first time | Zikoko!

I don’t remember the exact moment I started feeling uncomfortable with my stretch marks, just when they became visible enough for me to spot and squirm because of them. I was somewhere between 13 and 16. I’d taken ballet from age 3 to maybe 8, then stopped until I was 13. Going back meant stretching parts of my body I hadn’t stretched in years, and almost excessively. As a result, I had the most stretch marks on the back of my knees.

At first, it was fine, but when people started pointing them out and I got flooded with what women should look like in the media, I became more and more self-conscious about it. I’d rush into pools or walk to the pool steps with my towel and hand it over to a sibling, right before I jumped in. I hated wearing shorts and really short dresses. I was so, so uncomfortable with my cellulite and natural thighs. It all came together to make me feel unsettled in my own skin. I literally would have done anything to switch bodies.

As I got older and fell more in love with myself and what the true reality of being a woman is, stretch marks, cellulite, and a little pouch in my belly started to mean less and less. One, there were many more important and bigger things to worry about, and secondly, I genuinely started to see them as beautiful on other women. And the more I accepted the skin I was born in, the more I accepted its unique markings that society had taught me to hate.

This is the reality a lot of women experience: shame born from outside noise, then slow and steady acceptance. Sometimes, it’s sparked by a kind word. Other times, by a mirror, a memory, or a moment that shifts something inside you. I asked six women to tell me about the first time they loved their stretch marks. Here’s what they said.

1. Can you remember the exact moment you saw your stretch marks differently? Like, actually loved or accepted them?

Khadijat 27: I was in my uni room, scrolling through Instagram. Body positivity content was becoming a thing, and I was doom-scrolling through videos of women whose bodies I thought looked fantastic. Then I found out they were the same size as me, and they had stretch marks. But theirs looked beautiful.

They were showing them off, and people were commenting about how much they loved it. There was so much encouragement. That day, I wore a sleeveless dress I’d bought but never felt confident enough to wear because it showed the stretch marks on my arms. I dressed up, looked at myself in the mirror, and I felt pretty. I felt like the women I saw on Instagram, and it felt so good.

Diepreye* 33: The exact moment I saw my stretch marks differently? I was standing naked in front of my mirror. It was a Saturday, and I was getting ready to go out with the girls. I looked at myself in a way I hadn’t before. I knew I was beautiful. All the marks and prints reminded me of how much I was a person, and that was totally okay. I truly felt beautiful in a way I never had before.

Nico* 22: I wouldn’t say I suddenly saw my stretch marks differently; I’ve always had them, so I just thought it was normal. But there was this conversation with classmates about how stretch marks were unattractive, and how no one really liked them. It didn’t change how I felt, though. I was in school, wearing my uniform, and I still didn’t feel like they were a bad thing.

Ruth* 26: The moment of acceptance for me happened in my second year of uni. It was a rainy night, and I had candles lit. I was drinking red wine and just sitting in front of my mirror. This is something I used to do a lot. Looking at myself, I thought, “I am so beautiful.” I accepted every part of me. I may not have loved all of it yet, but I accepted it because this is me. This is the only me I’m going to get.

I just got to a point where I didn’t care what anyone else thought anymore. Over time, I came to actually love them. I don’t remember exactly when that happened, but now, my stretch marks feel like an essential part of me. If I looked in the mirror and didn’t see them, I’d be concerned. They tell my story.

Daisy* 39: It was one morning, maybe a year after my second child. I was in the bathroom rubbing shea butter on my stomach like I’d done for years. But this time, my daughter walked in. She was five. She pointed at my belly and asked, “Mummy, what’s that?” My stomach tightened. I expected her to laugh or look confused. Instead, she said, “It looks like lightning.” And she smiled. Lightning. That’s what she saw. Not shame. Not ruin. Just beauty. That moment broke something open in me. I looked at my reflection and for the first time in years, I didn’t look away.

