6 Ways To Impress Bill Gates Before Sliding Into His DMs

May 5, 2021

Okay, let’s get straight to the point, we know you know that Bill Gates, yes THE Bill Gates is getting a divorce. We also know that as much as you bemoan the end of his 27-year marriage to Melinda Gates, you have also been wondering and devising ways to slide into his DMs.

Shooting your shot at Bill Gates is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity and you must make a good impression, so we thought to share some tips on what you need to do before embarking on this important journey.

  1. Change Your Avi To The Microsoft Logo

It is important that Bill sees and knows you are a genuine supporter of his business and the quickest giveaway would be changing your profile picture to the Microsoft logo. I mean, what better way to start off a conversation with him?

  1. Text In Javascript

Want to show Mr. Gates that you are more than just a fine face? Text him in javascript. Texting in English is actually basic and overrated, using Javascript, however, would show him that you are a very inventive and creative person, now if that doesn’t sound like his ideal partner, I don’t know what does.

  1. Diss Apple Every 3 Minutes 

Want to prove your loyalty to him even more? Diss his competitor Apple. Make sure to mention all the things you hate about Apple products, how they are for weird people who don’t have a classic taste. Mention that you have only tried using an Apple product once and it was just the worst experience you have had with any piece of technology yet. Make it creative, make it realistic, make it believable. 

  1. Change your phone to an Android and delete all your tweets made from an Iphone

You want Mr. Gates to scroll through your page and see almost no trace of anything related to Apple. So better start tweeting from your laptops or android phones so you can have a chance at this hot cake.

  1. Don’t Let Him Know You Are Poor

Or better still, don’t be too poor. Unsubscribe from Poverty.com and make sure there is no whiff of poverty around you. Don’t worry, it will pay off in the end.

  1. And most importantly, show that you have received the vaccine

Forget everything you have heard from Pastor Oyakhilome, you have to show Mr. Gates that you are well vaccinated and do not care about having the 5G implanted in your bloodstream.  If you take these necessary preparations, you are sure to not only get Mr. Gates’ attention but you will most likely keep it for as long as you need it.

Imagine being Mr. Gates’s next life partner? Ah, the haters are in trouble!

Nelson

Join The Conversation

Bring a friend.

You'll like this

Watch

Now on Zikoko

June 13, 2021

What does it mean to be a man? Surely, it’s not one thing. It’s a series of little moments that add up. Man Like is a weekly Zikoko series documenting these moments to see how it adds up. It’s a series for men by men, talking about men’s issues. We try to understand what it means to […]

June 13, 2021

June 12 Protest: Yesterday, after months of planning, Nigerians took to the streets to protest against bad governance, abuse of human rights, worsening insecurity, and other forms of maladministration and mishandling of democracy in the country. Coincidentally, this protest happened one week after the Nigerian government’s sudden and unconstitutional Twitter ban. Yesterday was also Nigeria’s […]

June 12, 2021

Sex Life is an anonymous Zikoko weekly series that explores the pleasures, frustrations and excitement of sex in the lives of Nigerians. The subject of today’s Sex Life is a heterosexual 25-year-old man who became obsessed with penises when he realised his penis was small. He talks about how having a small penis affects his […]

Recommended Quizzes

April 14, 2020

Every friend group consists of very different and specific characters — from the parent to the fun one — and it can be a little tough figuring out where you fall. So, we’ve created a quiz that lets you know exactly what kind of friend you are. Take to find out:

November 22, 2019

It can be very stressful when you’re trying to find the love of your life, but you only keep meeting people that are exactly like your yeye ex. To help you be more aware of that problem, we’ve created a quiz that lets you know the kind of people you are attracting. Take it to […]

December 3, 2019

Are you a professional Yoruba demon? Are you walking around in search of whose life you can wreck at any given time? Well, this quiz knows exactly how many hearts you’ve shattered to date, and before you lie that your result is inaccurate, just remember that Zikoko is never wrong. Now, take it and be […]

April 1, 2020

Everyone has a Nigerian bank that matches their personality. You could either be as likeable as GTB, as efficient as Access or as mature as First Bank. Either way, all you have to do is take this quiz and we’ll let you know with almost 100% certainty. So, go ahead:

More from Inside Life

June 12, 2021

Sex Life is an anonymous Zikoko weekly series that explores the pleasures, frustrations and excitement of sex in the lives of Nigerians. The subject of today’s Sex Life is a heterosexual 25-year-old man who became obsessed with penises when he realised his penis was small. He talks about how having a small penis affects his […]

June 11, 2021

Whether you’re new to the ZiGeng, or you’ve been rocking with Zikoko since forever, there are some pretty valid reasons why giving us all your money (it’s not as if we like money oh, but who are we to say no if you actually decide to go all in?) is worth considering. 1. We make […]

June 11, 2021

After refusing to accept his sexuality in Nigeria, today’s subject on Abroad Life moved to the US in 2015. He talks about how his relationship with God, his parents and church members made him realise that he had to accept his sexuality.  When did you decide that you were going to move to the US? […]

June 9, 2021

Since heaven is the goal, but your body is not firewood, here are some of the best sex positions that won’t ruin your heavenly race. 1) Missionary The people that named this sex position knew what they were doing. It is simple, straight forward and as old as time. People that have sex like this […]

Watch

Trending Videos

Zikoko Originals

December 14, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
November 2, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
October 26, 2020
A collection of videos documenting some of the events of the EndSARS protests.
June 22, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
June 22, 2020
Hacked is an interesting new series by Zikoko made up of fictional but hilarious chat conversations.
June 4, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
June 2, 2020
Quickie is a video series where everyone featured gets only one minute to rant, review or do absolutely anything.
May 14, 2020
Isolation Diary is a Zikoko series that showcases what isolation is like for one young Nigerian working from home due to the Coronavirus pandemic.
March 12, 2020
Life is already hard. Deciding where to eat and get the best lifestyle experiences, isn't something you should stress about. Let VRSUS do that for you.

Z! Stacks

Here's a rabbit hole of stories to lose yourself in:

Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.
X