The Nigerian experience is physical, emotional, and sometimes international. No one knows it better than our features on #TheAbroadLife, a series where we detail and explore Nigerian experiences while living abroad.
Mike (43) moved to the UK for a master’s degree when he became disillusioned with life in Nigeria. In this story, he shares the struggle of being a mature student in data science, and how a Christmas holiday in the UK turned into a permanent relocation for his family after he secretly applied for jobs on his wife’s behalf.
Where do you live currently, and when did you leave Nigeria?
I currently live in Kent, United Kingdom, and I left Nigeria just after the pandemic in January 2021.
Was that your first time leaving the country?
No, I have travelled out of the country several times. My spouse and I go on vacation almost every year, but that was the first time I knew I was going for the long term.
What inspired you to make that move?
I saw the trajectory things were taking in Nigeria, and realised it was not the kind of place I would like my children to grow up in. There was this general sense of helplessness, especially after the EndSARS protests and what happened at the Lekki Toll Gate.
It felt like there was no sense of order. To get things done, you had to know. I saw no structure; everything had to do with power or who you know. From my perspective, I just saw a continuous breakdown of law and order, and I decided I couldn’t handle it anymore.
But what was life like for you before you left?
Life was not bad at all. I was a project manager in an oil servicing firm, and my wife was doing very well, too. She had risen up the ladder to be a Managing Director at a fintech after years in investment banking. Life was good. We were living in our own house, we had two cars, and my children were going to some of the best schools around.
However, there was this general sense of insecurity. Once, my children’s school bus didn’t come back to drop the kids off on time. We would learn later that it was due to traffic, but when we couldn’t reach the drivers and the teacher with them, our first thought wasn’t a possible traffic jam. The first thing we thought was, “Have they kidnapped our kids?” You could feel the general insecurity in the country, and you know it can touch you at any time, regardless of how much you have.
How did you move to the UK?
I came for a Master’s in Data Science. During my studies, my wife and kids came over for a Christmas holiday. My wife is highly skilled, so I took her CV and put it out there without her knowing. Within a couple of days, she was already getting calls for interviews from some top companies. She couldn’t believe it.
She was actually against relocating at first because of the life we had built in Nigeria. But the speed with which those calls came flipped the switch for her. I also took her to see friends she knew over the years who were already established in the UK, living comfortably in good neighbourhoods. It gave her a picture of what was possible within a short period if we chose to build a life here.
She didn’t go back after that holiday. Her role in Nigeria was remote, so she worked from the UK for a couple of months until she got a very good job here. Our house in Nigeria was locked for about five years before we rented it out recently.
So staying wasn’t always the plan?
From my perspective, it was the plan. But my wife wasn’t too keen. She was at the peak of her career in Nigeria. But when she saw how fast she was getting senior management interviews here, things changed. It took her 12 years to reach that level in Nigeria, but within three days of putting her CV out in the UK, she was getting calls. This was just after COVID, so there was a high need for specialised skills. She got a job offer that sponsored her, so we have been under her skilled worker visa.
Since you moved to the UK, have you been back to Nigeria at all?
Yes. The year I travelled, I lost my dad, so I came back for his burial. But since my wife and kids moved here, we have not been back.
What was your first experience like arriving in the UK?
It is totally different from coming for a three-week vacation. This was the height of COVID, so restrictions were still in place. For the first time, I saw how things really work. I remember going to a bus stop, and my app told me the bus would be there at 3:15 PM. At 3:15 PM on the dot, the bus came; I almost shed a tear. In Lagos, you can’t have public transport that can be timed.
I realised that here, even with a menial job, you can afford an okay life. As a security guard in McDonald’s, you can afford to travel somewhere in Europe once or twice a year for a holiday. Menial jobs are not looked down upon. My wife insisted I shouldn’t work so she could fund my lifestyle, but as a man, I had to work. So I did some menial jobs while I was a student. I was able to get warehouse and care gigs while in school.
Why did you choose Data Science, and what do you do now?
I chose Data Science because I knew the world was moving towards machine learning and AI, and I had a background in mathematics and computer science. Studying it was hard because I was in my late 30s, struggling alongside 22-year-olds from India and Nigeria. Now, I still work in data, but I focus on data and AI governance.
What is life like now?
When I finished school in Leeds, we moved to Kent, where we live now and where my wife’s job is. At the time, things changed, and she went from a largely remote schedule to a hybrid one. But it was also time for our kids to start secondary school, and the best Grammar Schools are in Kent, so it just made sense.
Also, Kent is much closer to London. It’s about 45 minutes by train, or an hour if you drive. And London is basically like Lagos in terms of jobs. The moment I changed my address when we moved, I started getting a lot more job offers.