Zee 24: I was 18 or 19 when I met up with this guy that I’d known since I was in secondary school. He used to date my friend, but she and I hadn’t been friends for years. He reached out to me, one thing led to another, and I found myself on his bed. We didn’t have sex, but we weren’t exactly clothed either. I was embarrassed about my stretch marks and tried using his blanket to cover up my legs.

He noticed that I kept doing that and asked me why. I told him it was because I didn’t like the look of my stretch marks. I can’t remember exactly what he said now, but I remember that he traced kisses down them, and whatever it was he said rewired my self-concept. He made me love my stretch marks in just one day after years of insecurity.

Brianna* 30: I have stretch marks on my back from one waist to the other. It’s just a couple of lines, but I thought it was unusual to have them at that spot, so I didn’t really like that from the get-go. However, I remember properly looking in the mirror once when I was naked. I took a good look at the whole package staring back at me, and I just realised how badass every stroke is, how everything looking back at me was perfect (some parts I’m still struggling with ), but I saw them saw them, the lines, the placement and I thought oooouuu unique gel see ass your back set.

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2. Before that, what was your relationship with them like?

Khadijat 27: Before that, I was a big fan of jackets and sweatshirts. I would always bathe early or really late because I didn’t want the girls in my hostel (we shared bathrooms), to see me naked. In my early teens, I had stretch marks around my breasts and arms because I was chubby. I used to attend RCCG, and during camp, we’d bathe in pairs or groups.

I vividly remember one girl pointing at my body and shouting, “What is that?” Then she told everyone else. They laughed, and one girl even said it looked like cancer. That stuck with me for a long time. I avoided shared bathrooms or dressing in front of anyone. I tried everything: Ytacan, Skineal, ori (shea butter), coconut oil, but nothing worked. So I stuck to sweatshirts and long sleeves, in every season. I only dressed freely at home with my family.

Diepreye* 33: Before that moment, it was a bittersweet relationship. Some days, I loved them. Some days, it was a struggle, especially when I wanted to wear clothes that showed my body. I believed they weren’t beautiful, that they were too much. So I took every opportunity to hide them.

Nico* 22: Like I said, I never hated them. It’s just something I’ve always had, so I didn’t think much of it. If anyone asked, I talked about them. I didn’t hide them, even when I went swimming or anything like that.

Ruth* 26: I first noticed my stretch marks in SS2 at school. At the time, in the senior classes, boys would laugh at girls who had stretch marks. It was a whole thing, and it scared me. I was a loner; I didn’t want to give anyone a reason to pick on me. I had stretch marks behind my knees, and they were very visible. That was terrifying. I wouldn’t say I particularly cared about them myself, but I was really worried about how other people would treat me because of them.

I was also scared they’d bully me extra because I was slim. I’ve always been slim, and I guess I have stretch marks because I moved or exercised a lot; I used to walk a lot. I also had stretch marks on my bum and hips, but no one could see those. Still, I used to worry a lot about being judged for being slim and having stretch marks. I didn’t dislike them from my own heart; I disliked them because society did.

Daisy* 39: I hated them. After I had my first child, I would shower in the dark so I wouldn’t have to see my body. I wore wrappers around the house, avoided mirrors, and even avoided my husband for a while. It wasn’t just the stretch marks; it was how I felt like my body had betrayed me. Nobody tells you how loud the silence around postpartum shame is.

And the pressure? Every auntie, neighbour, and random woman in church had something to say. “Ah, this your tummy never go back?” “You better start gym before your husband starts looking outside.” I started scrubbing my belly raw with exfoliants and rubbing anything anyone recommended, from toothpaste to lemon juice, and that black soap with potash. Nothing worked. Eventually, I just stopped trying.

Zee 24: Before this happened, I always felt so insecure about them. My sister used to have a lot of them, and I remember my mum used to buy creams that made stretch marks “disappear.” So, of course, my home life wasn’t a breeding ground for self-confidence. When my stretch marks started appearing, seeing the way my mum used to treat my older sister’s stretch marks like a defect, it made me also believe that I needed to get rid of mine.

