Every Guy You Know Has Done 100% Of These Things, and We’re Not Lying

January 19, 2022

At the core, men are simple creatures. No matter how different we look, speak or act, we all have a ton of similar traits and things we do when nobody else is watching. I might get kicked out of the homies group chat for revealing these secrets, but these are the things that every man has done (or constantly does) at some point in their life.

1. Check his browser history. He has googled what the average penis size is.

And he has probably googled it multiple times. Who knows? The average size might have reduced since last week.

2. At some point, every guy has thought they lost one of their testicles, panicked, and then found it again.

Those three seconds before finding it are the scariest three seconds of a man’s life.

3. If someone leaves a poop stain in the toilet, guys will aim for it while peeing to try and clean it off.

And people say men don’t do domestic chores.

4. When back home from shopping, guys ALWAYS try to take everything inside in one trip.

Anything more than one trip is slavery. We need to get back to what we were doing.

5. Every guy has a preference for which side they keep their penis. (Left is best.)

No arguments here, please.

6. Every guy taps his pockets to ensure his phone, keys and wallet are there before they leave a place.

This is why we never forget anything.

7. When they were younger, they used to tuck their penises behind their legs and pretend to be women.

Don’t lie o. You did this.


Join The Conversation

Bring a friend.

You'll like this

black man covering his mouth
July 29, 2021

We don’t always mean to lie to our parents but sometimes, shit happens. They don’t exactly make being honest easy, either. Sometimes the lies are small and harmless, other times they are big and problematic. Here are eight lies we’ve all told our parents. 1. When we lie that we missed their call Sometimes, we […]

Watch

Now on Zikoko

Recommended Quizzes

What are you like in a relationship?
February 7, 2020

Your taste in music can say a lot about you, and this time, it’s going to reveal what you are like in a relationship. So, pick a few of your favourite Nigerian love songs, and we’ll let you know if you’re typically a distant, passionate or unbothered partner. Here you go:

More from Man Dem

Watch

Trending Videos

Zikoko Originals

December 14, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
November 2, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
October 26, 2020
A collection of videos documenting some of the events of the EndSARS protests.
June 22, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
June 22, 2020
Hacked is an interesting new series by Zikoko made up of fictional but hilarious chat conversations.
June 4, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
June 2, 2020
Quickie is a video series where everyone featured gets only one minute to rant, review or do absolutely anything.
May 14, 2020
Isolation Diary is a Zikoko series that showcases what isolation is like for one young Nigerian working from home due to the Coronavirus pandemic.
March 12, 2020
Life is already hard. Deciding where to eat and get the best lifestyle experiences, isn't something you should stress about. Let VRSUS do that for you.

Z! Stacks

Here's a rabbit hole of stories to lose yourself in:

Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.
X