When Chigozie*(31) first met Lawrence in 2014, he seemed like the perfect welcome-home package: good-looking, charming, and deeply interested in her. What started as casual dating spiraled into a messy situationship filled with financial favours, emotional manipulation, and one unforgettable betrayal.
Years later, at her lowest point, when all she needed was a friend, the same man she’d helped when he had nothing left her on read — literally and emotionally.
This is Chigozie’s story, as told to Betty
In September 2014, I moved back to Nigeria after finishing my degree. I had lived in the UK since I was 15, so returning to Nigeria felt like a homecoming. I didn’t have any friends in the country — only family — but I didn’t mind. I was curious to see what the future had in store.
I landed an internship in Lagos, and one day, while buying pastries during my lunch break, I met Lawrence. He caught my attention because he was really good-looking. Like me, he’d been raised in a wealthy family, but his dad had abandoned them, and they’d fallen on hard times.
He seemed interested in me, and I was looking for a good time, so I gave him my number and we started getting to know each other. I learned that his dad was Lebanese, and his abandonment had forced Lawrence to drop out of university. We got really close, and eventually started dating.
The sexual chemistry between us was undeniable, but so were the red flags that began popping up.
First, he was always broke. I initially assumed it was because of his dad’s abandonment, so I tried to help out by lending him money whenever he asked. But over time, it became clear that he had no real interest in improving his situation.
Secondly, he was wildly insecure. Whenever we had a minor disagreement, he’d say things like, “It’s because I don’t have money,” or “Nobody wants to help me.” On top of that, he was also quick to bring up my weight when he was feeling defensive because he knew I was sensitive about it.
He was surprised I wasn’t more docile after living abroad and mentioned it enough times to annoy me. So after six months, I broke off the relationship.
But Lawrence didn’t let me go. He called me constantly and sent messages professing his love. After two months of his badgering, I decided to give him and the relationship another shot.
Then came the final straw. Shortly after we got back together, Lawrence called me to ask for a large loan. He wanted to start an agricultural business, and begged me to invest. But even though the sex was still great, I could no longer see myself seriously dating someone I was constantly lending money to. I explained this to him and gave him two options: we could stay in a relationship, or he could take the money and we’d just be friends with benefits.
To my surprise, he chose the money. I didn’t mind, though — I enjoyed the sex much more than I liked him.
So I lent him ₦4 million, and we continued our casual arrangement. This was 2016, and I told him there was no rush to pay me back; he could start repayments whenever he felt financially stable. He was really grateful and assured me that I would be on the business’s directorial board, which I agreed to since I had been looking for good investment opportunities anyway.
By the time 2020 rolled around, I was struggling. Lockdown had left me jobless, and I decided I was going to be celibate for a while. Lawrence, on the other hand, was thriving. He’d gotten a new life-changing job, and his dad had even reconciled with the family. I was really happy for him, but I was going through my own struggles. I tried to share some of this with him, but he didn’t seem very interested.
Once we stopped having casual sex, I noticed Lawrence growing distant. The calls stopped, and even though I kept reaching out — telling him how I felt, because he was still my only close friend in Nigeria — he barely responded. As time passed, my mental state worsened, and I became suicidal. I kept this hidden from my family because I didn’t want to burden them, but in desperation, I called Lawrence and told him everything. I told him I was scared I might hurt myself and needed someone to talk to. But he simply said he was “too busy to talk.”
That hurt. I had stood by him through a really rough period in his life, and I truly thought we were at least friends. This made me put some distance between us.
In 2021, Lawrence’s father passed away, and it was a tough time for his family. He reached out to tell me and said he wanted to start repaying the loan he owed me. I was relieved because I really needed the money. My family was helping keep me afloat, but I wanted to regain some financial independence.
When he missed his first promised payment, I asked how the business was doing, just to get a sense of his finances. That’s when things got strange. He became defensive, started ignoring my messages and dodging my calls. Suspicious, I checked the CAC website and discovered I wasn’t listed on his company’s board at all.
I tried confronting him, but he kept avoiding me. At that point, I decided to ignore him too. Honestly, I was even willing to let the money go if not for my mum and sister, who insisted I make sure to get it back.
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In 2022, after months of trying to get my money back, Lawrence and I finally met to talk — honestly, I needed closure. That’s when I discovered that instead of making any effort to repay my money, he had bought a new car, started dating a university student, and upgraded his lifestyle. Every time I asked when he would start paying me back, he came up with one excuse after another.
I also tried to talk to him about how his absence had hurt me when I needed him most, but he kept dodging the topic. Instead of answering my questions, he switched to flattery, telling me I was the rock in his life, that I had changed his world, and how much he missed me. This only made me angrier; I felt like he was trying to play me for a fool.
That meeting made something click: I realised Lawrence would always be dubious and sneaky, no matter how much grace I gave him. After that, I told him never to contact me again. With my family’s support, I hired a lawyer to help retrieve the money he owed me. The whole experience left me gutted. Thankfully, with my sister’s encouragement, I’m now in therapy, working to heal.
Though it’s been more than a year since I last spoke to Lawrence, the hurt from his abandonment still lingers. I honestly don’t think I can ever befriend a man who’s had a crush on me or shown interest. There are just too many ways that kind of relationship can go south, and I’m not willing to find out again.
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