Sunken Ships is a Zikoko weekly series that explores the how and why of the end of all relationships — familial, romantic or just good old friendships.

Temi*(31) and Bolu*(31) met during their A-level year and quickly became inseparable. Teni believed their friendship was one of the few constants she could rely on, until one incident made her question everything she thought she knew about loyalty. 

For Sunken Ships, a woman shares how a decade-long friendship fell apart during one of the most difficult periods of her life, and why forgiveness didn’t mean giving her friend another chance. 

Where did you meet Bolu?

We met during our A-levels in 2014. We were all science students, and after a while, we created a tight clique with four other girls.

Wow, that’s a whole squad. What was your friendship like?

We were all so close that our teachers used to ask if we were related. However, among the girls, Bolu and I were the closest. We were in the same class and did everything together. 

What happened after that?

Most of the group went their separate ways and attended different universities, but Bolu and I went to the same university and remained close. We got in for different courses but made sure to spend as much time together as possible. 

Did you ever fight?

We argued every now and then, but never over anything serious. It was why I was so surprised when she did such a painful thing to me.

Tell me about that.

In my final year, I lost my dad, and that affected my studies. I had to retake a few courses, and so I planned to come back during the next session. 

Did you tell Bolu about this?

She was the first person I told. I also told her about how I worried about the cost of being in school for an extra year because of the financial burden my father’s death put on my family. She encouraged me and promised to help me in whatever way she could.

How did the extra year go?

It was a difficult year. During the session, I was travelling from Lagos to Osun for classes during the week and going back home on the weekends to help my mum with her provisions store. I squatted with classmates when I had classes or tests to save on hostel fees. Bolu spent time with me when I was in school, but things began to unravel when the first semester exams rolled around.

What happened during the exams?

A few weeks before exams, I confided in Bolu that the classmates I usually squatted with said they wouldn’t be able to accommodate me. I lamented having to get a large sum of money from my mum to pay for a month’s rent at a private hostel so I could write my exams. Bolu immediately said I shouldn’t worry and that I could stay at her off-campus apartment during the exams. It took a huge weight off my chest, and I was so grateful for her help. 

That’s amazing! 

I thought so too until I arrived at her place a day before my first paper.

What happened when you arrived?

I got to Bolu’s house just as the sun was setting. I wanted to get in and start revising ahead of the exams the next day, but it was as if she wasn’t home. So I started calling her to find out where she was, but she didn’t pick up. I waited outside till it got dark, but I still couldn’t reach her. I left her messages everywhere; on social media, on our group chats, I even called her brother to help reach her, but had no luck. Then it started to rain.

Wow, that must have been awful.

It truly was. The rain beat me for more than an hour. I had my laptop with me and was scared of water getting to it. A nice lady with a kiosk on the street let me take shelter in her store. Around 9:00 PM, I got frustrated and used some of the little money I had to pay for a cheap hotel for the night. 

How was that experience?

It was horrible. They played loud music for most of the night at the hotel bar, which made it hard to focus while studying. In all this, I was still worried about Bolu because she didn’t respond at all, and I knew she also had her own final first semester exams that week.

How did the exam the next day go?

It was a near miss, but I did my best on the paper. As soon as I finished, I tried calling Bolu again. I couldn’t reach her. I was so worried because neither I nor our other friends could reach her at all. I also had to sort out my accommodation, so I borrowed some money from my friends and paid through the nose for a room in a private hostel.

Did you get a hold of her at all?

No, but the next day, a Wednesday, I saw that she posted a photo of her studying with her classmate at her house on her WhatsApp status.

Ah. What did you do?

I messaged her immediately. I asked why she hadn’t responded to my calls and texts. I told her how the rain beat me and how I had to stay in a hotel the previous night, but she still didn’t respond.

Omo, that’s cold. What did you do?

I told the rest of our friends in our A-level friend group. They couldn’t believe it. They got so upset on my behalf that they started calling and messaging her. She didn’t respond to a single call or message from any of us.

Wow. Did she ever reach out to explain herself?

Yes, she did. After the exams, a day before I went back to Lagos, she sent me a voice note apologising. She said that when she told her dad I would be staying with her for two weeks to write exams, he wasn’t comfortable with the arrangement. She was too embarrassed to tell me, so she just vanished. I asked her why she didn’t respond to my calls or messages, and she said she didn’t want me to get angry.

How did you feel?

I couldn’t believe it. If she had told me earlier, I wouldn’t have been upset at all. Instead, she left me out in the rain and ghosted my messages. She didn’t even ask how I managed to find accommodation for the rest of my stay or how I was doing during the entire exam period. I told her I wasn’t angry with her, but she needed to keep her distance from me.

How did she take that?

She went to our group chat with our A-level friends and said I was being mean and unforgiving to her, even after she’d apologised for not being available.

What did they say?

They roasted her for being inconsiderate and self-centred. She angrily left the group chat, and that’s one of the last times we’ve interacted.

She never reached out after that?

I announced my engagement on Instagram in 2025, and she sent me a congratulatory message. I didn’t respond to it.

Do you think reconciliation is on the table if she comes around?

Honestly, no. I don’t see myself relying on her again. It wasn’t just that she couldn’t come through for me when I needed her, it was how she left me hanging even though she knew I had no other options. Her trying to paint me as unforgiving afterwards was the final nail in the coffin for me. I don’t see her as a friend anymore.

Has this affected your perception of friendships?

No, I’m still surrounded and supported by the most amazing women. I don’t want her friendship anymore because I still have plenty of high-quality friendships. 

Hey, if you’d like to share your own #SunkenShips story with Zikoko, fill out this form!