The next time someone tells you “you’ve added weight”, be sure to use any of these responses.

1) “I swallowed my future to keep it safe”

People have started stealing people’s futures and destinies. Your future is bright and you want to keep it safe by swallowing it.

2) “The fat is where I am hiding all my secrets”

They can hack into computers and phones, and notes can easily be stolen. What you do is swallow whatever secret you are told. So, you’re fresh and robust because you’re keeping secrets.

3) “It’s not my fault life is good to me”

You are chopping the life of your head. Why will your haters be angry? Next time someone asks you why you’ve added weight and you tell them this, they will be shaking and vomiting because they expected you to be angry.

4) “I’m expecting”

It doesn’t matter your gender, just tell them you’re expecting. This phrase is thought-provoking and makes the people wonder Expecting what? Something hooge? A child? It confuses your enemies.

5) “Thank you, Weight Warden”

Hail them by their title so they are aware they are moving like a monitoring spirit. Or why else are they so concerned about your weight if they are not a weight warden?

6) “The inflation that is affecting you hasn’t reached my side yet”

The sardine that is 800 naira for your enemies is still 300 naira for you. Is that not enough for you to add weight?

7) “I’m glad your eyes are working”

Be happy for them and their 20/20 vision. At least they don’t have to spend money on eye tests.

8) “God will do it for you too”

Is it easy to add weight? Is it not a thing of praise and thanksgiving. Maybe they too want to add weight but don’t know how to. May God do it for them too.

9) “You’re next”

Prophesy it into their life. Being fat is not a sickness, but let’s see how they’d like it once everyone starts pointing out the obvious.

10) “Yes I have”

Because at the end of the day, you’ve added weight and what’s the big deal? Na fat you fat, you no kill person.


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