5 Nigerian Women Share Why They Regret Getting Married

February 10, 2021

Is it possible to regret something that you have been taught should be the “best decision of your life”? Yes, and these five Nigerian women share why they regret getting married.

Anita, 27

He lied about everything. About his extended family, his job, his entire life was basically a lie. I only found out after getting married to him. He told me he was a UX writer, but it turns out he is an Electrician. That would not have been a problem, so why did he feel the need to lie about it? He told me his parents were dead and he was not close to his extended family. Another lie. One day, his Uncle reached out to me on Instagram. Turns out both his parents are very much alive.

When we were getting married, he told me he wanted a small wedding. I did not think too much about it because I genuinely loved him and just wanted to be married to him. Apparently, he wanted a small wedding because he had other wives and kids. Plural. I feel like I am carrying him through the marriage. They say “men are babies” and it sounds cool until you realise that it is not metaphoric, but literal. I never knew there could be such emotionally, underdeveloped, men. Right now, I do not know what is a lie and what is not.

Amaka

I was 33 when I got married and honestly, I do not think marriage benefits women in the long run. Whatever people consider a benefit, does not equal all the things marriage makes you lose. I think marriage hindered me from doing certain things because there is a huge constraint on your time and energy. You are meant to be building the family, but then things you are building does not necessarily benefit you. A men can be working to build his family, while building his career at the same time. He gains both the benefits of being married to you such as free labour, but women can’t say the same thing. The nine years I spent building my family, I could have built my career. The only solution was to not be married anymore so I did that, and my life has been happier and healthier.

Hi there! While you are here do you want to take a minute to sign up for HER’S weekly newsletter? There’ll be inside gist from this series and other fun stuff. It’ll only take 15 seconds. Yes I timed it.

Chisom, 27

Marrying my husband was the biggest mistake of my life. Even with all the red flags I saw, I still went ahead and got married to him. He is a serial cheat and a totally unrepentant one. While we were dating he would apologise when he got caught, but now that we are married he has such a nonchalant attitude about it. As if he feels like I cannot do anything about it. He hides the fact that he is married from anyone and if I tell his girls, he gets angry and keeps malice with me. He says we are not a good match and we have nothing in common. How do you not figure out we have nothing in common for the six years we dated? SIX! Now I am pregnant and want to end the marriage but he is threatening to take the child away from me.

Jane, 29

I am currently separated now, but I still do not forgive myself for the decision to get married. I got married at 27 and separated nine months later. The truth is I knew I didn’t want to be married anymore by two days to the wedding, but didn’t know how to tell my family. The reason I eventually gave my family for leaving was because I caught him cheating. When I said I was leaving, he locked me up and threatened to kill me. A week after the incident, when he went to work I ran away.

He stalked me for about three months after I left. I even tried to get a restraining order, but that did not work. When I reported to the police, they collected my money and said they’d treat it as attempted murder. When I got back, they said they wanted to ‘settle’ the case. His family definitely paid them off, but the police thing kind of helped because after that the obvious stalking stopped. He currently does not know where I am, but he has an idea of the exact town. Thankfully there were no kids, but I still have panic and anxiety attacks till date.

Fola, 35

I got married at 24 and now that I look back it was way too early. He was 29 so a little older than me, but not very mature. I didn’t know what qualities to look for in a partner when I got married to him, all I knew was that I loved him. Bad choice. He wanted to pull that traditional man, head of the home thing and I wasn’t having in. Two months into the marriage and the physical abuse started. It was very irregular and I’d never know when it would happen so it caused me a lot of anxiety. I never backed down, wouldn’t cower and be a submissive wife. It took me 10 years to finally walk away from the lies, cheating, physical abuse and emotional abuse. 10 solid years of nonsense. Now, I look back and realize how badly that situation affect me.

For more stories of women doing women things, please click here


Zikoko Donation Banner

Help Zikoko keep making the content you love

More than ever, people are turning to Zikoko for stories that matter and content they love. But still, we, like many media organisations, are feeling the financial heat of these times. If you find us valuable, please make a contribution to help keep Zikoko zikoko-ing.

Thank you for your support.

We are also cool with Crypto.

Donation Close
Zikoko Logo

Complete Your Commitment

Donation confirm

Your Contribution is confirmed! Amount

Itohan Esekheigbe

Join The Conversation

Bring a friend.

