Your partner is someone’s child and they deserve a Children’s Day gift.
Take this quiz to figure out what to get your partner on that day.
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Hear Me Out is a weekly limited series where Ifoghale and Ibukun share the unsolicited opinions some people are thinking, others are living, but everyone should hear.
I believe in having a healthy saving culture and putting some money away for when I ever need some immediate cash; it’s always good to have a backup plan. Take some of the money you get paid, put it away, watch it grow and spend it on whatever you saved it for.
However, if I save money, I’m going to perish. I need my money now. I need to spend it now. If you’re like me, who earns just about enough to last a few days, you realise that putting some cash aside is easier thought about than done.
Adulting comes with responsibilities like paying bills, saving for a master’s, thinking about your future, and for parents, your children’s demands. Luckily for me, I don’t have a lot to worry about. I live with my family, and most of my bills are taken care of (not like the people I live with have a choice).
All the money I earn is mine, and it’s not shared except I’m feeling generous. But like I said earlier, it’s not enough for me, which means it’s not enough to be shared. My mum talks about the importance of prudence, why I need to have better habits and how I’m privileged to be earning even though all I do is complain about how I could be making more. She’s Nigerian and has the Nigerian “be grateful for what you have” mindset. Please, don’t get me wrong, though. I am grateful for what I have.
A week ago, I realised I started using one of the pioneer saving apps for Nigerians in 2017. I told my sister about the app, and she got on it; she’s an avid saver. My sister went on to tell my mum about it, and my mum also got on the app, all of us saving for the rainy day. I opened the app to check how far I’ve come since I’ve been on this journey. It’s safe to say, all I’ve saved so far is my life.
When people ask me what my mantra for making bad decisions is, I say, “I’ve been broke before, and I didn’t die”, and that’s a fact. This won’t be my first rodeo, spending all my money for my immediate happiness. I like to look forward to deliveries, and I love when I spend money on things I like. A new dress, some skincare, and occasionally, food (I’m a couch potato who lives with family, so I rarely have to worry about food).
I know it’s unhealthy, but my happiness is tied to the things that cost money, the things I can’t save for. People who save money like to know they have a fallback; if they find themselves out of a job, there’s money somewhere, and if there’s a medical emergency, they know there’s money for it. It’s a shame to admit that my fallback option is “hello, dad”.
I have friends who pay rent, live by themselves, figure their shit out, and make enough to do all that, and sometimes, I feel like I’m not doing enough. I wonder how much I have to save and how many things I have to get rid of to be able to do that. Would earning more improve my saving culture if I balance my needs and wants better? I know myself. Earning more would make me want more things.
No matter how much money I save, I won’t save myself from my current tax bracket. I can’t save my way to becoming the wealthiest black woman in the world. All I can do is push my wants and needs to a later date and deprive myself of things. Holding off on gratification doesn’t mean it still won’t be done, so why don’t I get it done instantly?
I want to reward myself for a job well done, for a stressful week, for surviving, and I can only do that if I have money to spend right now. Don’t get me wrong, you can reward yourself as often as you like and still have some money left to save, but that’s not me. If I save this money, I will perish, and my happiness and productivity will tank. I feel good when I’m happy, I work best when I’m happy, I’m the best to be around when I’m happy, and when am I happy? When I have money to spend on things I like.
At the end of 2021, I checked my score on the saving app I use. I saw a C6 and laughed because I’d attempted to save some money during the year to avoid getting that exact score. Many things happened in the first two months that made me stop. But it was the end of the year, and the score was there, and at that moment, I was glad I’d saved my life at least. I’d had Covid twice in one year, and surviving it was more important than saving some cash.
I’ve heard from several people about the importance of women having their own money. How it’s imperative that women save and have a fallout option, how women are more respected the richer they are. And I agree with those ideas; I believe them too. But again, how will I save what I don’t have?
Maybe I’d eventually figure out how to earn more and save more. Maybe by getting a job in tech or selling one of my kidneys. Perhaps, I’d give up my wants, put the cash in an app and see how much it brings back to me. Invest the little I get into something fruitful and spend days leading up to a yield in a permanent state of unhappiness, knowing I have no deliveries on the way.
All I know is that saving any money will make me unhappy, and I don’t want to participate.
