1. When you get to Yaba and see the queue for the shuttle.

What is all this?

2. You, passing Love Garden at night, looking at all the couples like:

Later you’ll be crying that you’re pregnant.

3. When you see people dressing for lectures like it’s Lagos fashion week.

Please go and collect your prize from the Dean.

4. How the library looks around exam time:

Ah! These many students even know where the library is.

5. When NEPA waits till exam time to become completely useless.

How will I now read, ehn?

6. When you see people using street lamp and GTB ATM light to do overnight reading.

You people are the real students oh!

7. How Ampitheatre looks during exam prayers:

See all of them. Na by this one?

8. When your squatter brings their own squatters.

You must actually be possessed.

9. When porters come and start checking for squatters in the middle of the night.

Hay God. What is it?

10. When one small celebrity comes around and you see people throwing their home training in the dustbin.

Is it Dammy Krane that is doing you people like this?

11. When you go to Iya Moria and dodo has finished.

Why do bad things always happen to good people?

12. When someone jumps the long queue in Shop 10 and starts shouting “Aunty Eno” and “Aunty Ireti”.

It’s like you want to be slapped today.

13. When the gate gets blocked because some students just decided to start protesting.

Every time, protest. You people will not go and read your book

14. You, waiting for the ‘any work’ you sent to bring your food.

Na wa. Are they taking a tour of the university?

15. When you’re broke and you start wondering if the risky burger behind Mariere is actually worth the risk.

So, should I die of starvation or die of food poisoning?

16. How you use the toilets in your hostel:

Can’t go and carry disease that doesn’t belong to you.

17. When you see your friend’s babe entering jeep in front of Moremi.

Chineke, see Janet oh.


Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.