In all seriousness, harmattan can be a real struggle. And just like how we all have different personalities, we all have different harmattan struggles.
Are you the person whose skin is drier than the Sahara desert? Or are you the one who’s always coughing and sneezing because of the dusty air? Take this quiz to find out which harmattan struggle you are.
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If you find it a bit more difficult to keep your eyes open, breathe or just move around without meeting dust, then you already know our long-awaited visitor, Harmattan, is here.
Naturally, it has no respect and is coming for everyone with a dust allergy. But fret not, we know how you can survive its stay.
Step into your mysterious bag this December, and keep that face mask on. Not only will the dust no longer affect you, you can also walk past all the people you owe without fainting from anxiety.
Anyone with asthma know they have to become conjoined twins with their inhaler this harmattan. But you don’t need to be asthmatic to get a nasal spray. It’ll help clear your sinuses and make breathing a lot easier.
We know it’s December, and you’re trying to get as detty as possible. But if you can, just stay inside. Outside will trigger your allergies a lot quicker and also suck money out of your account.
You don’t need to deal with the dust in the air and dusty surfaces all at once. Give yourself a fighting chance by making sure everything around you is wiped clean and dust-free.
The dust is more determined than a married Nigerian man in a bar. It’ll find its way in somehow. Don’t open your doors or windows to it. Protect yourself today.
Go to your nearest pharmacy and get all the drugs your doctor’s prescribed for your allergies. Stay ready to tackle whatever the dust might bring your way.
It’s easy to feel like the air around you is closing in when everywhere is filled with dust, so don’t add to your wahala. Make sure you’re not in crowds and there’s always room for you to breathe properly.
Harmattan season gets the worst PR, and to be honest, it doesn’t deserve that. Yes, the season comes with a truckload of struggle: ashy skin, chapped lips, cracked heels and dry throat. But if you take a moment to really deep it, you’d appreciate these things that make Harmattan the best season ever.
PHCN, who?
Nature has already blessed you with natural air conditioning. PHCN can fall dead in a ditch.
Natural food preservative
Harmattan is all you need to shame PHCN for all the atrocities committed in 2023. With that cool dry Sahara wind, you only need to put food items on a steel surface or bowl to preserve them.
Wash and wear
A weather that helps you save extra cost on dry cleaning? Yes, please. Wash your shirt, wear it and we promise it will dry up on your body before you get to the bus stop.
Wear your lip gloss in peace
Image: TikTok
As a guy, you won’t have to deal with annoying questions like “Why are you wearing lip gloss?” “Isn’t that too much?” You’ll get comments like “We love a well-moisturised king”.
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Agbalumo comes out to play
Image: Sundry Agro
It’s no surprise that the Queen B of fruits chooses the harmattan season to flourish. Roasted corn, overhyped apples and oranges can go to rest now.
Natural starch
Image: Martha Stewart
Have you seen the way clothes stand at attention on the line during harmattan? No spray-on starch can give you these results.
Justification for disposable plates
Image: UbuyNigeria
If you hate washing plates, this is the time to jump on the disposable trend without feeling guilty about it. No more semo and eba hardening against unwashed plates, at least for a season.
Cry in peace
This weather will let you become the emotional wreck and crybaby you want to be. Before anyone catches a whiff and asks, “What happened?” your tears have dried up.
Maintaining premium beauty can be a hassle during the harmattan season. Your skin looks ashy AF, and even worse, your chapped lips are far from giving “kissable”. But true OGs know there are ways around keeping your lips succulent.
We ranked the best lip care options for moisturised lips that will survive the thick and thin of harmattan.
Vegetable oil
Image source: Food Network
It’s basically coconut oil with no PR. You can apply a swipe of it before leaving the house, or you can throw a deep-fried turkey in your purse and take a bite anytime you feel the dryness coming.
Coconut oil
Image source: Tree Hugger
It’s an active ingredient in most lip balms, so why not just go for the real deal? Find a container that can fit inside your purse or pocket, and you’re good to go.
Shea butter
Our mums and grannies clocked this hack before big cosmetics came to bamboozle us with their products. It doesn’t get more natural than a nice spread of good ol’ shea butter on your lips.
Sleeping masks
Image: Konga
This one should be on your radar if you hate waking up with dry and chapped lips to begin with. Lip sleeping masks are specifically formulated to keep your lips moisturised overnight. So apply one before you go to bed.
Pocket-friendly lip balm
Image: Ubuy Nigeria
Your lips will stay strapped all day. You’ll never be caught unaware when that kiss comes your way. Go for a lip balm that’s pocket friendly in both size and cost, and you’re good.
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Vaseline lip therapy
Image: Vaselinebrand
Vaseline is so universal, it doesn’t even seem like a brand name anymore. But besides the petroleum jelly (which also works), they have a range of lip therapy products in different fragrances. Just don’t be tempted to lick it off halfway into the day.
Lip balms with SPF
Image:Ubuy Nigeria
These ones hit that sweet spot between shiny, well-moisturised lips and extra protection from the sun.
