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  • Citizen is a column that explains how the government’s policies fucks citizens and how we can unfuck ourselves.

    If you don’t know about Eromosle “Eromz” Adene’s case, well you should. The arrest of the 27-year old musician and philanthropist has generated a lot of controversy across social media, with opinions and counter opinions on how horrible the Nigerian society is, and why the Nigerian government cannot keep abusing human rights while getting away with it.

    In case you need a complete breakdown of when, why and how Eromosele Adene was arrested by Nigeria’s police authorities, this article should be helpful.

    Read: 7 Times Nigeria Has Killed Peaceful Protesters

    November 7, 2020

    On November 10, Eromosele Adene’s sister, Onomene Adene, spoke to ChannelsTv’s Sunrise Daily, where she narrated how her brother was arrested by unnamed policemen.

    She stated that at around 7 am on Saturday 7th November 2020 she received a call from a man who stated that he formerly attended the same church with her and that he had a parcel for her dad, who was the pastor of the church.

    On leaving her house, Eromosele’s sister stated that she realised she didn’t recognise the man and that the “parcel” he claimed he had for her dad was a black nylon bag containing some items, after which she knew something was wrong.

    The man and other policemen, led by one Hamzat who is a Chief Superintendent of Police (CSP) insisted that she should take them to her brother on the claim that they bought commodities from Eromosele Adene, and that he failed to deliver the commodities after they had paid into his Zenith bank account.

    She stated that the policemen took her brother way when they got to him and that they kept claiming the arrest was about a commodities business, even when Eromosele Adene’s lawyer joined them at the house, and that it was not until they got to the police station that the police revealed that the arrest was related to the #EndSARS protests. Some social media users later claimed that he was detained at Area F police station, Ikeja, Lagos.

    November 8, 2020

    On this day, it was revealed that Eromosele Adene was transferred to Area F police station, Ikeja, to the Commissioner of Police’s office in GRA, Ikeja to Panti police station and then back to Area F police station because of space constraints.

    November 9, 2020

    On November 9, it was revealed that Eromosele Adene had been transferred to Abuja.

    In another update given on social media, FK Abudu stated that a group of lawyers were working hard on securing Ermosele Adene’s bail.

    November 15, 2020

    Eromosele Adene was transferred back to Lagos on the night of Sunday, November 15th, 2020, at around 9 pm to the Lagos State Police Command, Ikeja, so that he could appear before a Magistrate Court in Lagos. However, his family and lawyers say that the police did not notify them of the move to transfer Eromosele Adene back to Lagos.

    November 16, 2020

    On this day, Eromosele Adene was finally arraigned at a Magistrate Court in Lagos. He was charged with the offences of: criminal incitement, cyber stalking, provoking breach of public peace, and conduct likely to cause breach of peace.

    The magistrate, O. Salawu, adjourned the hearing till November 17 because she felt threatened by the media.

    November 17, 2020

    On November 17, 2020, Eromosele Adene was arraigned before the Yaba Magistrates Court amidst a heavy police presence.

    His lawyer states that he has been in police detention for 10 days and that his freedom should not depend on the time it takes for the police to investigate him.

    Eromosele Adene was finally granted bail. The bail was set at ₦1 million with two sureties of ₦1 million naira each. One of the sureties must own property and they must both be taxpayers.

    Read: 5 “Normal Things” The Nigerian Police Can Arrest You For

    We hope you’ve learned a thing or two about how to unfuck yourself when the Nigerian government moves mad. Check back every weekday for more Zikoko Citizen explainers.

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  • “A Week In The Life” is a weekly Zikoko series that explores the working-class struggles of Nigerians. It captures the very spirit of what it means to hustle in Nigeria and puts you in the shoes of the subject for a week.

    The subject for today’s “A Week In The Life” is *Tola. He collects money at the bus park, and he’s what Nigerians refer to as Agbero. He talks about wanting to quit his job, his faith in God and why he shows up every day.

