love | Page 78 of 91

1) Order fried rice, chicken, and juice at a restaurant and then proceed to feed each other while smiling sheepishly.

Whether or not you include salad in your order is up to you.

2) Go to a forest and chase each other around a tree.

Just watch out for soldier ants or falling fruit.

3) Go to the beach and ride a horse together.

It HAS to be at bar beach. I know bar beach isn’t really a thing anymore but I don’t care. Find a way to make it happen.

4) Go on a picnic and feed each other ice cream.

If you both are feeling particularly caucasian that day, you can feed each other grapes instead.

5) Go to a park and push each other on the swing while giggling.

Never mind the growing group of children crying all around you because they want a turn on the swing. Fuck them.

6) Go on a shopping spree at a ridiculously named boutique.

Just pack a ton of shit off the racks without checking their prices. You’re love and that’s all that matters.

7) Then finally, bring things full circle with one round of fully-clothed sex.

I don’t know how that works either. Don’t ask me.

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“Love is a beautiful thing, don’t get it twisted.” – D’banj.

I don’t believe in the concept of soul mates. However, I believe that whoever you choose to make a relationship work with is the one. When you add a little bit of inshallah and God no go shame us into the mix, you may get someone that you can actually spend the rest of your life with.

Curious about how people transition from boyfriend and girlfriend to daddy wa and mummy wa, I asked some married men when they knew their wives were the one for them.

Tolu/26.

“For me, it was final year. I was the president of my departmental association and I landed in a bit of trouble. At some point, I was impeached from the position. It was one of the lowest points in my life but my girlfriend stood by me and cheered me up. She stuck by me and even lost a friend in the process. That’s when I knew that we make a great team. There and then I promised myself I’d do my best to always make her happy.”

Habeeb/28.

“I have terrible allergies. I mean the type where I sneeze myself into a migraine. So, one December during harmattan she asked us to hang out. I went with my mask and tissues. After eating and gisting, she told me that she had a gift for me. In the gift bag, she put allergy medicine supply for three months, Vitamin C supply for a month, lip balm, hand lotion, nose masks.

Man, I almost cried that day. For me, it has always been the little things. I love people who show up everyday in little ways. Thoughtfulness on its own is a grand gesture.”

Lawal/30.

My wife and I are from two different tribes, so there was a lot of friction and even verbal conflict about us getting married. She’s Igbo, I’m Yoruba – for some weird reason, resistance just made the love sweeter.

But then we broke up because my family said that we couldn’t be together; my family bond is strong like that. However, we remained friends; we had no choice because we were in each other’s space.

She still loved me silly!

I haven’t dated a lot of people but her love just felt so unconditional and different from the women I had been with. Even the lady I got with after we broke up. One evening while the new person I was with after my break up was reciting her idea of a perfect man, I made up my mind that my wife (my ex at the time) was the one for me.

It was in a conversation where she was looking out for me like I was for her that I told her. We also finally overcame the tribe hurdle and it just made our love sweeter, stronger and cemented her fully as The One.

Toheeb/33.

“I didn’t have any special moment. As a rule, I don’t date people I can’t marry. It’s a principle I have had since some girl showed me pepper. So, when I saw that my wife and I vibed well on the phone, and there was also the urge to constantly be around each other, I was like let’s marry. Also, she was my spec so that was a plus.

The only thing is that as life goes on and naija stress creeps into the marriage, you’ll start to forget all of that sweet time. However, that feeling is still there.”

Tunji/26.

“My story is not cute oh. She offered to type my final project for me and I knew that she was the one. I have never ever seen someone that selfless in my life. If I had a choice, I won’t have even typed my own project because I am a lazy piece of shit.”

This story was edited for clarity. Some details have been changed to protect the identity of the subject.

You should read this next: 13 Nigerian Men Share What They Wish They Knew Before Getting Married
A few weeks ago, we created a quiz that accurately graded your sex life. Now, we want to see what grade your love life deserves. Have you had a lot of meaningful relationships (a coveted A) or have you been saddled with a bunch of shitty ones (a disappointing F)?

Take to find out:

Love Life: We Met On Twitter, But I Already Had A Boyfriend

*Kola, 28, and *Cynthia, 27, have been dating for almost six years now. Read their adorable story.
Toxic relationships are one of the nightmares of adulting. They are bad for your health all around, but sometimes it’s not easy recognizing that you are actually in one. Because we are like your internet guardian angels, giving you all the guides you need to navigate this adulting thing we decided to make this list to help you put things in perspective. If the things on this list sound familiar then it is time to boot. Here are 10 signs of a toxic relationship;

1. You give way more than you receive.

You’re allowed to give in relationships. But if you’re the person doing the most, making all the compromising and going all the way, it’s actually not healthy. You deserve as much as you give.

