With the way Nigeria is hot, you’d think Hell was full so they brought some of the fire here. Since people have been complaining of the heat, we decided to tell you ten ways you can stay cool.
1) Become a rainmaker
You think it’s a joke, but once you become a rainmaker you can summon the rain as you wish and cool your head. The only problem with this is your clothes might get wet, a lot. Wet clothes are a small price to pay if you ask us.
2) Japa
Simply buy a plane ticket and travel to countries that are in winter. The weather is so cold that heat will be the last thing on your mind. Wahala for who no get money to travel sha.
3) Change the weather on your phone
It’s all a matter of perception right? If you edit the weather on your phone, your brain will think it’s cold and as such, you won’t feel heat.
4) Become a mermaid
Once you become a mermaid, you can swim in the cold rivers and oceans for as long as you want. The only problem is that they may think you’ve become an agent of darkness.
5) Sleep in NEPA office
Pikin wey say papa no go sleep, the pikin sef no go sleep. Since they’ve refused to give you light to cope, be sleeping in their office every night until you get the light. By the time you camp there for seven days in a row, they’d meet your demands.
6) Car AC
If you have a car, simply just sit in there with the AC on. You can work from there, sleep there, even eat there. Yes, fuel is expensive, but na who never melt dey queue for fuel.
7) Go to the bank
The best part about banks is not the television that always plays CNN, but instead the cold AC. Just sit down in the banking hall and receive cool air. It’s kuku your money.
8) Nap in your fridge
With the amount of money you’re spending on fuel, you better get your money’s worth. When you put on your fridge, you can try having a nap inside. You’re taking chilling with the big boys to a brand new level.
9) Beg Nigerians to stop fornicating so much
The friction from all the fornication Nigerians are doing is probably the number one cause of heat in this country. If you beg Nigerians to stop fornicating, the temperature will go back to normal and everyone will be fine. Also, if you’re one of the people fornicating, stop. Please. Before all of us melt and die.
10) Purchase a ticket to heaven
If hell is hot, then heaven must be cold. That’s why you need to find whoever is selling tickets to heaven and obtain for you and your loved ones. At least in heaven they don’t take light. Everlasting AC.
What will help us stay cool is money, so please send us some
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