Trigger Warning: This article contains recollections of drug and substance abuse. If you or someone you love struggles with substance abuse, please click here to access help.
No one ever thinks addiction will be the reason they lose the people they care about. It usually starts small — a habit you think you have under control. But before long, it becomes something you lie about, hide, and prioritise over your relationships. For some Nigerians, addiction didn’t just change their lives, it fractured their connections with partners, friends, and even their children.
In this piece, six Nigerians share how their addictions slowly ruined the relationships that once meant everything to them.
“My mum hates how much I drink.” — Ese* (24), F, Alcoholic
My battle with alcohol addiction is ongoing and has seriously affected my relationship with my mum. I’m the only child, and she’s hell-bent on not losing me to a random sickness or the other.
Because our family has a history of illnesses, my mum worries that I may develop organ complications, so she and I constantly butt heads over how much I drink. I’ve worked on it, and I no longer drink every day. I’m more of a social drinker now. Regardless, it has been a difficult journey.
“My gambling addiction has ruined my relationship with my children.” — Jimi* (63), M, Gambler
I started gambling with a group of friends when I was a teen. At first, it was just small bets between friends, like who could run the fastest or who could do a backflip. Then, I started betting on football games at viewing centres. I won ₦350,000 from one of my bets in 2016, and I have been chasing that high since. I used to bet on football and basketball matches almost every day, but I haven’t won that much money since then.
In 2018, I lost the money for my last child’s university fees on a bet that didn’t pan out, and that incident has destroyed my relationship with my children. When my family found out, I had to beg my wife for months before she forgave me. My last child has forgiven me, but his two older siblings no longer speak to me. They said my irresponsibility disappointed them. I’m trying to get back into their good graces by winning it big, so I still bet once or twice a week. Something tells me that if I can just win a good amount from one of my bets, I can fix our relationship, and things will go back to how they used to be.
“My marijuana use made me lose the trust of those close to me.” — Feranmi* (24), Ex-Marijuana Addict
My weed use has damaged my relationships with my family, friends and lover. Last year was the peak of the chaos my addiction caused. Someone I loved found out I was using again even though I tried to keep it a secret and she said I made her feel stupid for trusting me. Her words cut deep.
My parents would be on edge every time I left the house because they didn’t know what version of me would come back home. I have close friends I don’t speak to anymore because I promised them I wouldn’t use anymore, but I went back. I’m lucky to be surrounded by people who not only sponsored me through treatment but also supported me through the hard phase of letting go of the guilt that came with my actions.
I have tried to make peace with the fact that there are some relationships that have been permanently damaged by the decisions I made while in active addiction. My goal now is to make better choices that reflect the new, clean me and make amends where I can.
“My porn addiction scattered my relationship.” — Deremi* (34), M, Ex-Porn Addict
Back when I was in uni, I was addicted to pornography, though I wasn’t aware that I was. I started watching porn when I was in secondary school. I stumbled on my uncle’s stash of magazines and got hooked. I used to masturbate at least once a day, and as I got older, the number increased to about four or five.
It didn’t cause any issues in my personal life until I started dating during my service year. My girlfriend at the time was going through my phone and found the burner social media account I used to follow my favourite fifty or so porn pages. Her disgust hit like whiplash. She broke up with me a few weeks later because, according to her, I had a problem, and it wasn’t normal to masturbate four or five times a day. I promised to delete the account and reduce the masturbation, but she was unwilling to get back together with me. It was an eye-opening experience for me. I got some help from my church and eventually a therapist. I have stopped watching porn entirely.
“I got kicked out of school in my final year for smoking weed, and my parents won’t let me forget it.” — Demilade* (28), M, Marijuana Addict
I’ve always been under a lot of pressure from my family to do well in school. I started dealing with a lot of anxiety, and when I was in SS3, a friend suggested weed as a way to relieve some of the stress. I got hooked on the feeling pretty quickly. I attended a private university where the consequence of getting caught with weed was immediate expulsion. But I still found ways to get my hands on some weed to smoke. I tried to be careful, and I did a great job avoiding the authorities until my final year.
Just a few days before my final exam, I got caught smoking with some other guys and got expelled. My parents have never forgiven me for it. Our relationship is very strained, even though I have completed my degree at another school. My mum constantly suspects she’s smelling weed around the house, even though I have never smoked at home. I’ve gone to rehab once, but I still smoke weed to take the edge off every now and again. I don’t know if I can stop completely.
“I lost all my friends because I couldn’t stop using colos.” — Dili* (31), M, Ex-Colos Addict
All my friends from uni stopped talking to me because I was addicted to colos. It’s a synthetic type of weed that’s popular among street guys. The high was intense and mind-numbing; I loved it. The issue was that when I got high, the drug had the tendency to make me black out and act crazy. I would convulse and vomit or start seeing hallucinations and screaming. After embarrassing my friends a few times at the parties we attended, they started steering clear of me.
Once, they had to tie me down with ropes because I kept saying I wanted to meet my friends at the bottom of a swimming pool while at a pool party. A friend recorded it and sent it to my parents, who immediately put me in rehab. I’m better now and I’m totally off the drug. I regret not stopping earlier, I lost some of my most precious relationships because of it. I just thank God, I’m on a better path now.
READ NEXT: 6 Nigerians Share Why They Got Disowned
