1. You, chopping mouth during the school anthem until it’s time to shout…
That’s the only part you know.
2. When a Uniport babe sees a group of Nelson Mandela boys.
Just dodge them.
3. You and your guys, queuing up in front of Mama Abuja like:
THE BEST!
4. How TBD looks once exam time table comes out:
They will now come with pillow to “read”.
5. UPTH and “no bed space”:
All. The. Time.
6. How the Man O’ War in school saw themselves:
Always doing the most.
7. When you see couples loving up at Love Garden in Delta Park.
Don’t go and read your book.
8. How you queue to enter shuttle at Abuja park:
The worst.
9. When 4 different classes are holding at the Arena at the same time.
LCS struggles.
10. How people pray when it’s time to write basic or certificate exams:
It’s now that you remember God, abi?
11. Whenever you finish climbing the stairs at Ofrima.
Kuku kill me.
12. How 70% of the students go to town as soon as weekend reaches:
BYE!
13. When you see that old pastor between Delta Park and Choba preaching about hell fire.
Stop judging me.
14. How you hail pharmacy students that have managed to reach final year:
Na you oh!
15. When you see your guy that is owing you money eating at Emmatex or Sunnas.
This one must be mad.
1. Nojim Maiyegun, the boxer who was Nigeria’s 1st medalist at the 1964 Olympics in Tokyo.
2. Victor Ikpeba posing with his coach, Arsene Wenger, when he played for AS Monaco in 1993.
3. Sir Adesoji Aderemi, when he became the first Nigerian and African to be appointed Governor in the Commonwealth in July 1960.
4. Olabisi Ajala who was famous in the 50’s for travelling around the world on a scooter, got his nickname ‘Ajala Travel’ after Ebenezer Obey made a song about him in the 60s.
5. Legendary NBA basketballer, Hakeem Olajuwon, throwing this iconic shot at the NBA finals in 1994.
6. This picture of the first Nigerian football team to ever leave West Africa was taken in 1949. They were coached by John Jack Finch.
7. The first black pilot in aviation history, Izmirli Aliogu Ahmed, had a Nigerian grandmother from Bornu. This picture was taken during the 1st world war in 1916.
8. Latunde Odeku, the first black man to be trained as a Neurosurgeon in the U.S.
9. Bolaji Badejo, the 7 ft Nigerian design student and one-time actor was featured in 1978 classic, ‘Alien’.
10. Fela and Lou Reed at an Amnesty Benefit Concert that was held at the Giants Stadium, New Jersey in 1986.
11. Orlando Martins, one of England’s best actors in 1947, was the first Nigerian Hollywood actor.
12. Edna Park, the 1st Nigerian beauty queen to represent Nigeria at the Miss Universe contest collapsed on stage when she didn’t make the top 15 finalists in 1964.
In 2015, the most talked about show in Nigeria, ‘Wakaa! The Musical‘ first premiered at the Muson Center in Lagos to a sold-out audience.
Following its success in Nigeria, Bolanle Austen-Peters, the brain behind the musical decided to take it to the international scene with its London premiere in July 2016.
Bolanle, who has been in the theater industry for 12 years got the inspiration to go into musicals after seeing Fela on Broadway 2 years ago.
The highly satirical production was on for 7 days at the Shaw Theatre and was sold out on the the opening night!
Wakaa! tells the experiences of 6 friends from different backgounds who made a bet on their graduation to be successful in their various fields. The show basically highlights Nigerian politics and the struggles young Nigerians face at home and abroad.
In case you missed it, you can watch highlights of the show below:
1. How people react when they hear your name the first time:
Their brain is already frying.
2. Your face, whenever someone tries to pronounce your name:
Chai!
3. When someone asks if you have “an easier name”.
You will learn today.
4. You, calculating how much time you spend sounding out your name for people:
Wasting my life.
5. When you still have to spell it for them right after pronouncing it.
STRESS!