Hear Me Out: Why You Should Eat Your Sorrows Away
Hear Me Out is a limited series from Zikoko, and you can check back every Saturday by 9 a.m. for new episodes from Ifoghale and Ibukun.
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If you’ve ever been at a party with Yoruba men or been around them for long, you’d certainly have heard these songs play around them. These songs set them in the mood to be themselves, be free and party till they drop.
We’ve rounded up the ultimate Yoruba men’s anthem.
Lagos Boys — Olamide
When Olamide released Lagos Boys, it was as though he released the lifelong anthem for all Yoruba men worldwide. I’m not even a Yoruba man, and I used to dream of having this song performed at my wedding for my first dance. Are you even a Yoruba man if you didn’t jam this song?
Abule Sowo — Olamide
Ok, I have Olamide here again because he’s the OG for giving Yoruba men and women the choicest songs for getting in the groove. He knows the jams we need to listen to when we want to feel good and dance. A hitmaker for real.
Ranked: Olamide’s Top Ten Features of All Time
Sungba — Asake
Sungba is relatively new, but it’s currently the best song in the world, making all already proud Yoruba men even prouder.
Asake’s “Sungba” Is the Best Song in the World, and Here’s Why
Lagos Party — Banky W
The year is 2022, and there’s still no party like a Lagos party. Lagos Party is a feel-good song for Yoruba men that makes them feel on top of the world and spend even more money. It’s also a calmer bop for the rich millennial Yoruba man to show disguised wickedness.
Ade ori okin — K1 De Ultimate
Are you around a Yoruba man if you’ve not heard this song play so randomly? Yeah, some parts of the song is a prayer, but the song reinforces the Yorubaness in Yoruba men that many of them have it on their playlists. If you snoop around enough, you might even find this song in a Yoruba man’s sex playlist.
Dami Duro — Davido
Who else do you know that’s also rushing, if not a Yoruba man? Yoruba men are always in a rush, and that’s why they love Dami Duro. They also love to look like they have money, even though the money they might be showing off isn’t really theirs.
Pakurumo — Wizkid
Sincere apologies to all the women named Funke worldwide who didn’t catch a break when this song came out; we’re sorry on behalf of Wizkid. Every babe mentioned in this song was a victim of being asked to Pakurumo, and some of them still haven’t recovered in 2022.
Ojuelegba — Wizkid
Even the Yoruba men who grew up with silver spoons were singing, “Ni ojuelegba, they know my story” my friend, who knows your story?” Who knows which story?
Feel Bad — MohBad
Is there a chance I’m also a Yoruba man since I also love this song, and it was also my anthem? Also, why did Mohbad gbera lati 4:30 (ask a Yoruba friend for the meaning please)? My theory is that he lived in Mowe and worked in Sangotedo, but I digress. I sha hope God delivers Yoruba men from the many enemies that are following them sha.
KPK— Rexxie ft MohBad
Maybe the lyrics are a little crass, but that doesn’t matter to a Yoruba man who wants to catch a vibe. This song was a party starter. “Who wants to say it’s not plenty, it’s big, it’s plenty.” — Rexxie, 2020.
READ MORE: Shakespeare Has Nothing on Davido and We Have Receipts to Prove It -
Are you expensive lobster that’s not for everyone or eja kika that can be bought down the road?
Find out the seafood you are by taking this quiz.
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Couch potatoes like me have an interesting relationship with our houses, beds and couches, and it’s not because the outside world is too uncomfortable; no, we just prefer those places.
The problem with being a couch potato is that there’s no spice. We don’t go out enough and if we’re single, we can’t claim to be in the “streets”. But unwilling as we are to go outside, we do want to be touched and loved by someone who can talk back to us and hold us at night,
So how can break up with our couches and find love?
Here are a few proven ways to do it, tested and trusted.
Wake up every morning and shout, “My partner!” three times into your bathroom mirror
This works, I can’t lie. One day, your partner will appear to you in the mirror and find a place in your life. Also, standing in the mirror will make you love yourself more than you already did before, and it’s going to make your partner love you with ease.
