You think you’re romantic?
Take this quiz to prove it.
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Are you going to be a permanent member of the God When Foundation or are you going to find love soon?
Let’s find out.
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So you want to win the heart of a Port Harcourt person? Love is a beautiful thing. As much as people deny it, everybody wants to fall in love and feel butterflies in their stomach. Even Port Harcourt people want to feel bees in theirs.
It might not be easy to win a Port Harcourt person’s heart, but with the tips in this article, you’ll sweep them off their feet.
1. Buy them a gun
How can you say you love a Port Harcourt person and you haven’t bought them at least one tiny pistol to be carrying around? Is that one love or deception?
2. Give them alcohol for breakfast
If you can get kai-kai or ogogoro to their doorstep by 5:30 a.m. every morning they’ll know you value them. Port Harcourt people don’t use toothpaste to brush; alcohol is a better mouth cleanser.
3. Allow them visit Casablanca
There is love, and then there’s allowing your partner go to Casablanca to do whatever they like. What happens in Casablanca stays in Casablanca.
4. Give them bole whenever they visit
Don’t make the mistake of giving them bole and groundnut. They will take it as an affront and declare war on you and your family. Give them fish. Bole and roasted fish. Don’t forget the ogogoro.
5. Join their cult
Take your love to the next level by joining their cult. This is how they’ll know you’re serious.
6. Call them abobi
“Abobi” in the ears of a Port Harcourt person is like “Destroy the future of this nation” in the ears of Buhari. It turns them on.
7. Sharpen their axe for them
Imagine them getting home and seeing all their axes and cutlasses sharpened. They can marry you on the spot.
QUIZ: Can You Unscramble These Port Harcourt Locations In 2 Minutes?
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Take this quiz and we’ll tell you why your last relationship ended.
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It’s Valentine’s Day, and your partner just might pop the question.
Take this quiz to find out how you’d react.
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It’s a few days to Valentine, and you’re still very single. Now, instead of planning a romantic Sunday, you’re considering going to church for the first time in years. While that sounds “fun”, here are six steps you can take to make your neighbor fall in love with you.
1. Play loud music in the middle of the night
If they come to knock and complain, apologise and tell them that you’re having trouble sleeping. They’ll surely stay up with you and, if you’ve ever watched porn, you know how that goes…
Both of you after 2. Lure them with food
Whenever you’re making something nice, bring all your fans together and try to blow the smell in the direction of their house. Food will surely lure them your way.
How you’ll end up because food is sweet but you’re sweeter. 3. Leave your doors open
If you’re getting desperate, just leave your door open. You’ll come back and meet them standing guard, and that can spark a conversation.. If they steal your things sha, please, don’t @ us.
If we can’t see it, it didn’t happen. 4. Help them pack their clothes on the line
Even if you didn’t wash, always be on the lookout for rain. You might get wet in the process but Nollywood has shown that this is a tested and trusted way to make them fall for you.
Rain romance nwantiti. 5. Man up and ask them out
You will not die if you speak up. Before someone will post that “valentine is coming” video and you breakdown in a bus because shyness didn’t let you be great.
It’s time to revoke your membership card abeg. 6. Go to a Babalawo
This should always be your last resort, but love is clearly more important than safety. Do you think babalawos are fake? Just ask Astor
You can’t say we haven’t done anything nice for you.
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Most people believe in the existence of soulmates and wonder where they’ll meet theirs. Will you meet yours at work, on social media or inside danfo?
Let’s find out!
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What to know when in 2021 you finally find love? Take this quiz
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New year’s eve is the one day in the year that carries the hopes of millions of people around the globe. It is the day we round up and settle all affairs of the previous year while looking forward to a new year. Today, I asked Nigerian women about how they spent their new year’s eve.
1. Sarah, Day dreaming of penis
I spent new year’s eve at my mother’s house thinking of all the penis I wasn’t getting and how annoying it is that I wasn’t going to be kissed into the new year. Also, I’m not at my spiritual best right now so, I wasn’t too pumped about joining the crossover service but I did anyway. It’s so annoying that I was sober hence giving my mind room to panic and worry about the new year.
2. Grace, Playing video games with my man
My boyfriend and I spent the first part of the day opening the rest of our Christmas presents over wine and cookies. Then, watched “Death to 2020” on Netflix and planned a stroll around 11:55 pm to watch the fireworks. We ended up playing some new video game by 11:00 pm, this went on for over an hour. We took a break 12:00 am to shout “HAPPY NEW YEAR” and went back to gaming till 2:00 am.
3. Lara, A blunt, phone sex and Jesus
My crossover into 2021 has been one of the most unusual ones I’ve had yet. At around 10ish, I snuck to the back of our house to smoke the fattest joint with my brother. High as a kite I called my favourite lover and had him talk me through the most delicious orgasm. I wanted him to be my last nut of the year and he was. Post orgasmic and high asf, I gather with my mum and siblings to pray into the new year. I loved it. I was so happy and grateful for my lover and my family.
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4. Zainab, Lagos traffic gave me the best gift
This new year’s eve has to be one of my best ones ever. Since my lover had to travel, I set out to get alcohol and food so I can Netflix and chill into the new year. I had some weed at home so I was set. However, he got stuck in some gangster level traffic. He left home at 1:30 pm and at 8:00 pm, he still hadn’t gotten to the interchange and there was still heavy traffic ahead. Oga just turned back and came home (yay me!).
I was already buzzed from the drinking and weed. At 11:45, we were both tipsy, so I just randomly started yapping about how he made my 2020 better and my hopes for the new year and how much I loved him. He did the same and we just had that intimate moment into the new year and kissed. It was perfect. In those few hours, we had no care in the world. We were happy as can be and I’ll like to maintain that happiness throughout the year.
5. Nneka, Twitter drama and music
I knew I didn’t want to spend new year’s eve in church, not really into the prophetic declaration and shouting into the year. I’m Catholic and it’s subtle, but I still wasn’t interested. I thought I would sleep through it but that didn’t work. I stayed on Twitter till when I saw Dangobabe’s gist (Loved it). At a few minutes to 12:00 am, I listened to cultural praise by Kcee while doing my night routine and rounded up with the sign of the cross at 12:00 am because I still need Jesus.
6. Temi, Intense penising to fireworks
My partner and I had a silly argument on new year’s eve. We even broke up just a few hours to new year’s day. Somehow, we managed to reconcile our differences. We went to the balcony to watch the fireworks as we did a countdown into the new year. That’s how oga’s penis entered me as we entered the new year. Have you ever had sex to the sound of fireworks? It’s like making love in a warzone. I started the new year with an orgasm and it’s safe to say that makeup sex >>>>>.
7. Oluchi, I slept into the new year
All my life, I have had to spend new year’s eve in church with my family, praying for a better year. I recently got my own apartment so I’m made my own rules. New year’s eve, I drank, smoked, listened to music and slept off watching Family Guy. I woke up to missed calls and messages from family members wishing me a happy new year.
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This quiz can accurately guess the zip code of your future partner. Don’t believe us?
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