Brianna* 30: Like I said, from the go, I didn’t really fuck with it, but I never really saw them. Except I turned around to look at it. It was actually a friend who first pointed it out, and I think her tone is what made me feel some way about it at first, buttttt when I got to look at it properly for myself, I just know say I set die.

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3. And since that moment, what’s changed in your body, your self-image, or how you move through the world?

Khadijat 27: After seeing women with my body type, and even bigger, embrace their bodies, and seeing slim women with stretch marks that didn’t look ugly to me, I started becoming more comfortable. I wore what I wanted. I wasn’t the sweaty girl anymore, wearing full clothes under the hot sun. My style grew. I stopped looking in the mirror, checking for a new stretch mark every time.

Diepreye* 33: A lot has changed since that moment, especially in how I see myself. I see myself as beautiful. A work of art. My body is different, and there’s nothing wrong with that. Everyone is different. Love and self-acceptance have really evolved for me. I wear whatever I want, look however I want, and still feel beautiful doing it.

Nico* 22: Not really. I guess I’m just around more people who like their stretch marks than people who don’t. So it’s not really a big deal. As for acceptance, I’ve always accepted mine.

Ruth* 26: Since then, I’ve come to love them. Now, I see them as part of my body and part of my story. They don’t bother me anymore. There were times in uni when I’d worry that the ones near my bum would show under my clothes, especially at parties where I wore shorts, but I didn’t really go out of my way to hide them. Today, if I look in the mirror and don’t see my stretch marks, it would feel strange. I see them all the time; they belong on me.

Daisy* 39: I started wearing crop tops. Not all the time, but sometimes. Even started walking around the house naked again. I let my husband touch my stomach now without flinching. I still have stretch marks; they’re deep, long, and loud, but I no longer see them as a flaw. They’re a reminder. Of everything my body has carried, survived, and held. My daughter still calls them “mummy’s lightning” sometimes. And honestly? That alone makes me feel like a masterpiece.

Zee 24: After I started embracing them, I stopped trying to hide them. This dude from when I was 19 made me recognise that my stretchmarks were something to be proud of. My ex also used to call them tiger stripes. He’d say they were one of my best features. It’s funny how the thing that used to bring me so much insecurity became one of my proudest features.

Even now, when I look at them, I see wonders. I’m grateful to have been around people that made me feel a little more secure in myself. Now, I show them off when I can. And I encourage others to do so too. My stretch marks are sexy as fuck.

Brianna* 30: For one, I know I’m a 10, so everything adds up and makes me a 100, and that’s how I see and want to carry myself.

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First times are monumental, not because they always end up being magical, but because they mark a shift; a moment of crossing over into something new. Sometimes, they’re awkward, confusing or straight-up chaotic.

For queer women, that first time with another woman can leave an indelible mark. I wanted to know what it really feels like in the moment: Do you feel nervous or calm? Does it feel like home, or something you have to learn?

So I asked five women about the first time they went ‘all the way’ with a woman; in lived, messy, intimate detail. What led up to it? What did it feel like in the moment? And what changed afterwards?

1. What happened the first time you were with a woman? How did it start, and what was going through your mind in the moment?

Tobi* 27: I had a bunch of casually gay experiences as a teenager, but I didn’t really think much of them because they didn’t feel like anything. But when I was about 20, this woman DM’d me on Twitter. We talked for a bit, and then she wanted to hang out. I remember I was literally sick the day we planned to meet, but I dragged myself out because I wanted to see her so badly.

Before then, we’d had cute conversations, but I didn’t really understand how deep it could go until I was in a space with her and things got physical. I remember thinking, “Oh. This is what I’m supposed to be doing with my life. I was always meant to be a gay woman.” I’d dated men before and always felt like, “Why am I doing this? Why am I letting this person touch me?” It never felt right. But this? It felt completely different.

