Hoe-Calculator; 10 Types of Sex That Don’t Affect Your “Body Count”

January 28, 2022

Before I start, let me put it out there that  I think the concept of body count is really flawed and occasionally used in the silliest ways. Why do we care about the number of people we’ve slept with? What does that metric achieve? 

With that being said, in this article, we’re going to teach you how to calculate your body count to yield the lowest possible figure. 

1. Sex without orgasms

If you had sex and didn’t cum; the sex didn’t happen. Your body count is still at the number it was before that sex happened. We need to find another name for that activity because sex that you didn’t orgasm, is that one even sex?

2. Sex with someone you aren’t in love with

To be very honest, sex with someone you aren’t in love with has no influence on your body count. You’re probably not thinking about them once the sex is over, so why bother adding them to your body count?  

3. Sex with someone you’re in love with

The right type of sex should be sex done with your lover, so why count it and make it seem like such a big deal? You don’t go around documenting all the good things your lover does for you. It’s expected and sex with them is kuku their civic responsibility. 

4. One night stands 

Re: point 2. Firstly, the sex happened in the dark and will be kept in the dark. Secondly, it happened only once with someone who doesn’t really matter to you. No one counts that kind of sex, abeg. 

5. Sex that happened multiple times with the same person

Very similar to sex that happens with someone you’re in love with. If you’re having sex with the same person multiple times, it means you and that person have become one and that’s like adding yourself to yourself. It doesn’t make any sense. 

6. Sex that happened in private

Anything that happened in private should be kept in private. Keep the thought of that count in a safe in the bank. Don’t add it to your current body count. 

7. Sex that happened in a public place

Both the sex and the body count have been carried away by the wind. Another good option is throwing the body count in the bin closest to you in case the wind didn’t carry it. 

8. Same-sex sex 

You guys already have the same gender, so why do you want to add their body to yours and now count it with yours? You sef think about it. It doesn’t make any sense.

9. Sex with the opposite sex

Both of you already have different bodies and it only makes sense that you both maintain your individuality. Resist the urge that’s going to make you want to add the count of the opposite’s sex to your body. 

10. Sex that happened in the shower

The sex has already been washed off your body with water and soap. Shower sex o, not bucket and bowl sex. Even though that one sef still follow small sha.

If you find yourself getting carried away from time to time, refer to this article to know what your body count is per time. 

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