RELATED: 7 Reasons Why You’ll Continue Saying “God When”
Put up a banner that says “I need a life partner” on your gate
For better exposure, place copies around your estate and your car too. You need the ad to reach the desired party. Putting it on your car won’t help sha because you hardly ever drive it out. But you can beg your outdoorsy neighbours and friends to put it on their cars on your behalf.
Get on dating apps
The problem with dating apps is the number of how-are-yous you’ll answer in one day. To save time, I’ll advise you prepare a spreadsheet including all your information so you can send it out to each match Let them read through and decide whether or not they’re moving on with you.
RELATED: 10 Types of Guys You’ll Find on Dating Apps
Use your social media more
Yeah, I know, you want to be on Twitter sharing your random thoughts and only use your Instagram once in a blue moon — and that’s fine. But you need to optimize your accounts to find love.
Tell your friends to tell their friends about you
I’m sure there’s someone in your friend’s friendship circle that matches your taste, and they’ve not told them about you yet. O wrong nau. You aren’t outside doesn’t mean you’re not on the streets too. Or do your friends want you to be single for the rest of your life?
Take pottery classes
When push comes to shove, you will have to mould your partner and breathe life into them. The partner you mould for yourself is definitely going to be better than the one you find on the road or any other methods you try. Moulding your ideal partner by yourself isn’t the only benefit, as you can also make as many as you like with different specs. Oh, spicy!
ALSO READ: 11 Quick Ways to End a Talking Stage That Isn’t Going Anywhere
Zikoko has launched a new series where we explore those friendships, familial and romantic relationships that are no longer sailing.
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Sometime last year, I talked with my friend about someone I’d been doing talking stage with and told her in detail what had been going on. She said, “This person seems to be breadcrumbing you”. That was the first time I heard the word; I had to find the meaning.
In simple terms, Breadcrumbing means giving just enough attention and affection to someone who cares about you to keep them interested. People who breadcrumb want the receivers of their breadcrumbs to stay stuck on them; they like to be in control while doing the bare minimum.
I’m no relationship expert. However, I’ve been a victim of breadcrumbing more times than I’m willing to admit. Now I know the signs to look for when talking to someone new and how to avoid being strung along.
Inconsistency
Inconsistency is one of the most apparent signs of breadcrumbing. Breadcrumbers are usually inconsistent with their time and how much attention they give to you. They disappear and reappear with a reason why they’d been absent. The reason is always good enough to keep you interested and forgive their inconsistency.
Sometimes, you believe they had a good reason for their inconsistency and count down to their return. It’s not because you don’t know better; you just think they’ll be back, and their words to you are valid. But alas.
Not following through with plans
We all know that you make time for what you care about, and although a breadcrumber has told you in several ways that they care about you, they usually find it challenging to create time to prove it. They entertain the idea of seeing you without acting, following through or and showing up to the date location. There’s no one busier than a breadcrumber on the day you’re to spend time with them.
Fancy reassuring words without action
Although it’s expected that breadcrumbing and gaslighting will be two peas in a pod, that’s not usually the case. A breadcrumber won’t attempt to alter your reality, but they’ll reassure you about their feelings and intention even when they’re lying. They tell you what you need to hear and remind you about their “feelings” for you. Their reassurances aren’t always laced with lies; sometimes, they also believe what they’re saying. The issue with the reassurance you get is it is only words and no action to back them up.
Poor communication
We already stated that breadcrumbers do the bare minimum. They share little information and communicate erratically. Most of their communication with you will be in small doses. Even when sharing about themselves, they may share very few details about their life.
Sunken Ships: Our Friendship Ended Because of My Childishness
Reaching out when they feel the most vulnerable
Anyone who’s breadcrumbing you will most likely reach out when they feel lonely or vulnerable. They can call you on a lonely night when their words flow nicely, and all they say can be interpreted as interest. Their words are most believable when they feel say them with vulnerability.
ALSO READ: How to Be a Good Friend As an Adult With a Busy Life
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Rice is a staple meal in Nigeria. Our Jollof rice has travelled far and wide and caused debates across countries, most popularly Nigeria vs Ghana Jollof wars. Although rice is a multitalented bad bitch, it’s not all hits with rice meals. Some meals are glorious, while some others are bland at best.
BEST
1. White rice and stew
The ability to slap in your natural state with little to no assistance is why rice and stew reign supreme. Rice and stew can be eaten at any time of the day with any type of protein and still bang. The only time rice and stew isn’t a hit is when the stew isn’t well prepared.