Kev* 36: She was older than me. This was the first time I had fully been with a woman in the way I wanted. She was my mum’s friend’s daughter, 32, and I was 22. We planned to use toys, so she had everything prepared. I went over to her house, we talked about what we wanted and how we wanted it, and it kind of just started from there, kissing, caressing. Then she told me she wanted me to fuck her with a strap, and I really wanted to try that. So I put it on, and after a few misses, I got it and pounded the shit out of her. We went on for hours before we took a break. Then we did it again and again that weekend.

Brianna* 31: My first time was with this girl I’d been talking to online. We were both 23. We didn’t live in the same city, but our family homes were in the same town, so we knew we’d eventually meet. When I came back home, we went to a small house party with people from the mixed community, so we both knew almost everyone there. It was exciting to be out with her.

My heart was racing, and I was high on weed and wine. I was so turned on. Every little brush of her skin against mine made my breath skip. I just wanted to touch her. Eventually, we went to one of the rooms in the house. I was wearing a pink and white striped flay dress; she had on a T-shirt and shorts. We were kissing, touching, rubbing against each other… it was soft, hot and overwhelming in a good way. I remember her whispering, “Sit on my face,” and I did. I have never forgotten what riding her face felt like.

Fatima* 33: It was the first time I had my bi panic. As a Nigerian in a deeply religious and homophobic country, I knew there’d be some sort of consequences to loving a woman, but I didn’t care, not with her. I’d always realised that I sort of liked women, but that was my awakening. We never did anything sexual, but I did see her boobs (she took off her shirt), and I dreamt about it for weeks. I wanted to kiss her, to hold her. My goodness. It was all so intense. I never knew I could feel so much sexual tension. I’ve never really felt that with men before. I wanted to be gentle with her.

Dee* 28: My first time was with my girlfriend at the time, in boarding school. Eight of us were in the hostel talking, and had to separate to avoid getting caught for not going to prep. So I went to my bed, and she joined me. We were both shy, but because I was on top, I had control. I kept caressing her. I wanted to be sure she wanted me to continue, and once I got that, we went all the way. It was pleasure…pure pleasure. Usually, after something like that, I’d feel like a sinner, but in the moment, I was so excited.

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2. What led up to it? Had you always known you were into women, or was it unexpected?

Tobi* 27: I’d always silently known I was into women. I’ve never been rigidly tied to religion or patriarchy. I’ve always identified with feminism, so the idea of a different kind of life was never far-fetched for me. Seeing women living freely made me realise that this was who I was and what I was supposed to be doing. I won’t lie, it wasn’t that hard for me to accept myself.

Kev* 36: As family friends, we are sometimes in the same space. I didn’t know how old she was until I got her number and asked. I always try to let a girl I’m into know I’m interested. Plus, the clothes I wear and my masculine energy make it obvious I like women. We kept talking until she called drunk one day. Our conversation was so sexual that I could feel how wet I was. I asked her if she could imagine herself being with someone like me, and she said no, but she’d fuck.

So we only spoke sexually, like we were fuck buddies. We met up the week after. All I could think about was how I wanted to forkkkk this pretty woman, and I was so nervous because it was my first time. I kept trying to stay calm and erase the thought of my mum calling me a demon or sinner, haha. I’ve always known I was born to love a woman. Physically and emotionally, I’m wired to have a wife, someone to love and protect.

Brianna* 31: At the time, I’d known I was into women for a few years, maybe three. I’d had something with another girl before, but it didn’t go far. We kissed here and there, but it wasn’t full-on. With this girl, I wasn’t sure what to do, but she was so reassuring. She told me not to worry. She made it easy to just be there, in the moment.

Fatima* 33: We started talking on Instagram. I can’t remember who messaged who first. But I thought she was the first person I’d ever had that kind of connection with. It was instant and intense. She was the Scorpio to my Taurus. Literally. I knew I found women attractive, but I’d never liked a woman before her. I knew I’d brave my family’s wrath for her.

