• 1. When you tell your mother you need clothes and she asks if you’ve finished wearing the ones you have.

    Hay God!

    2. When your hear your mother shout “come and see if this shirt is your size”.

    YES!!!

    3. Your face, when your mother says “you’ll grow into it”:

    Be lying.

    4. When you ask your mother to buy adidas for you and she comes home with:

    “What’s the difference?”

    5. When you ask your mother for a suit vs. When you ask your mother for jeans:

    If it is not “responsible” cloth, you are not smelling any money.

    6. When she uses a broomstick to measure your shoe size before going to the market.

    Which one is this?

    7. When she still comes home with shoes that are two sizes too big.

    She will now give you paper to chook inside.

    8. When you ask her to help you buy something and she makes you follow her to the market.

    Hian! On top socks?

    9. When she refused to buy that shirt you liked just because of extra N500.

    Na wa oh!

    10. When she buys your Christmas clothes in July because it will be cheaper.

    Mama the mama.

    11. When she buys you something and you ask her how much it was.

    “Do you want to give me the money back?”

    12. When she buys you and all your siblings the exact same cloth.

    Who is doing ‘and co’ with you people?

    13. You, on that rare occasion your mother actually buys you something you like.

    Wow! So you sabi like this?
  • 1. When that fine boy you’ve been eyeing finally calls you “big head”.

    PROGRESS!

    2. When your boyfriend doesn’t know he is your boyfriend yet.

    Don’t worry you will soon know

    3. When you whatsapp your man “I love you” and he leaves your message on ‘read’.

    Chineke!

    4. When your boyfriend is complaining that you bought him singlet for Valentine’s day but all his singlets kuku have holes.

    See your life.

    5. When your boyfriend of 4 months hasn’t already proposed to you.

    Am I a joke to you?

    6. You, waiting for your boyfriend to finish lying so you can bring out proof.

    Keep talking oh!

    7. When your boyfriend said he’d call you after the match and the match ended 3 minutes ago.

    It’s like I’m now single.

    8. When you spot potential husband material but your boyfriend is still gumming body.

    Can I see road biko?

    9. When you decide to finally leave your yeye boyfriend for greener ‘sugar daddy’ pastures.

    It’s not by fine boy, abeg. BYE!

    10. When you can’t gist your best friend about your new bobo because it’s her father.

    The struggle.

    11. When your sugar daddy told you he was busy at work then you see him enter the bar with his wife.

    WOW! So it is like that?

    12. When it’s already been 1 year and your sugar daddy has still not left his wife like he promised.

    Is it fair?

    13. When you now find out your sugar daddy is cheating on you and his wife.

    Wow. So better bae is not by age.
  • So one onigbese finally returned my money after all these days and I went to the bank to deposit it.

    Yassss! Pay day!!!

    But we know Nigerian banks are stressful, with their halls that are always looking like this…

    ‘No money’ ‘no money’, but you people will not stay in your house abi?

    I just jejely joined a queue as long as River Niger.

    I’m not liking this wahala at all o!

    After forever, it was finally my turn.

    Praise the Lord!

    That’s how one man just came from no where thinking he can chance me.

    Who is this unku please? Because you carry big money? Abeg join queue jare!

    The male cashier started answering him and just ignored me!

    Diaris God o!

    How the cashier looked at me when I gave him my 3k deposit…

    ‘What’s all this nonsense?’

    But money is money in this economy, so me sef I was like…

    Ehen? Kiloshele?!

    After giving me ela earlier, he now wanted to start forming conversation with me.

    After wasting my whole day? Oga just calculate my money lemme gerrarahia.

    How I smiled at him when I saw that he was a fine guy sha…

    See fresh fish!

    When I realized he wrote his phone number on my receipt…

    Ahn ahn, brother, because of ordinary smile?

    And I even saw a ring on that finger.

    Don’t kobalize me please.

    I just threw his number away and went to my house.

