Romance is a fragile thing, but in the early stages, it can be even more delicate. All it takes is one weird comment or one embarrassing habit for attraction to pack its bags and leave. 

We asked eight Nigerians to tell us the funniest reason a talking stage crashed and burned, and honestly, for some, we see why. 

“He sent me a good morning text meant for another babe” — Fatima*, 24, F

Fatima’s talking stage mixed up her identity, and that was too much to tolerate.

“We’d been talking for over three weeks, and he was doing all the right things. He sent me a good morning text every day and checked on me during work breaks. After work, we’d spend hours on the phone gisting

Then one Tuesday, I got a WhatsApp notification on my phone that read: ‘Good morning, Demilade*. I dreamt of you again last night. Did you dream of me too?’

I was confused because I’m not Yoruba. Barely 30 seconds later, he deleted the text and sent a different message with my actual name. I replied with a thumbs up and never spoke to him again. He should focus on the one million girls he’s texting.”

“He asked for transport fare to visit me” — Deja*, 27, F

Deja lost interest the moment her potential lover tried to make her fund his visit to her place.

“This man spent the first two weeks calling me ‘lover’ and talking about how we were meant for each other. The following week, he said he wanted to visit, and I agreed. I was excited until he asked me to send his t-fare.

I laughed it off, thinking he was joking.  Then he said, ’Sebi you’re an agba feminist on Twitter? Feminist no wan drop money?’ I got so turned off, I stopped replying. 

We ran into each other at a rave weeks later, and he asked if I was upset. I said I was busy with work and promised to text him later. I never did.”

“She found out I don’t like plantain” – Fred*, 26, M

Fred didn’t expect a difference in food preferences to end his chances at romance.

“I met a woman at the beach, and we had a great connection. We exchanged contacts and spoke almost every day. A few weeks in, we were on a video call while she cooked. When she said she was frying plantain, I casually mentioned I don’t like it.

I’m not even a big platain hater, it’s just not a favourite. But the way her face changed? You’d think I said I eat puppies. After that, she became cold and distant. I tried to fix things, but it was like the initial connection never existed. Maybe in her family, they eat plantain every day. Sorry to them.”

“He barked at a dog like a crazy person” — Chioma*, 29, F

One strange moment with her new love interest made Chioma realise they weren’t meant to be.

“It was our first time meeting., He came to pick me up from his estate gate. As we walked to his place, some dogs started barking behind a gate. I walked past like a normal person, but this guy stopped and started barking back at the dogs. He went at it for a minute before he joined me.  I was so confused. 

I didn’t spend up to 30 minutes at his place before I made an excuse, carried my bag and ran home. That was the last time he heard from me. What kind of behaviour is that?”

“He tried to test if I was a gold digger” — Blessing*, 28, F

Blessing felt her integrity being questioned and walked away from a new connection.

“My friends set me up on a date with a guy in 2024. I’d just left a relationship and was trying to get back out there. I got his number, and we started talking. He was actually pleasant and funny.

On the date, we had a great time. But when the bill came, he tapped his pockets and said he forgot his ATM card. I was a bit irritated at the carelessness and paid.

As we walked back to his car, he offered to send me the money back. He said that he was testing me to see if I was a gold digger. That irritated me even more. 

I sent my account number, and as soon as he refunded me, I blocked him. If he wants to test people, he should open a school.”

“He talked with a fake accent” — Sola*, 30, F

Sola’s potential lover’s insistence on faking a bad American accent forced her to end their budding romance.

“I met a guy on Instagram, and at first, it was great. We liked the same films, and both had a sweet tooth. 

After a month of texting, I invited him out for ice cream. When we met, I spoke normally, but he replied in a terrible American accent. At first, I thought he was nervous, so I told him that he could relax around me. But he insisted that was how he always spoke.

I couldn’t wrap my head around it. Our communication never returned to normal after that day, and a few days later, I stopped replying. It was too weird to look past.”

“She asked for my genotype on day two” — Christopher*, 29, M

Christopher’s talking stage ended abruptly after she asked for his genotype.

“I respect health consciousness, but this babe was doing the most. We met at a party and exchanged contacts. She seemed interesting, and I thought there was something there. The next day, she asked for my genotype. I thought it was weird, but as soon as I told her I’m AS, she vanished. I couldn’t believe it. She didn’t even let me land.”

“He lied about knowing how to swim” — Monisola*, 25, F

Monisola saw her crush panic at a pool party and knew that the talking stage was going nowhere.

“We went to a pool party, and he was forming macho, saying he practically grew up in water back in Port-Harcourt. When we got in, he only stayed at the shallow end. I thought he just wasn’t interested in swimming.

Then somebody splashed him, and this man panicked like an earthworm in salt. He grabbed me, shouting, ‘Don’t leave me!’ Meanwhile, we were in the shallowest part where everyone could stand.

It was the funniest thing ever, but every romantic feeling left my body. I had to tell him a few days later that I wasn’t interested anymore. I didn’t tell him why.”

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