    Agbero

    MONDAY:

    I’m on the road as early as 5:30 or 6:00 a.m. on most days. I have to beat traffic and get to work early because the earlier I do, the faster I can begin to make money for the day. Most people don’t know that agbero work is just like being a marketer — we have daily deliverable targets per day. I don’t earn a salary, so I depend on whatever extra money I make per day. Depending on your location and performance, your daily target can be somewhere between ₦30,000 – ₦45,000, and a failure to meet this target means you pay out of pocket. On the bright side, if you surpass your target, you get to keep the extra amount. Therefore, every single minute counts in this job. 

    This pressure is why some people do anything to collect money from buses; they’ll threaten to break their windscreen, remove the fuel tank cover or wipers. The union [NURTW] believes that there’s no way you’ll go out and not meet your target, so they don’t listen to excuses. Everyone has a daily target, and that’s why you’ll see agberos collecting booking fee from one bus stop to the next. We give numbers and sell tickets to show who has paid and who hasn’t. The funniest part is that the tickets are provided and printed by the state government, so a portion of our daily target also goes to them. We hand over whatever money we make to the park chairman [each park has a chairman] who then hands it over to the union’s executives. At this point, the money is shared amongst them and the state government who provides the tickets. 

     It is what it is. 

    It rained today so there were not a lot of buses on the road. I made my daily target with barely enough money for food and transportation for tomorrow. I’m praying for God’s favour because I’m tired of this job. 

    TUESDAY:

    Things weren’t always like this for me. I wasn’t always an agbero working for a union. I learnt printing press work, but there was no money to buy a machine neither was there anyone to help me. So I set up a baba Ijebu kiosk to raise money to buy machines. Things were going well until I fell in love with one lady like this. After we started dating, nothing was coming in again. Getting money to eat even became difficult for me.

    Then she fell pregnant. 

    Things became three times more difficult for me after that. I kept on struggling until my son was born. One year plus after his birth, she left me. Her reason was that she re-assessed her fortunes and saw that there was no future with me. After all, when she met me, I had a lotto kiosk and I was making money. Now that things were no longer the same, she went to consult her stars and they told her to remarry.

    Today, I’m thinking about the fact that it’s been almost six years now, and I still don’t have money. I left the printing press to Baba Ijebu to agbero work and still, nothing tangible till now. I’m still using agidi to get money to eat. If I get a better job today, I’m gone. It’s not like I signed a life contract with these people. Even if I did, this is not the kind of job that someone should do forever. 

    WEDNESDAY:

    Under the sun and in the rain, we’re always hustling, we’re always collecting money. It’s only God that will pity us. There’s no protection, no place to rest, nothing. If you want to urinate, you’ll find somewhere by the side to do it. When you want to toilet, you’ll look for a public toilet and pay ₦50 to use it. If you’re sick, you’ll beg someone to stand in for you so you can make your deliverables and if you’re lucky, they will make some money to give you so you can hold body.

    Coronavirus time was so bad because no movement meant no work. During that time, I’d just go and do twale on the street for someone that will dash me money. Other times, we’ll group ourselves like four or five and go to a construction site and do labour assistant. Sometimes, when we see people digging borehole, we go and meet them for at all at all money. I wasn’t happy doing that, but I had to eat. To worsen matters, people will just talk to you anyhow and you’ll be tired of life. You’ll be asking yourself: what kind of person is this? Why am I here? Why is this person talking to me like this?

    I had an incident like that today. I was calling passengers for a bus driver and a passenger insulted me. After calling price for this woman, she refused to pay when I asked her for money. Instead, she started blasting and rubbishing me. I wanted to reply but people around said I shouldn’t talk. So I kept on looking. 

    It has been almost three hours since this happened but I can’t stop thinking about it. I’m looking forward to going home at 8 p.m. With the way my day is going, I’ll make enough money to meet my daily target and still have some change. My plan is to go home and drink a chilled bottle of malt because I can’t kill myself. 

    THURSDAY: 

    Today, I’m thinking about my son. He’s just six years old and unaware. He lives with grandma, but sometimes, he comes to stay with me. We’re doing one week on and off at work, so he comes during my week off. When he’s not around, I help someone manage their lotto kiosk, and they give me money to hold body. 

    My son doesn’t know what I do for now because union work is not something I’m proud of. I don’t even wear the uniform. I wear the cap once in a while. When he’s around, we watch cartoon and sports as father and son because these are the memories I want him to have of me. It’s tough raising a male child and being a good role model that the child can follow. It’s lonely because I have no woman and I’m not remarried — the only thing that gives me joy is my boy.

