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  • When at work, you’re spending up to eight hours in close company with your colleagues and coworkers. Because of this proximity, it’s easy for friendships to arise, so workers can go from colleagues to besties. However, that isn’t always the case.

    These Nigerian workers share the incident that made them realise that not all office buddies are real friends.

    “He tried to throw me under the bus” — Anita*, (29), F

    Anita thought she and her co-worker had a close friendship, but that all changed when he tried to pin a big mistake on her.

    “When I started working at my former workplace, my coworker, who was my seat partner, took me around the office and showed me the ropes. We gisted over lunch a lot and I assumed that meant we were friends. 

    Then a few months later, we were both working on a big client project with a tight deadline. He made a huge mistake and printed flyers with the wrong event date on them. At the next meeting, he tried to tell the higher-ups that I had sent him the wrong dates and it was my fault. The only thing that saved me was that we’d had the conversation on WhatsApp where I clearly shared the correct dates. After we left that meeting, he tried to act like we were chums, but I made sure to put a lot of distance between us. It was so clear that he was not my guy.”

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    “He said he doesn’t like doing personal favours for coworkers” — Kelechi*, 30, M

    Kelechi thought he and Fred* were the work besties. However, he found out that wasn’t the case when he asked for a simple favour from him.

     “People at the office used to call Fred and me besties, so of course I thought I had built a solid friendship with him. We went home together, ate lunch together and gisted a lot. He’d also ask me to cover for him whenever he couldn’t make his shifts. I did that happily because I saw him as a friend. One day, I needed him to swap shifts with me because of a personal emergency. He looked me dead in the eye and said, ‘Ah, I don’t like to do personal favours for work people, o. It complicates things.’ I almost laughed out loud. After all the favours I had done for him, that’s what he had to say? That was all the clarity I needed about where I stood in his life, and I started focusing on my own work. After all, that’s what “work people” should do, right?” 

    “He reported me to the person I was venting to him about” — Tolani*, (26), F

    Tolani thought her team lead’s warm demeanour meant she could confide in him about her issues with a coworker. She quickly found out that was the wrong move.

    “I used to work as a community manager, and the designer on my team gave me a lot of issues. If I wasn’t chasing him for an asset, I was begging him to correct a mistake he made before the deadline.
    I got fed up at some point and vented about the whole situation to my team lead. I felt comfortable doing this because my team lead gave the impression that he was very kind and willing to hear me out if I ever came to him with a problem.

    The next time I went to meet the designer for some work, he asked why I reported him to my team lead. He also mentioned how my team lead said I was a problematic co worker. I felt really hurt because it branded me as the “complaining teammate” and it became hard for me to express any issues I had with the designer from then on. I just jejely started looking for other work opportunities and left their office for them.”

     “She lied about applying for a job” — Aisha*, (30), F

    Aisha realised her coworker wasn’t her buddy after she lied that she was applying for a new job, but was really applying for an in-house promotion.

    “There was a vacant role at the office where I worked. Getting that role would have meant a promotion. I shared my excitement with the coworker I was closest to. I told her I was going to go to management to ask for the role, but she quickly said she heard from our HR person that they’d hired a new person for it.  I was disappointed, but I let it go. She said she was disappointed, too, and was actively applying to other jobs because she didn’t like how our workplace was run.

    It was a shock a few weeks later when she was announced as the choice for the role. Apparently, she had gone to ask management for the role and lied about the new hire to discourage me from doing the same thing.

    I congratulated her politely, but deep down, I told myself that the “friendship” was over. That was the moment I stopped confusing office laughs for friendship.”

    “He exposed my job interview lie” — Tunde*, (31), M

    Tunde thought his colleague was his guy because they bonded over football and jokes, but when he showed his real colours, Tunde had to accept they were never friends.

    “I once called in sick at work to go for an interview. The only person I  told was my guy at the office. The next day, when I came in, my boss asked, ‘How was your interview?’ My heart nearly dropped. 

    It turns out my colleague told my boss about my interview and tried to paint me as a disloyal employee. Thankfully, I got the new job and switched offices a month later, but that was the day I locked my mouth. After that, he never heard anything personal from me again.”

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    “He tried to deny what he told me” — Tomi*, (29), F

    Tomi realised that office friendships were shallow after her office friend tried to implicate her by secretly recording their conversations.

