So you’re planning to travel back home or to Lagos for Detty December in this sapa-demic? Wow, very brave. Since we can’t stop you from making this choice, the least we can do is mentally prepare you for all the wahala you’ll go through on your December trip.
Flight tickets are more expensive than two Asake tickets
Someone needs to explain why everything is expensive in December. Are we the ones who gave birth to Jesus?
If you thought flight and bus tickets were expensive during the year, get ready to meet holiday ticket prices because your account will cry hot tears. And that’s not the end. Regular bikes and taxis will also start calling crazy figures, as if they’ve been waiting for you to help them complete the house they’re building in the village.
The amount of traffic you’ll jam this holiday season (especially if you go to Lagos) will make you wish you’d just sat in one place. There’ll be traffic on your way to the airport or bus park, traffic on your way out of there, traffic heading to where you’ll stay, traffic at your estate gate, traffic in your home and traffic in your life. As a matter of fact, half of your life will be spent in traffic.
Like Davido said, “E choke!”
Airport people will ask you to “Do Christmas” for them
This is one of the most annoying things you’ll experience at the airport. If you breathe to the right, billing. If you breathe to the left, billing. By the time you finish dropping small ₦500 here and there, all your money will finish, and you’ll end up trekking from the airport to your house.
You need to hold ransom money
To avoid stories that touch, kindly travel with your ransom money, so in case you get kidnapped, they won’t have to stress about calling your relatives. What if your family uses Glo, and the call doesn’t go through? Or they use GTB, and their bank app doesn’t load on time? Help the kidnappers to help you, please.
Scarcity of buses
Quick question to bus drivers: where do all your buses go during the holidays? Because they’re always plenty during the year, but as soon as it’s Christmas, you have only four buses (so you increase the price). We know what you people are doing.
If your flight is by 5 p.m., get ready to leave that airport by 9 p.m. at least. But that’s only if you get to the airport early. Because if you get to the airport by 4:30 p.m., there’s a high chance you’ll miss your 5 p.m. flight. I don’t know how they do it, but they’d delay flights if you’re early or on time but disappear if you’re a minute late. I honestly think it’s jazz.
Family members will ask about your weight and marriage date
If questions about your weight or marital status don’t pop up when your family picks you up from the airport or bus park, know they’re saving it for when you get home. The moment you enter your front door (and throughout the holiday), you’ll start dealing with “Ahn ahn, what are you eating?” and “This your cousin is getting married next year. Shey we should still be praying for your own?”
You that hasn’t been on a date in two years? Pele, dear.
Everyone in Lagos will be busy or angry at something
This is for people going to Lagos.
As soon as you enter, you’ll feel the need to start rushing even if you have nothing to do. Don’t worry. It’s not a spiritual attack; it’s the Lagos spirit. Everyone here moves like they’re in a life-or-death situation. When you think about it, living in Lagos is an extreme life-or-death sport.