    I’ve spoken to my friends that if they have a better job they should let me know. I have my SSCE degree, so I can do factory work or office assistant. Anything that will benefit me, I’ll do it. If God is kind to me, I know the type of education I want to give my son. Part of my prayer every night is that God should spare his life because I don’t know what I’ll do if I suddenly no longer can’t hear his infectious laughter. The one he makes especially when we’re watching sports and I’m gesticulating to him.

    My prayer is simple: “God, another year is about to end and I’m getting older. When it’s my time, answer my prayers. It hasn’t been easy because I haven’t gotten a better job. I need something better because I just want to start living.”

    Check back every Tuesday by 9 am for more “A Week In The Life ” goodness, and if you would like to be featured or you know anyone who fits the profile, fill this form.

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  • Recently, a couple of Nigerians spoke about the culture shock they experienced when they visited countries outside Nigeria.

    Here’s a list of what they said:

    1) Being invited to a dinner and paying for it

    Awoof must die by fire.

    2) Calling adults by their first name

    With all due respect Susan, pls let me call you aunty.

    3) Not ironing for the month/week

    There’s no prize for suffering.

    4) Framing instructions as suggestions

    “Might you be interested in correcting this?” Are you whining me?

    5) Pastor drinking beer

    E shock you?

    6) Daylight savings

    Please explain one hour ahead and one hour behind.

    7) Professionals with tattoos

    Nigeria my country. See your mate.

    8) No car horns

    Must be nice.

    9) Calling drugs medicine

    Na wa oh.

    10) People not chewing bones

    Ahan.

    11) Sorry not meaning sorry

    Ahan. What are we supposed to say?

    12) Yoruba parents are shaking

    Kids, don’t try this at home.

    https://twitter.com/eghonghonaye/status/1325866786944917506?s=19

    13) You decide on this one

    My fake home training is screaming.

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  • Citizen is a column that explains how the government’s policies fucks citizens and how we can unfuck ourselves.

    A local government is an important part of governance in Nigeria. Local governments supplement the work of the federal government and the 36 state governments by administering a particular area.

    However, many Nigerians always complain about the federal government and state governments while ignoring that there is also a local government.

    In fact, if many local governments in Nigeria do their jobs more effectively, then Nigeria would be a better place. They are the government closest to the people and can ensure the maintenance of many public facilities that are crucial to the lives of the average Nigerian, like public markets and many other public utilities.

    Read: Dino Melaye Wrote A Book About Corruption And We Just Have Some Questions

    Laws Guiding Local Governments In Nigeria 

    Section 1(6) of Nigeria’s constitution states that “There shall be 768 Local Government Areas in Nigeria, and six area councils as shown in Part 2 of that schedule.” This is interpreted to mean that Nigeria has 774 local governments.

    Furthermore, section 8 of the constitution explains that the system of local government councils is guaranteed in Nigeria, and every state in Nigeria must enact a law that provides for the establishment, structure, composition, finance and function of such councils.

    Functions of a Local Government In Nigeria

    Under the fourth schedule of Nigeria’s constitution, the main functions of a local government council in Nigeria include:

    • consideration and the making of a recommendation to the state commission on economic planning, or any other similar body on the economic development of the state as they affect the local government;
    • collection of rates, radio and television licences;
    • establishment and maintenance of cemeteries, burial grounds and homes for the homeless or sick;
    • licensing of bicycles, trucks, canoes, wheel-barrows and carts;
    • establishment, maintenance and regulation of slaughter-houses, slaughter slabs, markets, motor parks and public conveniences;
    • construction and maintenance of roads, street lightings, drains and other public highways, gardens, open spaces or such other public facilities as prescribed from time to time by the House of Assembly of a state;
    • The naming of roads and streets and numbering of houses;
    • provision and maintenance of public conveniences, sewage and refuse disposal facilities;
    • registration of all births, deaths and marriages;
    • assessment of privately owned houses for property taxes and for other purposes as may the prescribed by the House of Assembly of a state;
    • control and regulation of:
    • outdoor advertising and hoarding;
    • movement and keeping of pets of all description;
    • shops and kiosks;
    • restaurants, bakeries and other places for sale of food to the public;
    • laundries; and
    • licensing, regulation and control of the sale of liquor.