    Lemme go and sleep.
  • 1. When you dream NEPA brought light:

    Dreams money can buy!

    2. When you realise it’s not a dream and there is actually light:

    HAYYYYYYY!

    3. How you rush to charge all your electrical devices:

    My phone oh!

    4. You quickly pump water and fill all the drums and buckets in the house with water.

    So at least somebody can bath and do one or two things!

    5. You sharply microwave what you want to eat!

    Ehen!

    6. Then you consider the merits of cooking now you can use blender and microwave.

    Shall I? Shall I not?

    7. Then you remember that if you cook and PHCN takes light all the food will spoil.

    Hian!

    8. You quickly turn on the air conditioner so the house will be cool.

    Like a freezer !

    9. Then you wash your clothes:

    Na wa oh how did these dirty clothes become so many? Are they breeding?

    10. Then you iron all your clothes that are rough!

    Work! Work! Work!

    11. Now you’ve finished your work and balanced to watch TV…

    Finally someone can enjoy life!

    12. … NEPA collects the light they borrowed you!

    AHN AHN! Is it good?
  • The year of the Nigerian demon seems to be over. People all over the world now believe Nigerian men are amazing.

    Because this Zikoko contributor, Siyanda Writes, is apparently just mad she doesn’t have a Nigerian man by her side.

    I mean, is it too much to want to get asked this question after a long day at work?

    Or to be serenaded like this…

    Who doesn’t like good things abeg?

    Nigerian men when they see this thread.

    We’re just looking at all of them trying to form romantic like…

    Nigerian men that don’t have time to form romantic for anybody.

    https://twitter.com/bolanle72/status/719211505686810624

    Well sha, we’re still looking for Nigerian men that will sing all these orisirisi songs for us. If you find, let us know.

  • 1. Look at this gele spread out like a perfect fan!

    So gorgeous!

    2. Madam Kofo’s geles are legendary for a reason. I mean look at this!

    If a regular gele is a standing fan, this is an air conditioner.

    3. This extremely cute gele with flower petal edges.

    Very pretty!

    4. This bow-like gele Asa wore to a wedding!

    F-A-B-U-L-O-U-S.

    5. This gele reminds us of the tower of Babel!

    How high can your mummy’s gele go?

    6. When the gele wearer is a friend of the bride and groom.

    Before they say someone is partial!

    7. This “ring-a-roses” gele!

    Who is in the garden?

    8. This teal gele is the class captain of geles worldwide!

    Fabulous!

    9. This patriotic fascinator – style gele!

    Very beautiful!

    10. This extra wide gele worn by the one and only Yemi Alade!

    Senior girls gele!

    11. This orange creation solely for madams and big girls!

    Imagine sitting behind this gele in church!

    12. Another avant garde gele!

    Snazzy little number!
  • Two weeks ago, a 17 year old Instagram user, Autumn Massaquoi, recreated her self portrait using different different cartoon characters. 

    This awesomeness lead to the birth of a really brilliant artsy trend across Instagram and Twitter. Here are some of the most awesome pictures from the style challenge hashtag.

    1. This blue-haired cartoon character.

    2. The Disney version is really cute though.

    3. This picture is giving us serious afro goals.

    4. See this hijabi slay.

    5. All the faces of the beautiful Ariana Grande

    6. And Rihanna’s bantu knots.

    7. Even Aliyah made the challenge.

    8. This person that recreated his portrait using the style of legendary artists.

    9. When an original cartoon gets recreated.

    10. Another hijabi joined the challenge.

    11. When a cartoon character has a really buff afro.

    12. And finally, this one is proof that Beyonce can never be ugly in any art form that exists.

  • On Sunday July 31, the mother of turn ups happened in Lagos. If you missed the 500dishes Foodfest, you really dulled yourself.

    Because food was just flowing like river Niger, just ask the people that bought Eat-It-All tickets.

    And there were so many baby boys and girls.

    The slayage was unrivalled!

    Even though the rain didn’t want us to prosper, some of us just opened our umbrellas and continued to slay.

