Astor George writer profile

Once upon a time, an insane Christian book that claimed the devil created football as a tool to destroy humanity trended on the internet. I did the dirty work of actually reading and recapping it. The article was so popular that I decided to make my recaps into a weekly series named “So You Don’t Have To “, where I find batshit crazy pieces of media (books, movies, etc.) and recap them for your pleasure.

Today’s book is titled, “How To Overcome The Spiritual Dangers Of Sports Betting.”

The book begins with the worst possible definition of sports betting the author could find/put together. He defines it as “the act of consciously risking money or other stakes in the hopes of gaining at someone else’s expense.” He insists that the last part of that definition makes sports betting a sin because it breaks the 8th commandment (Thou shall not steal).

I was still putting together my argument about how it doesn’t qualify as stealing because all the parties involved know the terms and conditions when the author tackled me with the next paragraph.

Apples and Oranges.

The author says that whoever wins a bet is a thief, and whoever loses is guilty of wasting whatever it is they lost (which was given to them by God and pisses him off).

That’s just…wow.

In this chapter, the author lists and explains the things he believes pushes people into the sports betting demonic rabbit hole.

Hmmm. Points were made.

I was expecting this to say that people depressed due to unemployment turn to betting to make ends meet. But excitement? What kind of depressed person thinks gambling will bring them peace?

Whew…the accuracy of this.

Just as it looks like he’s going to end this chapter with a solid point, he goes ahead to say that only people with sinful hearts can be affected by these things.

Translation: If you’re depressed, it’s your own damn fault. You need to do something about your sinful heart.

The author uses this chapter to talk about the steps sports betting addicts need to follow if they want to quit. But first, he narrates his experiences in the betting underworld.

So at some point in his youth, the author gambled harder than a white elderly woman on vacation in Las Vegas with the other residents of her nursing home. His goal at the time was to win a $25,000 jackpot from his sports betting platform of choice, Bet9ja. Despite trying to game the system with tricks and stuff, he was never able to win shit.

Is this how sports betting works? Someone help me out here.

He says that during this time, he was surrounded by bookies who he thought were his dear friends but in hindsight, brainwashed him and kept him trapped in the betting system for their own gain. He casually mentions that most of them have “crumbled” now, which had me like:

Is…is that code for “dead”? Did they die??

He says that his discovery of the tactics used by demons (I just knew he’d involve them somehow) to trap betting addicts was what led him to seek help in the form of a church deliverance. After being freed of his addiction, he dedicated his life to preaching about the dangers of the spiritual prison that is sports betting.

This is Oscar-worthy stuff right here.

The first step to overcoming an addiction to gambling, according to the author, is this:

I gotta say, he has a point.

He says stuff about cutting off all the people in your life who have connections to the betting world and adds that he used to be addicted to English soccer premiership league games, which I thought was super specific but whatever I guess.

Why? Because “you are the first born of God creature and heir to the heavenly throne. Hence don’t assume that the devil is going to fold his hands and allowed you crossed over to that celestial city (heaven) where he was thrown out.”

Translation: Satan will use football to infiltrate and ruin your life.

Sounds exhausting tbh.

The book ends with the other steps for overcoming sports betting.

This sounds like propaganda meant to recruit people for cheap church labour.

Okay.

Welp. Good luck having any friends.
Thanks to the invention of bank apps, banking has come a long way since everyone had to go into banking halls and spend hours lining up just to carry out bank transactions. Even though these apps are pretty handy, there are features we wish they had. Features like:

1) Voice Banking:

How cool would it be if you could just instruct your bank app on what to do instead of typing?

2) Cardless Withdrawal:

Never again will you have to stand in front of the ATM, confused and angry because you forgot your ATM card at home.

3) Facial and Finger Print Recognition Capabilities

Instead of typing in password every time.

4) Payment To Multiple Beneficiaries

To be clear, this is the ability to pay multiple people at the same time.

5) Instant Cash Advance

Instant loans given with repayments made automatically at a time of your choosing.

You know what bank app has all these features? The new Stanbic IBTC super app.

