In light of this recent and brilliant discovery, we’ve tabled a list of things we need the government to help us quickly find. We await their favourable response.

1) Location of Bubu

Call us, daddy Bubs. We miss you.

2) Canadian bae with citizenship

Lagos state government, pls. It’s urgent. Pls, bae must be located in Ontario and not some remote province.

3) Judgement day

So that we can plan ourselves. Sin small and quickly repent before the big day.

4) Dollars

Especially the one you can pick on the floor without turning to yam.

5) Money I misplaced when I was 10 years old

It can change my current financial situation.

6) My lost long primary 5 bae

My dearest Tola.

Since we last saw my life hasn’t been the same. However, I find respite in the fact that one day we’ll be reunited at long last. On that day we shall meet in a place where there’s no darkness.

Till then, ko stay jiggy.

With love, your pencil and sharpener bae.

7) Job that pays ₦900,000 with just small insult

My body is ready, my excellency.

8) God fearing sugar mummy/daddy

LASG, I come to you as a child of God. I hope you look favorably upon my request.

9) How to do money ritual in a way that will please God

I can’t displease God because of money.

10) Where I can sell my kidney

Your excellency, I’m willing to give a commission on the successful sale of the said kidney.

11) How to Jaapa without IELTS

Nobody has time to write a letter to an uncle that’s not lost about the holiday you’re definitely not going to spend.

12) The Oba’s staff

“Do am if e easy” – Burna Boy.