2. There’s no trust.

And it’s not just you being paranoid and overreacting. You’ve seen enough red flags to have whatever trust you may have had fly right out the window.

3. There is Abuse.

Abuse is always a big red flag. Once it enters the equation you need to japaa. Asin, run. And run away from the relationship. It’s not just physical abuse, there’s also verbal and emotional abuse. Do not subject yourself to either one of them.

4. The relationship negatively affects your self worth.

Good relationships should make you feel good about yourself and make you feel valuable. If a relationship most often leaves you feeling worthless, that relationship is toxic.

5. There is No support from your significant other.

If you’re not supporting each other then what are you doing? Life is hard, that’s why God created relationships. So you can have someone to remind you to make lemonade when you keep getting served lemons.

6. There is constant Disrespect.

And we don’t mean the usual “big head”, “ode” talks. We’re talking actual disrespect, the kind of comments and insults that obviously come from a place of spite and leave you feeling genuinely insulted.

7. It’s a Judgment zone.

Relationships should be judgment-free zones. It should be the one place where you are accepted as you are. If you are constantly getting judged in yours then it is toxic.

8. The relationship makes you feel a certain way about yourself.

And this certain way is a bad certain way. Good relationships should make you feel good about yourself.

9. You keep having to lower your standards.

If with each level of the relationship you keep having to lower your standards to accommodate new lows then something ain’t right. You’re growing backward.

10. There’s always drama.

The only place drama belongs is telemundo, not your relationship dear. A toxic relationship always comes with a ton of needless drama, almost every conversation somehow degenerates into an avoidable fight because there is deep-seated resentment no one is confronting.

Click here for happy thoughts.
Situationship – When you are together but not really together-together like that. You can be physically naked with them but your emotions dey wear cloth.

Well, if that confused you, it confused us too.

And since it’s a ball of confusion, here are the signs you need to see so you can be released from bondage.

1) She’s not doing the “Know You” challenge with you.

Couples do cute cringey stuff together. It is known.

https://www.instagram.com/p/B_dRcTzJqAQ/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link

2) Birthday gifts include love and light and thoughtfulness.

If she’s not spending on you, you know the drill.

3) She’s not sending you “hey, big head.”

Reddest flag.

4) She’s not showing you pepper.

You mean no drama? no one word replies when there’s an issue? She doesn’t love you oh.

5) When she says “it’s fine”, and it’s actually fine.

My brother, run.

6) Her reaction when you offer to do cute stuff and be seen in public together.

“We don’t do that in this house dearie.”

7) Her face when you say “I love you.”

“I am not of love, I am of war. I am the female Indaboski Bahose!”

8) She introduces you to her family as a coursemate from Uni.

Wiun.

9) When you want to talk about the future, she hits you with a fire picture.

And your mumu ass keeps saying awww because she’s too beautiful.

You should read this next: 15 Signs You Are Actually In A ‘Situationship’ With A Nigerian Man.
Does love conquer all? Even height differences? Well, the scientists and love gurus at Zikoko created this quiz to determine the height of your future spouse.

Take the quiz:

QUIZ: Are You Marriage Material?

0 or 100% marriage material? Take the quiz.
What is your view on dating? Do you think you should date with the intention to marry or just go with the flow? Well, this quiz knows how many serious relationships you have left in you.

Take it below:
Do Nigerian women have game? This is has been the subject of many philosophical debates.

Curious about the answer to this, I asked a couple of men about the worst pick up lines Nigerian women have used on them. Well, the answers range from funny to creepy, to just ah.

1) Wetin be dis?

“I hear you work in Glo…Do you come as fast as your data finishes?” – Keep me Anon.

2) Ehen.

She wanted to use prayers to bamboozle me because I like Jesus. She was like: “I really do like you and I know I shouldn’t be saying this. But I have prayed about it.” – Youth pastor.

3) Uhmmm?

“Hey, your bow leg is sexy. I like slightly curved legs because it does things to me.” – Shayo.

4) Wow.

“So, you’re a doctor. I want you to inject me…with your semen. Lol.” – Small Doctor.

5) Half-time.

“Are you by any chance a father? because you look like the father of my kids.” – Ekene.

6) Do better.

“Are you a math text book, cos you’re looking fine and complex.” – Fine Anon.

7) Governor Sanwoolu come and see something.

“I want to sit on your face for a week, giving you only a few water breaks.” – Traumatized Anon.

8) Aww.

