So many things keep people up at night, like why Jollof Rice feels incomplete without chicken. Or how Pizza is just bread and stew that studied abroad. Anyway sha, Twitter user, @Kristin_obute was kind enough to tell the hilarious story of Jollof Rice’s love life and how Fried Rice joined the cool kids of Nigerian food.

If i was Jollof rice i would be curving bare guys in the food chain uno ??

— Small Lee❤ (@Kristine_Obute) July 14, 2016

New DM from Yam: want to hang out?

Jollof: Nigga please where do you see people having Yam with Jollof ??? — Small Lee❤ (@Kristine_Obute) July 14, 2016

Be out there dating one fine laiiskeen plantain doing twitter couple ??

— Small Lee❤ (@Kristine_Obute) July 14, 2016

Moi moi would be that nigga that wants to date me but he’s 5’4 so we besties ?

— Small Lee❤ (@Kristine_Obute) July 14, 2016

Fried rice is that friend that knows she’s prettier than me but doesn’t understand the hype around me..lowkey likes plantain…

— Small Lee❤ (@Kristine_Obute) July 14, 2016

I would be turning up in all the big parties n events..niggas know its goan be live if I’m there..but i dont club cos good girl uno

— Small Lee❤ (@Kristine_Obute) July 14, 2016

Coleslaw/Salad giving me by the side uno..all that cream..making me glow lowkey… my account balance popping too cos they loaded ?

— Small Lee❤ (@Kristine_Obute) July 14, 2016

Eba would be awon haters..always at parties with me but most people pick me first..think i want their man..but Jollof n Egusi..ewww please??

— Small Lee❤ (@Kristine_Obute) July 14, 2016

Friends with Agidi cos she dating my bestie Moi moi..Eba n her Amala crew hating on us cos Agidi is IJGB of Swallow Squad..

— Small Lee❤ (@Kristine_Obute) July 14, 2016

They lowkey think we tweet bout them but?? its just RTs from FatTwitter Slander uno ?

— Small Lee❤ (@Kristine_Obute) July 14, 2016

Fried rice claims she’s my besties..always photobombing my selfies.. post on IG #Besties#MixedRice but still gossips to White rice bout me?

— Small Lee❤ (@Kristine_Obute) July 14, 2016

White rice doesn’t like anyone of us but somehow gets involved in all our drama…she’s the keep me anon that tells SDM bout our gist??

— Small Lee❤ (@Kristine_Obute) July 14, 2016

Now everyone knows Plantain gave Fried Rice at Socialiga and Salad paid for my Tw.wig tab??? Eba n co have alot to tweet..Moi moi in my dms?

— Small Lee❤ (@Kristine_Obute) July 14, 2016

Moi moi talmbout gimme a chance.. but he’s 5’4 and I’m Jollof… plus Agidi is my guy..so I’m posting snaps with him but curving his ass??

— Small Lee❤ (@Kristine_Obute) July 14, 2016

Plantain replying my snaps like “Wyd thought y’all just friends” “it was just once uno” “i dont even like that bitch” “u aint all that uno”

— Small Lee❤ (@Kristine_Obute) July 14, 2016

Yam dropping subs like “date a good man” like fam aint nobody want your rachy ass.. Beans said shes been itchy since yall dated..check ursef

— Small Lee❤ (@Kristine_Obute) July 14, 2016

Beans in my dms like “sorry babe” but i know shes tryna find out if i would go with her ex Yam..likes his dumbass even if he gave her STI ??

— Small Lee❤ (@Kristine_Obute) July 14, 2016

I dont know why shes hanging with dead guys uno she could be with a guy like Plantain but she doesnt think shes that buff..and hes proud AF

— Small Lee❤ (@Kristine_Obute) July 14, 2016

Akara is just Faving n laughing…Anon Twitter… everyone knows you are giving Pap yo.. but forming long distance with Custard but ?☕

— Small Lee❤ (@Kristine_Obute) July 14, 2016

Custard is sending you all those pretty shoes and bags you use as your Avi… we really dont care uno.. keep my name outta ur tweets??