Dee* 28: We were already together. I’d taken my time getting to know her. And that moment felt like what I wanted. Same for her. As I said earlier, I’ve been a lesbian from the womb. When I had crushes on boys, they were beautiful boys, but I didn’t prefer their body parts.

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3. How did it change things for you — emotionally, sexually, or even how you saw yourself?

Tobi* 27: I’m very happy with myself. I wake up every day, and even when I’m suffering, I’m like, “Well, at least I’m not suffering while pretending to be someone else.” Dating women, masc women, femmes, non-binary people, it just feels right. Emotionally, I’ve experienced so much more depth in these relationships. My relationships with men were either foolish or felt more like friendships with no real sexual spark. Now, everything feels more alive. The emotional and sexual elements are both very present.

Kev* 36: As I started to create my space for myself, I began to be freely myself. In my clothes and my presence, I exist for the female gaze, and that’s it.

Brianna* 31: It was affirming. I remember thinking, “Oh wow. Oh wow.” I really do like women. It opened me up emotionally. I always knew, I was just too scared to accept it.

Fatima* 33: I wanted to take bubble baths and wear fluffy robes with her. Being able to do girly things with the love of your life was a plus for me. But yes, it definitely solidified what I’d always known, that I could love anyone of any gender. She was the girliest stud I’d ever met.

Dee* 28: I am very aware of how I feel about women. Because of that, I’ve always had to hide and tell people, “Yeah, I like men too.” Even though emotionally, physically, and mentally, I am a woman who loves women, that is just how I see myself.

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Female sexual pleasure comes in different ways. For some women, squirting is how they know they have reached peak sexual pleasure. So, 7 Nigerian women talk to us about their first time squirting.

Angel, 20

So, there I was masturbating and exploring my body when all of a sudden, there was this intense feeling that flooded me. Before I knew it, I had squirted everywhere. At first I thought it was pee, but I smelt and even tasted it. It was not. Ever since then, it has been flood town ever since.

Jacinta, 19

It was a random day with my boyfriend, and I was getting fingered. Suddenly, he started drilling me like he was looking for oil. Instead of oil, he struck water, and it got all over his hand. I have not been able to hack it for myself ever since, so maybe men are useful for something. The biggest takeaway from this is that porn lies, a lot.

Ebube, 19

It was my first time masturbating when it happened. I had watched some porn, but not enough to know squirting was normal. At that time I thought I broke my bladder, and that maybe it was God punishing me for the “sin” that was masturbation.

Kikelomo, 20

I was messing around with my then partner, and he was doing the finger and tongue combo. I felt the urge to pee, and he told me to just trust him and “pee” on him. Eventually, I got out of my head and let myself loose. I squirted and got the whole bed wet. I did not even know I had such powers. My legs were shaking terribly, but I felt so relieved. I knew it was not pee because it was neither coloured nor did it smell like pee, but there must have been pee in there.

Chioma, 32

It was my first time with a woman, and she was a very good friend of mine. I had told her my husband was not getting how my body worked right, so she offered to help. She did things to my body and did not even stop even after the third orgasm. The fourth, however, came with a little surprise; the floodgates were open. We still see each other from time to time, and my husband does not know.

Amina, 20

It was two hours of the best sex I’ve had. I was cuffed for maybe 90 minutes, and I’m pretty sure the squirting happened because my vagina didn’t fall asleep. We were on a bed all through, then he said we should stand. My legs were wobbly but I stood up. So, I was standing, and he bent me over for penetration again. Three minutes later, I felt something leave my ass. I was shouting! I asked him what that sound was, and what poured. He told me it was me. I couldn’t believe it. I was so embarrassed, my body became stiff. Soon after, he just bent me over again and started pummeling. I squirted again like a tap this time. I was too embarrassed to go on, so I told him I was sore. The day ended, and I could still picture it vividly five days later.