    “When I started working at a consulting firm, I used to face my work: no office gist or friendships. After a few months there, I started warming up to my coworkers because my boss had called me aside to say that some of them said I was unfriendly and kept to myself.

    However, I distanced myself from my closest work friend when he tried to deny the information he had given me. My only saving grace was that I had recorded our conversation, or I would have gotten in big trouble with our boss. It was an eye-opening experience.”

    Here’s your next read: 7 Nigerians on Wedding Guests Who Shouldn’t Have Been Invited

  • One of the first things you’ll probably learn working a corporate job is that your co-workers aren’t your friends, and that popular line, “We’re family,” is straight out of the devil’s playbook. But is it that bad? Does it mean there’s no room for love in the workplace? If you ask these six Nigerians, they’ll tell you a different story.

    Tosin*

    The wildest thing I did this year was saving a colleague’s job. I was at the office one day, even though I was supposed to work from home. My bosses didn’t know I was around, so they didn’t bother shutting the conference room door. It wasn’t like I was actively eavesdropping, but I heard them mention a co-worker’s name. From the look of things, they were considering letting him go. They talked about how he’d been slacking and slowing the team down.

    After I left the office, I thought about telling him, but I wasn’t sure I could trust him. So, I created a burner account on Instagram and sent him a short note, warning that management was planning to fire him unless he stepped up his game. He didn’t respond to the message—probably thought it was a scam—but let’s just say he changed his ways. And guess what? He still has a job today. I’ve been tempted to tell him several times, but I think he suspects it was me. And honestly, I’m fine with him just suspecting.

    Daniel*

    I’ve had an “office wife” for about two years now. It’s nothing serious, just playful banter and the occasional lunch hangout. At least, that’s what I thought until she called me in a panic in May. She had just been told she needed to move out of her apartment within two weeks and didn’t have the funds to secure a new place. I could hear the frustration in her voice as she explained how she’d exhausted all her options.

    I don’t know what came over me, but I offered to give her ₦500k to add to her rent. I didn’t overthink it—I just wanted to help. She tried to decline, but I insisted. Eventually, she agreed and promised to pay me back in installments.

    Did she pay me back? No. And honestly, I’m not even mad about it. If I’m being truthful, I didn’t give her the money to impress her or to make her owe me anything. I gave it because I care about her.

    Kunle*

    In March, my company transferred a colleague, Ehis, to our Lagos branch. He didn’t know anyone in Lagos and struggled to find an apartment. We’d bonded over lunch breaks and gisting about football in the weeks since he resumed, so he opened up to me about how tough the move had been for him. After hearing his story, I told him he could crash at my place until he figured things out. What was supposed to be a two-week stay turned into six months. It wasn’t always easy sharing my space, especially since I’m used to living alone, but it felt good to help a friend. Now that he’s moved into his apartment, I miss having him around. My girlfriend thinks I went overboard, but I don’t see it that way.

    Aisha*

    I have this colleague who’s always been there for me. Whether it’s helping with a project or just listening when I’m stressed, he’s the definition of a good friend. So, when he fell sick and had to be hospitalised for two weeks in June, I knew I couldn’t just sit back and do nothing.

    I visited him at least thrice weekly, even though his hospital was on the other side of town. I brought him food, helped him with laundry, and even stayed overnight once when his mum couldn’t make it. Now that he’s back on his feet, people in the office joke that we’re secretly dating. We’re not, at least not yet.

    [ad]

    Femi*

    I work in HR, so I know all the office gossip. That’s how I found out the woman I’d been crushing on for months was about to resign because her salary couldn’t keep up with her expenses. I knew it wasn’t my place, but I didn’t want to lose her professionally or otherwise. So, I took a huge risk and recommended her for a promotion that came with a significant pay bump. I had to go against company policy to do it, and if my boss ever finds out, I’m finished.

    She got the promotion, and she’s still at the company. We’re not dating, but at least she’s still around. Sometimes, I wonder if she knows what I did for her.

    Chisom*

    I started working at my company in February and immediately clicked with one of my teammates. We weren’t dating, but we were more than just friends. One day, he mentioned he’d always wanted to spend some time in Eko Hotel but had never been able to afford it. I casually suggested a weekend getaway, and before I knew it, I booked two accommodation options.

    The weekend was amazing—breathtaking views, great food, and even better company. During that trip, I realised I wanted more than just friendship with him. I know he feels the same way, but we’ve talked about it and decided not to pursue anything romantic while still working together. I plan to change jobs next year, so maybe there’s still hope for us.