    Furthermore, section 2 of the fourth schedule of the constitution describes the general functions of a local government in partnership with the state government to include:

    • provision and maintenance of primary, adult and vocational education;
    • development of agriculture and natural resources, except the exploitation of mineral resources;
    • provision and maintenance of health services; and
    • other functions that may be given to it by the House of Assembly of a state.

    Read: What Is Your Local Government Chairman’s Name?

    Some Facts About Local Governments In Nigeria

    Obio-Akpor local government in Rivers State is described as the richest local government in Nigeria, followed by Ikeja local government area in Lagos State. Obio-Akpor is one of the leading economic zones in Nigeria with a huge deposit of oil, gas and mineral resources, while Ikeja local government in Lagos state is home to one of Nigeria’s biggest international airport and the largest shopping mall in Lagos – the Ikeja City Mall.

    Other notable local governments in Nigeria are the Lagos Island local government, the Bonny Island local government and the Abuja municipal local government.

    Also, local governments in Nigeria are funded through the Federal Account Allocation Committee (FAAC) disbursement, which is shared monthly to the federal, state and local governments in Nigeria. 

    However, many local governments in Nigeria are still non-functional, and it hard to really feel their impact on the day-to-day lives of many Nigerians.

    Going by this, it is clear that a local government plays a very important role in governance in Nigeria. If local governments in Nigeria are efficient, then there is no doubt that life will get better for the average Nigerian. Nigerians must therefore pay attention to reforming local government and voting in the best local government administrators so that public infrastructure can improve and quality of life for the average Nigerian can also improve.

    Quiz: What Do You Know About Local Government In Nigeria?

    We hope you’ve learned a thing or two about how to unfuck yourself when the Nigerian government moves mad. Check back every weekday for more Zikoko Citizen explainers.

    Follow Citizen on Twitter
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    Subscribe to Citizen’s Newsletter

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  • What does IJGB mean? – “I Just Got Back.” This means someone who’s living abroad and is back in Nigeria for December rocks. Now that you know the definition of IJGB, let’s begin.

    December is upon us and God willing, the innits will soon be upon us. We’ve prepared this guide as a safety measure to ensure that you’re not taken for eediat this December.

    Here’s a list of men to avoid this December:

    1) The “I don’t have Naira on me” type

    He’s a liar and a dirty ***** living a fake life.

    IJGB

    2) The “I’ll come back to marry you”

    Scope. We’ve heard this format so many times before.

    3) The “I need a proper African woman”

    S for what? – Slavery.

    IJGB

    4) The insufferable ones

    “In the [insert name of country] they don’t do this.” We’ve heard you.

    IJGB

    5) The “do you have a friend?”

    For what? For why?

    IJGB

    6) The ones that won’t stop converting to anything that’s not Naira.

    “Oh, just 6 pounds? That’s cheap. Lol.” It’s your daddy that’s cheap.

    IJGB

    7) The ones that won’t introduce you to their friends of family

    Femi, why are we always meeting at hotels in the middle of the night? Are you ashamed of me? Are you?

    IJGB

    8) Any abroad Nigerian man that says it’s complicated

    It’s a lie my dear, he has two kids and a lovely wife in England. He’s lying.

    9) The triple threat

    If he attended K.C, then went to Unilag, and is now in London for Masters, ah. Run oh

    10) Children of politicians

    Because while we’re having a good time, we’re not frolicking with the enemy. We’re still on that #EndSars wave my dears.

    IJGB

    If you enjoyed reading this, you should definitely take a look at this: 12 Things You’ll Relate To If You Love & Hate IJGB Season

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  • Are you clever and attentive enough to pick the odd one out without any context? Well, here’s your chance to prove your parents didn’t waste school fees money on you.

    Go ahead:

    11 Food Quizzes That Will Leave You Hungry

    Prepare to be hungry. Take these quizzes.

  • How many Nigerian meals do you know from A-Z? Score above 18 in this quiz to show that you’re a certified foodie.

    N.B: The answer to every question will begin with the giant alphabet right above it.

