6 Appropriate Responses To “How Was Your Night?”

August 22, 2019


People that ask this do so innocently but also don’t understand how weird and intrusive the question really is. Especially when it’s coming from someone you barely even know. It’s like, “Why are you asking me? Do you even care?” I guess you could just answer with, “It was fine,” and keep it moving. But where’s the fun in that?

To ensure that you’re never asked this question again, answer with one (or all) of these responses.

“What else do people do at night? Were you expecting to hear something different? Okay then.”

They’ll know what you’re implying. If they pretend to not understand you, nudge them playfully in the ribs and begin a lengthy monologue about how you had to make a stop at an orgy you didn’t plan for and are now currently sore because of it.

Then proceed to make up some bullshit story about how you dreamed of something fucking terrible happening to them. Like, dying of a chronic illness or never getting a Canadian visa and having to spend their entire life in Nigeria.

Tell the person that you recently ended a 10-year relationship with the demon and the choking was just an attempt to get you to take it back by reminding you of how steamy the sex between you and it used to be.

Throw in some backstory about how you were too tired to shapeshift into a bat so a member of your coven had to give you a ride on their broom.

Add something about how pissed you were when you woke up (and realized it was a dream) because you actually haven’t had real-life sex with something that wasn’t battery-operated in over a year.


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