Ahan, which day is the application form for the post of girlfriend going to be out because we deserve to pay for this beauty.” – Tunde.

9) Ermmm.

“It wasn’t really a line but when we shook hands, she used her index finger to tickle the inside of my palm. I nearly threw up.” – Olu.

10) I am sorry, I laughed.

“I haven’t gotten any bad pick up lines. Babes just usually DM me to say I’m fine, then they wait for me to carry the rest of the conversation.” – Dan.
If you survived undergraduate without the love of your life, chances are everyone is expecting you to end NYSC camp with love. It’s one of the things they will tell you in camp anyway. Attend briefings, SAED lectures, even social nights, and you’ll hear, “You need to find a wife or a husband in camp. This is one of the reasons why this scheme was created.”

So, my dear single person who is reading this, here is how to snag the love of your life in NYSC camp.

Know your spec

This is important because NYSC camp is full of different types of people from different tertiary institutions and once you know your spec, it makes it easier to narrow your search.

Now that you know your spec, cast your net deep into the waters.

When you line up for parade, look at your platoon people and see if you find your spec. If not, journey to other platoons. See what they have to offer. You might be in Platoon 1 and discover your true love in Platoon 7. Don’t be discouraged, it is what it is.

If you find someone who fits your spec, engage them in a conversation

Know how educated they are. Because being in NYSC camp does not mean everybody is educated. And going to school is different from being educated, shebi you know? See if they can carry on a good conversation. Relate with them and know what they think about Buhari and Trump, what they understand about Feminism, if they pour their cereal before the milk or milk before the cereal. You never know who is a cultist in NYSC kit. Don’t forget to stylishly ask if they are single. There’s no shame.

Shoot your shot

I shouldn’t tell you how to do that, should I? Come clean and state your intentions. Bear in mind that it can either end in tears or aso ebi. Also, be reminded that you cannot have sex in NYSC camp. Yes, some people do it. They enter the bush, hang around in the smelly toilets, do it on a heap of sand in the dark. This shouldn’t be you, right? Why stress yourself doing rush-rush runs when you can finish camp and devour yourself properly? I’m not teaching you how to fornicate, but —

Other things that can happen.

By other things, I mean Glucose Guardians and Military Men. There’s an abundance of those in camp. The camp officials, the men (and women) in charge of kitchen and food distribution, the soldiers who preside over the parade. Some of them will disturb you when you catch their eye. And some of them will offer to influence your redeployment or posting. Ngwa, think it well before you do it. (Wo)Men are scum, but then you already know this.

Hang around Mammy Market, attend social night and actually socialise. When you line up to get food, don’t ‘strong’ your face. There’s someone who is taking note of you. Why not allow the bone of your bone to find you?

And lest I forget, that white-white kit everyone wears can deceive. Let people change into their Friday and Sunday outfits first and you’ll see hotness. Ah, you’ll be amazed at the wonders in the human body.

But if you do all of this and nothing happens, well, maybe you’re not destined to find the love of your life in NYSC camp. Try your luck elsewhere. Life’s hard.
Is your soulmate an absolute stunner or are they simply beautiful on the inside? Well, whether you’ve met them or not, this quiz will let you know just how good-looking the person you’ll inevitably end up with is.

Take to find out:

Tolu/26.

Habeeb/28.

Lawal/30.

Toheeb/33.

Tunji/26.

Love Life: We Met On Twitter, But I Already Had A Boyfriend

1. You give way more than you receive.

2. There’s no trust.

3. There is Abuse.

4. The relationship negatively affects your self worth.

5. There is No support from your significant other.

6. There is constant Disrespect.

7. It’s a Judgment zone.

8. The relationship makes you feel a certain way about yourself.

9. You keep having to lower your standards.

10. There’s always drama.

1) She’s not doing the “Know You” challenge with you.

2) Birthday gifts include love and light and thoughtfulness.

3) She’s not sending you “hey, big head.”

4) She’s not showing you pepper.

5) When she says “it’s fine”, and it’s actually fine.

6) Her reaction when you offer to do cute stuff and be seen in public together.

7) Her face when you say “I love you.”

8) She introduces you to her family as a coursemate from Uni.

9) When you want to talk about the future, she hits you with a fire picture.

QUIZ: Are You Marriage Material?

1) Wetin be dis?

2) Ehen.

3) Uhmmm?

4) Wow.

5) Half-time.

6) Do better.

7) Governor Sanwoolu come and see something.

8) Aww.

9) Ermmm.

10) I am sorry, I laughed.

Know your spec

Now that you know your spec, cast your net deep into the waters.

If you find someone who fits your spec, engage them in a conversation

Shoot your shot

Other things that can happen.