Nigerians will see you for the first time in a while, and instead of just catching up on old times like normal people, decide to guilt trip you by saying you “forgot” or “abandoned” them. Why?
Next time someone says, “You forgot me”, this is how you should respond to them:
Actually, say it before them
Attack is the best form of defence. Once you meet someone you haven’t seen in a long time, and you think they have it in them to say stuff like that, just say it first. They’ll now start shalaye-ing. You won.
“Sorry, jare. My dementia is getting worse”
Say this with a straight face, and don’t break character throughout the conversation. You can even ask them to reintroduce themselves because you’ve totally forgotten who they are. And then, ask them to reintroduce themselves every five seconds. They’ll probably end up leaving you the fuck alone.
“No. I’ve been avoiding you because you say stupid shit like this”
Give it to them straight and simple. What happened to just moving on with the conversation like a normal person? Do people have to complicate things?
Nobody has time for nonsense. Abi do you have time for nonsense?
“Oh, you called me, and I didn’t pick up?”
Don’t say this one if you’re a dick and they actually called you and you didn’t pick. They can give you blow. But if they also “forgot you”, and you’re not complaining, why should they?
“Did I even remember myself?”
Good question, don’t you think? In this economy, and with mercury wearing red brocade every five days, who has time to be remembering other people.
“Sorry, I was living through the mess that’s my existence, and I forgot you could have helped make it easier”
Don’t say this to someone who has money and can actually change your life, please. May we not chase away our destiny helpers.
“I heard what you did”
Of course, you didn’t hear anything. But they can’t know this. Even if they ask, just keep saying stuff like, “You thought I wouldn’t find out?” Again, don’t break character.
Enjoyed these “You forgot me” responses, you’ll enjoy this too: 6 Appropriate Responses To “How Was Your Night?”