    READ THIS TOO: What’s The Wildest Thing You Did For Love in 2024? — Friends Edition

  • It’s January AKA the month when more 9-5ers than usual quit their jobs because they’re ringing in the new year with a new branch of capitalism job. 

    This affects you as a co-worker because you’re stuck doing their work till your employer finds a replacement, if they ever do. Plan ahead by recognising these signs.

    They’re unnecessarily hyper for January

    TBH, the only way someone can be excited about returning to work after the holidays is if they have something exciting to look forward to. In this case, a better job. Look at that overly excited colleague with new eyes today.

    They complain less

    Suddenly, they no longer join you to gossip about your annoying boss and work wahala. It means they’re already one leg out. Be alert.

    You start seeing them on social media

    Everyone and their grandmother knows one of the first rules of the co-worker code is to block your co-workers on social media so you can rant about them in peace. Once you start seeing them on social media, it means they no longer see you as a threat AKA you’re no longer a co-worker.

    Their social media posts are sus

    They start dropping posts like, “Excited about what the next few months hold”. Do you really need another clue?

    They ask about payslips

    Who cares about tax deductions and all that math if it’s not that some other HR officer is asking for it so they can decide their benefits?

    They miss meetings

    Why would they care about meetings when the only thing on their mind is how to start orientation at their new company? 

    They go on leave or suddenly become sick

    They want to enjoy as much time off as possible before resuming at their new job. If you doubt me, ask yourself how many people resign immediately after returning from leave, and you have your answer.

    NEXT READ: Corporate Speak 101: How to Insult Your Coworker Without Losing Your Job

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  • After salaries and a desire to NOT live under the bridge, work besties are the major reason many of us remain slaves to capitalism. There’s something about finding someone to gossip about your boss with that makes it all worth it. 

    But even work bestie-ships sink, so here’s how to know yours is about to hit the rocks.

    They stop sending you gist

    This is the biggest warning signal. Gist can’t finish at the office, so the only reason they’re not talking about it with you, or locking eyes when someone at the office does something dumb, is because they no longer value being your work bestie, or worse, they think you’ll snitch.

    They start calling in sick without telling you

    Taking a sick day — AKA leaving you to suffer through work all by yourself — without warning you? That bestie-ship is shaking.

    Or they go on leave

    How dare they take a break from capitalism when you’re still slaving away? What happened to going on leave together? It only means one thing: They don’t rate you anymore.

    They suddenly know what they want to eat

    Everyone knows work bestie-ships are like relationships. You both have to weigh the pros and cons of buying Iya Basira’s rice for lunch, even though you both know you’ll end up buying ewa agoyin in the end. Once they start making lunch decisions easily, just know there’s someone else.

    They actually start working

    If your work bestie starts letting a little thing like a performance review get in the way of hanging out with you at work, sorry to say, but you’re losing your friend to capitalism.

    They start getting close to another coworker

    That’s the betrayal of the highest order if you ask me. They’re rolling with basic bitches now?

    You learn about their resignation when everyone else does

    At this stage, you should already know to call them ex-work bestie because a real work bestie knows to send the resignation letter to you for edits even before sending it to HR.

    Or they become your boss

    Yeah, just forget it. Your friendship is over. How do you gossip about your boss when the person you’re sharing amebo notes with is the said boss? Also, how did they work out a promotion without your knowledge? Just look for another work bestie. Y’all have had a good run.

    NEXT READ: These 10 Things Should Be Added to the Coworker Code

  • Everyone wants to sound agreeable, even when it’s not how they really feel. Even your most-used email sign-offs aren’t safe from the eye service drama. 

    But what do they say about you? Let’s get into it.

    Yours sincerely

    Grandma, is that you? Anyone who still ends emails with this is probably stuck in the middle ages AND is part of the WhatsApp group of people who believe any time rain falls on a sunny day, a lion is giving birth.

    Best regards

    You’re just working because you have a thing against living under the bridge. You’re also tired of capitalism, but you’ve gotten to the age when you’ve learnt to accept it as the necessary evil it is.

    Regards

    You think every meeting should’ve been an email, but when they become emails, you don’t reply unless you absolutely have to. I respect it.

    Cheers

    You lowkey don’t like your coworkers or even the idea of work, but you have to look alive for the culture. You also tend to exhibit Nigerian-parent “put it on my head” behaviour.

