1. When the ATM in front of a bank doesn’t have money in it.

Are you people serious at all?

2. When the ATM swallows your card on a weekend.

I’m dead.

3. Nigerians and “Are you the last pulzon on the queue? Amatyourback.”

Leave me, biko.

4. When someone tries to jump the queue.

Better respect yourself.

5. You, when you want to check your account balance.

Mind your business, please.

6. When you don’t withdraw because you’re broke and someone asks “is it dispensing?”

Uhm! Actually…The thing is…

7. When it doesn’t bring out your money but you get a debit alert.


8. When someone asks you to help them use the ATM.

See this one.

9. When the person using the ATM is reading it as if it’s a novel.

Do and get out, abeg.

10. Whenever you see “Issuer or Switch Inoperative”

What does this even mean?

11. When someone goes to the ATM that doesn’t have a line in front of it instead of going to the one with a queue.

All of us that are not using it are mad, abi?

12. When the ATM asks if you want a receipt then says it doesn’t have paper.


13. When the ATM just swallowed someone’s card and they tell you to try your own.

No, thanks.

14. You, when the ATM makes that ‘Krrrrrrrr’ sound.


15. How you feel every time your bank takes that N65:

It’s God that will judge you.


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