2. Rice and beans
Rice and beans cooked together is one of God’s best ideas given to man. There’s no stew type with which rice and beans can’t be eaten. This meal is a queen, and that’s on periodt.
3. Concoction rice
Concoction rice is the middle child that knows how to get shit done and comes through when necessary. When you’re low on cash, this meal is your knight in shining amour.
4. Jollof rice
Jollof is in third place because although it’s a delicious meal, it’s not always gotten right. Also, the fact that the spelling and preparation of this meal are inconsistent has taken away some points from the greatness — For starters, wtf is “jellof”?
5. Native rice
A true bad bitch is what native rice is. The taste of native rice will stay on the tip of your tongue, leaving you wanting more of it. God bless the person who created this recipe.
6. Ofada rice and ayamase/ofada sauce
Ofada rice is best eaten with ayamase sauce, and even tho ofada sauce works. The issue with ofada sauce is the overpowering peppery taste when it’s not cooked right when more attention is given to the pepper than the sauce.
RELATED: 6 Nigerian Meals That Are Perfect for the Rainy Season
MOST UNNECESSARY
1. Pepper rice
Special shoutout to Yoruba women and Babcock University students for inventing this meal. As the name implies, it’s peppery rice, and it’s best eaten with peppered turkey or snail.
2. Coconut rice
Coconut rice is any type of rice you like cooking with coconut milk. This one just likes to be extra, always doing the most. It’s delicious, though. The problem s its oversabi.
3. Banga rice
Banga rice bangs like a banger. It’s a pretty delicious meal, but it’s something we can do without. Banga soup works best with swallow, and mixing it with rice feels like overkill sometimes.
4. Fried rice
Fried rice is coming in last place because no real baddie needs as much assistance as it does. So fragile and so high-maintenance. Ain’t nobody got time for dat. Fried rice requires all the condiments in the world and still manages to spoil with the slightest excuse. If you’re not going to see the break of dawn, why are you so extra and want everything to be put inside you?
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Between being funny, intelligent, beautiful, unique and God’s greatest gift to earth, there’s nothing women can’t do. At Zikoko, we carry women’s matters on our heads, which is why we’re planning a party for the girliesssss.
Women are hardly ever wrong, but let’s talk about the few times they might have been. And the reasons why that happened.
Bathing with scalding hot water
Going out and being in contact with sin will make you want to wash it off with the highest temperature of water you can find. Women don’t want to live in sin, we want to be rid of it, and the best way to do that is to burn it off our skins.
Spending our savings on enjoyment
If you guys live more than once, we women know we only live once, and there’s always something to be celebrated. The same way we saved the one we use for enjoyment is how we’ll save another one for a more serious purpose.
Rewarding ourselves after an inconvenience
To be honest, this isn’t wrong; it’s a necessity. Life is already hard, and adulting is dealing with us. A little reward after a long day, week, or month doesn’t hurt anyone.
RELATED: 7 Things You Need to Stop Being Ashamed of as a Woman
Going out with our thoughts and prayers
There’s a slight chance this one is wrong sha because every woman needs some vex money. Thoughts and prayers hardly ever fail us. Nonetheless, don’t go out without a little extra cash.
Dating men
Dating men is reserved for God’s most patient soldiers. Whew. Love and light to the women who are dating Nigerian men, especially those living in Lagos.
Fitting our patience into our mini bags
Mini bags are the most befitting bags for a Nigerian woman’s patience. We’re managing the little patience we have, and we only take a little of it when we go out.
RELATED: Y2K Fashion Accessories That Are Still a Must-Have in 2022
Not ironing our clothes
Ironing is the worst chore known to man, and we women want an easy, stress-free life. Trust me when I say the sun in Nigeria is hot enough to straighten our clothes when we wear them.
RELATED: 6 Reasons Why Nigerian Women Don’t Iron Clothes
Saying we’re not hungry and then begging for our partner’s food
Making decisions is so tough, and women want it all. We also want to eat some of our partner’s food to ensure they don’t die alone if the food is poisoned.