Ginika, 29

I am a tall woman that is used to being on top, so when I met up with this cute woman on Twitter, I thought it would be the same. When she asked to tie me up, I should have known I had entered one chance. She brought out this spinning dildo and did this toy-mouth combo. By the time she hit my spot, Niagra falls was jealous. The worst part was trying to explain to the hotel staff why we needed extra sheets, but I have learnt to stop underestimating short women.

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Finding someone of the same sex attractive is more common than you think. More often than not, we get curious enough to explore that option Today, 6 Nigerian women share their first time experience with a woman.

1. Favour, 20/ Lesbian

It was in secondary school. The first time I noticed her laugh, I felt warmth in my belly. It was love at first sight. Before that day, I had never seen her before and it was largely because she sat at the back with her clique. That week, 2 seniors got expelled from school for lesbianism. I took it as a sign, I did everything I could think of to stifle my feelings, even got the lord involved trying to pray the gay away. I eventually told her how I felt. We kissed the following year but she eventually left me because she couldn’t imagine a life with me and couldn’t risk losing 14 years for what we had.

Priscilla, 34/ Bisexual

When I got into university, I saw a lot of girls loving other girls openly. Honestly, I got very curious about how it feels to love a woman. Then, I met one babe and I knew I liked her more than a friend. We spent a lot of time together and there are times that she’d undress in front of me and I’d feel like jumping her. One day, I spent the night at hers and our bodies touched. It felt electric. Next thing you know we are going at each other and it was one of the best experiences of my life. I’m bi now because of her. Haha.

Happiness, 23/ Straight

I was very young and super curious. It was very awkward at first. I didn’t know what I was supposed to feel or do. I decided to use my small existing knowledge from Harlequin novels. Ended up just kissing her, pressing her breast and trying to find her womanly “essence”. Haha. I hate Harlequin books, so misleading. But as I grew older, I had this babe hit on me and we made out. I was so excited. We made out, she knew exactly what she was doing. She gave me an orgasm so intense I thought I died.

Mary, 22/ Bisexual

In 2016, I met a woman at the club. She walked up to me and told me she likes me. It was so weird because I never thought I’d be into girls. I was feeling very adventurous so we danced, got very drunk and stepped out of the club. That was when we started kissing. It was divine. The experience was so amazing. I felt like the scales had fallen from my eyes. Women are so soft and feel so nice. She made me aware of my sexuality and four years down the line, I still randomly think about her.

Chika, 19/ Bisexual

I went to an all-girls secondary school, that was where I met this tomboy. She was tall, very beautiful, whenever I saw her and my body would become so aware which was strange cause I never spoke to her. I had a massive crush on her. When I eventually told her, I was very nervous. Turns out she liked me too. We ended up making out and I got to touch her butt. It was super soft. I would highly recommend it.

Anita, 28/ Straight

The first time ever was with a friend and it was a three-way with an older man. The man was my friend’s sugar daddy and he promised her a lot of money if she could get me in the mix. I was very reluctant but when she told me how much he was willing to pay, I started thinking of all the styles I could pull off. The experience was short because the man came after watching my friend and I kiss and touch each other. I think I liked it but the money made it better.

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A little over a week ago, we asked a few Nigerians to share their first sexual experience with us. We got a bunch of varied and relatable stories, but there was one story, in particular, that was so insane, we felt it needed a whole article to itself.

So, unlike a regular Sex Life story that would have spanned multiple sexual experiences across the subject’s life, this will focus on a core encounter. For this subject, a 29-year-old heterosexual, it was how losing his virginity almost put him off sex entirely.

How did you hope your first time would turn out?

I never really thought about having sex until it happened. I mean, when I was in university that’s what all the boys would talk about. We’d just sit around and lie about our great CGPAs and all the sex we were having.

