Some anime characters do things that make me wonder if everything is okay upstairs. Here are questions I’d ask seven of them, if they were real people. 

Zenitsu – Demon Slayer

Question: What’s the colour of your problem? 

Because imagine passing out and sleep-fighting during every fight in real life? The time he’d take to wake up is when they’d beat his ass. If you know him, tell him to answer my question. 

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Brock – Pokemon

Question: When can we form an “I love women” club? 

I started (and failed to finish) rewatching the old Pokemon series with Ash and the gang, and so far, Brock is my favourite character because I, too, think women are queens. This guy is the original simp. He’d ditch his crew for a babe if she blinked at him. I get it sha; women should be worshipped. 

Denji – Chainsaw Man

Normal anime main characters are motivated to succeed so they can prove a point to their haters. Denji just wants to know the touch of a woman before he dies. 

My question is simple: Sir, have you considered being motivated by money? Money cures depression. I know because I’m happy as hell when I’m not broke. 

Yumeko Jabami – Kakegurui

Question: Aunty, please, is everything okay at home?

Do your parents know all you do is gamble your life away in the school they pay money for you to attend? From the first time I saw Yumeko on screen, I knew this unhinged gambler would give me a headache. I wish I was wrong. 

Yuji Itadori – Jujutsu Kaisen

Question: Did you maybe consider not eating the fingers of a demon? At any point, sir, did you take a step back or even try to poop or vomit the thing? I know it was for the plot o, but I’m just asking. 

What was going through Yuji’s mind when he swallowed Sukuna’s fingers? He probably wanted to save Megumi’s life, but he’d only met him seconds before then. God, abeg for real.

Dustiness Ford – KonoSuba

Lalatina Ford Dustiness, BKA Darkness, is a masochistic crusader. This is important information because ever since I saw her in Konosuba, I just wanted to ask: “Why?” 

This babe commits many failed “heroic” acts, not for the plot but because of her masochistic tendencies. She also lets the main character, Kazuma, verbally insult her because it “feels good”. 

Every freaking character in Komi can’t Communicate 

Question: Why are all of you like this? 

To every single character except Komi, I pose these questions: Who are your parents? How did they raise some of the most “down bad” characters I’ve seen all in one anime? Why don’t you all have self-respect? Was it a prerequisite to get into the school?

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