Sunken Ships is a Zikoko weekly series that explores the how and why of the end of all relationships — familial, romantic or just good old friendships.
Sayo* (25) and Jeremiah* (33) met online and began a whirlwind romance. Things were going smoothly until Jeremiah suddenly became cold and distant. Sayo tried to reconnect with him, but what followed was months of silence, emotional manipulation and a nasty realisation that ended their relationship.
In this story, Sayo shares how they met, the evolution of their relationship and how she’s healing the damage to her sense of identity and self-esteem.
How did you guys meet?
Jeremiah and I met online in July 2023. He left a comment on a storytime post I uploaded on TikTok. He said he loved the sound of my voice, which drew me in. We started chatting regularly, and before a week had passed, we moved from TikTok DMs to WhatsApp. I was working at a supermarket then because my school was on break, so I didn’t have a lot of spare time for chatting, but I always looked forward to reading his messages when I got off work in the evenings.
So how did you and Jeremiah start dating?
In October 2023, he officially asked to be my boyfriend. I was taken aback by his request because I thought it was too soon. I hadn’t yet experienced any major heartbreak, but I was scared of disappointment. It took a while for him to convince me, but I finally accepted and became his girlfriend in November 2023.
What were the early days of your relationship like?
It was great. Even before he asked me out, I loved the fact that I had met someone older who was supportive, especially in moments when I felt discouraged. I had to quit my job and go back to school, but the sudden distance didn’t affect us at all. He was still very supportive, and I would travel home to see him once or twice each month.
That’s so cute. When did you start noticing issues?
About three months after we started dating, I noticed he suddenly became distant. Jeremiah, who would previously leave multiple messages for me throughout the day, was now leaving only the odd message here and there. When I sent him messages instead, it would take him ages to respond.
Did you try to speak with him about this change?
Yes, I did, but he said he was very busy with work and had deadlines to meet.
Did he change for the better?
Not at all. I complained multiple times, but we weren’t making any progress. I understood how hectic and time-consuming work could be, but I don’t think I was asking for too much by saying he should respond to my messages or check in with me. I just wanted the assurance that I was on his mind and that he was thinking of me the same way I was thinking of him. Then, I started noticing a bigger issue.
READ ALSO: Sunken Ships: He Said He Was Focusing on God, But Still Wanted to Make Out
Tell me about that.
I found that a while after Jeremiah suddenly changed, the only times I got to spend a few hours with him were when he wanted to have sex. He would call or send messages telling me how much he missed me and then invite me over. I was always happy to go and see my boyfriend, but when I returned to my place, he would become cold and silent again. This back and forth kept happening, and it was doing a number on my self-esteem.
What changed for you?
In March 2024, he went silent on me and stayed that way for a long time. Longer than he had before.
Did you try to reach out to him?
Yes, o. I left multiple calls and messages, but he didn’t respond to any of them. I was so scared the entire time that something bad had happened to him.
When did you manage to get a hold of him? What did he say?
I finally spoke with him in August 2024. He apologised and told me he had a bad work deal that caused him to withdraw into himself. He said he wasn’t mentally in a good place because of that.
What was your reaction to this?
I was livid. I told him everything about me, even the secrets my best friends told me, but he never shared anything about what was going on with him, even after I left so many messages asking what was wrong. I felt like he should have been able to open up and be vulnerable with me. Instead, he tortured me emotionally and had me worrying when we could have been facing the problem together. It made me very upset and I broke up with him, which he accepted without a fight.
Love that you stood on business. What was your relationship with him like as exes?
We kept on chatting intermittently. Just check in messages here and there. Then one day in September, he called me and started saying how much he missed me and that he wanted me to come over to his place. When I told him I was busy with my internship and couldn’t go, he asked me to send him nude photos to tide him over since I wasn’t available.
Was this something you were comfortable with?
No, it wasn’t something I was comfortable with at all, but it was the only way that I could talk to him and hold his attention, so we started exchanging nudes. Whenever he went quiet on me, I would send him photos to lure him back, but he always went quiet again after a while.
How did this make you feel?
I felt awful all the time and became a shadow of myself. I hated that I craved his attention so much when it was clear he was only taking advantage of my strong feelings for him.
One day in December 2024, I asked him what was going on between us, and he asked me to come to his place to discuss it and get some clarity. I didn’t think twice about it and went straight to his house.
What did he say when you guys talked?
He was quiet and ignored me for almost the entire day. When he finally spoke to me, all he wanted was sex. After we got intimate, he went back to ignoring me, and we never talked about defining what we were doing again. I still thought we could find a way to make it work, but something happened that I couldn’t come back from.
What happened?
Around May 2025, Jeremiah made a mistake. He created a group chat by accident with me and a girl he was in a talking stage with. That’s how I realised that I wasn’t the only one in his life.
I found myself doing something I never thought I would do in my entire life; I sent a message to the babe, trying to understand what was going on between them and explaining who I was to him.
Did Jeremiah ever find out? How did he react?
He took it very badly when he found out. He called me all sorts of names and called out all my insecurities. I was so hurt, and I cried so much about it. I couldn’t believe the guy I kept compromising my principles for, who I wanted to do anything to make happy, would say those horrible things to me.
What did you do after that?
I cut him off after the barrage of insults. His reaction forced me to face reality. Jeremiah didn’t rate me, and no matter how much I tried to be enough for him, he was ultimately the wrong person for me. I felt emotionally manipulated, and I regret keeping in contact with him after our initial split.
What has life been like after ending things with Jeremiah?
I struggled with my identity and my self-esteem a lot since I kicked Jeremiah out of my life. He made me feel like I wasn’t good enough for anyone, and it still bothers me to this day. I haven’t healed completely, but I am on my way there.
What does healing look like for you?
I stopped blaming Jeremiah, and I took responsibility for all my actions. This has helped me in my healing process. I can release all actions or habits that don’t serve me and start fresh. Thankfully, I have my mum’s support, which has been very helpful.
Do you see yourself falling in love anytime soon?
No. I still believe in love, but I want to feel fully healed and ready to open myself up emotionally again before I try to find a partner again.
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