Along with the features of a regular bank app, the new Stanbic IBTC super app has all the cool features listed above. And it’s available for download for both Android, Windows, and iOS users.
1) Tomb Raider

Long before Angelina Jolie bodied the role, all we had was this square-boobed, pixelated woman running around in a tank top and bum shorts, shooting everything in her path with two pistols that somehow never ran out of ammunition. Fun times.

2) Driver

What killed me about this game was that the makers took the name literally. The game might as well have been about a sentient car (à la Knight Rider) because there was no human protagonist. Well, no visible human protagonist anyway. He couldn’t get out of the car.

3) Jackie Chan: Stunt Master

Arguably one of the best games on PS1. The plot was mostly Jackie Chan kung-fu fighting his way through a horde of vaguely Asian henchman so he could reach the final boss at the end. What more could you possibly want from a Jackie Chan video game?

4) Crash Team Racing (CTR):

Crash Team Racing was Sony’s answer to Nintendo’s Mario Kart. It pretty much had the same gameplay but featured different characters from the Crash Bandicoot universe. Super fun stuff.

5) Winning Eleven

The commentators in PS1 Winning Eleven games spoke Japanese but that didn’t stop Nigerians from playing the hell out of them. As a kid, nothing made me happier than creating an entire team from scratch, increasing all their abilities to the highest, then starting a league on easy mode, leaving me to score 20 or more goals against every team I played against.
1) Whenever you leave your house, you’ll wonder if that is the day you get harassed by the Nigerian police.

These days, you don’t even have to leave your house.

2) You will remember that one beggar you didn’t give money and wonder if that was Jesus testing you.

Am I going to hell??!

3) You will think about the fact that you hate your job and that if you continue on this path, you’ll never be happy.

Which will lead to you dying old and angry.

4) You’ll wonder if you’ll ever find true love.

Because you don’t want to die old and alone.

5) You’ll wonder if you have a health problem you don’t know about yet.

Every random pain in your body will make you spiral.

6) You will wonder if you’re going to be a good or shitty parent.

Let my kids not end up broken and damaged like me.

7) You’ll wonder if you’re terrible at sex and all your previous sex partners just lied to you so you don’t feel bad.

Jesus!
1) 3 Idiots

This coming age of drama follows the lives of 3 friends in an Indian engineering college and explores the social pressures put on students in Indian education. There’s comedy and music so it’s a lot of fun. However, nothing can prepare you for the scene that follows the musical number, “All Izz Well.”

2) Pyaar Impossible

Abhay, is in love with his colleg classmate, Alisha but she has no idea he exists. 7 years later, he runs into her (she still doesn’t remember him) and, in an attempt to get closer to her, applies to be her daughter’s nanny. It’s not as creepy as it sounds, I swear. Priyanka Chopra and Uday Chopra (pictured above) have sweet chemistry, and the film’s eponymous title track is a bop.

3) Kabhi Khushi Kabhie Gham

Rahul goes against his adoptive father’s wishes and marries a middle-class woman, which leads to him being banished from the family. Years later, Rahul’s younger half-brother, Rohan, sets out to find and bring Rahul home. This star-studded film is super fun, insane, and sad at the same time. Go check it out if you haven’t.

4) My Name Is Khan

After losing his son in a post 9/11 prejudice-inspired attack (against brown people in America), Rizwan, a man with Asperger’s syndrome, embarks on a journey to meet the president of the United States in an attempt to alter the public’s perception of his community. Even though I loved this movie, I still think it was a really shitty that his wife blamed him for their son’s death. Watch it and let me know what you think.

5) Kuch Kuch Hota Hai

College student, Anjali, is in love with her best friend, Rahul, but he doesn’t notice because he’s in love with the new girl, Tina. Rahul marries Tina, which breaks Anjali’s heart and causes her to leave college before confessing her feelings. They fall out of touch. Years pass and Tina dies while giving birth to a daughter. When the child, is 8 years old, she finds a letter, written by her mother before she passed, instructing her to hook the now-alone Rahul up with his true love, Anjali. I remember watching this and thinking, “How do you give such a task to a freaking 8 year old??!!” but this insane storyline somehow works.