— Small Lee❤ (@Kristine_Obute) July 14, 2016

Moi moi DMs (been a while spoke): sorry about my sister (Akara) me: Don curr

Moi moi: ur ex just left..i think he’s dating Beans but lowks — Small Lee❤ (@Kristine_Obute) July 14, 2016

I saw that shii coming uno..but I’m petty so i send “Hey Big Head” to Plantain just to Fuvk shit up a bit….

Plantain: You alright babe? — Small Lee❤ (@Kristine_Obute) July 14, 2016

*Airs Dm*

Tweets:Weekend Goan be live with my goons *puts old picture of me and beans* we aint even that close..but i know he would see it? — Small Lee❤ (@Kristine_Obute) July 14, 2016

Beans replies: “Yass gurll turn up”

Me thinking Fam I’m setting ur ass up.. Tweets: ?? *4 missed call* Plantain Text: U coming Sat?.. P. — Small Lee❤ (@Kristine_Obute) July 14, 2016

Replies Plantain: Not sure..you?

Plantain: Yeah.. we should talk Airs text.. stress *Ice retweeted your tweet* — Small Lee❤ (@Kristine_Obute) July 14, 2016

Ice Dms:Coming Sat? goan be live..Cookies bringing some dope shii..bring ur girls..Free drinks for y’all, help me RT my Pinned tweet

Me:Aii — Small Lee❤ (@Kristine_Obute) July 14, 2016

Small Chops: Sat? Who’s coming?

Beef: Yayy *shares tweet with gizzard* That babe on ur mans TL yo Gizzard: fucking hoe kmt *Gizzard faves* — Small Lee❤ (@Kristine_Obute) July 14, 2016

Gizzard shares screenshot*

Small chops: why u faving tweets tho Gizzard: you know why Small chops: nothing happened Group chat: Me:☕ Egg:? — Small Lee❤ (@Kristine_Obute) July 14, 2016

Pizza: thats what they all say next thing they are giving your bestfriend in Socialiga

Egg:??????? Me: still sore fam???? — Small Lee❤ (@Kristine_Obute) July 14, 2016

Gizzard: Savage ?Dead???

Pizza: btw he’s dating ur short bestfriends ugly sister..deadass hiding her ugly ass Me:?????? be nice Egg: dying?? — Small Lee❤ (@Kristine_Obute) July 14, 2016

Pizza: Egg might be dying cos Yam probabaly gave her some shii uno☕?

Me: Wow ? Gizzard:???? *Egg has left the group chat* Me: oh shit? — Small Lee❤ (@Kristine_Obute) July 14, 2016

BBM*

Me:Babe howfar? It was a joke na Egg: i really like him Me: we know..Pizza has bad mouth free her jo Egg:only talk to her cos of you — Small Lee❤ (@Kristine_Obute) July 14, 2016

*Jollof Added Egg to Group Chat*

Me: Ice said i should invite you guys for Saturday Pizza: Ice? The one dating that babe with fake accent? — Small Lee❤ (@Kristine_Obute) July 14, 2016

Egg: Oshey IJGB..i ‘ve the real init accent

Pizza: ode? Me:its not fake jo Gizzard: Abeg she’s always trying to copy Coke jor..Fake famzer — Small Lee❤ (@Kristine_Obute) July 14, 2016

Me: but Coke n ice tho??

Pizza: Cookkeee n icceeee?? Egg: those two? Gizzard:they are bestfriends Me:?? Egg:free that side?? — Small Lee❤ (@Kristine_Obute) July 14, 2016

Gizzard: Wait?! They are not just bestfriends

Me: guyy? Pizza: Like you and plantain that year? Egg:????? Gizzard:Fuck you guys..??? — Small Lee❤ (@Kristine_Obute) July 14, 2016

Me:lowks Coke n Ice ?

Pizza: Coke n Ice is fucking dope yo!..they need to be a serious thing? Egg: Pizza check Icecreams snap? Pizza: Why? — Small Lee❤ (@Kristine_Obute) July 14, 2016

Pizza:GUYYSSS Icecreams in Lag n he got a job in my office..hohoho???

