediately they leave.

16. When it’s time to go and visit that friend and your parents ask “how many times have they come here?”

1. That time Ini Edo wore an “almost wedding dress” to the AMVCA’s

2. When fuschia and black vomited all over Kcee

3. That time Seyi Shay recycled her small umbrella that had been destroyed by heavy rain

4. When Mr Ibu took the “slim fit” look to another level

5. That time Tiwa Savage draped her beautiful body in an empty potato sack

6. That time Ibinabo couldn’t wait for her tailor to finish sewing the outfit and just wore what was ready in good faith

7. Alex Ekubo with this flattened rubik’s cube

8. That time Susan Peters borrowed someone’s back up prom dress

9. When Jim Iyke took a fashion risk and it backfired

10. When Dencia wore a bejewelled pink blanket to the Grammy awards.

11. Yaw’s look is what happens when you’re unsure of what event you’re attending

12. Chika Ike wore this distressed purple mess to Mercy Johnson’s wedding

13. This outfit was great up until he decided to tuck his trousers into his calf length gladiators

14. When Belinda decided to form fashionable spider woman

15. Denrele went with a golden mosquito net look a few years ago

1. You, entering the birthday party with your dancing shoes like:

2. The MC at every single Nigerian birthday party:

3. When the MC calls your age group to come out for the dancing competition.

4. Awilo Longomba blessed us with the dancing competition song of our childhood:

5. When the DJ starts the music and you scatter leg to win that extra party pack.

6. How you look at that child that is still dancing when the DJ stops the music:

7. That child that refuses to leave the dance-floor without a fight:

8. You, when the MC asks the crowd “is he the winner?”

9. How Nigerian adults always shout the answer:

10. When they use loudest clapping to measure the winner but you don’t have any friends.

11. You, trying not to cry when they finally bounce you.

12. You, when the MC now shouts “EVERYONE TELL HIM BYE BYE!”

13. When the celebrant wins the dancing competition.

And because everyday is for the thief and one day is for the owner, someone caught him the act and shouted:

He got arrested and was charged to court for stealing in an Ebute Metta Chief Magistrates’ Court.

Instead of sentencing him to court, the judge, Chief Magistrate B.O. Ope-Agbe, ordered him to fill up two buckets with water and carry them up and down a flight of stairs 100 times.

He should kuku use the punishment to build his muscles as per fit fam.

Who knows, maybe there aren’t enough spaces for petty thieves in prison sef.

1. When they asked you to choose between Food and Nutrition and Agric.

2. You, entering ‘Food and Nutrition’ class expecting constant chow:

3. When you realize the ‘Food’ in ‘Food and Nutrition’ is silent until practicals.

4. Your Food and Nutrition note after just one term:

5. You, looking at the Food and Nutrition exam questions like:

6. When your teacher tells you to bring money to buy apron and cap for practical.

7. How your classmates start famzing you days to the practical:

8. Your friends, waiting for you to finish practical like:

9. When the whole school hears that Food and Nutrition practical is over:

10. How people dodge your food when you’re the only boy doing Food and Nutrition: