How To Find A Partner Before Valentine’s Day

February 11, 2021

It’s a few days to Valentine, and you’re still very single. Now, instead of planning a romantic Sunday, you’re considering going to church for the first time in years. While that sounds “fun”, here are six steps you can take to make your neighbor fall in love with you.

1. Play loud music in the middle of the night

If they come to knock and complain, apologise and tell them that you’re having trouble sleeping. They’ll surely stay up with you and, if you’ve ever watched porn, you know how that goes…

Both of you after

2. Lure them with food

Whenever you’re making something nice, bring all your fans together and try to blow the smell in the direction of their house. Food will surely lure them your way.

How you’ll end up because food is sweet but you’re sweeter.

3. Leave your doors open

If you’re getting desperate, just leave your door open. You’ll come back and meet them standing guard, and that can spark a conversation.. If they steal your things sha, please, don’t @ us.

If we can’t see it, it didn’t happen.

4. Help them pack their clothes on the line

Even if you didn’t wash, always be on the lookout for rain. You might get wet in the process but Nollywood has shown that this is a tested and trusted way to make them fall for you.

Rain romance nwantiti.

5. Man up and ask them out

You will not die if you speak up. Before someone will post that “valentine is coming” video and you breakdown in a bus because shyness didn’t let you be great.

It’s time to revoke your membership card abeg.

6. Go to a Babalawo

This should always be your last resort, but love is clearly more important than safety. Do you think babalawos are fake? Just ask Astor

You can’t say we haven’t done anything nice for you.

Zikoko Donation Banner

Help Zikoko keep making the content you love

More than ever, people are turning to Zikoko for stories that matter and content they love. But still, we, like many media organisations, are feeling the financial heat of these times. If you find us valuable, please make a contribution to help keep Zikoko zikoko-ing.

Thank you for your support.

We are also cool with Crypto.

Donation Close
Zikoko Logo

Complete Your Commitment

Donation confirm

Your Contribution is confirmed! Amount

Malakai

Join The Conversation

Bring a friend.

You'll like this

Watch

Now on Zikoko

April 19, 2021

There’s always that one thing you can beat your chest about even if all else fails. It is your unique selling point or distinguishing factor as an individual wherever you go, ak.a your flex. This quiz will reveal what yours is. Dive in.

April 19, 2021

We all have things that we do that make us feel just a little bit guilty. These six Nigerian women share with us what their guilty pleasures are. Bola, 25 Pringles. I love pringles so much. In school, I used to set money aside from my allowance to buy Pringles. It was even a part […]

April 19, 2021

People (and by people I mean strangers on the internet) are often quick to say “Nigerian men and women were made for each other. I decided to confirm if this match was made in heaven or Nigerian men were better suited to others. I asked six Nigerian men about their romantic experiences with non-Nigerians. Here’s […]

April 19, 2021

Mummy, daddy, uncle and aunty, we shall not be beating around the bush. Here is a list of things you do that we do not appreciate and we think you need to stop doing them.  T for Thanks. 1. Sending Whatsapp broadcasts (a.k.a forwarded many times) Please, make it stop. The broadcasts are always so […]

April 19, 2021

Bras are one of the most unnecessary things on earth. They dig into your skin, leave marks on your shoulder, and are just downright uncomfortable especially if you have bigger breasts. Now, because we all hate bras, here are some alternatives. 1) Nylon We are all about recycling and taking better care of the environment, […]

Recommended Quizzes

November 27, 2019

Do you have a face that could make angels jealous, or should you really be walking around with a nylon bag over your head so you don’t scare children? Well, this quiz is here to answer that by telling you exactly how good-looking you are. Take and find out: 11 Quizzes For People Who Aren’t […]

November 11, 2019

Today, we are going to be using your taste in music to determine how good you actually are in bed. All you need to do is create the ultimate Nigerian hit — from the lead artist to the producer — and we’ll tell you if all your partners leave satisfied, or if you are just […]

November 28, 2019

There are so many talented and stunning Nollywood actors that make it hard not to fall in love with them. So, while we all know the likelihood of us ending up with any of them is super low, it’s still fun to imagine a world where we actually stood a chance, and that’s why this […]

December 3, 2019

Are you a professional Yoruba demon? Are you walking around in search of whose life you can wreck at any given time? Well, this quiz knows exactly how many hearts you’ve shattered to date, and before you lie that your result is inaccurate, just remember that Zikoko is never wrong. Now, take it and be […]

More from Inside Life

April 19, 2021

Mummy, daddy, uncle and aunty, we shall not be beating around the bush. Here is a list of things you do that we do not appreciate and we think you need to stop doing them.  T for Thanks. 1. Sending Whatsapp broadcasts (a.k.a forwarded many times) Please, make it stop. The broadcasts are always so […]

April 17, 2021

Sex Life is an anonymous Zikoko weekly series that explores the pleasures, frustrations and excitement of sex in the lives of Nigerians. The subject of this week’s Sex Life is a 29-year-old gay man whose sexual addiction ruined his three-year relationship. He talks about how the end of his relationship made him realise he has […]

April 16, 2021

Queue to withdraw your own money, buy food, do your laundry, pay bills and even collect change. Why all this? You could be channeling that time into securing the bag. *Squeezes face* 1. Disrupts your plans Don’t bother accepting invitations anywhere, because by the time it gets to your turn on long queues, the event […]

April 16, 2021

A year from its initial cancellation, Euro 2020 is finally back. The clock is ticking for this summer’s delayed festival of football, and it’s a first in that it’s had a 12-month deferral. Much changed in the time between, and stadiums across Europe are now under pressure to consider how to proceed. The fact is […]

April 15, 2021

Elsa Majimbo is a 19-year-old old comedian, celebrity and internet sensation who came to the limelight by making very funny and relatable content on her Instagram page. We’ll have typically begged her to cut soap for us, but where’s the fun in that when we can just blow like her. Here’s a list of very […]

Watch

Trending Videos

Zikoko Originals

December 14, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
November 2, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
October 26, 2020
A collection of videos documenting some of the events of the EndSARS protests.
June 22, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
June 22, 2020
Hacked is an interesting new series by Zikoko made up of fictional but hilarious chat conversations.
June 4, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
June 2, 2020
Quickie is a video series where everyone featured gets only one minute to rant, review or do absolutely anything.
May 14, 2020
Isolation Diary is a Zikoko series that showcases what isolation is like for one young Nigerian working from home due to the Coronavirus pandemic.
March 12, 2020
Life is already hard. Deciding where to eat and get the best lifestyle experiences, isn't something you should stress about. Let VRSUS do that for you.

Z! Stacks

Here's a rabbit hole of stories to lose yourself in:

Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.
X