6. When people still get your name wrong after you’ve corrected them a million times.
Are you mad ni?
7. When people give you a nickname you hate against your will.
Did I send you?
8. When a teacher hesitates during roll call and you know they are about to destroy your name.
Hay God!
9. You, whenever someone says “sorry if I butcher your name”:
Save your sorry.
10. When they correct you when you say “Susan” wrong, but can’t get “Kunle” right.
See your life.
11. When you can’t even remember the true pronunciation of your own name again.
Everybody has already scattered it for you.
12. Your face, whenever someone asks what your name means:
You can like to mind your business.
13. When you stop telling people your name first and just start spelling it.
No energy, abeg.
This is post is brought to you by MAGGI @ 50:
The big idea for the MAGGI 50th anniversary campaign is: Let’s Celebrate. We intend to do this primarily by sending gift boxes containing specially curated ingredients and gifts to women influencers pan Nigeria & beyond for trusting MAGGI in the past years, and in the future ahead. Clink the link below to learn more.
1. Ogbono soup that will never forget to send you ‘good morning’ texts:
2. Banga soup that will always notice when you change your hairstyle:
3. Egusi soup that will ignore Premier league to gist with you:
4. Efo riro that will use it’s school fees to buy you the latest iPhone:
5. Okro soup that will let you cheat on it in peace.
6. Puff puff that will take you to Dubai for Valentine’s day.
7. Akara that won’t wait for you to be broke before blessing you with credit alert:
8. Dodo that will stay awake and fan you when NEPA takes light at night:
9. Ewa Agoyin that won’t start squeezing face when you ask to meet it’s family:
10. Nkowbi that will buy YOU something on its own birthday:
11. Asun that will let you eat it when you say you’re hungry:
12. Catfish peppersoup that will never take more than 10 seconds to reply your messages:
13. White rice and stew that will give you Bella Naija proposal:
14. Fried rice that will always send you monthly allowance out of its salary:
15. Jollof rice that will buy car for you when it’s still jumping bus:
MAGGI knows good food is the best bae. Follow the hashtag on Facebook and Instagram: #GoodFoodIsBae
1. When people ask you what “cream” you are using:
It’s the glory of God oh!
2. When people ask if you are “a half caste”:
It’s like you people don’t know that word is offensive sha!
3. When people automatically assume you are Igbo:
So it’s now by force abi?
4. When “oyinbo” becomes your nickname:
How about something different for a change? PLEASE!
5. When you misbehave small and people start shouting “it’s because she is yellow oh”:
Ahn ahn!
6. When people imply your light skin got you something you worked hard for:
You better not allow yourself be an unfortunate human being!
7. When people talk about being light skinned like it’s a skill:
You better allow your head be correct!
8. When a man thinks saying “I like you because of your yellow” is a compliment.
My personality and brain that one is just decoration abi?
9. When you see a job description that includes “light skinned”:
What type of skill is it oh?
10. When you reject someone’s advances and they imply it’s because you are light skinned and therefore very proud:
I say I don’t like you!
In 1984, President Buhari launched the War Against Indiscipline brigade during his military rule to curb indiscipline and corruption in the country. At the time, the brigade flogged people who jumped queues, and those who were thought to be corrupt were detained.
Although very little has been heard of this brigade since then, President Buhari has relaunched this brigade that was met with criticism roughly one year after his election as civilian President in 2016.
This relaunch, however, didn’t sit well with Nigerians.
WAI infantilised, traumatised and dehumanised Nigerians. I recall it with revulsion and fear. A horrible relic unsalvageable in any form.
But we are actually here for the ‘jonzing’ meme Olaseni ‘Shane’ Lawson blessed us with:
1. When you shout the wrong answer in class with confidence.
2. When you tell your friends that you’re travelling abroad for the holiday and your parents tell you to pack for village.
