How To Find A Partner Before Valentine’s Day

February 11, 2021

It’s a few days to Valentine, and you’re still very single. Now, instead of planning a romantic Sunday, you’re considering going to church for the first time in years. While that sounds “fun”, here are six steps you can take to make your neighbor fall in love with you.

1. Play loud music in the middle of the night

If they come to knock and complain, apologise and tell them that you’re having trouble sleeping. They’ll surely stay up with you and, if you’ve ever watched porn, you know how that goes…

Both of you after

2. Lure them with food

Whenever you’re making something nice, bring all your fans together and try to blow the smell in the direction of their house. Food will surely lure them your way.

How you’ll end up because food is sweet but you’re sweeter.

3. Leave your doors open

If you’re getting desperate, just leave your door open. You’ll come back and meet them standing guard, and that can spark a conversation.. If they steal your things sha, please, don’t @ us.

If we can’t see it, it didn’t happen.

4. Help them pack their clothes on the line

Even if you didn’t wash, always be on the lookout for rain. You might get wet in the process but Nollywood has shown that this is a tested and trusted way to make them fall for you.

Rain romance nwantiti.

5. Man up and ask them out

You will not die if you speak up. Before someone will post that “valentine is coming” video and you breakdown in a bus because shyness didn’t let you be great.

It’s time to revoke your membership card abeg.

6. Go to a Babalawo

This should always be your last resort, but love is clearly more important than safety. Do you think babalawos are fake? Just ask Astor

You can’t say we haven’t done anything nice for you.

Join The Conversation

Bring a friend.

You'll like this

February 3, 2020

Gather round, there’s enough room in today’s free okada-ban therapy session for everybody. As we all know, the Lagos State government has decided the motto for 2020 is ‘pepper-dem’, but not in the good way. The state has instituted a ban on okadas and keke-napeps from the plying major roads. The ban came into effect […]

Watch

Now on Zikoko

Recommended Quizzes

how much of an ajebutter
February 12, 2020

Are you an ajebutter or not? Well, if you’ve gone through life blissfully unaware of its harshness, then you probably are. Now, we want to know just how high you rank on that ajebutter scale, using your food preferences as a (very accurate) measure. Take to find out:

November 19, 2019

Regardless of what society has tried to tell us, enjoying sex is not something to be ashamed of. So, in a bid to celebrate our generation’s sexual agency, we’ve created a quiz that will accurately (again, keep your complaints to yourself) infer how many people you’ve spelt with. Try it out: 11 Quizzes For The […]

November 7, 2019

These days, everyone is always talking about how much sex they’re getting, or how little sex they’re getting, or how disgusting sex is etc. There’s just so much talk about sex, it’s almost impossible to know who’s lying and who’s telling the truth. In anticipation of our new series about the sex lives of young […]

June 14, 2020

Have you ever been with someone so horrible that you swore to never date again? Yes? Well, do you know that one or more of your exes probably feels the same way about you? You never thought about that, huh? Thankfully, this quiz is here to let you know just how much of a hassle […]

December 3, 2019

Are you a professional Yoruba demon? Are you walking around in search of whose life you can wreck at any given time? Well, this quiz knows exactly how many hearts you’ve shattered to date, and before you lie that your result is inaccurate, just remember that Zikoko is never wrong. Now, take it and be […]

More from Inside Life

May 5, 2022

“I hate the internal conflict that comes with the holiday. Why am I even celebrating? Do I agree with most of the teachings and doctrines? Am I still a Muslim? I’d also love to celebrate knowing that I am fully accepted, not tolerated, and loved by my family, regardless of my identity.”

Watch

Trending Videos

Zikoko Originals

December 14, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
November 2, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
October 26, 2020
A collection of videos documenting some of the events of the EndSARS protests.
June 22, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
June 22, 2020
Hacked is an interesting new series by Zikoko made up of fictional but hilarious chat conversations.
June 4, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
June 2, 2020
Quickie is a video series where everyone featured gets only one minute to rant, review or do absolutely anything.
May 14, 2020
Isolation Diary is a Zikoko series that showcases what isolation is like for one young Nigerian working from home due to the Coronavirus pandemic.
March 12, 2020
Life is already hard. Deciding where to eat and get the best lifestyle experiences, isn't something you should stress about. Let VRSUS do that for you.

Z! Stacks

Here's a rabbit hole of stories to lose yourself in:

Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.
X