    Thanks in advance

    You’ve spent far too much time applying for jobs. It’s giving “I look forward to hearing from you”, but hey, your Nigerian mother would love that you’re so respectful at work.

    Enjoy the rest of your day

    You’re either a really nice person who genuinely cares about people, or you work in customer service, and you honestly don’t give a damn about anybody.

    Best

    You have zero patience. Your mantra is probably, “Try me and see”. Chances are you’re also a firstborn.

    Please, accept the assurance of my highest regards

    Are you contesting for a political post, or what’s happening here? I’ve only ever seen this sign-off in emails from government ministries. If you use it, I’m tempted to say you’re a corrupt detty liar.

    [Your name]

    It’s giving “main character”. Why waste time using sign-offs when they only need to know the name behind the greatness they just read?

    No sign-off at all

    Pride, dear. That’s exactly what it is.

    NEXT READ: These 10 Things Should Be Added to the Coworker Code

  • It’s hard to imagine Nigerian politicians doing anything other than leeching off Nigeria’s treasury for as long as they can. 

    We know Nigerian politicians want to stay in power forever, but if they had to work a 9-5 job like the rest of us, what would be their defining character traits — based on what we already know about them?

    Yahaya Bello

    What if These Nigerian Politicians Were to Be Your Co-Workers?

    He says things like “Purrr” out loud to sound like a GenZ even though he’s clearly 47, watches NTA and thinks TikTok is a wristwatch brand.

    Remi Tinubu

    What if These Nigerian Politicians Were to Be Your Co-Workers?

    She always arrives the office late and leaves early because she has a rich husband and doesn’t need the job. She tends to say, “Children of nowadays,” much too often.

    Ayo Fayose

    What if These Nigerian Politicians Were to Be Your Co-Workers?

    Even though he’s a 61-year-old grandfather, he’s the office comedian, and interns hide from him because he’s always sending them to buy roadside amala.

    Aisha Buhari

    What if These Nigerian Politicians Were to Be Your Co-Workers?

    No one knows what exactly she does at the company but she makes enough to visit Dubai for vacation every two months.

    Femi Fani-Kayode

    What if These Nigerian Politicians Were to Be Your Co-Workers?

    He’s always sending broadcast messages about the latest conspiracy theories to the office WhatsApp group. Everyone tries to hide their lunch from him because he always wants to take “just two spoons” out of their food.

    Ben Ayade

    Says words like “braggadoccio” and “sesquipedalian” to sound like the most intelligent person in the room. Also likes to cry in the office restroom when his salary finishes in the middle of the month. 

    What if These Nigerian Politicians Were to Be Your Co-Workers?

    Stella Oduah

    She has no time for office gossip and just goes around minding the business that pays her. But she’s also secretly using the company’s Uber account to run her personal bakery business.

    Dino Melaye

    He spends all his work hours on social media, tweets a lot about how much he hates his 9-5 and takes too many sick days off for his side hustle as an aspiring Nollywood actor.

    What if These Nigerian Politicians Were to Be Your Co-Workers?

    Lai Mohammed

    No one argues with him because he’s been at the company even before the founder. But if he says good morning to you, you know it’s time to go to bed.

    Nyesom Wike

    What if These Nigerian Politicians Were to Be Your Co-Workers?

    He talks too much and he’s the reason why office meetings last three hours.

    ALSO READ: Nigerian Political Parties and What Their Logos Say About Them

  • You’ve heard the term “work bestie”, and you want to take it a step further because nothing can stand in the way of your crushing — not even HR. 

    There are some things to consider before potentially wasting your feelings though:

    Do they have sense?

    How can you start mentally planning your wedding colours only to find out that they think semo is elite? Or that they think agege bread is overrated? The horror.

    Are they actually attractive or are you just bored at work?

    Let’s face it — anyone that says “I think we should wrap up” during a three-hour-long Zoom meeting is bound to look like a genius. Do your due diligence.

    RELATED: Eight Types of People You’ll Find in a Nigerian Zoom Meeting

    Do they use pointless office lingo?

    What could possibly attract you to someone that uses jargon like “circle back” or “run up the flagpole”. What happened to normal English?

    Can you fight?

    You’ll likely not be the only person crushing on your crush. They might even have crushers outside work. We ask again, “can you fight?”

    Do they hit “reply all” to every email?

    Will you honestly be proud to associate yourself with the person that keeps every other recipient of one email in an endless loop of notifications? We think tf not.