3. When you text a babe you like and her boyfriend replies you.
4. When you say “last card” and your friend gives you pick 3.
5. When you get credit alert and you check and see N20 POS Loyalty.
6. When you’re arguing with your boyfriend and he is confidently missing the point.
7. When your card gets declined on your date after you’ve finished eating.
8. When you’re moving in for a hug and she stretches out her hand for you.
9. When you’re about to enter her DM and she posts an ‘I just said yes” engagement picture.
10. When you tell her you love her and she says she loves you too… like a brother.
11. When the ATM finishes making the ‘krrrrr’ sound, but nothing comes out.
12. When you pay for her plane ticket and another man picks her up at the airport.
13. When the last match casts your sweet bet slip.
14. When you storm off hoping the market woman will call you back but she lets you walk away.
15. When you smile at a fine babe in the club and her friend is the one that smiles back.
1. The “I Just Got Back” (IJGB).
His accent brings all the girls to the yard!
2. The uninvited guest.
Nobody knows who exactly invited him but he’s sha there and there’s nothing anybody can do about it!
3. The professional groomsman.
Always the groomsman, never the groom. At this point being a groomsman could be his job!
4. The one that keeps forgetting he is married.
Flirting with everyone, collecting numbers and making sure all the fine girls are ok… meanwhile his wife is waiting for him to bring her drink oh!
5. The eligible bachelor.
Funny AND smart AND employed AND handsome. A rare specie.
6. The groom’s baby cousin.
This one thinks he is old enough to chat to all the babes at the wedding. Meanwhile he’s like 15 oh!
7. The “once upon a time” eligible bachelor.
A couple hundred weddings ago he was the eligible bachelor but now… not so much.
8. The local champion.
The life of the party!
9. The “artsy” guy.
Wore a tie-dye agbada to the wedding with hand-made sandals. In his spare time he meditates at Freedom Park.
10. The rowdy noisemaker.
Him and his crew of scallywags have cornered half of the alchohol at the wedding and just sit in one area making noise and pointing at all the pretty girls.
This is post is brought to you by MAGGI @ 50
The big idea for the MAGGI 50th anniversary campaign is: Let’s Celebrate. We intend to do this primarily by sending gift boxes containing specially curated ingredients and gifts to women influencers pan Nigeria & beyond for trusting MAGGI in the past years, and in the future ahead.
Clink the link below to learn more.
1. When you turn 13 and can now officially leave children’s church.
We move!!
2. How you look at your 12 year old friends still in children’s church.
Look at them. So young and naive. Unlike us; big boys and girls that know about the world.
3. You looking for a clique to join in teens church.
I need a crew oh!
4. When you realise the snacks are not as nice as children’s church.
Are these ones serious?
5. When you find out there is still memory verse and homework.
I did not grow for this!
6. When you realise this is just a time wasting exercise till you get to “adult church”.
Okay so we are just here to waste 4 years of Sundays abi?
7. When your Sunday school teachers say you’ll be talking about sex and relationships next week.
Interesting!
8. When next week comes and they spend 2 hours saying “don’t have sex”/ “don’t near yourselves” in 500 different ways.
So that is all you people have to say?
9. When they try to stylishly use teenagers to teach some of the Sunday school classes.
Okay so we are now assistant teachers abi? Are we corpers?
10. When you are dancing to Kirk Franklin’s “stomp” again for the 700th time.
Not again abeg!
11. When one of your oversabi pastors says you have to delete all your “worldly” music.
So it’s only Chioma Jesus and Ron Kenoly we should be jamming abi?
12. When they allow teenagers lead adult church and someone suggests you preach.
You want the congregation to never come back abi?
13. When your parents try to add mouth in what you are wearing to church.
What do you people know about teenagers fashions please?
14. When your sme-sme friends are now forming Mummy and Daddy G-O in teens church.
You people are now forming holier than thou abi?
15. When you are now too old for teen church but you don’t want to go to adult church!