You'll like this

November 20, 2020

Have you ever seen some memes that immediately remind you of something or someone? Well, these memes were basically made for Nigerian women. 1) Expressing love Imagine thinking Nigerian woman will be caught expressing love. What next? Flying pigs??? 2) Enjoying evil Nigerian women enjoy wickedness, especially when they are the cause. If a Nigerian […]

August 20, 2019

Recently, I was binge-watching the second season of Workin’ Moms, a Canadian television sitcom about a group of friends dealing with the challenges of being working mothers and being women generally. In one episode, Alice Carlson, played by Sadie Munroe got her period for the first time and was aghast by the reality that women got periods every […]

June 17, 2020

Relationships are complex because humans are complex. But if relationships seem to be getting a lot more complicated, it might be because they are. With millennials and younger generations embracing more non-traditional forms of relationship, a new type of relationship is made every other year. This week we’ll be learning about situantionships from a 24-year-old […]

Watch

Now on Zikoko

February 26, 2021

From Jim Iyeke to Hanks Anuku, Nollywood knew how to make the perfect bad boy that simultaneously leaves you rolling your eyes while also going, damn! Here we guide you on how to become one yourself! Get Your Accent Game Up. First of  all and perhaps most importantly, you need an accent. This is what differentiates […]

4 Women Talk About Mansplaining
February 26, 2021

You know how you can be talking about something and a man from nowhere will insert himself in the conversation and give you an opinion no one asked for? That is mansplaining. Simply put, it’s when men talk over you in a condescending and often inaccurate manner plus it’s almost always something you already know. […]

Recommended Quizzes

November 22, 2019

It can be very stressful when you’re trying to find the love of your life, but you only keep meeting people that are exactly like your yeye ex. To help you be more aware of that problem, we’ve created a quiz that lets you know the kind of people you are attracting. Take it to […]

November 15, 2019

There are two types of people in Nigeria right now: those who are proud Marlians, and those who are still in denial about stanning the divisive star. So, for those who proudly wear the Marlian tag, we made a quiz to test how well you really know Naira Marley. If you get more than 6 […]

November 14, 2019

The fourth season of Big Brother Naija came to an end over a month ago, but the conversation surrounding the housemates is far from over. So, in a bid to keep the fire burning, we decided to create a quiz that tells you which famous member of the ‘Pepper Dem’ gang is your soulmate. Take […]

More from Her

4 Women Talk About Mansplaining
February 26, 2021

You know how you can be talking about something and a man from nowhere will insert himself in the conversation and give you an opinion no one asked for? That is mansplaining. Simply put, it’s when men talk over you in a condescending and often inaccurate manner plus it’s almost always something you already know. […]

5 Nigerian Women Talk About Being Masculine-Presenting In Nigeria
February 24, 2021

Living as a woman in Nigeria is sometimes an unpleasant experience but masculine-presenting women are often faced with violence simply for looking the way they do. In this article, we asked five Nigerian women to share their experiences as masculine-presenting women.  Bimpe, 23 People look down on me for looking the way I do. Members […]

February 24, 2021

The subject of this week’s What She Said is a 23-year-old Nigerian woman who was in a toxic relationship with a man who did all he could to keep her with him, including stalking and blackmailing her.

Nigerian women talk about their favourite ex
February 23, 2021

In mainstream media, when people talk about exes, they are usually referring to the worst one. In a bid to balance that, we asked 7 Nigerian women to tell us about their favourite ex.   Abigail, 34  Let’s call her M. She was everything I wanted in a partner — honest, loving, ambitious, beautiful and smart. […]

February 22, 2021

Sometimes, when things do not go according to plan it leads to very funny moments. These five Nigerian women share their funniest waxing experiences. Jay, 26 I had never gotten waxed until Christmas of 2020. I got an early Christmas present to go for full body wax and scrub and I was really looking forward […]

February 19, 2021

As told to Mariam  During my first week at Zikoko, I wanted to write an article on how body dysmorphia affects women. I made a call for women to share their stories with me and Fisayo* messaged me. I eventually found that a similar article had been written but the conversation I had with them […]

11 African women send a message to their 16-year-old self
February 17, 2021

We can all agree that adulting is a scam. With the never-ending bills and responsibilities, we almost never have time for ourselves. So, for this article, we asked eleven African women what they would say to their 16-year-old self about growing up if they could go back in time Alex, 25 You are not as […]

February 16, 2021

Being a first daughter in African homes is a different kind of pressure, responsibility and work. These twenty African women share what being a first daughter is like. Anna, 22 From a young age, I was expected to take care of my siblings while receiving no care or attention from my parents at all. I […]

Watch

Trending Videos

Zikoko Originals

December 14, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
November 2, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
October 26, 2020
A collection of videos documenting some of the events of the EndSARS protests.
June 22, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
June 22, 2020
Hacked is an interesting new series by Zikoko made up of fictional but hilarious chat conversations.
June 4, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
June 2, 2020
Quickie is a video series where everyone featured gets only one minute to rant, review or do absolutely anything.
May 14, 2020
Isolation Diary is a Zikoko series that showcases what isolation is like for one young Nigerian working from home due to the Coronavirus pandemic.
March 12, 2020
Life is already hard. Deciding where to eat and get the best lifestyle experiences, isn't something you should stress about. Let VRSUS do that for you.

Z! Stacks

Here's a rabbit hole of stories to lose yourself in:

Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.
X