The Zikoko Guide On How To Become An Old Nollywood Bad Boy

February 26, 2021

From Jim Iyeke to Hanks Anuku, Nollywood knew how to make the perfect bad boy that simultaneously leaves you rolling your eyes while also going, damn! Here we guide you on how to become one yourself!

Get Your Accent Game Up.

First of  all and perhaps most importantly, you need an accent. This is what differentiates you from the other boys. Get an American accent, get an European accent, get a Nigerian Lagos-meets-Abuja accent and mix it all together with a sprinkle of something that seems to be but isn’t exactly a Jamaican accent. So when you speak it is almost like a legion of spirits – read demons – are speaking through you. Also, don’t forget to claim you got the accent because you schooled in the overseas. Did you study in America? Europe? No one knows but you schooled in the ‘overseas’ for two years and now speak in five accents. Get this and you have started your journey down the Nollywood bad boy path.

Headwear Does Matter.

How do you tell a good boy from a bad one? By their headwear you shall know them. A good boy calmly wears his face cap and puts the front in the front but a bad boy? They don’t play the rules. Jauntily throw it up and wherever it lands on your head is where they’ll wear it for the rest of the day.

Don’t Forget Your Rich Parents.

To be a Nollywood bad boy, you need rich parents. Who else will send you on a world tour to learn how to mix five different accents and say ‘I wanna gonna, mate’? Exactly. Who will buy a hundred face caps that you will wear incorrectly? You also need them to be a little bit opposed about your bad boy lifestyle just enough so they can say they tried but eventually they’ll still give you the money to be your bad self.

Mum and Dad: Jim, you can’t keep doing this. You need to become responsible.

Jim the bad boy: Bloody hell, mum and dad. You guys don’t understand. I ain’t one of them quiet boys. I’m a bad boy.

*Jim shifts his cap to the back to show them he means business*

Mum and dad: Okay, Jim. We have tried. Here is N500,000. Buy more caps.

Stock Up On Strange Weapons.

Next up, as a bad boy you need weapons. Your weapon of choice is often an ax. Now why an ax? We don’t know. It’s small and so won’t do much damage. Plus you are not Thor so if you throw it, it won’t come back. Do you see why this makes no sense? But don’t ask us questions, ask Nollywood. You may also choose a weird small gun that you’ll tuck into your trousers and crotch. Is there a possibility that you’ll blow off your penis? Yes but we move, innit? Bloody hell.

You Need A Bad Girl but You Also Need A Good Girl.

To start, you need a ‘bad’ girl. Someone that matches you. You guys will probably have ‘his and her’ axes. She doesn’t open the doors of cars before she enters, this includes even the ones that have roofs. Her accent confuses even you, and she ties a bandana AND wears a cap incorrectly. Match made in heaven, yeah? Until you meet a good  girl in your neighborhood who doesn’t like you and who you don’t share any similarities or interests with but you are convinced there is something here for you two to bond over. Does it make sense? Then again, what about a Nollywood bad boy does?

Desmond

Join The Conversation

Bring a friend.

You'll like this

Watch

Now on Zikoko

April 20, 2021

Engineering is an interesting course to study, especially when you are a curious, intelligent and handsy person. Nonetheless, the course would stress you and give you occasional sleepless nights. Here’s a list of things that you will be able to relate to if you studied engineering at a Nigerian University. 1.Knowing the content of  K. […]

April 20, 2021

Do you want to win the heart of an Ibadan person? You have come to the right place. We will tell you everything you need to know, so that by the time you’re done reading this article, you would be ready to land your Ibadan lover. 1. Buy them amala from Amala Skye Remember the […]

April 20, 2021

Weddings are definitely a big deal in Nigeria. It’s not unusual to see couples and their families go all out on throwing the best wedding party they could afford. So I thought it would be great to speak to a couple of Nigerians and have a conversation about how much they spent on their weddings. […]

Recommended Quizzes

November 27, 2019

Do you have a face that could make angels jealous, or should you really be walking around with a nylon bag over your head so you don’t scare children? Well, this quiz is here to answer that by telling you exactly how good-looking you are. Take and find out: 11 Quizzes For People Who Aren’t […]

October 10, 2019

2019 is certainly Burna Boy’s year, but, if we are being honest, so was 2018. Since his transcendent mixtape, Outside, the afro-fusion star has refused to get his foot of our necks — dropping a string of fantastic singles and then capping it all off with his career-best album, African Giant.  So, in a bid […]

April 9, 2020

At some point in life, we all learnt that someone can be very intelligent and still lack common sense. That’s the difference between being book smart and being street smart. If you’re not sure where on the spectrum you fall, well, that’s what this quiz is here to tell you. Take it:

how much of an ajebutter
February 12, 2020

Are you an ajebutter or not? Well, if you’ve gone through life blissfully unaware of its harshness, then you probably are. Now, we want to know just how high you rank on that ajebutter scale, using your food preferences as a (very accurate) measure. Take to find out:

April 3, 2020

While the rest of the world loves to treat our continent like a country, there are actually 54 African countries. So, in a bid to test your knowledge (and educate you), we’ve created a quiz to see how many of their capitals you can correctly name. Go ahead:

More from Pop

April 16, 2021

Everyone knows Nigerian universities are designed to break you. But when you’re the god of thunder, it should be easy, right? On this episode of #JustImagine, we reimagine Thor as a Nigerian student named, Tomiwa. Campus Hostel Bode, Tomiwa’s friend and roommate, is standing outside the hostel addressing a small crowd. The crowd is agitated. […]

April 14, 2021

Quick-fire camera flashes, hot stilettos and distinct music characterized the cool ambience at the venue of Desperados’ celebrity influencer showcase. The beer brand, which was first launched in Nigeria last December is known to be the charm of celebrities who dared to stand out from the crowd. It was no surprise that Mercy Eke, Timini […]

April 14, 2021

If you could transform your love for music into a full-blown career, which would it be? Let’s give you some pointers. Take this quiz. A career in music means you’ll most likely work to bring amazing stuff like Jameson’s Confluence Project, curated by Mainland Block Party. Go here to stream and enjoy the mashup vibes. […]

April 8, 2021

To say that Nollywood has given us more than enough ‘WTF is happening’ movies to last us a lifetime is an understatement. Today, we are going to go through four movie franchises from Nollywood that had us going “WTF?!” from start to finish. Blackberry Babes The fact this franchise even exists stresses me in ways […]

Watch

Trending Videos

Zikoko Originals

December 14, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
November 2, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
October 26, 2020
A collection of videos documenting some of the events of the EndSARS protests.
June 22, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
June 22, 2020
Hacked is an interesting new series by Zikoko made up of fictional but hilarious chat conversations.
June 4, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
June 2, 2020
Quickie is a video series where everyone featured gets only one minute to rant, review or do absolutely anything.
May 14, 2020
Isolation Diary is a Zikoko series that showcases what isolation is like for one young Nigerian working from home due to the Coronavirus pandemic.
March 12, 2020
Life is already hard. Deciding where to eat and get the best lifestyle experiences, isn't something you should stress about. Let VRSUS do that for you.

Z! Stacks

Here's a rabbit hole of stories to lose yourself in:

Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.
X