How Much Would Nigerian Musicians Cost if They Were Professional Footballers?

August 30, 2022

I was talking with a few friends about how this summer transfer window is one of the most interesting in a while and a thought popped into my head. If Nigerian music arts were footballers, what would their transfer fees look like? If you heard Davido was completing his medicals to a new football club, how much would the transfer fees be? 

Wizkid

Everyone knows he’s good. I mean, he’s a Balon D’or winner who’s still steady dropping 30 league goals a season. In fact, the reason he’s not more than £200m is that he’s already 32 and only has a few more seasons left in him. But don’t worry, he’ll ball all those seasons. Also, the money you’re paying will make you more than £200m in shirt sales in one season.

Asa

She’s one of those signings you make when you have a young squad and need a captain to bring leadership, creativity and experience. Think Lewandowski to Barca.

Tems

Remember when Salah came out of nowhere and started popping goals for Liverpool? Yes, everyone knew of his talent before, but who knew he could deliver such numbers? That’s Tems. Just one year and she’s on all the charts and all the big albums. She’s even receiving Ballon D’or shouts, and pundits are comparing her to the greats like Rihanna. In fact, this £160m is just a down payment. There are still add-ons. 

Bnxn

He thinks he’s Salah with the way he cuts in from the right wing. He plays for a top team and has had some pretty solid performances, but pundits think he’s a “system player” that only does well because of the players around him. He has to go to a different club where he’s the main star to prove himself to fans. Or he can just stay and enjoy his comfortable team. Anyone that wants to complain should complain. He won’t give them eye. 

Tiwa Savage

Many people say she’s finished, but somehow, she keeps getting big club transfers. She’ll give you goals and assists for sure, but every time she has a mid game, fans, media, pundits, everyone will drag her and say she’s not worth the price tag. She’s sha making her big bucks, so that one consine you. Next season, Real Madrid will sign her. So much for a finished player, huh?

Magixx

He’s good, yes. But is he good enough to play in the English Premier League, or is he going to have to pay Bundesliga tax? We can only wait and see.

Rema

Wonderkid that’s already won Golden Boy twice? Don Jazzy regen? Please open your purse and bring out money. The sky’s his limit and fans love him already. What a signing he’d be for a club like Arsenal, as Mikel Arteta builds his team of young, hungry Gunners. 

Burna Boy

Current Balon D’or holder with Messi skill levels, Ibrahimovic arrogance and Ronaldo-type big game performances. It’s one thing to trigger his £211m release clause, but good luck paying his £650k-a-week wages.

Lady Donli

There’s creativity, and then there’s Lady Donli-level creativity. She’s the type of player to make a pass or do a skill you’ve never seen before. She’s not in the big leagues yet, but all the big clubs have their eyes on her. She’s captain of her national team sef. 

Tope Alabi

There’s no doubt that she’ll deliver. Think Danny Ings or Olivier Giroud. People that know ball know there’s absolutely no reason to slander her. She’ll probably even be in your fantasy football team for the entire season because she’ll pop on a steady — even more than highly-rated players. When you’re good, you’re good.

Portable

He had a couple of good games three seasons ago and a newly promoted club has £2m to spare. They’ll pay the money in instalments. But apart from the fear that he might flop, the coach is also scared he’ll bring chaos to the dressing room. Let’s wait and see. 

Teni

Nobody can question her or her price tag because she’s a proper baller. She’s quite versatile too. Need someone to cover at left back on a cold night in Stoke? Thaat’s Teni. Looking to pump the ball in the box for a 90th-minute goal? Just make sure she’s at the end of the cross. 

Asake

Hottest talent right now. Man came out of nowhere and blew everyone away. Still new to the limelight, he doesn’t have too many career goals, but ALL the goals he’s scored are absolute worldies. Proper baller. 


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Also Read: If Nigerian Musicians Had Side Hustles, What Would They Do?

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