    Hint: Add corn to your answer

    Image source: Eat Drink Lagos, Dooneys kitchen.

    11 Food Quizzes That Will Leave You Hungry

    Prepare to be hungry. Take these quizzes.

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  • There are 13 Nigerian states that start with vowels – A.E,I,O,U – and your job is to name them all. Just type in the state and you’re good to go.

    Oh, you have just one minute to do this. Goodluck!

    Name all the Nigerian States starting with a vowel:

  • As the cost of living goes up and the Naira weakens, we present a list of ways to preserve the value of your Naira savings.

    8) Dollars

    Hello, Nigeria my people.

    7) Bitcoin

    The best way to unfuck yourself from the Nigerian government.

    6) Trader Moni

    This is obviously the only “currency” the Nigerian government respects. We could literally be dying and the only thing the government will talk about is Trader Moni. Wait, they already did just that.

    5) Bone straight wig

    Wahala for who no get bone straight in Nigeria oh. Dual function – slay and save.

    4) Rice

    This is the new cocaine for Nigerians. That’s the only reason why a bag of rice now costs ₦35,000.

    3) A kilo of turkey

    At ₦2,700 per kilo, this is obviously our new exchange rate benchmark. Naira – Kilo – Dollars.

    2) Social media bill

    This is the latest thing in town. Politicians will pay you anything for it.

    1) Onions

    Kuku kill us.

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  • “A Week In The Life” is a weekly Zikoko series that explores the working-class struggles of Nigerians. It captures the very spirit of what it means to hustle in Nigeria and puts you in the shoes of the subject for a week.

    The subject of today’s “A Week In The Life” is a Medical doctor. He talks about the worst year of his medical career, how Nigeria kills dreams, and why he’s aggressively learning to code.

    MONDAY:

    I wake up by 5:30 a.m. because I have to pray and get ready for work. I like to get to work early because punctuality is a virtue. After prayers,, I scroll through messages on my phone to see if I missed anything from the night before. I reply to a few messages, then I go through the ritual of brushing, bathing and general grooming, and I’m ready for the day.

    I work as a doctor in a small private clinic. When I resume at the hospital, the doctor on the night shift hands over a patient that was on admission over the night. I introduce myself and go over the treatment plan. There is no other patient on admission, so I sit and wait for outpatients. I’m grateful for this job because I don’t see more than 5 – 10 patients in a day. It’s rare, as a doctor, to do a job that gives you free time. 

    Thankfully, I’m with my laptop, so I decide to write some code. I inform the nurse that I’ll be in the doctor’s room if she needs me, and my day really begins.

    TUESDAY:

    The residency program for doctors in this country is crap. I considered doing residency and even wrote the first qualifying exam, but thank goodness I noticed a trend that changed my orientation on time. 

    A few months ago, each unit had ten doctors, and even that wasn’t enough. But now, you have one doctor doing the work of ten people. So you realise that the person is overworked, underpaid and underappreciated. This is quite discouraging. 

    I still think that my house job year was one of the worst years of my life because it was a really long year. There were days I thought I was going to die because of the workload. I don’t consider myself a lazy person, but it was overwhelming even for me. It was just too much work. 

    I’ll never forget a weekend call that broke me. Typical weekend calls last for 48 hrs — you resume at 8 a.m. on Saturday and leave the hospital by 4 p.m. on Monday. I remember that I was in one extremely stressful unit and by 9 p.m. on Monday, we hadn’t left the hospital. I’ll never forget thinking I was going to die as we moved to the last patient. My eyes were closing as I struggled to keep up with my senior colleagues. At one point, I didn’t even realise I had started swaying until I felt a hand on my shoulder. It was an elderly matron who had noticed I was about to fall that stopped me. She got me a chair, sat me down and sent for a bottle of coke for me. For the first time since that day started, someone showed me empathy. It’s funny how people are so focused on getting help that they don’t realise that even the helper needs help. That singular act was the kindest thing anyone did for me during that house job year. 

    I think that was one of the straws that made me realise that this country is not it and any hope for a change in the healthcare sector is light-years away. 