    And while the DJ was blasting quality gbedu, one sister was forming bigz girl and was listening to music on her phone. Na wa o!

    As you already know that Zikoko makes everything better, we hosted the Zikoko Hunger Games.

    The first game was pepper soup battles, and the competition was simple. We wanted to know how fast the competitors could finish a plate of pepper soup.

    When the game began, they sharply downed their pepper soup in seconds.

    And some of them didn’t even care about their fleeking make up.

    After eating the pieces of meat in her bowl at the speed of light, Mary proved to be a pepper soup warrior and won the competition.

    And because we wanted everybody to be happy, we launched our second game, First To Finish.

    This time around, the game was a food relay where a team of 3 had to finish 3 different food courses on time.

    As expected, the players were ready to die on the line as per there was Shawarma, small chops and Jollof rice to be devoured.

    Instead of quickly eating her small chops, this aunty in the corner was forming shakara and hiding her mouth from us.

    When it was time to eat the Jollof rice, some people were still forming ajebutter.

    Eh ya! The ajebutter crew dropped out of the competition when they couldn’t keep up with the rest.

    At the end, Segun, Tomi and Chukkie won the game!

    And because we aren’t stingy koko, the winners went home with 10,000 cash, food vouchers and other gifts.

    We had plenty fun and can’t wait for the next food festival.

    This was how many people left the food festival after eating everything on their ticket.

    All images credit: Antoss Photography
  • Yesterday we gave you the gist on Pastor Adeboye’s advice to young men on their choice of wives, and trust Nigerians to have a  serious debate on the topic.

    Nigerian Twitter was on fire with reactions, and we compiled the funniest tweets for you, you’re welcome!

    Since some ladies disagreed with Daddy G.O, someone predicted what their relationship status would be in two years:

    Some guys want to start using this advice as an excuse to break up with their girlfriends.

    This person that wanted to know the real ingredient in successful marriages. Wait, what is ‘Hawt Secks’ sef?

    Feminist Twitter took several hits in the holy battle.

    Seriously,what does Feminism have to do with cooking though?

    Some believe broke men shouldn’t even chook mouth in the matter.

    https://twitter.com/Fayo_funmi/status/760580610737995776

    Someone said its Daddy G.O’s coat that was causing trouble.

    How some couples be after watching Reverend Adeboye’s video.

    This is spicy wahala!

    Some actually believe cooking will help keep their men.

    https://twitter.com/Teniwadess/status/760739518324568064

    But we know these men can be slippery.

    And according to Daddy G.O, prayer is kuku the real key.

    https://twitter.com/TobiWilliams/status/760493365909721089

    Please how did Edible Catering enter this Holy Talk?

    But is cooking really the most important ingredient in a marriage?

    When your cooking skills can’t help you in real life.

  • 1. When you ask them to help you buy contraband and they start forming.

    It’s not your fault sha.

    2. How you see the students that charge boarders to help them buy stuff outside:

    These ones will use to buy house.

    3. When you can hear day students gisting about Paloma and Diego in class.

    Because you have TV abi?

    4. When day students bring cold water to school and start forming stingy for you.

    On top cold water sha?

    5. How day students look in the middle of the term vs. How you look in the middle of the term:

    It’s dining hall food that is causing it.

    6. Your face, when day students start asking you for hostel gist:

    Face your front, biko.

    7. How you look at day students when they bring their phones to showoff:

    See that one.

    8. You, watching day students eat the food they brought from home.

    Chai! See chow.

    9. When day students are talking about their weekend plans and you’re just there like:

    Me that will be washing boxers.

    10. How you spend your money vs. How day students spend their money:

    The worst.

    11. How you look at day students that wear all the clothes they have at home for socials:

    Calm down na.

    12. When a day student tries to form familiar with you and your guys.

    BE GOING TO YOUR HOUSE OH!

    13. You, watching day students leave school at closing time:

    It can pain sometimes sha.