Long-lasting lip gloss
Image: Instagram/@herlichbeatyplanet
You want em’ lips shiny all day? You want your lips to be the centre of attraction when you step in the room? Long-lasting lip glosses is where the magic is at. The key is to make sure the gloss is actually long-lasting.
Choose between the options, and we’ll tell you what season matches your personality.
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Some people might attribute the return of harmattan to global warming. But what do they know? Do they know more than us? We’re here to tell you the REAL reason why harmattan decided to stage a comeback in the middle of February.
Do you really want to vote in extreme heat? No, you don’t.
Every two to three business days, there was a Tweet complaining about how hot the country is. Now, your prayers have been answered. Someone shout glory!
We’ve been this hot because people always leave the gate open when they get to hell. And the heat from the fiery pit finds its way to Nigeria, their Earthly branch. Now that the last person to go closed the gate, we can enjoy a country that isn’t trying to use heat to kill us.
RELATED: 8 Reasons Why Hell Might not Be so Bad
People were using the heat as an excuse to stop rubbing cream. Mother nature took offense and decided to get involved. Now, if you don’t take care of your skin, you’ll look like a goblin. She’s giving us tough motherly love.
Harmattan started after Valentine’s Day because it didn’t want to give people an even bigger excuse to commit sin. In the scorching heat, some people stayed away from all appearances of evil.
You can’t put on your fans and ACs anymore, so harmattan came back to relieve some of the stress. Now, you won’t have a heat stroke during the day.
The sun has been putting in the work these past couple of weeks. It has burned tirelessly, and now, it needs a break. That’s why it invited harmattan over for some support.
RELATED: Interview With Harmattan:”I Come Like a Thief in the Night”
If your friends are bugging you to join them for outings this month, we have the perfect harmattan excuses to help you stay indoors.
You’re welcome.
This one isn’t even an excuse. It’s a fact. The sun these days can make somebody run mad. Just stay inside your house.
If someone is trying to get you to go out for some “Detty December” and you don’t want to, just tell them that the weather is too cold for you to take a bath and you don’t want to stink the entire place up so you’ll pass.
Dust is always a good excuse to avoid going out. If your lungs catch fire, they are not the ones that will pay your medical bills.
Harmattan will fuck your sexy lips up. So stay indoors and preserve your lips.
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In a land of dust, and time of ashy skin, the fate of your social clout rests on the type of presents you get your friends…the name: thoughtfulness. Here are five thoughtful gifts to make your friends go: “who send you message?”
Cold Medicine
With all the dust in the air, everyone is either sneezing or coughing. For friends experiencing allergies, you can offer to refill their prescriptions. In addition, you could also get Vitamin C tablets as they are very helpful during this period. They help to boost immunity and prevent breakdowns that are common during this season.
Lotion
If you are a good friend like me, you certainly do not want your friend setting off any bushfire from all that ashy skin. You can go the whole mile; from lip balm, to hand lotion, to body lotion. The goal is to let my people moisturize!
Water Bottle
I do not say this lightly, this the period to drink loads of water…and also mind your business. A whole lot. All that dry weather results in dehydration and you obviously do not want your friends to gas out on you. If you want them to be alive to witness you get married, give birth to little unemployed rascals, then buy them water bottles so they can drink water to their heart content and live long.
Canada-style Clothing
Seriously, what is the difference between Harmattan and Winter? See this as preparing your friends for greatness. This is the chance to gift them something multi-purpose – useful in their interim country (here) and also in their real country(abroad). Thick clothes are vital for surviving the intense cold during this season.
Money
Let us be serious for a minute, money can keep you warm, moisturize you, hydrate you, and even revitalize you. This is the gift to end all gifts. The best part? They won’t see it coming because they have been blindsided by all the Detty December they had to do. No need to thank us, we are here to serve you.
Did we miss any gift? let us know in the comment section.
‘Tis the season of ashy skin, chapped lips and dusty surfaces. In case you didn’t already catch on, it’s harmattan again. And we’re here to help you survive its throes. Here are 5 must-haves for this trying period:
Vaseline (aka Petroleum Jelly)
As you already know, harmattan and dry skin are symbiotic. And during this time, it’s literally impossible to escape not moisturising your skin.
Vaseline, with its multipurpose uses, is all you need to save us the horrors of seeing your crusty skin.
Lip Balm
Chapped/ flaky lips are unavoidable this season. Therefore, it is important to stay strapped with lip balm, in order to keep those lips hydrated and supple, or risk not getting kissed by your MCM/ WCW.
Transformer Clothes
I know what you’re thinking, but I’m not talking about autobots’ merch. I mean detachable clothes that can work in both hot and cold weather because harmattan is a two-faced bitch.
Sunglasses
Looking cool while protecting your eyes from dust and dirt is a good two-in-one deal if you ask me.
Nose Mask
Apart from serving as a protective covering from dust, this is also great for dodging smelly pits and mouths.
Did we leave anything out? Let us know!