So you think you’ve dropped out of the heavenly race because of too much sin, and you just can’t change your ways. Don’t be sad. Here are some things about hell that’ll cheer you up.

It’s not Nigeria

The relief of being free from the shege Nigeria keeps throwing at you should be enough to make you appreciate a new scenery, even if it’s hell.

But you’ll see Lagos babes

With all the havoc they’ve wreaked on earth, you’ll definitely meet Lagos babes in hell, right next to the Yoruba demons. So just know you’re in for a fun time. 

Your favourite artists will be there

There’s no gbedu in heaven, so if you know you still want to turn up in the after life, don’t worry yourself. According to every pastor ever, all your favourite artists will be in hell anyway. You’ll start to wonder if you even need heaven in the first place.

It probably won’t be hot for long

Some people will do ITK about God’s existence and land in hell for it. Einstein will probably be there with you, so tell me how y’all won’t figure out how to reduce the temperature. It won’t be hot for long. You’ll see.

You can get square with Nigerian politicians

The people who said snake swallowed money will be in hell too, take it from us. If you’ve wanted to throw hands, you’ll finally get your chance.

…and service providers

Think about the satisfaction of finally getting your pound of flesh from network providers and banks.

More fornication

If you love fornicating, you get a free pass with people like you for eternity. What’s the worst that could happen? You’ll go to hell again? You’re already there.

What do you want to do in heaven sef?

You’ll be bored out of your mind if you make heaven. You already know chaos is your default setting, so there’s really no need to fight it.

NEXT READ: Best Sex Positions That Won’t Ruin Your Heavenly Race



Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.