    Do they like Mondays?

    We don’t need to tell you that they aren’t normal. It’s obvious. But if they like Wednesdays? Run o!

    Do you really want to date someone where you work?

    Let’s not even get into how messy it can get. Imagine getting into a fight and then having to sit with them at work for eight hours.

    Will they get you in trouble?

    Scenes where you’re trying to share your screen in a meeting and accidentally share your folder full of your crush’s pictures. LMAO

    READ THIS NEXT: Eight Meals You Should Eat if You Hate Your Co-workers

    How chaotic would Zikoko on TikTok be? Follow us to find out!

  • The workplace is a mixture of the most annoying people you’ll find. Which one are you? Take this quiz and we’ll tell you:

  • Being friends with your coworkers is cool, but sleeping with them is cooler. Contrary to what you think; sleeping with your coworkers is a perfect way to create a work-life balance. The more colleagues you sleep with, the better.

    Here are a few reasons why you should start sleeping with your coworkers  today:

    1. It promotes unity in the workplace.

    Sleeping with your coworker is the perfect form of unity. Uniting your genitals and your mind is exactly what your employer needs from you.

    2. It makes you enjoy your job.

    Your workplace becomes your favourite place to be when you sleep with your colleague(s). You’ll enjoy your job more when you know you can reward yourself with some sex and satisfaction. That’s a win-win. 

    3. You get to try out BDSM with your boss and take out your frustration on them.

    Trying out BDSM with your boss is the best way to take out your frustration on them. A few slaps here and there would make them understand the kind of stress their office slaps with you on a daily basis. Slap them with your hands or whips— never your genitals.

    4. You get a raise when you sleep with your boss.

    Sleep with your boss so you can drive a Bentley while your colleagues drive Toyotas. It always pays to be the wisest one in an organization. The better the sex, the higher the raise.

    5. It creates space for innovative ideas.

    Sharing innovative ideas with the coworker you are sleeping with.

    There’s no better person to share ideas with than someone who has probably eaten your ass. You’ll trust them with your life and also trust their ideas; after all, anyone who is sleeping with you already has bright ideas. 

    6. It promotes work-life balance.

    The happiness that comes from sleeping with your coworkers.

    Sleeping with your colleague reduces your chances of living a pathetic life with no balance. Knowing you have a place to rest your private parts after work is a good way to ease your stress.

    7. You get to have a quickie on your lunch break to cope with the stress of working so hard.

    mission accomplished after sleeping with your coworker

    Everyone knows sex is a good way to recoup and get your grind back up. There’s nothing like having someone at your beck and call to have a quickie with when work is trying to end your life.

  • Sign-offs are the core of every work email. There’s no reason why it should be boring. Which one is “Best regards” or “Yours sincerely”? Where’s the spice in that?

    Read this to make your work experience more interesting.

    https://memes.zikoko.com/

    1. Respectfully, I am in tears

    You can use this when your team lead has emailed you like ten times in one day. You too are someone’s child, abeg.

    2. I said what I said

    This one is for when your coworker forwards an email back to you and asks if it’s for them. You don’t even need to write anything in the body of the email, just sign-off with this.

    3. Yours vaccinatedly

    Honestly, it’s a thing of pride that you’ve gotten the vaccine and why shouldn’t everyone know? You’re doing your part as a good citizen to encourage people to get the vaccine.

    Looking to spice up your Instagram feed? Follow Zikoko Memes 😏

    4. Nothing do you

    https://memes.zikoko.com/

    This one should always be used as an insult. There are no two ways tbh, especially when someone sends you a mail in the middle of the night. Something must be doing them.

    5. You know the vibe

    This sign-off should be used on Fridays only because it means don’t text me again, my weekend has started.

    6. E go be

    If you use this, you are telling them that if they reply to that email they’re on their own because they will be aired.

    7. Reply if you’re bad

    This is a nicer way of saying e go be. They’ll waste so much time wondering if they’re bad and before they know, it’s close of business.

    8. To Jesus be my glory

    https://memes.zikoko.com/

    This is clearly a threat because why are you bringing spiritual forces into human matters? Use at your discretion.

    9. Gbogbo wa la ma je breakfast

    This is for when you get fired for signing off with all these. The least you can do is end it with a bang. As it has come for you in the morning, it will come for them in the evening.

    Looking to spice up your Instagram feed? Follow Zikoko Memes 😏