Personally, I think it’s insane that 3 out of the 5 movies on this list have the same two actors (Shah Rukh Khan and Kajol) playing the leads. But, you know, it’s Bollywood. It never bothers you because the actors do such an amazing job every time.
Bitcoin Story is a series that tells the eventful stories of Bitcoin and crypto traders. Every week, we’ll interview a Bitcoin or Crypto trader about their experiences and share them with you. This includes everything from those who have it rough to those who smile to the bank. You can also share your story with us.

My name is Stephen Aluko and this is my Bitcoin story.

See, I’ve seen things in this life that have made me ask how I could be so stupid. You know those situations that make you go “Ah, I’m probably an ode?”

Yeah, that was how I felt the first time I traded Bitcoin with my last ₦1000. Today, I am an experienced Bitcoin trader and life is good. But when I look back, I laugh.

I’ve always been a hustler. Like everyone else, I just want more money and a better life. Things were hard, and I was never sure of my food for the next day.

At some point, there was a strike at my university and I was jobless. I was scared I wouldn’t have anything to do, which meant more hunger. I tried job hunting but nothing clicked. I applied for 120 jobs in 2 weeks and nothing clicked. That’s how bad things were.

So I started hustling. What did I not do? First, I helped people register for the Joint Admissions and Matriculation Board (JAMB) exam. Next, I ran Cyber Cafe services. Then I did some work as a videographer. I didn’t stop there. I installed media gadgets and did training on media. The goal was to go wherever the money was or could be. I walked around all day with my beaten shoes, cracking my brain, thinking about what to do.

My First Trade!

Someone told me about Bitcoin, saying I could invest in this ‘internet money and it would somehow grow. I started laughing because I thought he was crazy. I actually laughed the lunatic out of my room.

Frankly, it sounded like baba was setting me up to lose. Also, I already didn’t have money so it felt like he was just insulting me. The guy refused to drop the matter sha, so I decided to try it with the last ₦1,000 in my account. Honestly, it was food for the next 3 days but I tried it regardless.

The moment I bought the Bitcoin, my body became cold. What if it was a scam? Looking back, it was probably just the fear of the unknown. I think everyone feels like that when they take a huge risk. I just felt like after all my hustle, it was one small boy that came to run me street. I went home in silence and didn’t tell my roommate so he wouldn’t laugh at me.

The next day, the guy told me that the money I invested had actually grown from ₦1,000 to ₦1,300. My blood pressure reduced as I saw that the whole thing was real. I told him to give me back my money first. After doing so, he explained how it worked and for the first time, it seemed straightforward.

Another Risk…

Till this day, I always laugh when I remember what I did next.

I borrowed money to plant a cucumber farm so I could raise some capital. Have you ever been so desperate? I was hungry literally and figuratively.

Fortunately, I was able to raise ₦70,000 after harvesting some really long cucumbers. Haha, I still have the pictures. I sold them and put the money into trading Bitcoin. It was easier this time because I knew I wasn’t being scammed. I know you think I would have looked for how to make fast money. But I took things slow instead. My first set of trades increased the money from ₦70,000 to ₦110,000.

Trading wasn’t a smooth ride. I made rookie mistakes that almost sent me back to my village. One time, I used all my capital to buy Bitcoin and didn’t sell immediately. It ended in hot tears… lol. But even with that, I was hooked from the first set of trades.

I decided to learn more about Bitcoin. I figured one of the best ways was to find a bunch of people who had been in the game for a while. I found and joined a community like this, where I could learn from other traders, share my problems, and get help too.

Where I am with Bitcoin right now….

From the beginning, I was determined to win so I learned whatever I had to. My capital base has grown (a lot, as in a lotttt) since the early days. Sometimes, I smile when I remember where I started from. Back then, I was fighting for every meal. Now, I fight my banker to increase my limits.

I completed my first trade 3 years ago and I’ve been a full-time ‘Bitcoiner’ ever since. I know people have had bad experiences but Bitcoin changed my life for the better. I got married a couple of weeks ago and things are looking up.

If there’s one thing in this life I would do over again (apart from meeting my wife because she is too awesome), it’s learning about Bitcoin.

It’s not been all rosy. Like anything else worth doing, there have been ups and downs. But I’ve absolutely enjoyed the ride. It has been insanely rewarding, to say the least, and my banker agrees. Haha!

Want to share your Bitcoin Story?