There were times I was presented with the opportunity, but honestly, I was scared. I liked getting head and touching breasts, but the vagina truly terrified me. The thought of it freaked me out so much that I actually broke up with my girlfriend for suggesting sex.

WHAT?

Yup. The crazy thing is sex wasn’t even a foreign concept to me. My parents were very liberal — borderline inappropriate to be honest. They talked about sex a lot. Also, I watched porn like everyone. When I was 11, I found my dad’s collection and watch it with my brother and cousins.

Then why were you so scared of vaginas?

I think what made me scared was seeing one in person. I was 16 and a friend took me out. I had been drinking before that day, but I decided to try Gulder for the first time. It was truly disgusting. After that, he took me to a brothel, and that’s where things went left.

He told a babe to take me up. She laid on her back and spread her legs, and as soon as I saw her vagina, the Gulder took over and I vomited all over her. We did not have sex for obvious reasons, but I saw my first vagina in person and it wasn’t pretty.

So, when did you end up having sex?

It finally happened when I was 20. I had just graduated from university and was waiting to go for NYSC. I was staying with my aunty in Lagos at the time, and I had just started dating this girl I met at my graduation party.

She’d come around and we’d make out. We basically did everything except penetrative sex. Then one day, we were talking on the phone and she brought it up. I immediately started throwing excuses her way, but she shot them all down. She said it was happening the next day.

Ah. So, what did you do?

I just accepted it. I asked her if I should get condoms, but she said we should go raw since it was her first time. She told me to just get Postinor 2. I asked her what it was, and she said that’s what her older friends who were having sex used.

I tried to make her get it herself, but she insisted that I do it. Anyway, I went to the pharmacy and asked for Postinor. The pharmacists asked me if it was Postinor 10 or Postinor 2. I was so confused that I just ran home. In my head, that was a good excuse to not do it anymore.

How did she take that?

She wasn’t having it. She told me to go back and get it. I bought it the next morning and read the leaflet as if my life depended on it. At that time, the only thing that scared me more than a vagina was getting a girl pregnant

I saw that it wasn’t 100% certain that the drug would work, and I became incredibly nervous. I couldn’t even call any of my friends for emotional support because I’d already lied about having sex a million times.

Lmao. What happened next?

She finally came and seeing her made me a lot less nervous. We went straight for it. We made out for a good minute and our clothes fell off. I tried not to look at her vagina for obvious reasons, but that made finding the entrance a real task.

I didn’t know what it was supposed to feel like, so a couple of times when I thought I was in, she’d tell me I wasn’t. I finally found my way in, and it was weird. I mean it was good, but it felt so fucking weird and warm.

Sounds like it went well.

Well, it seemed like that for a minute. Then she suddenly opened her eyes, grabbed me and said, “This is me giving you everything. If you leave me, I’ll kill you.” I freaked out, stopped and asked her what the hell that was.

She apologised and tried to get me to continue. I had already mentally checked out. Then she asked me if I loved her. I would have probably said yes if she had asked a few minutes earlier, but I was still too weirded out by the whole experience.

Damn. What did she do?

She started screaming about how we’d just had sex. She then accused me of turning her into a whore. We eventually both got dressed and started heading out. When we got to the door, she swung around without warning, pulled my pants off and started giving me head.

I was confused, but it felt nice. Then she stopped all of a sudden, stood up and stormed out. Later that evening, she sent me a picture of her wrist with a bandaid on it, telling me that she’d slit it because of me. The whole thing was just a lot.

Holy shit. How did you deal?

It made me even wearier about having sex. I mean, we broke up, got back together a couple of weeks later and tried to have sex again. Somehow, the second time around was even worse than the first time.

Wait. You actually went back? Come on, man.

Don’t judge me.

Lmao. When did you have sex after that?

It took me months to get over the experience. Thankfully, I met someone during NYSC who just got me. She was also just discovering sex, so we learnt together. It was very needed after the string of terrible experiences.