Helping our partners keep their clothes
As you can see, we didn’t say “stealing”; we said “helping”. All women do is help you keep your clothes in a safer place, away from you and your wardrobe. You should be thanking your babe for being a forward thinker.
ALSO READ: Why Women Need to Stop Stealing Their Men’s Clothes
In case you missed it, Zikoko is bringing all the hot girls to the yard for a festival. We’ll dance, play games and shake our asses. Buy your tickets here.
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One of the best ways to maintain a healthy life is to be careful of how much food you take in every day and ensure you stay within a healthy calorie count.
We’ve listed a few surefire ways to reduce the calories in your food before eating it.
Heat it up
The heat is going to take out some calories from the food. Heat the food for a long time until it’s almost burnt. Imagine burning calories even before you eat?
Blow on it
This way, you’re removing the extra calories on top of the food. Works best after heating up the food so you can blow off stubborn calories.
Punch your food
This is only applicable to solid food like semo. Punch the food and make the calories afraid to enter your body. Again, if it’s semo, it deserves all the beating. Any food that’s been dealt with will think twice before increasing your fupa.
Speak to your meal respectfully
Speak to your food with respect and kindness. We all know how people become nice when they’re accorded more respect than they deserve, especially in Nigeria So if it’s a Nigerian meal, you may need to show extra respect while cooking to make this work.
Pray before you eat
Tell God to turn the fufu in your mouth into vegetables after you’ve eaten it. This method works best when you pray before swallowing every bite.
Put your food in the freezer
Freeze the extra calories out of it to show the meal who’s boss. The only issue with this is you’d have to eat this meal extra cold.
RELATED: You Should Eat These Seven Foods Chilled as a Treat for Your Tastebuds
If it’s soup, eat it with a fork
Portion control on steroids. When you’re done eating the soup with a fork, most of the calories will have gone out.
Serve your food on four different plates
That way, you’ve separated the calories from ganging up against you. Fight them before they fight you. Divide and conquer.
ALSO READ: Cooking Tips From a Lazy Nigerian Cook
Zikoko is launching a new series where we explore those friendships, familial and romantic relationships that are no longer sailing.
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Oluwatobiloba Daniel Anidugbe, popularly known as Kizz Daniel, is one Nigerian musician we can bank on to produce hit songs with every release. When Kizz Daniel titled his second album “No Bad Songz”, he was correct and confident. Here are ten songs that prove Kizz Daniel has no bad music.
Mama
Mama was released in 2016 and still slaps today. It’s a beautiful romantic song with an unmistakable message. This song is a party rocker, a proposal jam, and a wedding banger. We stan a versatile bop.
Madu
Before we get into Madu, can we talk about how hot the video is? Madu itself is a hot song and should be on your sex playlist. It’s a song about the countless things a man wants to do to your body (with your consent, of course)
One Ticket
Two of my faves on one song? Yasss gurl. Let’s be very honest, the babes hurt Kizz and Davido in One Ticket, but we support women’s wrongs as much as we support women’s rights. Geddit girl.
Ello Baby
Kizz Daniel’s ability to make a love song into a party song is one of our favourite things about him. He’s toasting you with the music while making you dance and smile from ear to ear. Shakespeare is shaking.
Eh God (Barnabas)
LOL. Eh God is the song you listen to every morning before starting your day. It’s like a prayer, but not really.
RELATED: Love It/Hate It: Kizz Daniel’s Barnabas
Lie
Men LIE! Don’t believe any man who says he’s not lying to you. Lie is the song you hear blasting through your man’s speakers right after he lies to you.
Poko
Ok, at this point, we should give Kizz an award for singing the songs women want to hear. Whew, he makes music for baddies and probably doesn’t realise it.
Sofa
Kizz was giving us some rasta influence in Sofa. I want to chill on the sofa, doing cute stuff with someone.
Currently
Currently could have been titled “Currency” to avoid confusion, but that’s not the point. Kizz Daniel nailed the features on Currently.
Buga
Buga is a jam that can also serve as alarm clock music. I mean, “Gbe’ra, gbe’ra
gbe’ra, go get that mullah (wake up). Mo ni ko kala. Kala gb’owo yẹn o” sounds like something you should hear first thing in the morning.
ALSO READ: Ranked: Top 10 Nigerian Love Songs and the Best Moments to Use Them