If you want to share your Bitcoin story or your experience with crypto, we would like to hear about it.
We want to hear all types of stories, the good, the bad, and the rough so we can share all sides of Bitcoin and crypto.

Yes, I want to share my Bitcoin Story
The world’s number one international talent show, The Voice Nigeria is back with Season Three. This season of the show will be fully produced in Nigeria and it promises to be bigger, better and even more authentic than ever before. The one-of-a-kind singing competition will open for online auditions on the 25th of August 2020.

The show is expected to attract and help unleash the brightest of Nigerian musical talents for the global stage as the country’s music industry continues to enjoy international attention. This season of the show will be produced in partnership with British television giant from UK, ITV, and international record label, Universal Music UK and in conjunction with YouTube.

Expressing his delight over the show, the Managing Director, Un1ty Limited and Executive Producer, The Voice, Season Three, Mr. Akin Salami stated, “We are excited to kick off The Voice, Season Three, especially at a time like this when there is a growing appreciation for African music. This is an amazing opportunity to provide a learning platform for exceptional Nigerian talents and to show the world the quality of entertainment we are capable of showcasing. With the size of what we intend to bring to life, we have partnered with industry leaders Livespot360 to deliver a show like never seen before. We have exceptional sponsors that have provided invaluable support in bringing the show to life and we are confident that our coaching panel will infuse their expertise and energy to make this a spectacular experience for the talents and the viewing audience.”

The show will take an interesting twist this year with many virtual engagements with fans, talents and the general public. Talents and fans will go home with over 100million naira in rewards. The winning talent of The Voice Season 3 will go home with money, a brand-new car and an international recording contract.

This year, contestants can look forward to big names as Coaches who will help unleash the hidden talents in them. The Coaches for this Season’s The Voice includes first time coaches Darey, and Falz The Bahd Guy, as well as return coaches, Waje, and Yemi Alade. Each of these award-winning artists boasts a successful music career across different genres, and they will be bringing to the table a wealth of experience in making excellent music, becoming a superb performing artist, and connecting with people, especially Nigerians, through art.

The Voice Season 3 will be hosted by a multi-award-winning TV host and actress Nancy Isime and co-hosted by popular radio personality and Vlogger, Toke Makinwa. The coaches for this season will be announced in the coming days.

The Registration for The Voice is free, however, interested talents must have a First Bank account, record a one-minute video singing without a soundtrack, upload and fill the form on the website. The show is open to both female and male contestants who are Nigerians and have a government-issued means of Identification. Talents must be at least 18 years by November 1, 2020. Interested talents can visit The Voice Nigeria website for more information.

Registration for the audition is now open on the website from August 20 to September 19, 2020. For more information please visit www.thevoicenigeria.com and all social media platforms of The Voice Nigeria.
A classic.

Yeah, right. Lol

When it’s not like you gave birth to Mr. Potato Head.

Oh, stop being dramatic.

What in the “Books of Blood” is going on here?

HIAN!

POLICE!!!!!!!

This look is much worse than the other things on this list because it can mean everything on the list combined!
1) When you’re separating from friends (e.g when you’re done with NYSC) and you promise you’ll keep in touch.

But deep down you know you never will.

2) When your phone rings and you see that it’s someone you promised to keep in touch with but haven’t so you don’t pick.

Because you know they’ll judge you for not keeping your promise.

3) When an old friend calls you and is like “You just forgot about me” and you’re like “NO! It’s not like that na.”

But it really has been like that. You really did forget about them.

4) When you see an old friend in public and you hide because you don’t want to have to explain why you haven’t been calling like you said you would.

I don’t want to have to lie abeg.

5) This is your face when the person catches you so you have to lie your way out of things.

“Ehn…….I’ve been in a coma since we last saw. I just woke up this morning.“

6) When you actually want to call someone but you really don’t have the energy for a conversation.

Small talk is hard, abeg.

7) When you decide that someone isn’t worth calling because you don’t even know each other like that but then you’re immediately overwhelmed with guilt because the person may have actually valued you and the time you spent together.

Well, damn.

8) This is you trying to post on social media, hoping that that person whose “How far?” message you’ve been ignoring doesn’t notice.

SHAME! SHAME!! SHAME!!!

My name is Stephen Aluko and this is my Bitcoin story.