    The thought of residency being worse than house job is scary, and that’s why a lot of doctors are investing in jaapa. I hope that journey will be more straightforward and rewarding. Today, I’m going to spend my time dreaming of a healthcare system that’s not trying to kill me.

    WEDNESDAY:

    The hardest part of being a doctor is societal expectations. People expect you to dress a certain way, act in a certain manner and then go down the traditional path of residency. 

    Anyone who diverges from this path — I have friends exploring other fields — is considered a failure. In a way, medicine has a way of indoctrinating you to believe that you can’t be anything without it.  And that doctrine is one of the hardest things to break free from. I think once many doctors realise that there’s much more outside of the profession, the better they’ll be for it. I’m hoping that when we jaapa, our passion will be reignited. I think for many people, passion died during the house job year, and they’re just winging it until they get out. 

    Learning to code started out as a result of curiosity and a lack of options. I remember reading a book that changed my perspective. The book talks about how people with two high in-demand skills can give more value, and how they own the future. These people are able to identify opportunities for innovation in one field and then bring knowledge from another completely different field to help in problem-solving. The unique advantage they have is that someone in either field would either be unable to see those unique problems or would lack the skills to solve them. 

    After reading the book, I started learning to code as part of my new year resolution. I’m trying to see if I can use technology to solve medical problems. Two months to the end of 2020, and I’m grateful for how far I’ve come. I can’t wait to say it’s been one year since I started learning to code. 

    THURSDAY:

    Today, I can’t sleep. I’m tossing and turning. I’ve been dreaming of a bug that just won’t allow my code to be great. I dreamt of the solution to the problem and that’s what woke me up. 

    For something that started out of curiosity, I’m hooked. I find myself waking up in the middle of the night to solve some problem. I’ve lost count of how many times I have found myself dancing in the middle of the night alone, with no music playing, because I successfully fixed a bug in my code. 

    My proudest moment still remains my first project. I was at work one day when a child was brought in the middle of the night. The child had seizures, was dehydrated and unconscious. Being the only doctor [with only a nurse] in the clinic, I had so many responsibilities. I had to monitor vital signs, set intravenous access [a line] and calculate the amount of fluids to give the child. Even though the calculation wasn’t hard, I couldn’t help but think of how to automate the task so that the next time I had a similar patient, I’d have one less task to perform. I wanted a way to input some values and get the amount of fluid to give. This made me build my first project — a calculator to determine the amount of fluid to give to a dehydrated child. 

    After building this, I innocently put in on Twitter because I felt like one or two people would relate. In less than six hours, I had over two thousand views. I was shocked because I don’t think I’ve ever had anything that had more than 10 views. It was a humbling experience which has prompted me to build a lot more medical applications. 

    I’m grateful for the medical community on Twitter, and I’m glad to be a part of it. I’m also grateful for my support system, most notably my girlfriend who’s always there for me. 

    I’m just here thinking about how she’s been my number one supporter on this journey. She has supported me with time, money and encouragement. In fact, my plan for today is simple: I’ll start calling her sugar mummy. 

    FRIDAY:

    Today, I made $100 from my first coding job. This may not seem like a lot until you realise that it is one third the average salary of a doctor in Lagos. It’ll take 10 full working days for a doctor to earn that amount, and I did that in six hours. More than anything, this has shown me that there’s some prospect in coding. We die here.

    I’m not going to white-wash it; coding is hard. It’s frustrating. It makes me feel clueless, stupid, dumb. It’s ridiculous that because you miss one semicolon, your project is breaking.  However, if you stick through the difficult times, it gets easier and you begin to gain some proficiency. I’m lucky because I have a good support system, and I’ve also been a recipient of kindness from helpful strangers. 

    I’m going to keep pushing it — medicine and technology. I see a future where I’m running my own tech startup. At the back of my mind, I’m hoping that it’s not within this country because Nigeria has a way of killing your dreams. And because medicine in Nigeria is a jealous lover; it’s almost impossible to combine anything with it, especially if you’re going through the path of a residency programme. Outside this country, you can have a life outside of medicine, the long hours and poor pay, and that’s all I’m hoping to have. Is that too much to ask for?

    Check back every Tuesday by 9 am for more “A Week In The Life ” goodness, and if you would like to be featured or you know anyone who fits the profile, fill this form.

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