How To Make Your Own Nigerian Illegal Music Website

August 1, 2019

If you’ve ever complained about the cost of music streaming services (Spotify, Boom Music, Pandora, Apple Music etc) in Nigeria and thought that someone (you) has to do something about it, here’s your chance. Here is a guide on how to make your own Nigerian illegal music website.

Now you can be the Nigerian music industry’s version of Robin Hood.

1) Register your site’s name with the “.ng” domain.

Because even though you’re going to be up to your chin in piracy, you still want to be patriotic.

2) Put a terribly plain banner at the top of the page with your logo in a corner for some reason.

Screw the rest the empty space. Screw aesthetics. SCREW THE SYSTEM.

3) Make the ENTIRE page a banner ad so that when anyone clicks on anything for the first time, it takes them to another site that is sure to embarrass the hell out of them (if they’re in public).

Is…is that Smeagol?!

Clicking on anything on your site should immediately take the person to a website full of “sex-starved middle-aged cougars looking to make platonic friends“.

Either that or a betting site.

4) Scatter hella intrusive ads across the screen.

If you can get your hands on those ones that follow you about as you scroll, that’ll be awesome. The more annoying, the better.

5) Offer up artiste’s brand new songs and albums to download for free.

6) Add a recording of someone’s voice screaming the name of your website on every song.

At the beginning and at the end. Also, alter the name of every song and album song to include your website’s name. So they NEVER forget where it came from.

7) Occasionally throw (bizarre and jarring) editorial content in between posts announcing new releases in an attempt to distract people from the real reason your website exists.

Now you can call your website a music blog.

Now that we have your attention, here’s a really important message:

STOPT IT! 😠

Astor George

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