Me:Wait Dominos? Pizza:No Coldstone Egg:Yooooo ??? Gizzard:?????? — Small Lee❤ (@Kristine_Obute) July 14, 2016

Pizza:Rarrr I’ve a new topping and it aint cheese??

Me: you are disgusting??? Egg:Sav?? Gizzard: Creamy cheese? Me: Guys?? Pizza: Uno?? — Small Lee❤ (@Kristine_Obute) July 14, 2016

Me:Remember that guy i used to collect from when i was with Plantain

Egg: the rich guy Pizza:Salad abi Coleslaw whats that his name? Me: ?? — Small Lee❤ (@Kristine_Obute) July 14, 2016

Gizzard: ehen what happened?

Me: he’s with Fish now? Pizza:wasnt she dating that IJGB Chips Egg:?? Me:uno Gizzard:that babe stinks yo bleh — Small Lee❤ (@Kristine_Obute) July 14, 2016

Egg:so Chips is Singu?

Me: Stop Gizzard:i thought you and yam…? Pizza:Hoee!! Go gurlll? Me:Guys..Chicken just Dmed me? Pizza:?? Egg: Oho? — Small Lee❤ (@Kristine_Obute) July 14, 2016

Pizza: You guyyss go to Twitter Plaintain n Beans Engaged..Fried Rice Called Beans black and Ugly?

Me:oh shit???? — Small Lee❤ (@Kristine_Obute) July 14, 2016

Twitter

Jollof: Black and Ugly but she got the ring uno☕ Amala: lmaoo cc @ Fried rice Fried rice: Nobody called ur black round self here FOH — Small Lee❤ (@Kristine_Obute) July 14, 2016

Akara: Hoes everywhere? smelling TL bleh

Custard: Catfish too is talking Bread: @ custard guy delete that Custard: cos you fuvking her now? — Small Lee❤ (@Kristine_Obute) July 14, 2016

Ewa G: @ bread @ Custard Oh?!

Bread: i just think its disrespectful to disrespect women EwaG: Are you fuking her or not?@ bread Me: cc @ egg — Small Lee❤ (@Kristine_Obute) July 14, 2016

Egg: Somebody that can sleep with anything that moves??

Bread: But you slept with someone’s fiance? Potato: @ plantain Eba: ??? Beans: huh? — Small Lee❤ (@Kristine_Obute) July 14, 2016

Asun: Big Endorsement coming through?

Pohnmo: Guyyy GOAT?? Bole: Epp?? Suya: New single with Asun we move? White Rice?? Asun: Basic bitches — Small Lee❤ (@Kristine_Obute) July 14, 2016

Coke: Fall in love with your bestfriend

Pizza: you go girl Coke: lool what? Gizzard:??? *Ice Faved tweet* Malibu: @ coke Word? Me:?? — Small Lee❤ (@Kristine_Obute) July 14, 2016

Snail: the night is dark..thats how stars are made in your darkest moments

Agidi: this one is always high.. Moi moi: Slow?? guyy show na — Small Lee❤ (@Kristine_Obute) July 14, 2016

Jollof: ? Wedding fleek with bae @ Chicken

Chicken:?? Fried Rice: Damn Gurll what seasoning did you use Jollof: Knorr Cubes Egg: Goals?? — Small Lee❤ (@Kristine_Obute) July 14, 2016

Semovita:they will steal this ones new bae again?☕

Jollof:i think people make mistakes like your brows u need 2 let it go like your weight? — Small Lee❤ (@Kristine_Obute) July 14, 2016

Pizza: gurll??

Egg: Chill are we friends with Fried rice again Gizzard: i think so Me: i miss her? Pizza:Yass *Fried rice added 2 groupchat* — Small Lee❤ (@Kristine_Obute) July 14, 2016

*The End*

— Small Lee❤ (@Kristine_Obute) July 14, 2016

Shout out to @Kristine_obute. You’re officially crazier than all of us at Zikoko.