So the move has been great, and life is good. My wife has a great job, I have a good job too that I really enjoy, and our kids are in great schools.
Sounds great. Which was your favourite city to live in?
I was resistant to moving from Leeds because it was less expensive; when we moved to Kent, we were paying almost double the rent. But I have grown to love Kent. It is quiet and reserved, and if we want the bubbly vibe of London, it is just 45 minutes away.
How much contact do you still have with Nigeria? Do you see yourself returning permanently?
Nigeria will always be home; we still have a house there. But most of my friends are no longer in Nigeria; they have moved to Australia, Canada, or the UK. My close friends and I actually meet regularly in the UK. I still try to stay up to date on Nigerian news, but the connection is not as strong. Once we get full citizenship, we might make more frequent trips home.
As for settling long-term, there is a possibility because we still have property in Nigeria. At the same time, I like the idea of being a global citizen, so it might not be Nigeria we retire to—it could be Botswana or Rwanda—but Nigeria will always be a base.
What is your support system like in the UK?
The move to the UK can either make or break you as a family. If there are any cracks in your relationship, it will widen them. That’s why we hear of so many people ending up divorced after they move here. But if your relationship is solid, it can bring you closer. For us, it has made us closer.
We were both very intentional about picking roles that allow for remote or hybrid work. My wife is almost fully remote, and I only go to the office once every two weeks. This gives us time to be part of our kids’ lives.
In Nigeria, we had help, and our parents were around, so we would leave at 5:00 AM and not be back until 10:00 PM. We wouldn’t see the kids awake until the weekend. Now, I drop my daughter off every day and pick my son up from the train station. We do homework together.
We have no help here, whereas we had two in Nigeria. So we’re a lot more hands-on with our children now. If you are the kind of man who has a problem with doing housework, you will struggle. I’ve always been hands-on, so it has worked out great, and it has been one of the best decisions we’ve made.
Was there a culture shock in terms of raising kids in the UK?
Yes. Here, you have to be more intentional. Nigerians believe very strongly in the saying about sparing the rod and spoiling the child. Here, you have to move away from that mindset unless you want social services to take your kids away. You have to find other ways of thinking about discipline, like maybe taking away privileges instead.
Any other culture shocks in general life?
Ironically, I sometimes miss the “anyhowness” of Nigeria. For example, the driving test in the UK was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done in my life. It’s harder than getting a job.
What was so difficult about the driving test?
It’s about recalibrating your mind to be on the other side of the road. We are not used to obeying road signs in Nigeria. Driving there is basically a “free-for-all.” So here, you have to unlearn those bad habits first. I think it is actually better if you have never driven in Nigeria before you come here, because you won’t have to unlearn so much.
What has been your worst experience?
My first winter was terrible; I realised I didn’t pack the right types of clothes. I hate the weather here. Even now in May, it is still cold.
One other bad experience was being kicked out of my apartment at night with my wife and kids. This was when they came for the Christmas holiday. I was staying in my one-room apartment in a shared flat for students while my wife was doing her job interviews. I had signed a rule saying multiple people couldn’t stay in the room. I think a housemate ratted me out to the landlord. He came knocking, saw my family, and said they had to leave that night or he’d be fined by the council.
We had to hop on a bus at midnight to stay with my wife’s cousin in a different city. We spent five days there, and within that time, she got the job offer that allowed us to rent a two-bedroom house. That night was terrible; I felt like I had put my family in a mess.
Wow. What has been your best experience?
The best part is just how quickly we’ve been able to settle. Within three years, we had bought our house and were both in very good jobs.
So it all worked out in the end. What do you like most about the UK?
I like that if you are focused, you can plan your life for the next 10 years. You can build a skill and grow. I love how orderly it is and how intentional they are with everyday living. I could sleep without locking my door and not be worried. I recently went up north, and at one point, I was driving at 2:00 AM, and I just thought about how I wasn’t worried about kidnapping or potholes. My only worry was falling asleep at the wheel. That relative safety is something I really value.
You mentioned you are waiting for your paperwork
Yes. It is just a matter of about ten months now. If you are on a skilled worker visa for five years, you qualify for Indefinite Leave to Remain (ILR). So we’re almost there.
Does the anti-immigrant rhetoric in the UK make you feel uncomfortable?
We were faced with tribal sentiments back in Nigeria, so it’s not new territory. I only worry about my kids because they already face some of that rhetoric in school. It’s about having conversations with the kids about reality and helping them understand that the world has people like that.
On a scale of one to ten, how happy are you in the UK?
I’ll say eight and a half. If you can take away the anti-immigrant rhetoric and give me Nigerian weather, it’ll be a ten.
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